Thursday, October 31, 2013

Is provision something we selected for?

What were women, who are in successful, long lasting marriages, attracted to in their husbands? 

If you can think back to what attracted you to him, was his provision something that you were attracted to? If so, is his provision still an indicator of your attraction to him? When the amount of money he makes declines, does your attraction to him decline? When the amount of money he makes increases, does your attraction to him increase?

Blogger, Donalgraeme has asked for more of my thoughts on this subject.  His post, The 5 Vectors of Female Attraction lists Money as one of those 5 vectors:
Money: This attribute includes both the amount of resources that a man can call upon in the present, as well as what he might be able to make or create in the future. This doesn’t necessarily mean just money; real property and other assets can be included as well. I view this as the second weakest attribute in terms of importance.
Relevance: This attribute is tied primarily to the provision impulse, and is probably the strongest indicator of a man’s ability to provide. It is the most “Beta” of the attributes here, but is also an Alpha attribute as well. From an evolutionary perspective, this is a fairly straightforward analysis. A man with resources is a man who can provide for a woman and her children during even harsh times. Also, in the past a man with a lot of resources available was someone who was probably quite good at providing, and thus probably athletic and high-status as well. So in this sense Money could serve as a proxy for other attributes.  From a biblical perspective things become a little more difficult to explain. In more than one section of the Bible money is considered a source of sin and/or something to be avoided, although it is never rejected in full. Perhaps one way of looking at it is that a man with money is a man blessed by God, and someone who finds favor in His eyes.
As I've considered this, I have thought back to what it was that I personally selected for and provision was not part of it. In fact, over the course of having known RLB for nineteen years, the amount of money he has made has not influenced my attraction to him, and it certainly had no bearing on my initial attraction to him.

Even when I think that perhaps part of my attraction to him was his potential to provide, it still doesn't hold. If that were the case, then one could only conclude I'd have lost attraction to him when he became injured and potentially permanently disabled. Which has just not happened.

Eight years ago, when he told me he was going to enlist in the Army, we had to fill out a financial waiver application because of our family size and the amount of money he'd be making as a Private First Class. While he was gone away at boot camp, I managed our finances without a thought of reduced attraction to him. Considering prior to this he was making four times what he made initially in the Army, there's no way I can associate attraction to him with his income. And, let me tell you, that first sight of him at his Basic Training graduation...yeah, no attraction lost. Quite the opposite actually!

Like most couples who have been married for any length of time, we have had several ups and downs financially. I have always viewed the down times as time to partner up and work together. I've viewed stretching dollars as a challenge I was eager to take on. "We were poor but we were happy" is a common expression by long time married couples. I know many wives who view the financially trying times of their marriages as times where their priorities came into focus, they remember them fondly.

RLB might argue this with me when he thinks back to when our son was an infant. He was working two jobs and still only making $8000/year. I was postpartum and bitchy and fretting over money. I needed diapers and formula and didn't have enough money to get them. My frustration was with the situation, it was not with him. If he reflects back, he'll remember he was getting more sex during that time than any 25-year-old broke dude could imagine. And let's just be honest, exhausted new moms who cry over everything are not prone to put out much unless they're very attracted to their husbands. (RLB's response to my money issues was to walk five miles in a snow storm to donate plasma. He returned, dropped the money in my lap and told me to shut up. Really, is there a question what I was attracted to? It had nothing to do with money.)

Are there women who are attracted to money? Of course. Are there women who have been married for fifteen plus years who hold money as one of the attraction triggers towards their husbands? This is probably unlikely. Most marriages that survive more than fifteen years have endured financial hard times. When money is foundational in a marriage, that marriage is as stable as a house built on sand.

Edit: I think it's important to establish what "attracted to" means within the context of a marriage. I'm hesitant to simply confine it to the number of times a wife has sex with her husband. I've known women who have sex with their husbands twice a week like clockwork because it is the terms they've established. While this may be healthy, it does not necessarily indicate her attraction level to him (and in one person's case in particular, it most definitely did not - she was not attracted to her husband much at all). We ladies know what it means to be attracted to our husbands, we want them. We want to be sexual with them, intimate with them, spend time with them, dote on them, serve them, make them happy, we enjoy seeing them happy and satisfied.

Living in the eye of the storm.

