Friday, November 30, 2012

No white lights?

One of the most tremendous blessings RLB gives me by being our family's provider is the gift of time. Most of the time in my day is discretionary. It's gotten even more so as my children have gotten older and have become my underpaid housekeepers. I manage to consistently fill the time in my day but what remains lacking is stress. There is a lot to talk about on the subject of stress free living and time management. First and foremost is the precious availability I have to to be guided by God. To do what He needs me to do, when He needs me to do it.

My shopping is done during the day time and one to two days before payday. It was a great priority of ours many years ago to get at least one month ahead financially so payday would not dictate our behavior. Yesterday wasn't a grocery shopping day, it was one of those everything else besides food days. I needed to get some lights to finish my Christmas decorating. Colored lights for the tree and white lights for the outside of our house.

Walmart had the colored lights I was looking for but not white lights. It was really strange. I understand the powers that be are trying to change our lighting desires by forcing these LED and awful florescent bulbs our way (part of the grand conspiracy to make everyone's life miserable, I'm sure, taking away our soft yellow lighting and replacing it with the disturbing and unhealthy white flickering light. Take them away you bastards! I'll switch to candles! - but I digress).

I searched everywhere and was quite baffled that I could not find one box of the white miniature lights that I use. The next store my daughters and I were going to was the Exchange on Post to do some Christmas shopping. Our Exchange is split into two buildings across a parking lot. The smaller building has the home and garden merchandise where I was now detoured to check there for white lights. As I pulled in my daughter asked what we were doing there. I explained I still need to find white lights and I had to use the restroom. They were already tired of shopping so this extra stop was irritating them.

While I was in the restroom, an elderly woman in one of the stalls started to have what seemed like a stroke. I heard her struggle with the door and then fall back on to the toilet. She was cognitive enough to unlock the door so I was able to get in by her. I asked if  she was with anyone. She told me in a slow, broken voice that her husband was in the truck in the parking lot. I helped her into a position so she wouldn't fall and rushed out to get my daughters to help me look for a grandpa in a truck.

My youngest found him and we ran to him. I explained what was happening and showed him to his wife. She was blacking out and having a lot of difficulty moving her arms and legs. I called the paramedics and stayed with the two of them until help got there.

The girls and I went on and found the white lights. As we were leaving the store, the paramedics had the woman on the gurney and were headed out the door. I could tell the woman had now lost consciousness. I prayed for her, her husband, and their family. We got into our truck and after I closed the door I looked at my daughters and said, "So this is why Walmart didn't have the white lights."

This realization hit my oldest daughter intensely: "That is so weird, Mom! It's kind of creepy."

No darling, it's beautiful.

I used that opportunity to talk with them about keeping calm and not questioning when things don't go our way. When we're delayed and tempted to be frustrated we need to keep in mind there may be a larger plan underway.

I became overwhelmed with emotion and tears later that night as I told RLB all that had happened. We talked about how it is likely God was able to use me to unite an elderly Veteran with his 85-year-old wife for what may have been her last moments.

It's beautiful.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I still suck, but there's hope

stg58 made this comment in a previous post:
 If my wife respects me, love follows. Love works differently in women than it does in men.
I thought he was saying if his wife respects him, love follows from him. He clarified what he was saying with this: 
 I wasn't clear in my previous comment. I meant that if my wife respects the love will follow from her. Not from me. I think that is why Paul tells wives to honor their husbands instead of telling them to love their husbands. Ladies, can you love a man you have no respect or honor for?
I agree with stg58. What happened here this morning is a perfectly simple example of what he is saying.

Today is my son's 16th birthday.  He was allowed to sleep in a bit because I was going to take him to school instead of having him catch the bus an hour earlier. He enjoyed a hot bacon/egg/cheese sandwich for breakfast with RLB and got ready to go.

Just as we were about to head out the door, RLB told me I should have him drive. He needs 50 hours of driving time before he can take his driver's test and we are a bit behind.

Now, it's fascinating how life/God works. The more I write, the more I'm given valuable experiences to prove to myself that I truly believe what I'm saying. I've become very cognitive about it. I conscientiously analyze my thought processes. Here's the conversation and my own thoughts as it happened:

RLB: You should have him drive.

My immediate thoughts: ugh, I don't want to, I'd have to pay attention, it's early, there's lots of traffic, sometimes he scares me, ughhh.

Me: Really? That intersection by school is so busy this time of day.

Son: Yeah, I don't really feel like it now, I'll drive home from school.

My thoughts: Crap! Good one, SD, way to not honor RLB's wishes, and you did it in front of your son who is following suit. You hypocrite.

Me (bargaining): Would that be alright, if he drives tonight instead?

RLB (with a peculiar tone): know, I had to have him drive me downtown in heavy traffic and he did great.

My thoughts: He's right and I'm being stupid. Every 15 minutes we can clip off of this time is better, not to mention it would show my son that I respect his father's decisions - all the time. And besides, who do you trust, SD? Is this really too big for God? Do you really believe RLB would suggest something that would harm you or his son? Why do you do this? (Honestly, I can rattle off all of that in my head in a matter of seconds).

Me: Okay son, you're driving.

RLB: Be careful, don't hurt my wife, or my truck.

Son (teasing): Which one is more important?

RLB: Uh, wife.

He drove fantastic. No issues. He handled the heavy traffic perfectly. His parking skills need work but that was hardly the issue. As he was getting out of the truck I said, "I guess we were wrong, you did an excellent job."

I got home and told RLB he was right and I was sorry. As we discussed our son's improving driving skills, a warmth came over me. It affirmed everything I have faith in about submitting to RLB. When I choose to stop being willfully defiant, good things happen. I love RLB more, and I faithfully believe it pleases God.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Love story

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her - Ephesians 5:25

The moment every military family knows is inevitable was upon us - RLB's first deployment. The last few days wound down filled with "one last times" and "it'll be okay, we'll get through this." I was confident we, as a couple, would be fine. We had 14 years of marriage in and had been through some challenging times. And, it was us, the agreeable RLB and SD, two peas in a pod, made for each other, nothing would shake our tree. (I can almost hear military couples laughing right now).

It took a couple months to start but, as so often is the case, fear and insecurity overwhelmed me. I allowed anxious thoughts to infiltrate my mind. RLB was in a remote location in Africa, the OIC (officer in charge) of a small group of men. There's no need for details of the operation or the situation. All that's essential to know, with regards to this story, is that RLB had a job to do, men he was responsible for, and, when it mattered, a wife that failed him.

It's hard to tell this story because it involves my ignorance and failure, something we women don't like to talk about. But how else can I tell you of the most beautiful love story that has happened in my life?

We had the unfortunate convenience of communication. We messaged each other, spoke on the phone and through Skype. Missing were the weekly letters extolling my love and appreciation of my Soldier, replaced with endless chats and too much information. I wanted to know more and became aware of my need for control. When it was evident that control was gone I lived in a state of anxiety that can only be described as an out of control, irrational panic. RLB stopped answering my questions, he knew that answering one question only led to another and then another. This fear that had overwhelmed me was insatiable. By the fifth month, RLB would entertain talking to me only until he sensed a leading question or accusation coming. When that happened, he hung up, disconnected. He said things like, "what business is that of yours?" and "get over yourself."

