Thursday, February 28, 2013

It's a conspiracy!

The timeline of events is curious.

Monday evening I begin to have an exchange with commenter Disillusioned (yes, that's the moniker she chose) over at Alpha Game. This exchange continues sporadically until Wednesday morning.

Tuesday, Keoni posts his blog Soluble Synergy which motivates me to begin the process of changing our diet in this house. RLB and I talk about it. I told him that I don't want to implement anything until I know he and I are on the same page. I knew there would be some resistance from our kids because they haven't yet learned all the things I'm learning and because "mean old mom is taking away yummy food and making us eat weird things."

I get the go ahead from RLB, he's noticed a substantial change in his gut health by eating primarily proteins and fats and is in support of restricting the crap food that our kids eat.

In Keoni's post he talks about KerryGold Irish butter. I looked for it when I was grocery shopping on Wednesday afternoon. I found it and purchased some to try. While we were at the grocery store, I started to explain to my daughters that we are going to be changing our diet gradually but it's starting with limiting the amount of bread that we eat. This isn't a big deal to the little one, she has Celiac disease, if anything this is amusing to her to watch the reaction of her sister to dealing with a restricted diet. Our older daughter however seemed to think I was telling her she was fat. And she was irritated that she wouldn't have bagels available to her at home anymore. She had complaints and voiced them to me.

So I'm already a bit on edge, I suppose, when I was talking to RLB about the butter I found.

He said: "You purchased it?"

I responded as if he said: "What the hell are you thinking, I don't want that!" I had an emotional and irrational reaction to having to deal with resistance to these changes I was making right out of the gates. The VERY FIRST thing I purchase and I'm scolded for it. Fuck it, I quit!

So apparently if I was a rational being, I would have responded with, "Yes, why do you ask?" And then listened.

Later, when I was putting away the groceries RLB comes into the kitchen and says, "Are you done being mad?" 

Apparently if I was a rational being I would have said, "Yes." or possibly "No, not quite yet."...

So then today, Thursday, Vox decides to write a post highlighting part of the exchange I had with commenter, Disillusioned, about which he says:
Sarahsdaughter lays down some vital observations concerning female communication and behavior that every man needs to comprehend:
Because I have to thoroughly think through these things, I've come to understand that my first response is often times 1)emotional and irrational 2)based in fear (not truth) 3)not the same response I might have later after processing information 4)should not be verbalized until said processing of information is done.

We, as women understand and find no issue with the fact that we need to go through these processes in order to figure out what is true - even when it comes to our feelings. We want to talk it through. And then, we have a tendency to arrive at new conclusions without going back and apologizing for emotional outbursts that were based on wrong conclusions.

This is one thing game teaches men (and women) that haven't been privy to understanding women's nature prior. Ignore what women say, and observe what they do. They are not logical nor rational in their first responses to stimuli or information. And they are not prone to taking responsibility for wrong behavior.
 Well, how do you like that? 

Snared! Snared I tell you!

Update: Reading my own words at Alpha Game wasn't enough. Now they're posted on Vox Popoli as well.

RLB, I over reacted in a very irrational way over your question about the butter... I'm sorry.

The funniest thing is, he hasn't a clue any of this has happened but I'm certain he's going to get a big laugh out of it! 

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Spring cleaning of the gut and hut

It's that time of year again. When the dust and crud that has settled into every nook and cranny of my home has finally driven me to the task of overhauling the house.

It is spring cleaning time!

I spent three days of discretionary time cleaning my kitchen alone so far.

I annoy my own self. How is it that I never get to the point of maintaining a clean home? Why do I let the "to do" pile stack up, and the dust build? I know I'll be disgusted and overwhelmed when it gets to the point where I look around and all I can see is grunge. I am also completely over exaggerating, my house is pretty clean all the time.  You wouldn't see what I'm seeing, but it's there, and I know what it looks like when EVERYTHING is perfect!

This year I have vowed to not verbally assault the other members of my household for their contribution to the mess. I have also vowed to not get out of balance in my pursuit of the immaculate house. I am just putting in the work when I can and attacking my to do list with vigor. In years past I have made a bigger mess in the process leaving my family to live in a tornado struck ramshackled mess.

See, gardening and lawn maintenance time is right around the corner. I get this way about the inside of my house because I don't want to feel guilty about neglecting anything when I overindulge my obsession of having the perfect yard. I'm one of those who will walk the property every day with a hand shovel and Roundup to fight any weed that dares show its ugly face amid my beautiful flowers and bushes. I also have the desire to spend every minute of the spring and early summer months outside. I am so sick of being cold.

Part of my to do list has been to start the process of changing my family's diet. The first step is weaning us all off of bread and store bought treats. We will finish what is in this house and that's it. I did the "big" grocery trip today and did not purchase any bread or packaged goodies. A sandwich is just as enjoyable when it is wrapped up in a big romaine leaf. Homemade baked goods made with real ingredients and not chemicals are always tastier. And, since I do not keep wheat flour in the house, they'll all be gluten free as well.

This next month I will also be transitioning to using coconut oil in place of vegetable oil. Keoni Galt has a very informative post about the benefits of coconut oil at The Hawaiian Libertarian.

I will be committing to having protein and fat available for breakfasts so my family doesn't need to reach for the quick carbohydrate fix in the morning. And I will also start making bone broth as Keoni talks about in his post. I will be researching more about bone broth and gut health. Having a child with Celiac Disease and a husband who seems to have some candida, I know it's up to me - the chief cook and bottle washer, to provide gut healthy foods.

Gladiator - A biblical love story

RLB post.

is the greatest chick flick movie ever. If you understand this concept and teach it to your children, your marriage and your children's marriages will be awesome.

That should be the movie that churches are screening, not Fireproof. You have love for a wife. You have love for country. You have spiritual love. Maybe Paul met the Gladiator and that is why he wrote about Romans having the spirit/truth/law in their hearts despite not hearing the Good News. The movie itself is based on factual events. You might need to read some really old history books to find it, but it's there.

I have gladly and lovingly shared this movie with our children. We have needed to pause and talk many times while watching it. In truth we do the pausing thing a lot when watching movies or TV shows. Something will come up in the show that spurs me to impart some knowledge NOW. I love DVRs, DVDs, and Netflix for this ability. We don't shy away from shows that are considered hedonist. We watch several shows that are simply outrageous to churchians: The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Raising Hope, Walking Dead, Whitney, Last Man Standing...

These shows rarely end up being watched all the way through without me stopping it and having a discussion about some biblical truth. The bible gets cracked and sometimes we don't even finish watching the episode or movie because there was too much the kids wanted to talk about. Pop culture and society's norms won't just disappear because you don't recognize its importance in purity living. If you fail to prepare your children and wife for what is going on in society, you prepare them to fail.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Sex is awesome (in marriage)

There is so much glamorization of sex outside of marriage in our society that many Christians start rejecting any type of sex. It's very sad to me. Sex is awesome. It's the thing about marriage that makes it so much fun. A healthy sex life isn't just a symptom of a good marriage; it is the very definition of a good marriage.