It's an interesting concept. Imagine trying to understand what direction to go while the hurricane passes over you. Now, imagine the only security is in the eye of the storm. There is no safety outside of the eye. The hurricane encompasses the entire planet except for the eye. How do you make decisions?

That is the way I view living life. The understanding of what to do in the eye is the Holy Spirit's guidance. There isn't a single meteorologist that will tell you with 100% accuracy where a hurricane will move. That is what the Holy Spirit can do. That is why legalism based Judaism and Christianity fail. The mystery is the Holy Spirit. The Living Word. Faith.

I am leaving the Army and entering a different phase of life. Chaos ensues. Home sales, moving issues, children issues, back surgery issues, where SD works out issues... The list is long and varied. The consistent part in this is my prayer life. I can't stop. I continue to be blessed as a result of it.

I decided where we would move based on the needs of our family long term versus short term. These issues included tribal, religious, and moral similarities. My ability to make money was secondary. Now, as we move forward to where I decided we would live, I find great opportunity financially. The prayer life I had leading to this decision was the important part here. At a different time in life, I was led a completely different direction. That is why the Holy Spirit is so important. It guides you based on where you are in life. If your prayer life sucks, your decisions suck. Get good at praying. Don't pray out of obligation; pray for revelation.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Hi, my name is RLB and I hate people.

Being an introvert presents difficulties. I am one. I don't like people. I don't like crowds. I don't like going out. I have a very difficult time getting past meeting people. My son is similar. We aren't alone. I'm really good once people get to know me. I have a depth that people like long term. I am not warm and fuzzy. I'm not a sweet, cuddly guy. I piss people off on a regular basis, especially people that I work for. OTOH, those people I work for see my production and love me for it. They just hate my convictions.

Introverts, like myself, need to realize that everyone isn't out to get them. It is very difficult to conceptualize that for an introvert. We anticipate mean, hateful interaction. This expectation isn't because of experience. Experience presents a healthy dose of affirmation. It is the possibility of one negative encounter that makes us hesitate and decide it isn't worth the risk.

I had a great talk with Jr tonight about this. It is the habit of doing the uncomfortable that makes it possible to succeed in life. That applies regardless of being an introvert or extrovert. The introvert has to make an effort to interact with people. It hurts. Extroverts don't understand how difficult this is because it comes natural to them. It's the same in the real world or the internet world. I have very little interest in communicating with people outside of my family. However, as SD pointed out to me, there are those that would appreciate my insights. I will commit to share more for those similar to me and Jr. It might require a question from others, but I will do what I can on my end.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Teaching our children to pray

We watched a pretty scary movie with our daughters tonight called The Call. It's a bit like Silence of the Lambs and Psycho. A lot of conversation followed which is the norm around here, especially after scary movies.

Someday, my dear Carlotta and I will talk more about our experiences growing up with the influence of "that which is possible but not wise." Needless to say, I could never be an atheist. I was well aware of demons and evil long before I committed my life to following Jesus Christ. I was a "kind of" Christian. I prayed every night because that's what you're supposed to do. But I hadn't read my Bible since my Sunday School and Catechism days. I was a horrible sinner, arrogant in my heathen ways. Scary things seemed to follow me. And why wouldn't they? I was such a willing vessel.

RLB didn't believe a bit of it until he started witnessing crazy things as well. After we committed our lives to Jesus Christ and returned to the Word, we started a tradition for every home we'd move into. As soon as we took occupancy, we'd pray over the home. We'd demand all evil to leave and would pray for protection over the home.

This post isn't about telling ghost stories though. It's about prayer.

We talked with our daughters about evil. That evil has no friends. I relayed to them a story about a boy I went to middle school with. I remember he'd read black magic books and would talk about the freakiest things. It was no surprise when I learned he murdered his father a few years later. Evil has no friends. He lives in prison now.

So we told the girls about the depths. And then we backed up and talked about where it all starts. Things are happening fast around here now. Our house has been on the market for a week and we've been told an offer will be coming in within the next couple of days. And though our children are very excited about moving back home after this Army experience, there will be a lot of changes coming their way. There will be a lot of goodbyes to say. There will be a lot of uncertainty.

It is not uncommon for children, not to mention pubescent teens to allow their emotions to affect their attitudes. When their life seems upside down, it is very easy for them to be whisked away into a pity party, verbalizing discontent, fear and anxiety. Though they share an excitement to return to our home state, the reality of leaving the home they've known for so long can be overwhelming. 