Several friends and family members got to witness what became of me. RLB was completely detached from me emotionally and I was a raging lunatic. Many of them tried to comfort me in my pity party to no avail. RLB told me I needed to "get my own thing." And I, for the life of me, could not understand what that meant.

Finally the day came for his return. By this time I was sick. For sure he would emotionally attach himself once again when he saw me, right? He would see all the pain in my eyes and know what he had done to me, right?


RLB had a resolve and would not waver. I feared our relationship was over.

It was.

The relationship we had previously was over.

It was time for our marriage to begin. A marriage covenant as it was intended. A three way covenant with God at the helm. I had two choices before me. I could succumb to Satan, divorce RLB, and destroy our family. Or, I could surrender to the Voice that had been trying to get my attention. RLB was not going to help me with the decision. It was mine alone to make. I needed to get my own thing

I got it.

We were on a family vacation in South Padre Island, Texas. Late one night, after I mentioned divorce once again to RLB, he got up, left me, and went to sit on the beach. I cried out to God to help me. I was not alone in my prayers. A peace came over me. I walked to the beach, found RLB and said, for the first time, "I will never divorce you, I will not destroy this family. I will do whatever I need to do."

I surrendered.

I started the journey of walking with God.

I'll share in future posts the tools that were made readily available to me that assist me in this journey. The Bible was the first. I opened up and truly listened to what God was communicating to me. The message was clear. None of this had been or was about RLB. This was all about me and God.

RLB loved me. He loved me so much he left me alone to find a new Love.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Those lying eyes

The truth will set you free. And as it appears, our husbands might set us free upon learning it. How can we prevent this?

Don't lie.

This Belgian man is seeking divorce after discovering his wife of 19 years was born male:
"I pushed her against the wall and said: Now I know the truth. Are you a man? She then announced that she was born as a boy and that she had been operated on. She was now a woman, and so she did not need to tell me about her past as a man. My world collapsed. That evening came to blows. The police came."

Perhaps an extreme example.

Another man has left his wife of 40 years after learning she, who had claimed to only have had one sex partner previous to him, was lying all these years:

We had two children and a very happy and successful marriage. But a few weeks ago, an old friend contacted me over the internet, and I invited her round.  My husband left us to talk and went off to the garden. Inevitably we talked of the past.  After she left, I found my husband looking devastated. He said he’d gone into the conservatory to read and heard everything.

He said he felt utterly betrayed, as he had a right to expect honesty, but our entire marriage had been based on a fundamental lie.  I said we’d had a wonderful 40 years, so what could it matter what I did before I met him?  He moved in to the spare room and avoided me. A week later he moved to a bedsit and told me he wanted a divorce. 
There was an excellent discussion about this over at Alpha Game: When the pedestal collapses

It is not a secret that respect is essential to a man in his relationships. Nothing shows a lack of respect more than deception.

Why do women lie? Because, like children, our minds focus only on ourselves and what we want. Any justification will do to avoid the consequences due to us because of our bad behavior. "I didn't want to hurt him," is a lie. Those who say it have only learned some grown up language (and manipulation) but still remain children that are actually saying, "I didn't want to get in trouble."

We need to stop fooling ourselves, the more a lie is attempted to be justified with excuses, the more childish and disgusting we women appear. Try this with sincerity instead: "I did ____, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." And then wait for him to process it. If he has any questions, answer them honestly. We need to choose to rise above our natural inclinations to self preserve and take the steps to grow in our maturity. Mature individuals accept consequences for their behavior. The bond between husbands and wives can only be realized by mature individuals. 
My husband left us to talk and went off to the garden. Inevitably we talked of the past.
After she left, I found my husband looking devastated. He said he’d gone into the conservatory to read and heard everything.
He said he felt utterly betrayed, as he had a right to expect honesty, but our entire marriage had been based on a fundamental lie.

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
My husband left us to talk and went off to the garden. Inevitably we talked of the past.
After she left, I found my husband looking devastated. He said he’d gone into the conservatory to read and heard everything.
He said he felt utterly betrayed, as he had a right to expect honesty, but our entire marriage had been based on a fundamental lie.

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
My husband left us to talk and went off to the garden. Inevitably we talked of the past.
After she left, I found my husband looking devastated. He said he’d gone into the conservatory to read and heard everything.
He said he felt utterly betrayed, as he had a right to expect honesty, but our entire marriage had been based on a fundamental lie.

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Monday, November 26, 2012

Justin the Marine and a very important vow

In the spring of 2011 we took a family trip to one of our favorite locations, South Padre Island, Texas. On the way there, we decided to stay in a hotel on Fort Sam Houston, an Army Post in San Antonio, Texas. The hotel is located near Brooke Army Medical Center and serves as home to many wounded Veterans.

We had the good fortune to be able to meet one of the wounded warriors named Justin. I wrote this about him then: 
 Justin was 12 on September 11, 2001. Now he's a 22 year old amputee. A marine whose 4 year tour would have been over in October. He's married and has a two year old son. Quite miraculously he is still alive and he's willing to talk about what happened. 
We got to spend a couple hours with Justin and his wife, listening. They will be here at Fort Sam Houston for the next couple of years. The first of which will be for physical therapy, the next will be for the medical board process that will end his Military career and begin his life with the war hero, Disabled Veteran designation.
 He joined the Marines in 2007, and married his wife shortly after. He deployed to Iraq in 2008 and to Afghanistan almost 7 months ago. Six months to the day that his enlistment would have been over, he stepped on an IED (it was the 18th one he had found). It threw him about 100 feet and tore off his right leg, most of his left leg and his personal "first aid kit," the kit that contained his tourniquets. He felt no pain, just had an intense ringing in his ears as he sat up and got to work on stopping his bleeding. He packed the remains of his right leg with sand and created a tourniquet with what shreds of clothing he had remaining for his mangled left leg. His fellow Corpsmen knew they shouldn't approach him in case of a 2nd IED but from what we've learned, those kind of rules go out the window when it comes to helping a battle buddy.  
The next four months he spent in hospitals in Afghanistan, Germany, Maryland and now here at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. At Bethesda alone he had 22 surgeries. He has no idea how many he had before that. He was kept heavily sedated on psychotropic drugs.  
 Meanwhile back in Louisiana his wife received a phone call telling her to check her email. The email contained the casualty list. Thankfully for her, her Marine brother was there with her. He had just returned home from deployment and was able to help her through the next 23 hours of not knowing if her husband was alive or not. All she had been told was that he was identified by his dog tags.  On the 23rd hour, Justin had a fellow Marine call her and hand him the phone to let her know he's not dead yet.  It took another day after that before she was formally told by Casualty Notification. I say he wasn't dead yet because he did technically die twice after that.
Justin is still on drugs to control the nightmares, but has a fabulous attitude, a foul mouth, and a great sense of humor. He's blessed to have his wife and infant son by his side for what now is the third month that they've lived in this hotel.  

What is it that will keep this young couple together as the years roll on? Statistics are not in their favor. Most of us will never have to face the overwhelming challenge of being married to an amputee suffering PTSD. However what we will inevitably face in our marriages will require the same commitment and steadfastness that will be essential for this young wife.

In April, an injury RLB suffered years ago in Korea raised its ugly head once again. Unlike six years ago, it is not healing and the pain is not subsiding. His last seven months have consisted of doctor's appointments, tests, consultations, and physical therapy. Without the two narcotics he is on, his pain level is at a consistent 8 on the 1-10 scale. His primary care doctor put him on an physical profile that restricts his movements essentially to "permission to breathe with caution." Those of you in and around the Military will understand. For those of you outside of it, what this means is until further evaluation and a new profile, he is not only restricted from the physical activity listed, it is unlawful for him to break his profile.