I'm speaking of this as a man that has had sexual problems due to drugs and depression. Also I have witnessed my parents go through similar issues. There is always a problem in the marriage if sex isn't happening on a consistent basis. Don't believe that BS about sex once a month is okay if both partners are okay with it. That's an excuse. The marriage sucks if they aren't having sex frequently. By frequently, I mean a minimum of once a week. Even that is pushing it.

If you and your spouse are having sex two or more times per week, things are going well. I've never seen it to be the case otherwise. Sex is a personal thing. It's supposed to be. It's God's gift. He invented it. The pornographers and Satan did not. God gave it to us as a blessing...and it's all cool in the marriage bed. If you can't trust your spouse enough to talk about what you like during sex, that is a trust and communication issue, not a sex issue. Fix that shit.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Natural Alpha

I have a dear friend who is married to a...Natural Alpha. I've gotten to know them both over the last few years and a couple things struck me. First was how rare it is for a man to be a natural Alpha, as in he was born this way, having nothing to do with status or situation. Second was what a challenge it could be to be married to one.

To describe them best, I'll tell you my observations when I first met them. He is tall and good looking but not drop dead gorgeous. He peacocks. On any given day he'll be wearing a fedora, shirt and tie with some funky knot (that he has to show you cuz it's soooo bad ass) and he has a ridiculous collection of fine watches. She's a cute little number. A dancer with a petite frame and a sweet demeanor but doesn't put up with shit from anyone except her husband. She's a giver and very successful at whatever she sets her mind to do.

One of the first exchanges I ever heard between the two of them was at a Christmas party. I heard from her: "I'm not drunk enough yet to go to the titty bar...." I was intrigued. What kind of marriage do you have when you can convince your wife to go to the titty bar? HA! Now, I'll be fair, that was a few years ago (they were in their early twenties) and many things in their life have changed. However, I'm still certain he could get her to go anywhere!

I've noticed in him an irrational self confidence, an uncanny way of insulting people (negging), bullheadedness, a great sense of humor, charisma and perfectionism - though I don't think he'd call it that. And, whatever he does he does full boar - his traumatic brain injury was no exception - but that's a different story.

My friend is new to the manosphere. I talked with her today of my observations. She was thinking her husband might be this Alpha she's been reading about. I confirmed her suspicion emphatically. She had called me with a concern that seems to be a recurring incident. They meet a new couple, hit it off and start hanging out with them and soon enough the wife of the new couple is throwing herself at my friend's husband.

Well duh, he's the AMOG (Alpha Male Of the Group)... and...they haven't been very discriminatory about who they spend time with. But then again, with an Alpha husband, what couple can you spend time with without having the woman drawn to him? It's inevitable, especially if the couple isn't Christian, the husband is a beta Herb, and the marriage is dull and boring. Bringing that couple into your home is a surefire way of having the most ridiculous behavior exude from the woman.

This last woman she called me about was particularly bold. She decided it was appropriate to talk to my friend's husband about her boobs and her concern that they're too small. Heh. So my friend wanted to know how to deal with this.

My first suggestion is the most obvious, don't associate with couples who have weak marriages. And since that is excruciatingly rare, here's my second bit of advice for her: up your game.

When the couple comes over, make sure you are dressed and made up more than what you anticipate the woman will be. (Since they've started hanging out, this woman has been wearing nicer and nicer clothes, and fashioning her hair more). This is always my advice to wives - be the best looking woman your husband will see during the day.

Next, when you welcome the couple into your house, be sure you are the one to notice and compliment her improved looks: "You've done a good job with your hair, that looks much better on you." "That's a fantastic outfit you have on, you're like me, I'll use any excuse to dress to the nines, even just visiting friends."

When she makes an inappropriate boob comment, with over emphasis that denotes humor and a bit of a slap you say, "Are you talkin to my husband aboutcha boobs? go talk to ya own husband aboutcha boobs."

When her cleavage is getting a bit too extreme, "sweetie, I love your girls an all butchyer fallin out." Or, just walk up to her, grab her shirt and pull it up saying, "honey, your girls are gettin' away from ya" - there's no need to say any of this snotty or condescending. The shock value of it alone will be enough for her to snap out of it if the humiliation doesn't get her first.

No matter her behavior, you must command the room and the conversation (when you're in your own home.) You indirectly make it obvious that she is out of line and if Herb isn't going to fix his bitch, you will. So you embarrass her. There's nothing to be upset at your husband about. He can not control this response from women. And, be honest, it turns you on like crazy! There's nothing wrong with that but it is important to put the twitterpated other woman in her place. If she starts other inappropriate behavior (texting or calling your husband), you tell her flat out, "No no, honey, we don't behave that way, you've crossed a line and are now cut off."

This advice is good for any woman whose husband is the AMOG.  It's bound to happen when you've got a great marriage going and you're in the company of a woman who isn't married to a man with your husband's socio/sexual status. That which you find crazy attractive about your husband will be what other women see as well. So, girl game is important to maintain to compliment your husband's status and to ward off incoming predators from behaving inappropriately in your husband's company- many times they won't even know they're doing it. That is why you use humor and audaciousness that snaps them out of it.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Honor him through the storms

Four of us lady bloggers shared similar situations in our lives that addressed the issue of what to do when your husband is down (ill, injured, depressed, etc.). Sunshine Mary has orchestrated a simultaneous post where we discuss our stories. 

This story of our marriage has two parts. The first part I am ashamed of. Now that I am living the second part, I look back with deep regret at the past.

RLB worked hard to become a salesman. He waited tables at night and on Saturdays and beat the streets Monday through Friday. For months he went out day after day without a sale. He learned, and he learned well the art of salesmanship. This led to a business opportunity with a partner that would look as if life was set for him. Their business was wildly successful, fast. In exchange for his being twenty percent owner in the company, RLB took a salary instead of the commission they would pay other salespeople. He was compensated well, but it was not even close to what he earned. 

With the swipe of a pen and heaps of deception, his partner brought the business down, pillaged what remained from unsuspecting clients, screwed the venders, and kept the spoils. RLB lost a quarter of a million dollars.

We've been through hard times before. We'll get through this one. And on I blindly went, ignoring the devastation that took place inside my husband. The loss was substantial. His time, his work, his financial investment, the betrayal of a friend and a wife who lacked empathy all sat heavily on his heart. And, every last expectation of what a husband is supposed to do remained his burden.

He slept a lot. I judged him, a lot. Why won't he get up? Why won't he go work? Aren't the kids and I important to him? How are we going to get by? And I fretted and worried and wrung my hands. Even worse, I had friends to entertain my whining and disrespect.

Ladies, do not keep people in your life who will allow you to talk negatively about your husband. They are poison. They revel in your gossip. They are not friends being a shoulder to cry on, they are purposely there to breed contention and strife. The enemy's most wicked tool to separate the flesh that has become one. Get rid of them.