I talked with the girls about guarding against this. This is where it starts. They will choose to go down the road of discontent, fear, anxiety, vulnerability, and despair, or they will choose to pray.  I saw tears well up in my older daughter's eyes. There was a reason we were having this conversation, right now. I used this time to go into some very specific examples, drawing from my teenage years.

"When you start to think things like:  'why me,' 'it's not fair,' 'why do I have to go through this?' 'I deserve...,' 'I wish my life was like so-and-so's,' need to stop and pray. Ask God to take this from you. Don't hold on to it. Don't allow it to fester and grow. Pray for peace and contentment. Begin the habit, begin the commitment of going to God first before you trust negative emotions. Allow the Holy Spirit to change your heart, your attitude, your words, your countenance."

"Evil takes hold on the simplest of things. Guard yourself from evil. Demand it be gone from you. Pray for protection. God is always good."

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Make sure he is a highly sexed man

What do women want?


Yep, it's true.

Few women understand just how much she can contribute herself. 

If you are a married woman, I challenge you to read this, in its entirety and absorb all that it is saying:
The Mystery of Sex Transmutation - from Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
Some excerpts:
-The emotion of sex has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:--
The perpetuation of mankind.
The maintenance of health, (as a therapeutic agency, it has no equal).
The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
-Scientific research has disclosed these significant facts:
The men of greatest achievement are men with highly developed sex natures; men who have learned the art of sex transmutation.
The men who have accumulated great fortunes and achieved outstanding recognition in literature, art, industry, architecture, and the professions, were motivated by the influence of a woman.
-The human mind responds to stimuli, through which it may be "keyed up" to high rates of vibration, known as enthusiasm, creative imagination, intense desire, etc. The stimuli to which the mind responds most freely are:--
The desire for sex expression
A burning desire for fame, power, or financial gain, MONEY
Friendship between either those of the same sex, or those of the opposite sex.
A Master Mind alliance based upon the harmony of two or more people who ally themselves for spiritual or temporal advancement.
Mutual suffering, such as that experienced by people who are persecuted.
Narcotics and alcohol.
The desire for sex expression comes at the head of the list of stimuli, which most effectively "step-up" the vibrations of the mind and start the "wheels" of physical action. Eight of these stimuli are natural and constructive. Two are destructive. The list is here presented for the purpose of enabling you to make a comparative study of the major sources of mind stimulation. From this study, it will be readily seen that the emotion of sex is, by great odds, the most intense and powerful of all mind stimuli.
-When brain action has been stimulated, through one or more of the ten mind stimulants, it has the effect of lifting the individual far above the horizon of ordinary thought, and permits him to envision distance, scope, and quality of THOUGHTS not available on the lower plane, such as that occupied while one is engaged in the solution of the problems of business and professional routine.
When lifted to this higher level of thought, through any form of mind stimulation, an individual occupies, relatively, the same position as one who has ascended in an airplane to a height from which he may see over and beyond the horizon line which limits his vision, while on the ground. Moreover, while on this higher level of thought, the individual is not hampered or bound by any of the stimuli which circumscribe and limit his vision while wrestling with the problems of gaining the three basic necessities of food, clothing, and shelter. He is in a world of thought in which the ORDINARY, work-a-day thoughts have been as effectively removed as are the hills and valleys and other limitations of physical vision, when he rises in an airplane.
-The pages of history are filled with the records of great leaders whose achievements may be traced directly to the influence of women who aroused the creative faculties of their minds, through the stimulation of sex desire. Napoleon Bonaparte was one of these. When inspired by his first wife, Josephine, he was irresistible and invincible. When his "better judgment" or reasoning faculty prompted him to put Josephine aside, he began to decline. His defeat and St. Helena were not far distant.
If good taste would permit, we might easily mention scores of men, well known to the American people, who climbed to great heights of achievement under the stimulating influence of their wives, only to drop back to destruction AFTER money and power went to their heads, and they put aside the old wife for a new one. Napoleon was not the only man to discover that sex influence, from the right source, is more powerful than any substitute of expediency, which may be created by mere reason.
-A teacher, who has trained and directed the efforts of more than 30,000 sales people, made the astounding discovery that highly sexed men are the most efficient salesmen. The explanation is, that the factor of personality known as "personal magnetism" is nothing more nor less than sex energy. Highly sexed people always have a plentiful supply of magnetism. Through cultivation and understanding, this vital force may be drawn upon and used to great advantage in the relationships between people. This energy may be communicated to others through the following media:
