Thursday, July 25, 2013

When women rage

Commenting on the video of a wife having a tantrum Res Ipsa said the following:
And yet there are so many women out there who blame the men because they don't want to get married.
There are two reasons men will confirm why they don't want to marry in light of seeing this video. The first is because of the potential of marrying a woman who will behave this way. They don't even want to go there. They have an expectation of women that is, in today's society, unfortunately unrealistic. When women are raised in feminist households with all the ills to a family that brings, many will behave this way in some manner. While they may not resort to pitching a fit like the woman in the video, they will still not know how to deal with disappointment and anger in a mature way or with a quiet gentle spirit. They have grown up witnessing indignant women and being told that it is right and acceptable. Their church hasn't addressed it, their mothers display it, their teachers and professors promote it and society accepts it.

The second reason dovetails with the first only this group of men do not have an unrealistic expectation of women, they know this behavior can exist within them and they know exactly what they would do about it to change the behavior. The problem is they are legally prohibited from the right course of action. They know that should they discipline their wives she has the law and the courts standing in her corner ready to slap his hand, take his money, take his children, and in many cases imprison him for doing what is right to do.

There are men who don't care, however. They will marry knowing their wives might have rage within them, they know what they will do to discipline and correct the behavior and they don't care what the potential consequences could be. These are the men who many times have wives who will receive the correction, who will not pursue divorce, who will not listen to the feminist voices: "How dare he do that to you?" "You're just too stupid to leave him." "He has no right to discipline you." They also have no stomach for the white knights: "He's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, princess." "A real man walks away." "A real man listens and tries to understand." These women are highly attracted to their husbands and develop great respect for their authority.

Now, if you are a woman who does not rage within, who has always possessed a quiet gentle spirit, who is emotionally mature and rational, I'm not addressing you. I'd like you to go to whomever it was who raised you or instilled this within you and thank them. If you're a man married to a woman like this, take note of how she was raised and do the very same thing with your daughters.

In his post The new Chris Brown, Vox states:
As I have frequently observed, there is no such thing as equality in any material sense, least of all sexual equality.  And any man who somehow manages to get physically beaten up by a woman renders himself a gamma; no alpha would ever accept such treatment regardless of the subsequent legal consequences.  The very fact that a man is physically attacked in the first place is indicative of the woman's belief in his low socio-sexual status.
Women don't dare are much less inclined to attack alphas, not even with the full force of an anti-male legal regime behind them.  They understand that an alpha would much rather spend the rest of his life in prison than live it knowing he submitted to a physical assault by a woman without responding.  It is silly to say that a man who won't defend himself against women isn't a man, but it is a strong evidence that he is a man of average or lower socio-sexual status.

Dr. Helen responds to this post but misses the point (highlight mine):
Vox asks a good question, will Emma Roberts be condemned like Chris Brown? Probably not, but even he seems to believe that a man who does not defend himself is low status. Bull. Women hit men all the time and that doesn’t mean they are low status. I get that Vox thinks the woman thinks the guy is low status but that tells more about what she thinks she can get away with, not the man’s actual value as a person. We need to focus on abusive women and how to deal with them, not try to determine if a man is low status for being hit. I frankly don’t care for ranking men or women in this way–gamma, beta, alpha. Good grief.
Focusing on abusive or rage filled women necessarily means changing our feminist society. There is no amount of psychological analysis, pharmaceuticals, or self help books that will change the underlying cause of the rage within women. In fact, I have not known of a rage filled woman to become one of a quiet gentle spirit without God and His plan for order within the family. Feminism did not cause this in women, it has always existed:
Better to dwell in the wilderness,
Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19
But a feminist society makes the very worst in women flourish and become the norm. 

Vox's post allows men to rank themselves if they chose to do so, but more importantly it highlights who the men are who don't get hit by women (twice). Who don't allow for rage filled women in their lives. Should the man who has a rage filled wife desire to institute change then he should observe success and emulate it. An outside source telling his wife she is wrong, while her husband condones her behavior (by his inaction) will never change her. Well, I take that back, if it changes her, what will also change is her attraction to her husband. When, for years, he allows rage filled outbursts and abusive behavior to exist within his home, and he doesn't play a role in her transformation, she will lose respect for him. Instinctively she will think "If he couldn't protect his own self from me, how could he possibly protect our family from external forces?"  