All of this negative talk and judgment affected my attraction to him and our sex life suffered.  Now more than ever, I am convinced that attraction to your husband is one of the many blessings of obedience.

I long to go back to speak wise counsel to my younger self. To tell her what her husband desperately needs. To let her know that not an ounce of worry, nagging, strife, or berating will add a bit of help to the situation. That she is sabotaging all that God can do. I want to tell her to shut up. Shut her mouth, hit her knees and pray. And then submit. Give him all the respect God has commanded her to give so that God can heal and prepare her husband for the journey ahead.

RLB wins. We never went without. Despite my wicked tongue, rebellion, and abdication of my role as his help meet, he went out and sold. He worked for a horrible boss for a time, then moved on to better employment, still in sales. He kept on providing. And then, while I was away for a weekend, he had peace. It was then he decided to enlist in the Army.

The second part of this story is the current situation we are in. RLB suffered a back injury last April and has had very limited mobility since. His healing has been very slow and his continued commission in the Army is uncertain. He'll be facing a medical evaluation board soon from the recommendation of his physicians.

One month after the injury, a hail storm swept though our area and caused $35,000 worth of damage to our property and vehicles. The work is still not complete but we do as much as we can when we can. We've had contractors work on the big jobs but are slowly doing the repairs ourselves on the rest. Meanwhile I drive him everywhere he needs to go, I open doors for him, and there have been times I've had to tie his shoes.

For ten months I have done whatever has been in my power to give RLB rest. I do not allow thoughts of disrespect to enter my heart. I pray endlessly for my husband and his healing. I do what I can to stop my children from expressing unhappiness. No, we can't go on a vacation. No, we can't drive fifteen hours to visit extended family. No, we can't go to the amusement park. No, we don't know if we'll be moving back home. No, we don't know what the future holds. Get over it. And do not disrupt the harmony and peace of our home that your father needs to recover.

I remember clearly the wife I was the last time my husband was in need and I absolutely refuse to be her again. My eyes are wide open to the plans of the enemy. I guard my heart, my association... everything. This time I will win. There is no complaining or fret or worry. I make no time for useless relationships. I certainly have no time for poisonous individuals who would consider a negative word about my husband.

There is so much blessing on this side of obedience. My attraction to my husband is greater than it has ever been. Our sex life is better than it has ever been. My longing for him and pleasure in his company is endless.

I am very blessed with a very normal man. As I come to understand the hearts of men, I can see clearly the commonalities among them. I say this so you know, so you can not say, "but SD, our situation is different." Come to know your husband and other men. Truly see their hearts. Their loyalty and long suffering will astound you. Their will to achieve, to overcome, to persevere will shut your ever discontented mouth. That which I've come to know men do for their brides and their babies has so convicted my heart of their worth. Honor that. For you will be in awe of the blessings in store for you. No matter what storms arise in your marriage, hold tight to God's commands. Let them be your first priority. Do not fear. Do not falter. Do not lose heart.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. - Galatians 6:9
Sunshine Mary at The Woman and the Dragon - What to do when your husband is injured or ill

Morticia at Morticia's Musings - Bringing Sexy Back

Songtwoeleven at The Lady I Can’t Explain - Supporting your husband through extended unemployment

The Rock

RLB post.

Matthew 7:24-27

New International Version (NIV)

The Wise and Foolish Builders

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

RLB Jr. (he's 16) came home from school and told us an amusing story. A discussion was being had about two brothers that were fighting. He stated emphatically that that is what boys do and it's okay. That is not the right answer to the feminized indoctrinators. The brothers were psychologically abhorrent to the feminazis. My son's conviction didn't waver. He did ask me how did people in the past deal with such morally repugnant situations. I told him you must hold to your Christian faith and it is the only thing that will remain constant in an ever changing politically correct climate. When morals are relative, society is chaotic.

Teach your children early and emphatically what Christian/biblical truth is. It gives them the ability to resist the morally decadent when you aren't there. I am very thankful that we home-schooled our children when they were young. Eventually, they will go forth in the world and have to confront the evils of our post-Christian society. If you have built the house on the rock, it will withstand the storms.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you"

He is indeed a mighty God.
Priest conceived in rape recounts journey to forgive father
A priest who was conceived in rape when his mother was only 13 years old is sharing the story of how he met, forgave and heard the confession of his father, who is now living a life of faith.
“I could have ended up in a trash can, but I was allowed to live,” said Father Luis Alfredo Leon Armijos of Loja, Ecuador.

For more wonderful stories, please visit Rebecca Kiessling's website. She has had a huge impact on me and is a tireless servant for life.

 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

Chore or heart service - it's a decision

Sunshine Mary has found a gem of an essay written in 1896 by Mrs. Amelia E. Barr. In her post, Discontented women were the same yesterday as they are today, she highlights some of the text. I printed the document and devoured these words of wisdom that are as relevant today as they ever have been.
One of the saddest domestic features of the day is the disrepute into which housekeeping has fallen; for that is a woman's first natural duty and answers to the needs of her best nature...
...this revolt of certain women against housekeeping is not a revolt against their husbands; it is simply a revolt against their duties. They consider house-work hard and monotonous and inferior, and confess with a cynical frankness that thy prefer to engross paper, or dabble in art, or embroider pillow-shams, or sell goods, or in some way make money to pay servants who will cook their husband's dinner and nurse their babies for them. And they believe that in this way they show themselves to have superior minds, and ask credit for a deed which ought to cover them with same. For actions speak louder than words, and what does such action say? In the first place, it asserts that any stranger - even a young uneducated peasant girl hired for a few dollars a month - is able to perform the duties of the house-mistress and the mother. In the second place, it substitutes poor ambition for love and hand service for heart service. In the third place, it is a visible abasement of the loftiest duties of womanhood to the capacity of the lowest paid service. A wife and mother can not thus absolve her own soul; she simply disgraces and traduces her holiest work. (Emphasis mine)

Oh, wise woman! I sit at your feet to learn.

My mother-in-law told me the most calming activity she does is hang the laundry. This will tell you what a city girl I had become:  I asked her one day what fabric softener she uses that makes her sheets smell so wonderful. RLB has had so much fun with that question, he reminds me often that I asked it. Her answer was kind and that it is the fresh air she hangs them in. The guys, of course, chided me: "that would be a combination of dirt, cow shit, and diesel fuel!" (they live on a farm).

I came to understand why, though she has the modern convenience of a dryer, she still hangs the laundry. When we were living in South Korea and only had a wash machine, I reflected on her words often as I hung the laundry on our fifteenth floor balcony. If discontent arose in my heart, and I was tempted to begrudge this daily chore, I would pray for God to give me the heart of this woman who treasures this service and finds peace and calm in doing it. Because - it's a decision. My mother-in-law knows this. She is wise. I can only imagine the pleasure she's had in educating her naive daughter-in-law to the truths of life (and the giggles she's enjoyed when I say dumb things like "what kind of fabric softener do you use?")