Most women have a fantastic ability to deal with emergency situations. We can multitask and expend untold energy to accomplish all that is required in a time of need. Built within us is an essence of self preservation that encompasses our families and supersedes selfish desires and self pity.

What happens when it's permanent, when it's no longer an emergency situation? When the vow, to promise to be true in sickness, is brought before you to uphold and there is no end in sight?

It was following a routine spinal injection that this became a potential reality for me. RLB's pain level spiked to a 10. I sat helplessly by as he suffered what was obviously the most excruciating pain he's had since the night that left him in the emergency room in April. He was four months in to what was supposed to be recovery and we were back at day one. All the hope I had for this to be a short term situation left. I began to see this for what it really might be and all that would be required of me to continue the emergency tasks I had been performing, permanently.

I am so thankful for the changes that were brought about in our marriage three years ago. When I finally understood that my respect for RLB and submission to him are decisions I make, not for RLB, but for God. There is nothing that RLB does or does not do to earn or deserve my respect and submission, therefore there is nothing he can do that will cause me to not respect him or submit to him.

"As unto the Lord" remains when all of the negative effects of chronic pain and the drugs used to minimize it are present: frustration, irritability, bouts of depression, anxiety, stress, hopelessness, sleeplessness, etc.

Because of my surrender to God's commands, great things have been able to happen for me. As I lean on Him and hold steadfast to His Word, I have been able to eliminate many things in life that just don't matter and hold tight to the things that do. As I take care of the things that make RLB's home a sanctuary and a place of healing and rest, I have no time remaining for negative things like toxic relationships, petty or selfish individuals, and unnecessary material things.

This time has been fantastic for our children as well. There's been no family vacation, no roller coasters, no boogie boarding at the beach, and no fishing - our favorite things to enjoy as a family. Instead there have been countless hours of listening to RLB pour out wisdom and guidance to all of us. We still play fun games and entertain ourselves with movies and sports but even then something will come to RLB and we'll pause whatever we are doing and listen and discuss.

I urge you all, no matter how long you've been married, to heed the words of Mathew 7:24-25:
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

It's quick, it's easy, and it's not equal

Remember this?

There are radio advertisements in our area currently letting young men know all of the consequences for not registering.

For 92 years we have had a privileged class in this country. Those who may vote to fight wars but are exempt from the draft. Have you ever even given this a moment's thought?

How could this have been over looked by the equality seekers?

How curious.

In my readings, I've come across references to Girl Writes What - A Voice for Men, compassion for boys and men. Her post about the draft is excellent. Take a moment to read it all, here are a couple excerpts: 

"That’s why MRAs bring up the draft, Pooka. Not to blame women or feminists for America’s male-only draft, but to remind them that getting the vote without being required to die for it if necessary is not fucking oppression, and neither is having to wait  a mere 50 years longer to be handed something that men were still required to pay for with their lives. That having to trade your autonomy or your life for your political franchise *is not privilege*–it’s a shit deal. So shit a deal I wonder how many men would have taken it if Uncle Sam hadn’t been willing to run them up a gibbet if they refused."
"SO let’s review: almost no one has ever said feminists are responsible for the draft. What they do take issue with is the constant whinging about women not being handed the vote as soon or even sooner than SOME men, without acknowledging historical realities that for men, the vote always came with an OBLIGATION. An obligation society never demanded, and still does not demand, of women."
"Feminists demand rights and privileges for women, but do not accept obligation. Instead, they kick the shit out of men and call them privileged even when men had to pay for that privilege with life and limb. Clear enough?"

You're winning, feminists, you're winning

It's been my observation when women attempt to compete with men, they generally lose unless a handicap is used (like feminist judges for example - a whole different topic). There is a notable exception to this, however, and that is in bad behavior:

You win Miss Stone.

In no way do I support government prevention of stupidity and foul uses of the First Amendment. I also don't support government prevention of public shame and humiliation of those who are just being themselves.

In her apology she writes, "We realize that it was an ignorant and distasteful thing for us to do..."


Definition of ignorant:  lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.

That just tickles me. Especially after someone attempts to challenge my assertion that women are not  born with an innate sense of honor. Oh, I know, it's just an anecdote and most women would never do this.

There's a saying RLB loves to use when one of our children does something stupid. He looks at me, shakes his head and repeats in a low, animated game show host voice, "You're only as successful as your dumbest kid... RLB, you have two rocket scientists and one hopeless drug addict, you sir, will be remembered as the hopeless drug addict's father. Congratulations!"

There are so many things decades of feminism has brought (millions of dead babies, horrible divorce rate etc...) however this sums it up perfectly. Congratulations feminists, you will be remembered by Miss Stone.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today's the day! One of the best days of the year. Where hours on end are toiled in the kitchen preparing a feast that may be gobbled up in 20 minutes flat. Oh, but it is so worth it.

Last night my daughters and I began our feast preparations making some traditional Lefsa and apple pie while I nursed a tasty White Russian. The last couple of years have been especially pleasant having them join me in preparing the feast. 

They are not without complaint completely (thus the White Russian), but are getting better at putting aside their preteen: "uh, mom, this is so boring," "uh, are you going to help us with these dishes?" "are we done yet?" I remind them that this is fun, they should enjoy learning how to make these favorite treats. I think they're starting to believe me, or they have finally succumbed to it.  Either way, they will be at the receiving end of compliments and praise for their mouth watering masterpieces. And that is where the conditioning sets in. It matters little whether you enjoy the baking and cooking, you will do it year after year because it is just so cool to watch grown men devour, like ravenous beasts, the fruits of their labor. The girls will experience how rewarding it is to listen to them, who, in mid chew, moan accolades and applause.

This year we are especially blessed to be joined by some very dear friends. He was RLB's right hand man, battle buddy, and wife (Soldiers will understand) during deployment. They are the friends, hand picked by God, who humble you with their selfless giving. She is French - need I say more. On any given day they show up to our home with the most delectable treats and wine...oh, the wine. She will be bringing, once again, her signature Bûche de Noël. Words can not describe it. You'll have to find a French friend for yourselves to understand the holiday bliss that resides in this cake.

I pray you all have a wonderful day reflecting on all of your blessings. Prepare your hearts to be joyful and full of thanksgiving. And may we all thank God for every moment today and everyday.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

For the Men

If you were looking for the "Man Up" message, you've come to the wrong place.

 First, we don't have a man problem in our society today. It is not men that left their post. We may very well be seeing a response from men due to feminism but that is not the root cause of the problem. It is not men that coveted more and ate the forbidden fruit. It is not men who bought the lie to leave the hearth and the cradle behind for pursuit of something unfitted for them.

Second, I am a woman and in no way should instruct men. In living with my son, I yield all advice and instruction to RLB. If he is in need of answers, in no way do I contradict what his father has told him. It is a disgusting sight when women confuse their sons and lead them away from their father's guidance.

Our family has attended our last Mother's Day or Father's Day church services until church doctrine rejects feminism. More than once we've witnessed the pedastalizing of unworthy women, those who are responsible for the destruction of their own homes. Followed one month later with limp wristed, berating, and un-Biblical advice to men that, if followed, creates the soft, pansy-like men of the church that quite literally make me want to hurl.