In order to maintain the marriage, men, you must be part of the change that takes place within her. No, this is not a "man up" message. The choice is yours, I'm just telling you what will happen if she matures without your input. In fact, I apologize in advance, if your wife is reading this and the two of you know she has rage filled outbursts and tantrums, and you have allowed it to happen, she is losing respect for you and attraction to you while she reads. Even if she is indignant towards me and about to post a hand waving "I'll tell her" comment on this blog, she is still losing whatever respect she has had for you. 

It's a rigged game, men. I'd like to tell you that we can change society and women to be rational creatures that will respect their husbands unconditionally. I'll do my part with my daughters and hopefully encourage other parents to do the same. But, in the mean time, this remains the state of our society in the ruins of the feminist machine. However: 
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Now for some personal anecdotes. A few things will come of this for you. Some of you will read and feel proud, "I can't believe SD did these things, I'd never behave like that." - and if it's true, good for you. No really, I'm glad that you've maintained self control and rational behavior all your life, I used to envy women like that. They make for fantastic examples of hope for us crazy ones. There's no reason to be haughty about it, however. If that is your first reaction, please check yourself.

Then there are some of you that will be thinking, "Thank God I'm not the only one. While that video was extreme, I, too, have been an out of control, temper tantruming, petulant child who needed a spanking."

RLB's family has several stories that get repeated often. While they are sources of great comedy and laughter among us, there is always a lesson in them. Most relevant to this was the time his mom had a fit and threw a chair at his dad. Dad grabbed her, bent her over his knee and spanked her. When he was finished he said, "If you are going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like one." 

Precedent set. This is how the men deal with unruly women in this family. I was told this story early on. 

"They are never going to last." - said by my roommate at our wedding reception. She'd be the one to know. She got to witness some great Friday night fights. RLB's response to my tantrums was to sleep. If I got physical with him, he would restrain me with his arms, tell me to stop and then he'd tune me out and sleep. Our fights were always after a night of drinking so this worked well for him. He'd leave me to pitch my fit all alone until, like an exhausted toddler, I'd finally fall asleep. I'd be embarrassed and humbled in the morning but we'd carry on. After one night the evidence of my fit was a hole in the wall of our living room. He was sleeping in the next room while I was screaming at him and kicking the wall. I never did that again. I was so ashamed every time I'd look at the wall. Of course we didn't fix it. RLB would laugh at me every time he'd tell someone how it happened (he still does). 

One week after our wedding we attended one of his friend's weddings. Again I drank heavily and started having an insecure jealous fit on the ride home. I don't remember what it was all about or what RLB was doing but I do remember opening the truck door (while he was driving 50 MPH) and my shoe fell off. He stopped the truck asked me what I was doing in not so nice words and we got out to look for my shoe. I was still screaming at him so he slapped my face and told me to knock it off. It stunned and sobered me and made me shut up and realize how crazy I had been behaving. 

I've told the story how after we were married things began to change with RLB. His attitude that made me crazy about him started to become more passive. He went through a long period of financial stress that brought out his inner Delta. During a fight we were having, I slapped him and broke the arm off his glasses. His reaction was unfortunate. He quietly looked at me with disdain, put his broken glasses back on and walked away from me. I was sorry for what I had done, I knew I was out of control and he didn't deserve this treatment. I didn't know what to do with myself. He continued to wear the glasses, which he taped, for years after the incident. He refused to buy a new pair. While it did shame me, it also had a very negative influence on my attraction to him. 

Fast forward a few years. We were no longer having fights of this nature. I had been reading the Bible and marriage books trying to change the rage within me. It wasn't completely gone, unfortunately. We were driving to a meeting and again, I don't remember what our argument was about, I was likely being very disrespectful and snotty and he'd had enough. He said something to me I didn't like and I threw my coffee at him. He pulled the car over quick, reached across and grabbed my neck, pinned me up against the car door and informed me how I will never do anything like that again. 

I haven't. 

RLB can, quite easily kill me with one hand. I learned that that night and have never wanted to incite him in that way again. The realization of his strength and willingness to use it has contributed greatly to my very high attraction to him. 

I know some of you still struggle with why that is true. You're still swallowing that bitter red pill and are hopeful that something is just wrong with me, that there are women out there not like this. I'm sure there are but I'm afraid with the way the majority of women have been raised today, it will be a long arduous search for you. Accepting that profound physical dominance is a very attractive trait in a man for a woman would be much more simple for you. 