It's a decision and we, ladies, have the choice to go about our daily tasks begrudgingly, daydreaming of outsourcing our labor to the lowest bidder, or we can embrace our work, as Mrs. Barr so eloquently writes, as heart service.

I, just as I know my mother-in-law does, still scrub floors on my knees. Every woman knows that no modern convenience, be it a Swifter mop or a robotic floor cleaner, does as good of a job as a rag, a bucket of soapy water, and elbow grease. In that task, as in all of our tasks, there is a choice. It is time that has to be spent no matter what, so take that time to cultivate peace in your heart and contentment in your spirit. Talk with God, think on good things, and cherish your heart service.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Stupid enough to actually believe...what the Bible says

When RLB and I had challenges three years ago, the thought of divorce was very brief. Literally, he came home from deployment in August and by October God had convicted my heart thoroughly that I was the problem and my relationship with Him (God) was the solution. Sure, our problems were revealed when he was deployed, but RLB made it clear that nothing was going to be resolved until he got home. There was no way for us to even discuss things half a world away from each other.

Also, I take for granted that I have a "fix it" personality. It is very hard for me to understand relationships that are struggling for any length of time. I explained in "Now let me at the truth," the process I go through when something challenges me. When RLB came home from deployment, it took me all of a week to realize that when he said things have changed and he will no longer entertain my irrational behavior and manipulations, he meant it. I knew one of us was right. This frame he was upholding scared me. I knew he had been praying. Nothing I was doing was working as it had before. He didn't care if I cried, he didn't care if I had a fit, he didn't care if I ignored him...nothing was working. He wouldn't relent. I honestly was scared that God was on his side.

He was.

Obviously he was, I'm not an idiot. If the solutions I was coming up with were unbiblical and things that God hates (divorce), I must be wrong.

I must also be wrong in thinking I have a hard head and stubborn ways. The things I'm hearing from some of the husbands and wives who read this blog have convinced me that I'm actually malleable - when it comes to God's Word. That must be it, I am such a simpleton that when I read the Bible, I believe what it says. Never mind my IQ that is classified as "Very Superior Intelligence."

I laugh with RLB about how often I tell people to stop reading my blog if they're so offended by it. Oh, they don't like the way I write, I come across wrong, blah blah blah. Ladies, there are thousands of pleasant blogs out there. If you want to read some nicey nice blather about marriage, then go. But here's what I've learned. You've been reading those blogs and your marriage still sucks. You've been going to that church and listening to your pastor and your marriage still sucks. You've been listening to this mutual submission message and your marriage...SUCKS! Your husband is not happy, you're not turned on by him, you are on prescription drugs, you're fat and trying to justify it,  you're stressed out and unhealthy and you're scared to read the Bible because you know you're going to read something you don't like.

Oh, SD, you don't talk like a Christian should talk. Jesus was a nice guy.

Really, who sold you that line of crap? And, what Bible are you reading?
But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” - Matthew 16:23
Oh, but that was to Peter and he was being an idiot....right?  Peter was telling Jesus that the things Jesus knew were about to happen wouldn't happen. How stupid can you get, huh? To tell God that he is wrong?

"I don't have to have sex with my husband every time he asks, he'll get over it, geez, there's more to our marriage than just sex..."

Really? Sweetie, the only reason he married you was for the sex. So he could have sex that was right in God's sight and not sin. Because he burned for it. He was not like Paul.
Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 1  Corinthians 7:2
There is more to your marriage AFTER sex. Yes, then there is companionship, parenthood etc. 

"I think he's wrong. I don't want to do what my husband wants me to do because I don't feel it's right in God's eyes..."
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 3:1-2
 Well look at that, it says submit to your own husbands.  Not Pastor so-in-so. Not marriage counselor, so-in-so. Not Elder so-in-so. Nope. YOUR OWN husband.


You are commanded to submit when you believe he is wrong SO THAT he may be won over...

Remember what Jesus said to Peter when Peter was saying God is wrong. What do you really think Jesus would say to you when he hears all the ways YOU say God is wrong?
Here's an exercise for the ladies, and the men who are still afraid to assert their authority in their marriages. Read Proverbs 30:21-23
  For three things the earth is perturbed,
Yes, for four it cannot bear up:
For a servant when he reigns,
A fool when he is filled with food,
A hateful woman when she is married,
And a maidservant who succeeds her mistress.

I urge you to pray on these verses. Come to understand their meaning. Contemplate them. 

And for those of you who have now vowed this is the last post of mine you will read, God Bless you. 
I pray that you will continue to search for Truth. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Smile...and really, just shut up

Red-headed-step-child asks: "How does one shut down the hideous rebellion that rears it's ugly head in the stupidest situations?"

It begins with your countenance. Go to your favorite online Bible source and search for every passage that contains the word countenance. I'm not going to do this for you. You go and do it for yourself. And while you read, pray that God convicts your heart of your countenance.

Your face, ladies, it starts in your face. You literally need to change your face. Do you smile because you're happy or are you happy because you smile? If you don't know, smile. Smile all day long. Smile all day long every day for a week. Smile through your eyes, not just your lips. Cast off all thoughts of "I don't feel like smiling." This is not about your feelings. I don't care if everyone around you thinks you're crazy, smile anyway.

Train your eyes. STOP rolling your eyes.

In basic training, Drill Sergeants get right into a Private's face, "Are you eye ballin' me!" "Your disrespect shows through your attitude Private, drop and give me 20!" When RLB was a Private First Class, he had a First Sergeant who was just awful. He hated RLB with a passion and the feeling was mutual. RLB wore the darkest sunglasses he could find because he knew his eyes would tell too much. Whether he was smirking with them or glaring, RLB knew that this man would flip his lid if he saw his eyes.

So much of our disrespectful behavior towards our husbands comes through our eyes. They hate it, ladies...absolutely hate it, would love nothing more than to smack your disrespectful face. It's that contentious heart you're displaying. That smarmy, sarcastic, cynical attitude that pours out through your eyes. The most gentle man can be brought to rage from one flippant eye roll from his wife. It's disgusting. Stop that!

Next. Shut your damn mouth. Your brain runs 100 mph and often times it's headed in the wrong direction. Control your tongue and take your thoughts captive. Give yourself a time out. There's nothing wrong with that. After your husband has said something that you feel the need to respond to, stop, and say to him, "Give me just a minute." Then, go somewhere else and pray. It doesn't matter what he has said. Train yourself with the simplest of things. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy. If you want both, go to God, pray for wisdom. Read your Bible, pray for wisdom. Shut your mouth and calm yourself.

If your husband has said something that sounds like he's angry with you, go back to him after your time out, when you know you can ask calmly, "are you upset with me?" And then listen. If what he says gets your brain going again, excuse yourself once again and repeat the actions: open your Bible and pray for wisdom. Wait until you are calm. Go back to your husband and ask, "what could I have done differently to not upset you?" Then listen. Repeat the same procedure - AS MANY TIMES AS NECESSARY.