Guys, there are a few blogs RLB highly recommends. Where men are men and the women aren't. Start here: Alpha Game. The right column titled "Foundations" is a great introduction into the manosphere - as it's been called.

Monday, November 19, 2012

A letter written by no man...ever

Dear newspaper marriage expert,
     My marriage is in shambles and I don't know what to do. I feel so unnecessary and alone. My wife woke up before me today and had coffee and breakfast waiting for me when I got up. Talk about making me feel guilty. When I was leaving for work she handed me a cooler that had my favorite sandwich, a chocolate bar and a note that said, "I believe in you." That's all it said. What's that supposed to mean?
     I had a hectic day at work. The traffic on the way home was ridiculous. I got home and could smell roast beef in the slow cooker as soon as I walked through the door. What is she doing? She knows it was my turn to cook today. The house was tidy and all of my chores were done. She came to greet me with a smile and a kiss wearing a low cut blouse and tight jeans. Her hair and makeup were done and she smelled really good. I immediately started getting worried. Something is really wrong.
     I was anxious to hear all about her exhausting day and she said nothing. I asked where the kids were and she told me they were in their bedrooms playing quietly. And then she left to go check on them.
     I sat down in the living room with thoughts racing through my mind. This has got to be some sort of set up. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was because the next thing I knew she was waking me up to let me know dinner was ready. It was delicious. Great, I thought, now she's trying to show me up by learning how to cook better than I do.
     This was the strangest thing. After she got the children settled into bed she came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower and completely betrayed my need for privacy by undressing and joining me. I don't even want to write how she seduced me. I feel so used.
     This was not the arrangement we had agreed upon. How long should I let this go on?
Concerned Husband

He's not complicated

 That's one of the things that is so great about guys. They're not that complicated. It's a good thing, too. The monthly hormonal and emotional changes we women go through is complicated enough. 

When men are hungry, they want to eat good food.

When men are tired, they want to sleep. 

When men are awake, a blowjob would be nice. 

I've told RLB many times how I envy the fact that he wakes up in relatively the same mood every day. If something is going to disrupt that harmonious mood he's in, I don't want it to be me or something I can control.

There are several examples I could list of how to keep your home in a state of harmony that your husband would love. The overall principle is this: prioritize him first and remove obstacles and challenges that distract from his mission. Most men have as their mission the ability to provide. He can accomplish this best when he doesn't have to concern himself with 1001 other things that have nothing to do with providing. 

Food first. The less time he has to think about what he's going to eat and where he's going to get it, the better. The quality and convenience of the food is going to depend on your income level but no matter how much money you have, you can do this for him. This very simple priority will contribute to maintaining that harmonious mood in your husband. It's not a cliché. If you don't know how to cook, learn. If you don't know what he likes to eat, ask. 

Sleep/rest/relaxation. Just because he is lying on the couch staring at the television, playing a video game, or reading something online does not mean he is available. You're not his mother, he left her to live an adult life in his own home. There is never a good time to nag. One of the most important things that needs to exist in his home is refuge and sanctuary. There's really only one way to properly say this: leave him alone and shut up. 

Sex. It's not complicated. It's not a secret. He wants to have sex. RLB's mother told me this when we were first married: "Don't ever use sex as a weapon." - valuable advice from a wise woman who has been married for over 50 years. Another valuable bit of wisdom I've learned along the way is to be the best looking woman he sees during his day. 

Again, it's not complicated. If it is your desire to have a successful marriage do these things first: keep your husband well fed, well rested, and well sexed.

Friday, November 16, 2012

The poison of vipers is on their lips

If you wonder where my passion to fight feminism with everything I've got comes from, here's your chance to read some of my inspiration:

"Feminism, Socialism, and Communism are one in the same, and Socialist/Communist government is the goal of feminism." - Catharine A. MacKinnon, Toward a Feminist Theory of the State (First Harvard University Press, 1989), p.10

"In order to raise children with equality, we must take them away from families and communally raise them" -- Dr. Mary Jo Bane, feminist and assistant professor of education at Welleslry College and associate director of the school's Center for Research on Woman

"No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one." -- Interview with Simone de Beauvoir, "Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma," Saturday Review, June 14, 1975, p.18

"[M]ost mother-women give up whatever ghost of a unique and human self they may have when they 'marry' and raise children." -- Phyllis Chesler, Women and Madness, p.294

"...No woman should have to deny herself any opportunities because of her special responsibilities to her children. ... Families will be finally destroyed only when a revolutionary social and economic organization permits people's needs for love and security to be met in ways that do not impose divisions of labor, or any external roles, at all." -- Functions of the Family, Linda Gordon, WOMEN: A Journal of Liberation, Fall, 1969

"Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession... The choice to serve and be protected and plan towards being a family-maker is a choice that shouldn't be. The heart of radical feminism is to change that" -- Vivian Gornick, feminist author, University of Illinois, "The Daily Illini," April 25, 1981

"[W]omen, like men, should not have to bear children.... The destruction of the biological family, never envisioned by Freud, will allow the emergence of new women and men, different from any people who have previously existed." -- Alison Jaggar, Political Philosophies of Women's Liberation: Feminism and Philosophy, (Totowa, NJ: Littlefield, Adams & Co. 1977)

"[I]f even 10 percent of American women remain full-time homemakers, this will reinforce traditional views of what women ought to do and encourage other women to become full-time homemakers at least while their children are young.... This means that no matter how any individual feminist might feel about child care and housework, the movement as a whole [has] reasons to discourage full-time homemaking." -- Jane J. Mansbridge, Why We Lost the ERA, p.100

"The care of children infinitely better left to the best trained practitioners of both sexes who have chosen it as a vocation...[This] would further undermine family structure while contributing to the freedom of women." -- Kate Millet, Sexual Politics, 178-179 

*I did not compile this list myself. And am unsure of the individual who did to give them proper credit. I copied it from a comment on a post over at Vox Popoli. 

As provable as gravity

The definition of submission needs to be clarified. This word, unfortunately, has been bastardized in colloquial speech by Orwellian redefiners. Which makes sense. The enemy knows our nature. If by confusing us he can prevent us from proclaiming "Jesus is Lord," he wins.

Submission is the very act it takes to profess and confirm Christian faith. The enemy will do whatever it takes to keep us acting like defiant children. Children disobey due to lack of understanding or willful disobedience. As parents we discipline (train) our children to be obedient and yield to our authority. When they do obey us, what do we as parents do?

Just as there is no qualifier for wives to respect their husbands. There is also no qualifier for wives to submit to their husbands. Nowhere does God say, "submit to your husbands unless..." If this command conjures up negative emotions because the definition of the word "submit" is confused, why not reject the One who is making the command? How much easier is it to be defiant than to recognize deception?

 The word submit means to yield, to defer to.

In all successful organizations, there is a decision maker. The final decision maker takes on the responsibilities of his decisions. Subordinates who willfully defy the decision maker subject themselves to the consequences of that defiance. Those consequences don't always come from the decision maker himself. If a student defies his teacher, isn't it the principal who delivers the consequences? If your child defies you, steals your car, gets drunk, and crashes the car, do you even have authority over the consequences that child will endure? No, you do not. In some instances you, the parent/decision maker, will also suffer consequences due to your being the responsible party.

