Wednesday, December 4, 2013

10 Commandments for Husbands (?)

We received a publication paid for by a local church today for the first time. I paged through it and came upon a section titled 10 Commandments for Husbands. I've looked over the rest of the publication and can not seem to find the 10 Commandments for Wives. I went online to read their archives, perhaps the 10 Commandments for Wives was in a previous edition. I tease, I wasn't expecting to find it, nor did I.

So here they are, the 10 Commandments for Husbands:
1. Remember that thy wife is thy partner and not thy property.
2. Do not expect thy wife to be wife and wage earner at the same time.
3. Think not that thy business is none of thy wife's business.
4. Thou shalt hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it.
5. Thou shalt make the building of thy home thy first business.
6. Thou shalt cooperate with thy wife in establishing family discipline.
7. Thou shalt enter into thy house with cheerfulness.
8. Thou shalt not let anyone criticize thy wife to thy face and get away with it; neither thy father, nor thy mother, nor thy brethren, nor thy sisters, nor thy children.
9. Thou shalt be in subjection to Christ in all things so thy wife may find joy in being in subjection to you.
10. Thou shalt keep thy marriage vows with all diligence as a sacred covenant between thee, thy wife, and God.
"Husbands, love your wives." Ephesians 5:25
What do you think?

I'll only comment on the 9th commandment for now:

Thou shalt be in subjection to Christ in all things so thy wife may find joy in being in subjection to you.

While it is good that a husband be in subjection to Christ in all things, this statement is unbiblical and manipulative.

There is no need for a wife to be motivated to submit to her husband by her husband. In fact, it is essential that the only motivation be a desire to be obedient to God. In obedience and faithfulness, there will be joy.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23
 And one of my most favorite verses in the Bible:
His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ - Matthew 25:23
You might be thinking, but SD, I thought you enjoyed being in submission to your husband. And, indeed, I do...but not because of him. The decision to turn away from rebellion has nothing to do with him...it can't. Since it has nothing to do with him, and there is nothing he can do to earn or lose my submission, it is ludicrous to suggest that he should do something so that I may find joy in submitting to him.

I find joy in submitting to him - period - end of sentence.

There is no "...because he does X, Y, or Z," including "...because he submits to Christ in all things."

The joy is the fruit of the Spirit. The joy is in walking in obedience to God. The joy is in turning away from rebellion. 

Now I said I'd only comment on the 9th commandment but reading it over again, something must be said about the 3rd:
Think not that thy business is none of thy wife's business.
In light of what I said above, the extent to which our Husband's submission to Christ is our business as wives, is in what we pray for. I pray for my husband a lot. It is a broad prayer that covers "whatever it is he needs to be strengthened in." I do not, however, find it any of my business what he prays for. I am not equipped to be his confidant in spiritual matters, nor his guide or teacher. He does not share with me the intimate details of his walk with Christ. In that I can say, assuredly, that his business is none of my business. 

13 comments:

  1. I'm OK with #10.

    The rest are either blatantly wrong, or construed in such a way that they cannot be universally true. For instance #8 sounds good BUT what if the wife is in the wrong? Same thing with #2, #4 and #5. It's easy to want to agree with the hart of the statement but when you look deeper it fails to hold up to the test of truth.

    God said it better in the bible, and no one has come up with a way to improve on his commands.

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  2. I wonder what the pastor's response would be if he were asked why they chose to write such a list for men and not to write one for women.

    Thou shalt be in subjection to Christ in all things so thy wife may find joy in being in subjection to you.

    While it is good that a husband be in subjection to Christ in all things, this statement is unbiblical and manipulative.


    That is astoundingly manipulative. It makes the wife's joy a barometer for how submitted to Christ the husband is. If she isn't feeling joyful in her submission to her husband, then it must be the husband's fault for not being properly submitted to Christ. Such nonsense. On the contrary, those of us who were Christians when our husbands were not realize the truth of 1 Peter 3:1-2.

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  3. SD,

    It looks like you scared everyone off from commenting on this one.

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  4. I was going to mention 1 Peter 3:1-2 but I see that SSM beat me to it. This list is a perfect example of Christo-feminism in action. As res ipsa pointed out, all but #10 are objectionable in some way. And mostly because they turn men into utilities or appliances for the sake of the wife. I wish I had more time to rip into this.

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    1. Those losers aren't even Christian AT ALL. Their god is political correctness and feminism. Look who they're serving. It isn't Christ like they claim.