If your husband has said something that upset you, do the same thing. You know what can calm you. For me it's prayer. It's a quiet room and quiet contemplation on God's Word.

We're so quick to judge our husbands when we really are being overly sensitive. Men don't like homes that are not tranquil. It is quite rare that they will provoke contention intentionally. Most of our disrespect towards them comes from either conceitedness or misunderstanding. If you are conceited ladies, if you are haughty, go to God in prayer and ask that he help you overcome this. It is so ugly, it is bad for all of your relationships and it is bad for your health. Ask God for a humble heart.

Recognize your own solipsism and actively work on controlling it. There are other perspectives in life than your own. Through conversation and observation become aware of your husband's perspective. Agape love is selfless love. When selfish thoughts consume you, "what about me...what about my feelings...what about what I want?" When you're about to start complaining,  stop and think of a petulant child. Then look in the mirror. You're not smiling are you. Is it too much to ask that you try for one week to think about him, what is he feeling, what does he want?

If you are willing to take these steps towards changing your heart, you will begin to notice somethings. You feel better. You sleep better. If you're like me you'll be moved to tears. With awe and wonderment you'll look back and think - if only I had done this sooner. The change has been within me. It is not fake. It is not rule following. It is the transformation that God promises.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. - Romans 12:1-2

"Abraham...fix yer bitch"

Then they said to him, “Where is Sarah your wife?”
So he said, “Here, in the tent.”
And He said, “I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son.”
(Sarah was listening in the tent door which was behind him.) 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, well advanced in age; and Sarah had passed the age of childbearing. Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”
And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.” But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid.
And He said, “No, but you did laugh!” Genesis 18:9-15
So imagine that, ladies. Your husband is outside talking to God and you can hear their conversation. Let me say that again, he's talking to God!  Not some neighbor guy, not some beer drinking buddy...GOD!

She hears what God has to say and as we women are known to do, she laughs. In response to what GOD said, she, in her head, snarks about being able to have a child. Can you see it? Can you see this woman roll her eyes, shake her head and laugh: "pshh...whatever..."

God knew her attitude. He's God for goodness sakes, of course he knew what she was thinking. So He calls it out - to her husband. He doesn't ask Abraham, though it comes off as a question, He said to Abraham "Why did Sarah laugh..." Modern speak: "Abraham...fix yer bitch!"

Yes, that's right feminists and you "mutual submission" fools, God holds Abraham to account for HIS WIFE'S behavior.

Then, on cue, just like a woman, Sarah LIES about it: "I did not laugh."

And all the women said: 

I would never do that...

Yeah, right.

"Oh, SD, can't you be nicer when you write? Can't you give it a rest? Why you gotta be so mean? Can't you just write pleasant, boring posts of unicorns and rainbows? Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Abigail, and any other woman who thinks for a moment she must rebuke me for some perceived self righteousness or pride, can you really not see why I write what I do. I am flippin guilty of every last word I write about regarding the nature of women. I have said repeatedly, I know what it took for the Truth to get through my thick head and hardened heart. I am very well aware of my failings and when I continually and predictably sin in the fashion that God told me I would. When I read the biblical accounts of women it is not just a story. He's talking TO me. It's as if He knows my ways. Imagine that. My creator knows me.

Because he knows me, He knows how to protect me. His commands are for my own good. After fourteen years of marriage, RLB got the message loud and clear: "RLB, fix yer bitch."

After fourteen years of marriage I surrendered. And it wasn't some pleasant unicorn and rainbows message I received. It was terrifying. It was in my face rebuke. It was "come off your pedestal princess, you aren't that special."

It woke me up to my own nature. And has humbled me to tears to know that God will hold my husband to account for me. THAT is the Covenant my husband vowed to uphold.

If you knew, ladies, if you truly believed this story from Genesis, if you KNEW that every time you lie, every time you roll your eyes and snark, every time you disrespect your husband, that God would say to your husband: "Why did she do that" Would you take some responsibility and some of the burden from him and seek to change your ways?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Soldier on my fellow warriors.

RLB post.

George Washington was a member of the British forces prior to the Revolutionary War. Fact. Not Fiction. He was an exemplary leader in that force. There is no evidence that he was other than a great soldier for them. I regard him as the greatest of American presidents. The rest don't even come close to how awesome I would be as president.

Defending our nation as a member of the military is very different than agreeing with our CIC's mandates and example. Having been the capitalist that made money in our country, I felt a compunction to provide that protection that so many behind the Ivory Wall take for granted. Yes, we need to fix some shit. It is the soldier that provides that opportunity to make better decisions. Don't ever degrade the sacrifice of a soldier/marine/airmen/seamen/coastie in front of me. I will take you out. It may be the last thing I do. Be thankful for those that give you time to fix your damn country. They aren't the problem. Your inability to influence public opinion is the problem. They toil for your time to fix this shit.

Get it right. You don't get the right to have any opinion without the sacrifice of those that protect you and yours. Use that protection wisely. Pray about your fortunate circumstance and fix the crap that you can. Soldiers buy time for you to make decent decisions. If you don't make those decisions, you will pay the price. The soldier will live on. Your wife and children will be subject to those that win. You will be dead.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Poisson dans le sable

RLB post.

Fish in the sand. For those in need of translation.

Much of the joke in the military community has been:
For Sale: WWII French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

I thought it funny. It plays to the stereotype. On my last all expenses paid trip via Uncle Sam, I met quite a few Frenchmen that don't drop their weapons at first threat. In fact their training and determination is quite awesome. An interesting note of interest is that their troops take their families with them. They live in some of the ugliest places on Earth. It definitely reduces the sexual temptation of their troops. AWESOME CONCEPT! It leads to all kinds of great things like integrating with the society.

That's all a side note. The experience with those Frenchmen made me remember the family I stayed with for a week while in high school. It was a divorced mother with three daughters. They were wonderfully hospitable. The people of a different country shouldn't be judged by the politicians representing them. They are like you or me. A Christian has more in common with you independent of nationality than a similar nationality feminist.

What got me thinking about this is a comment about not serving in the military as a Christian. If men are willing to defend your country and keep the evil of the world out while your politicians screw things up, thank those men. Even if they are French, English, German, ...whatever. If you live in a country that allows you to be a Christian, thank God. If you read history, you will realize how unique your position is. It can go away in a heartbeat. Ask yourself who you want in positions of authority within the military if the shit really does hit the fan. I do not wish for revolution/chaos. It is a bloody road. I pray for God's provision and guidance for me and my country.

Matthew 8:13

The Faith of the Centurion

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”
Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”
The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.

...a soldier in the time of Christ.

Matthew 27:54

54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!”