I hope you are following the correlation I'm making here.

Being in submission does not mean the individual no longer has to think, quite the contrary. It requires a great amount of conscientious thought and discernment. Many times the contributions of a wife are necessary in order for a husband to make a decision. Similar to a CEO of a company, there are times a man would be a fool to not consider input from the purchasing agent, treasurer, secretary, human resources director etc. of the household. God is very clear about what he thinks of fools too.

A wife's deference to her husband exemplifies great strength and a peaceful disposition. It would be easy for me to fill pages on the benefits that have been derived in our household due to proper vertical alignment. Nothing will convince you, though, until you are ready to correlate the challenges you are facing in life with the defiance within your heart. And, once you come to understand that the blue print for harmony is well laid out before you. You see it everywhere. It's a pattern by which all successful entities operate. And, just as gravity, your denial of it will prove its existence. 

F = Gm1m2/r2

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hope you can swim

Back in January, Vox Day posted this about the Costa Concordia cruise ship accident regarding the lack of  "women and children first" policy when it came to rescues:

This was not so much predictable as predicted. Women have methodically attacked the concept of male duty and honor through every possible means for the past ninety years, and now they are whining that they don't get special treatment simply because a ship happens to be sinking. Why, exactly, should any man "prioritize women, expectant mothers and children"? On what grounds can they be reasonably expected to do so, those outdated traditional grounds that the schools teach is hateful, sexist, and bigoted? 
Those big, burly crewmen shoving aside women as they prioritized their own escape should have been wearing t-shirts that said "this is what a feminist looks like". Enjoy the crash.
Unfortunately the reader comments are now gone due to a change in the commenting format for his blog. I had a couple of the comments saved. My apologies, I don't know which commenters to attribute them to but they need to be shared again.
If good women recognize that they are paying a cost, then they should make it vociferously clear that they are not a free rider on Team Woman. Unfortunately, most of even the good ones buy into the feminist ideology to some extent because they were steeped in it since kindergarten.
This commenter was asked how and to what end women can make it vociferously clear.
1. Refuse to tacitly accept anti-male statements in silence for the sake of social approval. 2. Refuse to support politicians who push anti-male policies.3. Refuse to avail yourself of the pro-female legal regime to the disadvantage of the men in your life.
To what end:
Women are very influenced by the opinion of other women. When you sit in silence as your friends talk about the evils of men and the need for more equality, you not only encourage them to spread the propaganda further, you help other women accept that propaganda as the truth. This is why women who stood up against feminism like Phyllis Schafly were so a) effective and b) loathed.

Women are not like men. In men, silence denotes disapproving rejection. In women, it denotes submissive acceptance.
 You'll know you're on your way to becoming an anti-feminism advocate by the names you get called by feminists, the loss of feminist friends, and the encouragement and appreciation you get from men who have recognized feminism's destruction.

You'll also be aware and disgusted by just how prevalent feminism and male bashing is. Television programs, commercials, the media,'ll see it everywhere.

I encourage you to break that silence. You're not alone. You're in the company of women who have had enough of the belittling of their husbands, sons, fathers, and brothers. Many who have lived feminism's betrayal. Some who previously bought the feminist lie and have now realized they are not happy, their stress level is high, their incomes are low, their relationships are broken and they suffer huge regrets. They've come to understand this notion of "women can do it all" is crap.

For those of you still holding on to the lie that women are just like men (thus implying there is no need for men), honestly ask yourself what your reaction would be if you were on the Costa Concordia. Would you have expected chivalry? Would you have looked to a man to hoist your child into a life boat? Would you have been disgusted by the captain of the ship making his way to a lifeboat before you could? Have you ever uttered the words "real men"? If you said yes to any of those questions, do you recognize your own cognitive dissonance?
Let's start making it vociferously clear that we are good women and not free riders on Team Woman. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


"Wives, respect your husband..."

Wouldn't it be vindicating if where ever those words are said in the Bible, they were followed up with an "if..."? For example: "if he deserves it," "if he's earned it," or "if he's obeying God's commands."

God doesn't qualify the command with those words, society does...women do. And, the words are wrong, subjective, and the basis for a huge percentage of what is falling apart in today's marriages.

"I'll respect him when ______" - fill in the blank with any number of conditions that a woman's mind can make up.

Is the Bible wrong, ladies? Is God wrong? Or is it possible we are?

I'm hesitant to use personal examples. Not because I don't want you to know the specifics of how I've come to learn the things I have, but because I don't want you to get bogged down with "what SD did"and overlook how what I'm saying applies to your own life. For the issue of respect, however, I think it's important to paint a picture of what the transformation looks like. There are many books written about it, I'll be recommending one to you that will give you a full explanation in abstract and concrete terms that will help you understand further.

I believed this command of God's had something to do with RLB. That it was dependent on his behavior and therefore my feelings. He often times made it easy for me. Most of the decisions he made were those I agreed with. It was shocking to me, after 14 years of marriage to learn that I wasn't respecting him as God commands. I just agreed with him and viewed myself just as responsible for the decisions he/we made.

Three and a half years ago RLB made some decisions I didn't agree with that I am so thankful for. Everything has changed. Many marriages would have ended, I got close to going down that road. I knew, though, that if we could get on the other side of a year, things would be better and I vowed to do whatever was necessary to get there.

I found the onus was on me. Through prayer, reading, and seeking wise counsel I came to understand how this simple command, and my failure to obey it (or even truly understand it) was the cause of the problem.

I committed to respecting RLB in all things out of my promise to God that I would obey His commands. I stopped concerning myself with whether or not RLB was following God's commands. That's between him and God.

Respect shows through in the little things (the eye roll or lack there of), in big decisions and everything in between. I could give you countless examples. It wasn't always easy, many times before I reacted to RLB, I had to step away and spend some time alone in prayer: "I don't understand this, God, please take the defiance from me and help me show him respect." 

One of the decisions was extraordinarily difficult for me. RLB told me to no longer communicate with a friend. I battled with the decision to respect him or potentially hurt my friend. It seems silly to me now - disrespecting RLB hurts God first, the strength of our marriage second, and RLB- why would I ever place a friend above those things? I respected him and cut ties with the friend. It was after a period of time that I came to understand with clarity why RLB told me to do this. This friend had not been reciprocating the friendship and was just taking more and more from me. She had been taking a lot of my time with long phone calls filled with endless drama. She was never actually looking for advice as she refused to implement even the most simple suggestions. And I learned later that I was one of many sounding boards she had. She swiftly moved from one friend to the next with no concern for that individual. In a nut shell, she was the type of person I would warn my daughters to steer clear from. The type that zaps the energy out of you without a care in the world. It was most appropriate for RLB to tell me to put an end to the friendship. This made me contemplate all I was missing when I was choosing defiance over respect.

I recommend the book: Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

It was recommended to me three years ago and was the catalyst for me to finally understand this: 

"Wives, respect your husbands..."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Don't throw it away, fix it

A friend asks: "Does it exist?"

Yes. It does.

It is under attack. But there will always be those that are up for the challenge.

I'm up for it. I renewed that commitment three years ago. When it was more broken than it ever has been, I scoured through the owner's manual desperate to find the FAQ pages. You will find the solutions I came upon in what I write.

I look forward to sharing the tools I've used, parts that had to be replaced or thrown out, and areas that needed polishing.