We use these examples to teach our daughters. While it is still humbling for me, I continue to be very grateful for the discipline and correction RLB has patiently given me. I no longer have rage within me. In fact it's been four years since my heart rate has elevated due to irrational fear or anger. A vertically aligned marriage and obedience to God's commands in marriage quiets the spirit. It calms the rage and softens our countenance.

Please don't misunderstand, I am still an extroverted person. That I can not change. I still am very passionate and expressive. And, there are times I fail to control my tongue and indignation. But not with him. It isn't fear either. It is great respect, admiration, submission and very high attraction. It is also trust. I trust him to correct me when I'm wrong and I trust him to protect me and our family. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

SD's before numbers and daily activity log

Since publishing my first "Goal Date" post, I have learned several things about approaching weight loss/fat loss. The first of which is to not set unrealistic goals so far out that procrastination can set in. It wasn't until I was eight weeks away from my goal date of Sept 1 that I realized I was not on track due to this procrastination.

As mentioned previously, I have learned that I have been approaching fat loss wrong. Especially for the amount of strength training I do. I was stalling fat loss instead of accelerating it because I wasn't feeding my body the fuel it needs. I am very thankful for Eat to Perform for helping me come to my senses.

Changing our metabolism to become a fat burner is a gradual long term process. It requires our mindset to change. If we think about weight loss as a quick fix we set ourselves up for roller coaster rides with the scale and our fat mass. I refuse to train and condition my body the way I have been only to have all of the effort go to waste should I need to take some time off. We should also never approach fat loss as a destination: "Once I lose this fat I can go back to what I was doing before." or "I can't wait until I can gorge myself on anything I want again." Those thoughts just defeat our tomorrow's self with the inevitable fat accumulation we will experience when you are "done dieting." Those thoughts also do nothing to overcome the temptations we reformed gluttons have.

This will be the new post located in the upper right corner of the blog page. If you'd like to follow my progress, I will be posting my daily activity here. If you'd like to join in with me you are, again, more than welcome. If you're still kicking the can down the road, my hope and prayer is that you will return to this post in November and be encouraged.

First goal date: August 30
Goal: to have dropped below 30% body fat (Bod Pod)
I have joined the Eat to Perform three month challenge. This half way visit to the Bod Pod will let me know my progress so I can adjust my macronutrients if need be.

I will continue to workout (strength training, WOD) five times per week between now and then. (I will add a third rest day if my performance starts to drop).

I will be eating ~2389 calories on my loading days (workout days) consisting of 150 grams of protein, 120 grams of fat, and 177 grams of carbohydrates. *

On my control days (rest days) I will be eating ~2150 calories, consisting of 150 grams of protein, 120 grams of fat, and 117 grams of carbohydrates.  *

*I will adjust these numbers as need be based on energy level and performance at the gym. 

Here are my before numbers: Age 38, height 68", body fat 31.6%, weight 175.5 lbs.
Measurements: bust 39", waist (narrowest part) 32", hips (widest part) 43",  thigh (widest part) 24"

Questions for you weight lifters/Crossfitters:
 PR's in which lifts best demonstrate increased performance ie.muscle gain?
Which measurements am I missing that will show fat loss/muscle gain?

For those of you who have been reading since I started this blog, remember when I wrote:
 If you could see what I do when I am challenged you would understand what "now let me at the truth" looks like. Visualize someone frantically searching their home for a lost diamond ring. Tearing apart the couch cushions, pulling everything down from shelves, and leaving no item unturned. I don't just look something up or casually read a book, I devour information until I can achieve a balance again in my life.
Well that's been me for the last week (prior to that I was just too tired to think and in need of more real food).  My blogging time will continue to be sporadic until I have achieved mastery of this eating program.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

"James just take me on the lake"

Have you seen this yet? 


I'm at a loss for words right now. 

I do believe all men who have wives who behave this way should do exactly as this man did, record them and shame the hell out of them. 

Friday, July 19, 2013

The definition of insanity

Have you ever known an athlete to cut calories in order to increase performance?

Of course not.

Why...why then was my go to approach to losing weight to cut calories? Why am I even concerned about weight for that matter? Does the scale tell me anything about what I see in the mirror? Does it determine what clothes fit me? Or how much I can dead lift or back squat? Does the scale determine my energy level after an hour and a half of intense training?

Nope, not at all.

We've all seen pictures like this:
And we all know more muscle equals a higher resting metabolic rate, thus a fat burner in it's own right and...duh, it is much more pleasant to look at in the mirror.