...another soldier. Played by John Wayne, BTW.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Step 1 - get a new pastor

Commenter Rootietoot said this on my post As provable as gravity:
Ok, I read as much as I could...regarding submission, my pastor explained it thusly:
A marriage is not a General (the man) and a Private (the woman), where the man orders and the woman obeys unconditionally. Instead it is more like a Colonel and a Lt Colonel, where the man has the authority given to him by the General (Christ),and trusts the woman to make decisions on his behalf, but deferring to him when necessary. It's the TRUST that is implicit here. I submit to my husband because he is a wise and godly man and I trust him. He allows me decision making, because he trusts me to make a sensible decisions and knows I will consult him when necessary. He also consults me and wants my opinion and input on decisions, as he trusts my wisdom. we both pray and consult God. It's not complicated, nor is it denigrating to either of us. In any relationship, SOMEONE has to have the final say when there is a disagreement. Since Christ is the head of my husband, who is the head of the household, then obviously he should have the final say. To me, it's a no-brainer.
(emphasis mine)
This sounds good, right? Sounds fair. Sounds equitable. Sounds...almost right.

It's not. It's unbiblical.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,  when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. - 1 Peter 3:1-2

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. - Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. - Ephesians 5:22
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24

There is nothing conditional. There is no "if," "because," or "unless."

There's no room for translating it other than how it is stated.

Is my husband a wise man? Yes .

Do I trust him? Yes

Is my husband a Godly man? Yes

Guess what else he is...a fallen wretched sinner who is tempted by the enemy.

Do I submit to him? Yes

Why? Out of obedience to God's Command. Full stop. It has NOTHING to do with him. It is unconditional and without discretion. And when I fail, I am rebuked and I repent for my sin.

And, there is nothing denigrating about this. This is God's command. Repeated several times in the Bible, with no conditions.

It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in man. - Psalm 118:8

And what does the Lord say? Submit to your husband.  

Do not put your trust in princes,
Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help. - Psalm 146:3

In whom do we trust? God.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God - Romans 3:23

Does your husband sin and fall short of the glory of God? Yes - and you are commanded to submit to him. 

 I marvel that you are turning away so soon from Him who called you in the grace of Christ, to a different gospel,  which is not another; but there are some who trouble you and want to pervert the gospel of Christ.  But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.
For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. - Galatians 1:6-10

Now, notice Rootietoot said: "I read as much as I could..."

She can correct me if I'm wrong but I read that to mean, "I read up until there was something I did not like and stopped reading."

It would be quite interesting to know how many women and men read as much as they feel comfortable reading from 1 Peter and Ephesians before their equality filters kick in and they stop. "My pastor says this... (followed by supplicating, femcentric, appeasing drivel that has nothing to do with what the Bible says.)" - Time to get a new pastor. 

If you believe you will succeed without following God's commands, best of luck to you. 

If you find Christianity off putting because of God's commands, that's fine too - you may go to hell.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Never going to happen

I grew up on a quiet street in a rural neighborhood. We had acreage, a large yard, a swimming pool, a ranch style home, a large garden, friendly neighbors, crime free streets, neighborhood kids to play with, hills to sled down, trails to ride bike on...everything was perfect. He chose that home. That was his decision. He planted that garden, he tended that yard, he built that addition, he added that pool.

I remember one evening answering a knock at the door. Behind me, in the dining room was my step father. I opened the door and there stood my Dad. He didn't come in, he wasn't going to stay long. He was there to drop off a check. His payment.

I was eight years old.

Nothing made sense.

It was shortly before I met RLB that I heard this song for the first time. It ripped me apart...still does.

Not my husband. No way. Never going to happen. 

I was with my babies in the truck when I first heard this song by the Zac Brown Band. Again, I lost it.  

"Why are you crying, Mom?"
Not my husband. No way. Never going to happen.

"My whole world, it begins and ends with you..."

Ladies, I held these songs, these feelings, and this anguish in my heart when we were fighting though the hardest times in our marriage just a few short years ago.

No one wins...with divorce.

Please, if you're facing adversity, fight to protect and preserve your marriage.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Go make me a sammich

Italian bread - butter insides and grill until golden brown
Mayonnaise spread on top and bottom
Diced grilled steak with melted Swiss cheese on top
Avocado mashed with one jalapeno and one clove garlic
Thin sliced tomato

*Next time I'll add a couple strips of bacon 

**Paleo - omit bread and wrap with large romaine leaf

RLB rating: Five Stars

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Middle-Aged-Man! Super hero of the future!

RLB post.

I appreciate the kind words about my father and encourage all men to emulate those great men of our history. Whether you had them in your life or not doesn't matter. They existed and we need to be that for the next generation.

I have come to the realization that I will no longer be knocking down doors, killing bad guys, or jumping out of airplanes. I am middle-aged man. There was an awesome Saturday Night Live skit involving a super hero known as Middle-Aged-Man. He knew things like how to fix a car, how to get a mortgage, and other such things. It was a joke about how we elderly are knowledgeable in things that the youngsters don't understand.

I plan on having a large involvement with the VFW or American Legion when I return to civilian life. It is important that those of us with several decades of experience share our knowledge with the younger generation. I don't care if you aren't confident enough about what you have done. Share your life with the youth. They need it.

Every sports fan knows the story of the athlete that hung on to long. Recently, Brett Favre. Joe Montana going to the Chiefs. Michael Jordan with the Bullets. The list goes on and on. Know when your time to enter a different stage in life has come. If you didn't master the previous stage, it doesn't matter. There are others like you coming of age. Educate. Get involved with mentoring the youth. There is currently such a lack of male guidance in our youth that we are facing an historical problem in our country. They need us. Coach a youth sports team. Anything. Just get involved with being a role model for our youth. Don't be Charles Barkley. Be a positive influence. Throw a beached starfish back into the sea because it saved that one. Then tell me about it because I love success stories.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Normal, average, everyday guys

In July, a friend of ours was in town for some Army training. By word of mouth he heard of a Crossfit gym that is just a few minutes away from our home. Knowing I had been working out, he invited me to this gym.

The gym is owned by a married couple who are there together most of the time and are both Crossfit certified trainers. This was the first indicator that this would be a comfortable gym for me to go to. It is very important, as married ladies, to carry ourselves as such. It should be visibly evident to those who meet you that your are happily married and not looking for anything else. Choosing a gym with a family atmosphere was very important.

Though RLB has never met the owners of this gym, they know a lot about him and our family. I talk about and edify RLB a lot. I also take our son with me when he's on breaks from school. It is visibly evident that this is not a social hour for me. It is a time that I am committed to learning how to do the lifts and exercises with a clear fitness goal in mind.

It is most convenient for me to go to the gym during the late morning and lunch hour when my girls are busy with their school work. There is a consistent group of guys that work out at the same time and occasionally a couple of women. Five of the guys are single and three are married. Their ages range from late twenties to early forties. They are all at different levels of fitness.  Not one of them, including the owner is a natural Alpha male. From observation, I'd have to say all are natural Deltas. Normal, everyday, guys.