I called some help lines, read some "how to" books, and read expert advice I found online. I learned that there's no need to reinvent the wheel. Find those who have fixed the very same thing and do what they do.

I learned that it was not a unique problem. The Manufacturer is well aware of the common glitches. He didn't make junk, that's never the problem. The glitches always arise from user error.

The maintenance of it is something that has to be done daily, I learned what I had been neglecting. It's quite simple and once you get the hang of it becomes easier and easier with time.

Ours is only 17 years old, brand new compared to the couple in the picture. But the Manufacturer's guarantee says if we continue the maintenance as we have, 65 years won't be a problem.

Monday, November 12, 2012

"Every ailment can be cured with Windex®"

 A friend of mine asked me to write about this post she witnessed from a lovely young lady in Ohio:

Shut up u racist ass white folks just because Romney didn't win. Yeah I'm a white person saying this and I know y'all hate me for it but fuck u. Why does everyone make it seem like Obama has caused all this chaos anyways? Do u not remember the sorry piece of shit named BUSH that started all this mess and left Obama to handle it? I bet u DONT!! Or ur just in so much fucking denial because he's white!! Shut that shit up and if u don't like wtf I'm saying then DELETE ME BITCH!!
 What is going on, Ohio?

I'm teasing, this is going on all over the place with the irrational, uneducated electorate.

This girl's page is open so I spent a little time there. Imagine my surprise when I saw this:  
So this shooting just happened right around the corner from my moms. My boy's mom is the one who called 911. Shits too close to home man. Wtf is wrong with u dumb Canton muhfuckas??? Smdh.. What a shame. That's y I'm getting the hell outta this wack ass city full of fake ass wanna be gang bangers. And fuck u if u don't like what I just said. I'm out...
 Where or where will this eloquent darling go to live? (I'll gloss over the hilarity that Canton's mayor is a Democrat...hmm, how could that have anything to do with the "wack"ness of the city?)

Think of me like the father in the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Give him a word and he will tell you how it originates in the Greek language. Show me an ill of society today, and I'll tell you how its root is in feminism. This girl is an ill of society.

Women somehow decided it was a good idea to abandon all aspects of the feminine to take on the negative aspects of the masculine. Sadly women make horrible men and pathetic bad boys.

So, this is what all the roaring was about, huh?

Sing it with me!

 I can't imagine how humiliating it would be to RLB to come across something his daughters wrote that is as vile and unbecoming as what this Cantonian proudly exhibits to the world.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

WCSD (What Christians should do)?

You're a Christian, so you should...

Have you heard that one before? Those who claim to deny Jesus Christ as their Savior audaciously proclaiming what you, as a Christian, should or should not do?

Oh, it's soooo  much fun.

This is distinctly different than a professed Christian informing you of what you should or should not do. I'll get to that another time. Some time when I feel like addressing haughtiness and pharisaic individuals.

Judgement. It is judgement that bothers the unfaithful. What they miss is the Biblical admonishment to not judge a brother. They think they are a brother. How amusing.

I, in no way, am a Biblical scholar but I pray, a lot. I seek counsel from those I know are further along in their walk than I am - this includes RLB. I pray for him to always be further along than I am.

Three times yesterday I read from unbelievers what Christians should do. I laughed.

Laugh. Laugh at them as you would Satan.

Do not grow weary.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Name Withheld

If you've been following the news, you have learned of the confessed affair CIA director and retired four-star general, David Patraeus, had with biographer Mrs. Paula Broadwell. Stay with me. This post is not about Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), though you should be hearing plenty about that. As the wife of a Service Member who is subject to the UCMJ and has had to perform an investigation of this very thing, I do have a lot to say about this, but not today.
Nor is this about a Benghazi scandal cover up.

Paula Broadwell is married to Dr. Scott Broadwell. It is rumored, but not confirmed, that he wrote the following anonymous "Dear Abby" letter to Chuck Klosterman at the New York Times:
My wife is having an affair with a government executive. His role is to manage a project whose progress is seen worldwide as a demonstration of American leadership. (This might seem hyperbolic, but it is not an exaggeration.) I have met with him on several occasions, and he has been gracious. (I doubt if he is aware of my knowledge.) I have watched the affair intensify over the last year, and I have also benefited from his generosity. He is engaged in work that I am passionate about and is absolutely the right person for the job. I strongly feel that exposing the affair will create a major distraction that would adversely impact the success of an important effort. My issue: Should I acknowledge this affair and finally force closure? Should I suffer in silence for the next year or two for a project I feel must succeed? Should I be “true to my heart” and walk away from the entire miserable situation and put the episode behind me? NAME WITHHELD
 I have been at the receiving end of letters and phone calls with a similar premise as this but from women. Regardless if this letter is from Dr. Broadwell, it is from a man whose wife is having an affair. It is telling to observe how very different this letter is from one a woman would write.

I recently wrote about honor and how a man's possession of it is a fundamental difference of the sexes. Read whatever you may into this letter, but recognize that this statement: "I strongly feel that exposing the affair will create a major distraction that would adversely impact the success of an important effort." is paramount.

Any amount of betrayal, inflicted pain, frustration, or annoyance has the potential to drive women to expose her husband in search of comfort. Some will spill all on social media, some call their friends or family, but few will stop, calm themselves, and ask this very important question: "is what I'm about to expose about my husband going to 'create a major distraction that would adversely impact the success of an important effort?'"

Ladies, our feelings at any given time are very subjective and change quickly as we process negative information. You would do well to take the time necessary to pray about and earnestly consider the consequences of delivering this information to the world.

Think of the important efforts that you and your husband are a part of. Think of each one before you bring a third party into your marriage. Here are a few important efforts you can begin with:

-God's Commandments - Love thy neighbor as thyself. What would my reaction be if my husband were to behave the same way I'm about to? False Witness: Is what I'm about to say even true?
-My vows - Does what I'm about to expose betray any of the vows I made before God? In particular the promise to love/respect him in good times and bad.  (Note: It is very unlikely that any of you stated in your vows: "I promise to love him in good times and bad unless he betrays one of his vows.")
-My husband - Will this negatively affect his reputation? Is it a negative seed I'll be unable to retrieve once it's sown.
-Our Children - Will I be placing a stumbling block in the way of my children's ability to honor their father?
-Our Finances - Will what I say negatively affect my husband's ability to provide?

Just these five points I have listed should be more than enough for you to reconsider exposing your complaints and feelings to your sphere of influence. And I assure you, they are the most important efforts there are in your life.

I'm not saying you should never request help in dealing with challenges in your marriage. Those requests, however, should be made after you have calmed yourself, worked through at least the five things I've listed above, agreed with your husband on where to find help, and with the utmost discretion in choosing the source from which you request help.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Now go take on the day!

Northwoods asks me: "Do you ever listen to Dr. Laura? I think you and she would see eye to eye on a lot of things."

Roughly sixteen years ago RLB and I lived in a cockroach infested apartment with our infant son. We had hand me down furniture, a cat carrier as an end table, and a folding table and chairs in our dining room. Our vehicle was an upgrade from Louis, our $500 Toyota truck. My grandfather stopped driving and gave us his old Plymouth Reliant.

RLB was working in sales by day and waiting tables at night. The sales job was straight commission. You could say RLB was apprenticing as a salesman. Our annual income for two years in a row was $8000.