So why did I sabotage my body's ability to develop muscle by cutting the energy it needs to do so?

Because that's what they have always said to do. Because that is what has been stuck in my head all my adult life even though I have read and understood the lunacy of it.

A friend linked a site called Eat to Perform.  I have been reading and devouring every word on their many pages and forum.

My fat percentage results (Bod Pod) from January compared to today prove everything they talk about on their site. In January my body fat percentage was 30.8, today it is 31.6. That's right. After six months of working out 3x's/week (taking a couple weeks off here and there) and cutting calories when I was "being serious about my weight loss," I managed to gain fat. I also gained 1.2 pounds of muscle so my resting metabolic rate has gone up by ~20 calories. (More muscle equals more calories burned while you are at rest).

For the last two weeks I have been working out 5x's/week. Today was the first day I followed the eating advice I found on Eat to Perform. I ate over 100 grams of carbs around my workout and felt a tremendous difference. I felt stronger and didn't experience the after workout drowsiness I had become accustomed to when I was only eating 1200 calories/day (if you've wondered where I've been, I've been sleeping...literally!).

My new goal date is still September 1 - six weeks from now but my goals have changed dramatically. Instead of a weight goal, I will do another body fat analysis to track my progress. I will also be focusing more on my performance at the gym. And though I won't be posting before and after pictures, this testimony is one I hope to have in six weeks. Notice she weighs six pounds more in her "after" picture than in her before picture.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Lot got lucky.

Sometimes you should shut up and run. A little bit of Lot will take you out of danger in certain situations. Logic and biblical discussions will get you nowhere in the face of a mob. When emotions are running high, it is not the time to engage in philosophical debate.

Protect your children in these situations. Advise them to shut up. Keep them out of volatile situations. It isn't hard to understand that certain situations create havoc. Jury verdicts, sports championships, and elections are examples of these types of situations. The truth is large cities are much more likely to have these types of chaotic happenings. Celebrations after Packer's Super Bowls don't end the same way the Heat winning the NBA championship do. If you live in a large city you can't ignore these issues. If you are the leader of your family, it is your responsibility to provide these protections.

I love the city for many reasons. I love the museums, the zoos, and the symphony (much to my family's chagrin). I love the scholarship and gathering of great minds. I love the athletics and the spectacle of tens of thousands of fans. I love the varieties of food. These things are great to take part in when societal issues aren't at fever pitch.

Chaos can still catch you. However, distance from these urban issues has been necessary since Lot.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Why the hyperbole?

For the last eight years the majority of my life has had to do with the Army. We've lived in Army housing, have had the military's medical care, shopped at our Post's commissary and Exchange, frequented the Post's gym, and our children have taken part in many sporting activities offered by the Post's Moral Welfare and Recreation program. For all of these things, my identity is "Dependent of RLB." My identification card is required for all of these things and more. It is his social security number that grants me access. My behavior and actions for the last eight years can directly affect his employment either positively or negatively. Should I do anything illegal, he is held responsible, to include reduction in pay or rank and the loss of his security clearance. If my spending gets out of control and I harm our financial stability he can be subject to disciplinary action. I am his responsibility.

I don't object to any of this, it makes complete sense to me. But I am a Christian who believes the Bible is the Word of God. In that Bible are many verses that declare the same, I am his responsibility.

We see an example of this when Sarah was in her tent laughing at the thought of bearing a child. Imagine that. God's talking to your husband and you are rolling your eyes laughing at what He's saying is going to happen. SARAH!!! He was talking to GOD! Now, I've got to believe this was a bit embarrassing to Abraham when the following happened: 
And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”
But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid.
And He said, “No, but you did laugh!” - Genesis 18:13-15
Who among you Christian wives would not have gotten a pretty stern talking to later on from your husbands? It's one thing when we are being rebellious twits in the privacy of our own home, it's very ill advised to ever do so in public, but to do so when GOD is talking to our husband? That's a whole different level of disrespect.

Or is it? Tell me when God doesn't know you've laughed, tell me when He doesn't know when your eyes are rolling and you're giving your husband a derisive look. Should He be interested to, who would God ask about this behavior of yours? God was not asking Abraham something He did not know, His question to Abraham was His holding Abraham to account for his wife.