Since there are usually only two women there during this time, me and the owner's wife. I've gotten the opportunity to observe the guys' behavior with each other. There are two different circumstances that their behavior and the overall mood of the gym changes, when a single, attractive woman is there, or when an Alpha/high Beta male stops in. In both circumstances the normal guys get quiet. Oddly enough, I've never seen one of these Alpha males attempt to do the WOD (workout of the day) along side the regulars. They are usually just stopping in to talk...and talk...and talk with the owner. From what I've learned, the owner is a situational Alpha because he, 1) owns the gym and 2) is the most successful Crossfit competitor.

Here's what I've learned by observing the behavior of everyday, normal guys:
- They are pleasant. A good mood/disposition is their natural state. Even when something is frustrating them outside of the gym, it doesn't affect their treatment of the other guys.
-They love to laugh. Conversations, no matter how they start, end up in laughter.
-They can't stand women who act like guys. There is one woman that works out there later in the evening they have talked poorly about. She grunts like a guy, yells during heavy lifts and carries herself like a guy. It is very repulsive to them.
-They are helpful. They help each other put on loads, take off loads, put away equipment etc. with a natural ease that is just part of going about their business.
-They are not status conscious with each other. The income range between these guys based on what I've learned their jobs are is from broke college student to around $80K (Junior officers in the Army). This has no bearing on the respect they show each other.
-They don't care about physical appearances. A couple of the guys have ear lobe plugs and other piercings, tattoos, and trendy hair. The Army guys are clean cut and shaven. This has no bearing on the respect they show each other.
-The focus on self improvement is key. They compete a little with each other but for the most part are competing with their yesterday's self. This may just be the nature of Crossfit but they are mindful of each other's previous personal records and encourage each other to exceed it.
-When they are doing a "best time" kind of workout, those who finish first stay around and wait for those who finish last, cheering and encouraging each other.

On Monday I witnessed something that inspired me to write this post.

The workout was a tough one, it was the gym's fourth anniversary and as usual on special days, there is an unusually difficult workout:
For time:
25, 20, 15, 10, 5 of:
Deadlifts @ 1.5 Bodyweight
Back squats @ Bodyweight

My scaled version was pullups with an assistance band (I've yet to achieve "pull up"), 113 lb deadlifts (my PR is 198 lb), and 83 lbs Backsquat (PR is 143 lb).

One of the younger guys was RXing it - my best guess is he weighs 170 lbs. He finished through the 15's, was about fifteen minutes in, and was doing his 10 deadlifts when he failed a rep, dropped the bar, and said in a quiet exasperated voice, "I can't do it."

I was right behind him and I barely heard him say it. But somehow his voice made it to all lengths of the gym because the rest of guys stopped what they were doing, and came flooding by his side. "You got this man, come on, one at a time, don't quit, you got this." And they remained with him, encouraging him, counting for him, cheering and supporting him until he completed the workout. And when he was done and lying on the floor they continued with, "that's awesome man, it's done, great job, knew you could do it."

If women would focus their desire to act like a man with regards to these traits instead of the lies feminism teaches, we might actually have some honorable ladies in our society. As it stands, women have rejected what it is to be a lady, denied what it is to be a man, and have created a new being that is a monstrosity.

My Dad can beat up your Dad.

RLB post.

I had a meeting with a case worker today. I have a severe back injury caused by my service in the military. In case you hadn't heard, suicides in the military are responsible for more deaths than the war in Afghanistan right now. The military is trying desperately to quell this trend.

Psychologists and social workers are being hired like crazy. That won't help. My case worker asked about my life, trying to figure out if I'm a risk. I'm not. I have support from my close and extended family. I find myself helping more vets and servicemen than needing help. The biggest reason for this is my Dad.

My Dad is the farmer that Paul Harvey was talking about in that Dodge commercial on the Super Bowl. He's also a man that has lived with chronic pain for forty years of his life and continued to press on. He has set the example of the man that men are supposed to be. He didn't divorce...he never thought about it. He raised a family. He worked hard his entire life. He never took handouts. It would have been embarrassing to have his kids get free lunch. He and his kind built this wonderful country we have. It wasn't the victims that built our country. It wasn't the complainers or critics. It was men with strong backs and strong Biblical views on life.

This country will fall. Sooner or later. It's men like him that will rebuild. It's him that I strive to emulate and it's him that I want our descendents to know is the goal.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Marriage...Normandy Style

RLB post. (Women don't comment or read...well at least don't comment)

I have a brother that is mid thirties and unmarried. He seems to have no desire to marry. He had his heart broken by a woman when he was early twenties. I don't know all the details and only he and she would. I do know that he is like many other men younger than me. They WILL NOT get married.

They see no benefit to the idea. The utilitarian part of me agrees. Men, the deck is stacked against you in this culture. There is nothing logical to encourage you to participate in this charade of marriage as defined by our society. However, if you are a Christian, it is worth pursuing.

Don't grow weary. Pray and trust God will provide that which you can't imagine. I have an awesome Quit thinking life is supposed to be easy. I don't intend this to be a, "man-up" message. If you view it that way, by all means, call me out. If you are going to take back the mantle of leadership, it will start with the family. If it takes Roissy-type stuff to acquire the wife you are looking for, then do it. Embrace the ugly that is our situation and storm the beach.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

The hamster is dead

No, not the hamster in my head - I'm still trying to kill off that one by poisoning it with logic, honesty and rational thinking. Little sucker just won't die. (More on that later)

My daughter's hamster died last night. He is the first pet that has died in our home in all the seventeen years RLB and I have been married.

Part of the dowry that came with me when marrying RLB was a cat my mother had before she died. After we had our children and the cat was getting old we thought it'd be a good idea to get a hamster. They don't live that long and our children would be able to experience the death of a pet before the cat they'd grown to love died. It didn't happen. RLB got stationed in Korea and we had to leave the cat and the hamster with my sister. The hamster lived to over three years old and finally died at her home. The cat lived until she was sixteen and died at my sister's home as well. So though the kids had to say goodbye to those pets when we moved, they didn't experience their death as a loss of their pets.

While we were in Korea the kids won a couple of fish at a carnival. We had to move back to the States before the goldfish died. So we left them with friends and they eventually died with them. We were starting to wonder how it is that we can't get a pet to die in our home.

Two years ago we bought a hamster cage that came with a couple hamsters. And now finally one has died and our children are experiencing the loss of a pet. We'll have a service for little Humphree later today.

So, one hamster is dead in our house. There are four more to go. One cute little white one named Jerry and the three that reside in my daughters' and my head. 

The "hamster" is a term used to explain the rationalization and justifications women use to explain their behavior. It's spins on a wheel within our brains and allows us to blurt out ANYTHING but personal responsibility. It is one of the greatest frustrations men have with women.

If we're not happy, it is the fault of someone or something else. If we make poor decisions, there's got to be someone or something to blame. It is on a personal level and on a collective level among women.

The hamster is the projection we use when we don't want to hear or see truth. It is the fantasy unicorn world we live in when reality would hurt our delicate sensibilities. It is the princess mentality that is engrained in our brain from the feminism in our society.