The hand-shake. The touch of the hand indicates, instantly, the presence of magnetism, or the lack of it.
The tone of voice. Magnetism, or sex energy, is the factor with which the voice may be colored, or made musical and charming.
Posture and carriage of the body. Highly sexed people move briskly, and with grace and ease.
The vibrations of thought. Highly sexed people mix the emotion of sex with their thoughts, or may do so at will, and in that way, may influence those around them.
Body adornment. People who are highly sexed are usually very careful about their personal appearance. They usually select clothing of a style becoming to their personality, physique, complexion, etc.
-The entire subject of sex is one with which the majority of people appear to be unpardonably ignorant. The urge of sex has been grossly misunderstood, slandered, and burlesqued by the ignorant and the evil minded, for so long that the very word sex is seldom used in polite society. Men and women who are known to be blessed--yes, BLESSED--with highly sexed natures, are usually looked upon as being people who will bear watching. Instead of being called blessed, they are usually called cursed.
-The emotion of love brings out, and develops, the artistic and the aesthetic nature of man. It leaves its impress upon one's very soul, even after the fire has been subdued by time and circumstance.
Memories of love never pass. They linger, guide, and influence long after the source of stimulation has faded. There is nothing new in this. Every person, who has been moved by GENUINE LOVE, knows that it leaves enduring traces upon the human heart. The effect of love endures, because love is spiritual in nature. The man who cannot be stimulated to great heights of achievement by love,
is hopeless--he is dead, though he may seem to live.
-When the emotion of romance is added to those of love and sex, the obstructions between the finite mind of man and Infinite Intelligence are removed. Then a genius has been born!
What a different story is this, than those usually associated with the emotion of sex. Here is an interpretation of the emotion which lifts it out of the commonplace, and makes of it potter's clay in the hands of God, from which He fashions all that is beautiful and inspiring. It is an interpretation which would, when properly understood, bring harmony out of the chaos which exists in too many marriages. The disharmonies often expressed in the form of nagging, may usually be traced to lack of knowledge on the subject of sex. Where love, romance and the proper understanding of the emotion and function of sex abide, there is no disharmony between married people.
Fortunate is the husband whose wife understands the true relationship between the emotions of love, sex, and romance. When motivated by this holy triumvirate, no form of labor is burdensome, because even the most lowly form of effort takes on the nature of a labor of love.
It is a very old saying that "a man's wife may either make him or break him," but the reason is not always understood. The "making" and "breaking" is the result of the wife's understanding, or
lack of understanding of the emotions of love, sex, and romance.
Despite the fact that men are polygamous, by the very nature of their biological inheritance, it is true that no woman has as great an influence on a man as his wife, unless he is married to a woman totally unsuited to his nature. If a woman permits her husband to lose interest in her, and become more interested in other women, it is usually because of her ignorance, or indifference toward the subjects of sex, love, and romance. This statement presupposes, of course, that genuine love once existed between a man and his wife. The facts are equally applicable to a man who permits his wife's interest in him to die.
Married people often bicker over a multitude of trivialities. If these are analyzed accurately, the real cause of the trouble will often be found to be indifference, or ignorance on these subjects.
-The woman who understands man's nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be "giants" with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.
Most men will not admit that they are easily influenced by the women they prefer, because it is in the nature of the male to want to be recognized as the stronger of the species. Moreover, the intelligent woman recognizes this "manly trait" and very wisely makes no issue of it.
I first read this when I was 21. It has stayed with me this whole time. For those of you who know me personally, you know I've always advised you to make sure your husband is a well sexed man.  As RLB will testify, so much of his ability to think is because he does not need to concern himself with sexual release. And think he does. The fruits of his labor (thinking) have always been evident in our lives. I promise you, ladies, I continue to see fruition of these great truths that Napoleon Hill wrote about in 1937.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

When a feminist's choice looks eerily similar to biblical marriage

Sunshine Mary's blog has been drawing quite a lot of attention from feminists lately. It's a beautiful thing. One comment in particular struck me. This woman sounds so very much like a lot of women who are being nudged toward Truth. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to request some prayers for her. You can find her comment in full here