And let's not forget the disciplinary action a wife's behavior can bring upon her husband:
17Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:
“Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.” -
Genesis 3:17-19
So the other day it was completely natural for me to "Amen" Ton's sentiment that he left on Sunshine Mary's blog
The more I think about these things, the more convinced I am woman are not moral agents and should be returned to the legal position of property, either their fathers, or closest male blood relative or the property of their husband. Rape would then also be a crime against the property rights of the man who owns her.
I'm not emotional about it. It's something that makes complete sense to me. I live my life this way.

I absolutely love what Stingray had to say in response to Frank when he inquired:
BTW, how many single women out there are willing to be relegated to property status for the sake of a stable marriage? - Frank
Ahhhhh . . . If women would only take a moment to think about and understand how incredibly well men care for, cherish and love their property. Diapers for sports cars, anyone? - Stingray
Turns out, if you believe as I do, live your life as I do, or defend those who do, you are not welcome on Susan Walsh's blog.

I am not making any assumptions. Here is a quote from SSM’s site which nicely displays her attitudes about women, which dovetail with the Taliban:
Ton: The more I think about these things, the more convinced I am woman are not moral agents and should be returned to the legal position of property, either their fathers, or closest male blood relative or the property of their husband. Rape would then also be a crime against the property rights of the man who owns her.
Sarah’s Daughter: Amen
Sunshine Mary: [ssm: I second that amen!]
Let’s see Escoffier defend that.
Do you defend it?
(I need to know so I can ban appropriately)
In an earlier comment she refers to women like myself and SSM as self loathing. (She actually calls us "self-loathing wives of cheaters" - it is unclear why she believes me to be a wife of a cheater, but for the record, RLB has never been unfaithful to me. It hardly matters, however, her disdain for SSM having forgiven her husband is more than a little peculiar.)

My question to Susan and other women who would make such statements is, why the hyperbole?

Why say our beliefs/way we live our lives dovetail with the Taliban? They demonstrably do not.

Why not call it as it is. We live our lives in accordance with the Bible and have no qualms about it. I do not know anything about this woman or any faith or belief in God she may have, but clearly she is not interested at all in discussion with Bible believing Christian women.

Of course she knows nothing of my life and is hardly qualified to say I am self-loathing. It actually makes me chuckle. Those who know me personally know why. I'm quite positive women like this are uninterested to actually know how our life works. The unbelievable provision I enjoy, the laughter and joy in our home, the trust my husband has in me (I've held a durable power of attorney for years - you lawyerly types know what this means, especially in today's society) etc. None of this would make a bit of difference.

But for those of you who are of the opinion that my beliefs, my obedience to God's command to submit to my husband, my living life with the Bible as my moral foundation, are archaic and indicative of me being self-loathing, just say that. No need to compare my life to the Taliban. Go ahead. Call it what it is. Say what you so badly want to say. You reject biblical teaching and deny that it is the Word of God and the Truth. It's okay, what are you afraid of?

Make aggressive mistakes.

My football coaches always told me if I was going to make a mistake, make an aggressive mistake. Standing in the middle of nowhere while the play goes past you or around you does not make for a fun film review day. The WTF-were-you-doings come at you quickly. OTOH, if you are mid-stride going the wrong direction and continue like a bat out of hell, you can easily justify your decision. You simply state that you already knew you screwed up and decided to create chaos as the alternative to non-action. The coach will chastise your initial decision, but commend your further action. When you force the action in sports, it makes your competitor execute. When you stand there doing nothing, it allows the competitor to have time to make decisions.

There is a reason that people who participate in sports succeed in life. Sports give children and adolescents the lessons of life in a less long lasting situation. The more you fail in life; the better your results/successes will be. A similar analogy relates to military tactics. When you are being hit by mortars or artillery, the best direction to go is right at the source. The calculations for these weapons get more difficult the closer the target is. It also forces the action of the opposing force. If you stay in place, you are dead. If you retreat, the artillery and mortar calculations are easier than if you attack.

We can see these same types of examples in business as well. The point is that fortune favors the bold. This truth holds as the leader of your family as well. There is no room for indecision. There is no room for regret. Your post game analysis is with God in your prayer life. It is not with your wife or children. My coaches never asked me what they did wrong in the previous game. Why would I ask my wife or children? You can consult with them about some issues relating to their strengths or weaknesses. That is a very logical thing to do. Failing to lead your family is not a logical thing to do. Leaving your family with doubts about your ability to make a decision is the worst thing you can do. Make an aggressive mistake before indecision. The post game analysis with God goes much easier.