The Reliant only had an A.M. radio and RLB had a lot of driving to do everyday. His favorite channel quickly became WTMJ 620 out of Milwaukee. I remember the day as if it were yesterday, RLB came home and found me in the baby's room and said, "You've got to hear this radio program I've been listening to!" He proceeded to tell me all about every call that came in to the Dr. Laura show that he heard that day. He told me Dr. Laura's responses and assured me I would love to listen to this program. He was right.

I was 21 years old. I'd been married for less than two years, had a baby boy I hadn't a clue what to do with, and postpartum depression that compounded the emotional baggage and instability I had brought with me into marriage from ten years worth of horrible decisions and circumstances.

It's hard for me to even express what an understatement it would be to simply say Dr. Laura's radio show influenced me. She was the first woman I had ever heard give advice that didn't pander to individual's feelings. I discuss how I process correction and truth here. Her words were precisely what I needed to hear at the time. I credit her for helping me come to a peace in my heart that all will be okay. That we were making the right decisions (having me be the keeper of the home), and our marriage will be strengthened by these decisions, especially since we were making them at such a hard time.

It has been years since I've heard her program or read her books. I have found other sources of inspiration and wisdom that speak to me where I am in life currently and are thus even more hard hitting and thought provoking for me. But Dr. Laura was the first voice I heard when I began my journey out of The Cave.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Chuck Lorre Productions, #398

It's always interesting to read the ramblings of Chuck Lorre after each episode of TBBT. Tonight's was especially entertaining to me. 

Chuck Lorre Productions, #398

I need to apologize. In an earlier vanity card I made a derisive comment about a popular reality show because I thought its premise-a group of single women compete with one another to win the affections of, and ultimately marry, an eligible man-was more threatening to the sanctity of marriage than gay people tying the knot. After careful consideration, I now realize that I couldn't have been more wrong. My mistake was that I was looking at the show through the tired old eyes of 60's feminism. But we are clearly in a post-feminist era. The patriarchal sexism that treated women as chattel and dictated how much they could earn or how much control they could have over their own bodies is a thing of the past, a curious relic of a dark, unenlightened times. Likewise, the idea that a woman without a man was somehow incomplete has long ago been consigned to the overflowing dustbin of humankind's misbegotten thinking. Women are now free to do anything they want, and that includes going on a reality show and using all their female wiles to snag Mr. Right. 

I really don't know what else to say, "I'm sorry and, go, girl!"

 Oh the beauty of it all crumbling upon itself.

"It's not the child that needs killing"

"I believe that the best people to do so are those of us who have been on the front-lines as pro-life speakers who were conceived in rape, who have been spending our entire adult lives defending our right to life." - Rebecca Kiessling

I've heard Rebecca's story and watched her go up against Gloria Alred here:

With all of my heart and soul, I believe women have missed the boat with this.  What would more exemplify strength than a woman, in a time of struggle and overcoming, who would bring forth life from within her, a feat so uniquely that NO man can ever do? A decision that would proclaim to the world, "I am woman, not subject to selfishness nor victim-hood. I will sacrifice for the most needy; the unwanted soul that resides within my flesh."

The alternative clearly defines the truth of feminism.

Don't roll your eyes*

Try this:

For one week, control the urge to roll your eyes when your husband speaks.

Simple enough, isn't it? I can't imagine how it would hurt you. It won't take anything from you.

No matter what he says, no matter the context, even if he's talking about something/someone else that has nothing to do with you, your marriage etc., pay attention to your eyes as he speaks. Close them if the urge is too great. Open them wide if that helps. Just don't roll them. Practice in the mirror.

If you are not married, do this with your boyfriend, father, or brother.

I don't suggest this exercise because I want to rid eye rolling all together. There are many times that an eye roll along with laughter are completely innocuous to your husband. However, the times that are of consequence are more important than you'll ever understand.

Stop all eye rolls for a week. Okay, a day to start with. The rest of today. Really, for the next hour, pay attention to your eyes. When you fail this exercise, and you will, think cognitively about  your attitude behind the eye roll. And, consider what your eye roll said/would have said, non-verbally, to your husband.

Guys, if you are comfortable with it, go ahead and comment about what is non-verbally spoken to you each time you see an eye roll from your wife that is of significance to you. 

*Think of the Kix song, replacing "Close" with "Roll" - But don't think if it too much, my goodness what a depressing song.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What would Komarovsky do?

RLB has decided our weekend movie with the kids will be Doctor Zhivago. I can't stand the movie. I want to jump through the screen and strangle the limp-wristed Zhivago. But I know why we'll watch it. The lesson of the movie is in the character Komarovsky and that is the lesson RLB will teach our children this weekend.

Once again I am thankful God has provided a husband for me who embodies all that I lack. I have no need to fret or worry. As he has for the past 18 years, RLB will lead our family in the way we should go. His task is daunting in my eyes. But as I saw last night it is nothing he can't handle. I am in awe of his calm and steady leadership.

Even more admirable is the ease at which RLB takes on the responsibility of leading our son. He is coming of age and will soon be charting his own course and leading his own family. Few things are as beautiful to witness than a son drinking in all of the wisdom his father generously pours out to him. I know, as do our children, that RLB is in complete submission to God. We see him pray. There is no greater security that he could give us.

As for me, I will continue to undergird the ship. I will "select the wool and flax" and "work with eager hands." I will "set about my work vigorously, my arms are strong for my tasks. I will see that my trading is profitable and my lamp will not go out at night."   I will "watch over the affairs of my household and will not eat the bread of idleness." (Proverbs 31)

My roles and responsibilities have been constant throughout time. I will not leave my post. I will never abdicate my position. This my husband can be sure of. 

My desire is to inspire other women to come back to this most worthy calling. I will continue on tirelessly, my work is not in vain.

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. - Hebrews 12:1-3

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" - Jesus

"Because, Holy Scripture inculcates (to implant by repeated statement or admonition) a different and for us a higher sphere, apart from public life. 

Because, as women, we find a full measure of duties, cares, and responsibilities, devolving upon us, and we are therefore unwilling to bear other and heavier burdens, and those unsuited to our physical organization.

Because we hold that an extension of suffrage would be adverse to the interests of the working-women of the country, with whom we heartily sympathize. 

 Because these changes must introduce a fruitful element of discord in the existing marriage relation, which would tend to the infinite detriment of children, and increase the already alarming prevalence of divorce throughout the land. 

Because no general law, affecting the condition of all women, should be framed to meet exceptional discontent. 

For these, and many more reasons, do we beg of your wisdom that no law extending suffrage to women may be passed, as the passage of such law would be fraught with danger so grave to the general order of the country.  

We acknowledge no inferiority to men. We claim to have no less ability to perform the duties which God has imposed upon us, than they have to perform those imposed upon them. We believe that God has wisely and well adapted each sex to the proper performance of the duties of each. We believe our trusts to be as important and sacred as any that exist. We feel that our present duties fill up the whole measure of our time and abilities; and that they are none but ourselves can perform. Their importance requires us to protest against all efforts to compel us to assume those obligations which cannot be separated from suffrage; but which cannot be performed by us without the sacrifice of the highest interests of our families and of society." - Thoughts on Female Suffrage and in Vindication of Woman's True Rights By: Mrs. Madeline Vinton Dahlgren, 1871
(Emphasis mine)    

See also The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness 


Monday, November 5, 2012

Vires et honestas

That's right ladies, it's a foreign language to us.