I responded with the following break down of how I read her confession:

I am not a Christian and I am a feminist so the religious points that have been made are largely lost on me. That being said I would like to tell you a little of my story.
largely – but not completely. And here I am reading a Christian woman’s blog and compelled to confess. My solipsism gets the best of my feminist intentions. I want to be accepted by your herd, SSM. After all, what’s about to follow would cause all kinds of hand waving and shrieking by the feminist herd.
I was raised by my mother to be a feminist and without the expectation that I would marry. Imagine my surprise when I fell in love and got married. I swore that my marriage would not change me but, it did.
I have an out, just in case I’m wrong, my mother did this to me. The natural order of things happened. Don’t tell the feminists, but men do have a measure of power that changes even the most ardent Strong Independent Woman (TM).
My husband became the center of my life. It was not something he asked of me, nor was it a condition of our marriage, it just happened.
He was different than any of you misogynists. And this was my choice. The women here didn’t choose like I did, way.
I already considered him the love of my life and my best friend, that is why I decided to marry. I did not think our relationship would get better with time but, it did. When my friends, both male and female, expressed displeasure with his ‘influence’ over me, I pointed out that my relationship was my choice and if they didn’t like it, our friendship could end. The vast majority chose to do just that. It was honestly a relief, I was tired of their criticism of my husband’s behavior and our marriage.
While I might not be aware of it, I am realizing the lie of feminism. How come loving my husband and submitting to him isn’t one of the available choices w/in feminist circles. Isn’t my happiness important? This made me happy. I lost friends because of my choice. And I am so very close to the understanding you ladies have come to, when God says “Let no man put asunder,” something happens within a woman – she defends her husband when he gets attacked, it’s a mystery…could God be real?
I was happily married for 5 years until my husband’s death. I never cheated on him. I never contemplated divorce (I am not sure what frivorce means, frivolous divorce?) I preferred to work from home (long story).
Something deep within me, that I can’t explain, wonders if he has everlasting life. Can someone here please show me the way I can see him again? Is there hope?
I also preferred my husband to deal with the outside world while I dealt with the day to day within our home. I was still a feminist, albeit one that had made a very different choice than most.
Though the natural order of things works this is different than you non feminist women who are keepers of the home. I don’t know how it’s different, but it is! Don’t forget, I am a feminist!
Yes I did have partners before him. How many is none of your business. I can say with all honestly that he was ‘it’ for me. Once we were together, he was the only man I wanted and in many ways the only man I could even see.
In truth, none of what I’m saying is your business and I presume too much when I think you care about my story, but you are the only ones who will understand. And, you’re Christian, you’re supposed to care…right? I know I betray my feminist sisters when I keep hidden my sexual experience, I’m supposed to shout it from the roof tops as a Strong Independent Woman (TM), but something within me knows this brings shame to my husband (God rest his soul). Something within me knows it was sin. Something is urging me to repent of that sin so that I may receive God’s grace. Who is it again? That man who takes the burden of my sin?
So, yeah, it is possible. In fact, it is still a problem. I have tried dating since his passing and it has been a disaster. I am just not interested.
Again, it is a mystery. If life were only about the days we live in flesh form, what is this haunting? If there is no God, no Jesus Christ, no Holy Spirit, what could possibly be keeping me bonded to my husband? Don’t tell me it’s Truth, in my world what I choose to be truth is truth. What’s that? Truth is like gravity? And I might be….wrong.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Megyn Kelly is a feminist.

As long as Megyn Kelly and Sarah Palin are the heroes of the Republicans, conservatives lose. These women have nothing in common with Christian values. The issues they raise compared to Bible believing Christians are stark and divisive. They don't care for their children. They shop their children out to someone less qualified to raise them. In one instance a nanny; in the other a father/daughter/mother.

There is nothing redeeming about a mother rejecting her primary God given duty. It is the exact same as a man rejecting his God given duty to provide. They deserve zero approval. They are the very reason conservatives find themselves in logical stalemates. Intelligent women need to birth and raise children while supporting their husbands. They need to educate those children and raise them to guide society towards God and His will. When they fail to do that, our society collapses.

There is no such thing as equality. God spoke it thus as He kicked them out of Eden. This is not news to a Christian. The foundation of a community starts at the family level and these women are disgusting in that regard.