The hamster is all the little lies you tell to yourself and to others.

The hamster is what Schopenhaurer speaks of when he says:
Women may be compared in this respect to an organism that has a liver but no gall-bladder. So that it will be found that the fundamental fault in the character of women is that they have no “sense of justice.” This arises from their deficiency in the power of reasoning already referred to, and reflection, but is also partly due to the fact that Nature has not destined them, as the weaker sex, to be dependent on strength but on cunning; this is why they are instinctively crafty, and have an ineradicable tendency to lie.
And what do we do to kill this hamster? I don't know, mine isn't dead yet. I have learned to control the little bastard to an extent by shutting my mouth, and praying. You must first recognize it is there. When confronted with something, take note of your very first response. Now think to yourself, "does this negate my responsibility?" If so, pause, don't speak, and try as hard as you can to understand how you are responsible for what you're being confronted with.

Simple example: RLB says, "I'm out of socks." If my first thought is, "Well, I've been busy, I wasn't able to get to the laundry. There are other socks in your drawer, you aren't really out of socks." - This is the hamster.

The truthful response with personal responsibility is, "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't make the laundry a priority. I'll get right to it."

Then there's this gem I threw at him when I was in rebellion: He was deployed and I was giving him an earful of my infinite wisdom of what he should be doing. He said, "whatever" and hung up on me. To which I quickly texted him with the utmost indignation: "I am NOT your 'WHATEVER'!!! I am your WIFE...blah blah blah blah blah." The hamster was on overdrive. I was completely blind to reason and accountability.

The truthful response with personal responsibility would have been: "I am so sorry, I am out of line. I have completely disrespected you. Please forgive me."

Yet another way to find harmony in your home, ladies. Start killing that hamster!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Sarah's Daughter is not nice

A big thank you to commenter CL over at The Woman and the Dragon. I hadn't yet watched this Ann Barnhardt video.

I have nothing more to add. She says all that needs to be said.

"Sarah's Daughter is not nice."

By the Grace of God!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Be your husband's Molly Pitcher

United States Field Artillery Association

Greetings! Know ye that there appeared before a most arduous and selective committee composed of highly esteemed and proven Field Artilleryman a likely candidate for
The Artillery Order of Molly Pitcher
BE IT REMEMBERED:  That the hereinafter mentioned individual has distinguished herself through faithful and devoted service to the Field Artillery Community and  

BE IT KNOWN:  By all ye Field Artillerymen who may be honored by her presence that
 has been faithful to the Artillery. Offering courage and patience and help in the best traditions of military service, she has been found worthy to be numbered as a deserving member of this traditional sisterhood and has been duly initiated into the fold.

BE IT FURTHER UNDERSTOOD:  That we hereby confer upon her the shield of Molly Pitcher emblazoned above and enjoin all Field Artilleryman henceforth to show due honor and respect whenever she enters their midst.

Given under our hand 
15th day of August 
Prior to learning I'd be receiving this award, I had never heard of Molly Pitcher. RLB had been in the Army just over a year and was a Specialist (E4). We were living in South Korea and I had been doing what I had done for the previous twelve years of marriage: supporting his mission. 

I learned all I could about the Army, the rank structure and protocol, and volunteered my time to assist the commander with families. I availed myself to families back home in the States to be able to call me with any questions or concerns they had. I assisted in Red Cross calls and I helped families who were new to Korea find housing and get their homes set up. I educated them about the assistance and training the Army provides for families. When families were invited to watch live fires during field exercises, I gathered other wives together and we made treats to hand out to the soldiers who had been eating MRE's for days. 

The other side of the award tells this about Molly Pitcher: 
The Story of Molly Pitcher
An Artillery wife, Mary Hays McCauly (better known as Molly Pitcher) shared the rigors of Valley Forge with her husband, William Hays. Her actions during the battle of Monmouth (28 June 1778) became legendary. That day at Manmouth was as hot as Valley Forge was cold. Someone had to cool the hot guns and bathe parched throats with water. 

Across that bullet-swept ground, a striped skirt fluttered. Mary Hays McCauly was earning her nickname "Molly Pitcher" by bringing pitcher after pitcher of cool spring water to the exhausted and thirsty men. She also tended to the wounded and once, heaving a crippled continental soldier up on her strong young back, carried him out of reach of hard-charging Britishers. On her next trip with water she found her artilleryman husband back with the guns again, replacing a casualty. While she watched, Hays fell wounded. The piece, its crew too depleted to serve it, was about to be withdrawn. Without hesitation, Molly stepped forward and took the rammer staff from her fallen husband's hands. For the second time on an American battlefield, a woman manned a gun. (The first was Margaret Corbin during the defence of Fort Washington in 1776.) Resolutely, she stayed at her post in the face of heavy enemy fire, ably acting as a matross (gunner).
For her heroic role, General Washington himself issued her a warrant as a noncommissioned officer. Thereafter, she was widely hailed as "Sergeant Molly." A flagstaff and cannon stand at her gravesite at Carlisle, Pennsylvania. A sculpture on the battle monument commemorates her courageous deed.
 I fell in love with Army traditions right away. It will be interesting what happens to this tradition now that feminism has encroached the last area of the Army that was predominately all male, Combat Arms. Will the husbands of the female Artillerymen be given this award? I digress, that's not what this post is about. 

As wives, we need to seek to be Molly Pitcher in our marriages.

While the role of being the provider, protector, and leader may never rest on our shoulders, it is very important that we support and assist in any way we possibly can. Should something happen to our husbands, we need to be able to carry on with our families in a manner that edifies him and that honors his leadership and vision for his family for generations to come. This requires being in a state of harmony with your husband. He needs to see and know that he can put his full faith and trust in you. That in facing a storm, you will remain steadfast.

Set it as a priority in your marriage to be on the same page with your husband. If someone were to ask you a question that your answer would not vary from what his would. When your children are in need of guidance that you would know your husband so well, you would not hesitate in giving them the advice he would.

RLB's Grandfather has had huge influence in the family. And still to this day we often hear, "Well you know what Grandpa would say." RLB never met him, he died just a couple weeks before RLB was born but yet he knows him well. This edification and respect is the very thing I desire for RLB from our grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

As devoted wives we need to be willing to man the guns if ever need be. Military wives, you know how important it is to be able to effortlessly fill in the gap when your Soldier deploys. You need to be able to manage the household in his absence, according to his leadership. From financial decisions, to tending to the maintenance of your home, you need to have a plan of action for everything that could arise in his absence. The same holds true for civilian wives. Discuss these things with your husband. Learn the things he does around the home. Understand his financial goals and stay disciplined to them. Keep yourselves fit and healthy (mentally and physically) so that you will not tire in the event you must stand in his stead.

While your husband is with you, become the wife who "cools the hot guns and bathes parched throats with water." Order your home to be a place of comfort and rest. A place your husband can retreat to so that he may restore his energy and strength to go back out and endure his Valley Forge.