Honor is one of many fundamental differences between the sexes. When men learn this they are bewildered. "How can a woman not have honor?" "How can a woman not understand honor?"

From Wikipedia: Honor is an abstract concept entailing a perceived quality of worthiness and respectability that affects both the social standing and the self-evaluation of an individual. It is a code of behavior that defines the duties of an individual within a social group.

From honor refers to the highest moral principles and the absence of deceit or fraud.

It becomes very obvious that women lack this abstract quality when we peer over the last several decades of societal changes since suffrage. It never should have happened. 

Ladies, we have many unique and wonderful qualities that I look forward to discussing. We also have many innate qualities that will be difficult to discuss. 

I know not one woman who has always, naturally embodied honor. Nor do I know many who truly understand the definition. We presume it is subjective, relative, and circumstantial. This doesn't even make sense to a man. It may be the hardest thing a man can express verbally to you. As difficult as explaining the pain of childbirth, is the ability for a man to explain honor. It is of such value to them that they will even be put off and discouraged to even have to define it. Many believe wrongly that women understand it or even have it as a trait within them. 

Here is a challenge I put forth to every woman reading this. Tomorrow, when you go to vote, ask your husband who he is voting for and tell him you would like to bring honor to him by voting for the same candidate. If you are not married, ask your father or your brother and say the same words. If you were unaware of it before, this is a tremendous compliment and show of respect for a man to receive from his wife, daughter, or sister. Take note of his reaction. 

The inspiration for this post came from here: When the pedestal collapses

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Week one of Paleo

A Crossfit trainer at my gym challenged me to maintain a strict Paleo diet for 30 days. I was talking to her about my weight loss progression and how I had plateaued after the first 20 pounds came off.

Today is day seven. I've lost five pounds.

This is the first Halloween ever that I have abstained from candy. The diet itself is very simple and there are plenty of websites around with fantastic recipes. I have noticed one downside. When I get tired, I don't have my usual Diet Coke pick me up so I am done for the day. It is a weird kind of tired that I'm not used to. My eyes just start closing. My sleep has been fantastic though. I'm waking up completely rested. 

One thing I had noticed prior to making this commitment was what I'll call carb depression. I started to track my moods along with what I had been eating. Like clockwork, after a cheat day of eating carbs, I didn't feel right. Something felt off emotionally. Similar to PMS. I haven't experienced that this week. I have no idea if that is normal or even if it has anything to do with carbs. I'm sure the elation of seeing the scale move almost daily has helped psychologically.

I'm eight pounds away from being "normal" on the BMI index. And 27 pounds from my wedding day weight.

Now a good mommy blogger would end this post now. I doubt I'll be known as a good mommy blogger.

Why am I committed to losing weight and getting fit? To have a smokin' hot bod for RLB.

He proposed marriage to a 19 year old who was 5'8", 145 pounds, had an hourglass figure, and long blond hair. My looks weren't all that qualified me, he had a stalker that was hot too. However, his marrying me was not a permission slip to let my visual appeal go to hell. I can do nothing about being 37, though I have maintained a very strict skin care regimen all of my adult life and have a face that is thankfully still wrinkle free.

I'm too lazy to find the exact words but our favorite blogger (who I recommend to you all the time) at either Vox Popoli or Alpha Game, when a man asked, "what do I say when my wife asks if I think she's fat?" had this to say: "tell her that you don't find cellulite attractive on anyone and if she would like to lose the weight, you can show her how." On another occasion Vox said, "unless a woman is over six feet tall, and likely even then, no woman should weigh more than 180 pounds."

I read that when I was at my heaviest, one year ago, 197 pounds. I knew I wouldn't even have to ask RLB if he agreed. You don't have to ask your husbands either. They agree. So do women, they just lie. It was then that I made this commitment. God and I talk about it all the time. He agrees too and is my greatest encourager outside of RLB.

RLB has spared no expense that I have requested, puts up with me occasionally forgetting to feed the rest of them, and allows me to bore him with the details about every WOD (workout of the day) I do at the Crossfit gym.

I thoroughly enjoy putting on a pair of jeans that are too big and have RLB tell me they look like crap because they are hanging off my butt. Greatest compliment ever!

Now let me at the truth

I've heard this song before. My daughters danced to it beautifully in a recital. I didn't listen to the lyrics while I watched them dance so I didn't come to know this song until later. I am very thankful that their dance instructor chose it. I know the lyrics are firmly planted in my daughters' minds having listened to it hundreds of times learning the choreography. Their instructor is also a close friend and a rare find for me as a woman. She's a selfless encourager who I appreciate greatly. Thank you, dear friend.

I heard the lyrics for the first time at the gym. I was attempting a very scaled back version of a muscle up when I heard, "and I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways." I told the gym owner I really like this song and asked who it was. He said, "you should like this song, it's Mumford and Sons." I've listened to it almost daily since then.

I considered naming the blog "Now let me at the truth" but RLB told me he preferred the "Sarah's Daughter" moniker I'd been using for the last couple of years on other blogs. (There's a tip there.)

For your listening pleasure:

"Now let me at the truth." - my new mantra. We use many different analogies to describe the turning points in our lives. There's the Tao Proverb: "When the student is ready the master appears." Or The Matrix's "Red Pill." Or Plato's "Allegory of the Cave."

However we describe it, those who've gone through an awakening know the intensity of the conviction, desire to share it, and the emotion for not having been aware previously. I sometimes wish I was of the sort that experienced the emotion as a calm, peaceful appreciation.  I'm not. When I learn the truth of something that's been hidden from me I respond with anger. I get angry especially for having been lied to. The anger swells up and gets directed internally. "What could I have done different to arrive at this truth earlier? And how can I make sure to not fall ignorant again?"

If you could see what I do when I am challenged you would understand what "now let me at the truth" looks like. Visualize someone frantically searching their home for a lost diamond ring. Tearing apart the couch cushions, pulling everything down from shelves, and leaving no item unturned. I don't just look something up or casually read a book, I devour information until I can achieve a balance again in my life.

I have no problem having been wrong, ignorant, or naive. By that I mean, I won't beat myself up for it very long. This doesn't always benefit the people around me. When RLB shows me where I've been wrong toward him, I like to say I'm sorry and be done. I am repentant of the mistakes I've made, but I, unfortunately, don't focus my energy on making sure everyone's feelings are okay. I focus on how to fix things so the mistake, error, or failing, isn't repeated.  This translates to my loved ones as crass and indelicate. If only they knew, the balance I am searching for is driven by my desire for harmony in our relationship. Because I love them, I must figure this thing out so I won't be the cause of imbalance again.

Once I know the truth and I know it is in harmony with God's Word, my relationship with RLB, and the stability of my immediate family, there is nothing that will separate me from it. It will have become immutable and I will sacrifice associations, if need be, to preserve it. I'm not one to agree to disagree. I hate the statement. I can be polite and use discretion but perhaps you should know this up front: if we disagree on something and I have already processed that topic through what I've described above, I actually believe you are wrong.

However, here's the deal. I love to be challenged by other people's well thought out truths. Not subjective feelings, "I just feel this therefore it must be right." No, that is a Siren's call. I look forward to assertions that are backed with logic, objectivity, and evidence. Even if I process your challenge and find it contradictory to my truth, I will respect you. I will appreciate the time you've taken to arrive at your conclusion knowing it was more than an impulse or what felt right.