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  5. No worries, Res, the good stuff occurs in house. :)

    I link my posts to my FB page so sometimes the conversations occur over there, also it seems women are more comfortable emailing me, especially when it comes to real personal things.

    While I love and appreciate those of you who take time out of your day to come over and read my musings, my ultimate goal is one day for my Grandchildren/Great Grandchildren to say to their parents, "Grandma sure wrote a lot on submission, was that a problem for women back then?"

    There is a lot for us to talk about with our children in this post alone - just in choosing a church... my goodness. We had a fantastic conversation the other night that I've been meaning to write on but have been busy with this moving business. I've been too busy to read others' blogs, even SSM's and that rarely happens. Now tonight, it's poker night - I should just say "game night" but yes, we've taught our children to play some mean poker. I'm also being beckoned to teach my daughter the rules of hockey (she's watching the Blackhawks).

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    1. I don't FB. I'm constantly asked to but I try to keep RL and blogging mostly separate.

      I don't care a whole lot about the game concept, other than as theory. I enjoy your site mostly because you try to live out your faith as it relates to your marriage relationship and that is different. Where I am in life is more focused on having my children succeed in faith and life. My days of picking up chicks in bars are long over so game blogs aren't much use to me.

      Thanks for your work, its interesting.

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    2. My pleasure.

      Yeah, I'm the antithesis of what Vox would call a good blogger (one who doesn't talk about their personal lives, posts often etc.)

      I'm sure you can imagine how much the game/sphere/auxiliary blogs helped me understand my own self. It was really overwhelming a few years ago. Once I decided to be honest with myself, I saw so many truths to AWALT. It helped me realize I'm not alone and that most of us (women) struggle with the very same things. Melding those understandings with biblical Truth has been a joy for me, especially since it has strengthened our marriage so much and provides endless conversations for us to have with our children.

      So, I can't talk you into FB, huh? It's funny, I'm "friends" with about three dozen people I've never met in real life. But like it is here in the blogosphere, you get to know them and can confidently call people around the country and world that you've never met in person, friends. If you ever change your mind, email us and we'll let you know how to connect with us.

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  6. I see much of this as a matter of perspective. I would certainly prefer to do things, as much as possible, so my wife is joyful, but I have learned that much of that lies with her, not me. I can set some atmosphere with my attitude, posture and even some game, but it is ultimately up to her.

    I wouldn't take as strong a stand against such myself, but I would certainly follow them in a different context than most.

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  7. #7 is a hoot.

    Let's see, I'm supposed to go to work at a job that requires me to weigh in the balance the decisions that will either make or break the progress of multi-million dollar projects while fighting the incessant stupidity of corporate group-think, and trying to forsee and react to a future that is built on a foundation of quicksand.

    And then I'm supposed to enter my home with cheerfulness?

    Nice try

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  8. Isn't the man more important in a marriage? That's what I was taught. The woman is supposed to discard her wants and conform to his. If that is the case, then why is this list needed?

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    1. It isn't. It's just more BS from the religion of feminism.

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  9. I am a Christian, but a 'feminist,' and pretty liberal as well. With a fancy title and a big-time career, for the moment. And I cannot imagine - I mean, literally cannot imagine EVER not submitting to my husband. I submit to him in small things and big things and everything in between. Sure, we disagree at times. But in all the time we've been together (5 years) I have literally not once intentionally gone against his wishes.

    I guess my point, or my question, is - I know there ARE women out there who routinely dishonour their husbands and boyfriends. A colleague of mine is actually going through this right now - being belittled by his girlfriend (publicly, even!). So yes, these people exist. But how? And what are they thinking?

    I ask because as a liberal semi-feminist, it doesn't even ever OCCUR to me to NOT submit to my husband. It never has. I wouldn't want to. He is sitting here saying he agrees with that perception. He doesn't often go against my wishes either, but he is bar-none the leader in our marriage. It's hard to imagine being married and not having that. Neither of us, as we sit here together, can imagine that. I guess what I'm wondering is, this comes naturally to me, and when we see other couples that struggle with this issue, both of us wonder what is going on. What possess people not to want to submit? If you truly love your husband and your marriage, isn't in painful and awful not to treat it (the marriage) and him (your husband) with all the love and devotion you can muster? And what's more hurtful to a man than being dishonoured by his own wife?

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