Sunday, May 11, 2014

Calm

Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. I had to feed you with milk, not with solid food, because you weren’t ready for anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world? When one of you says, “I am a follower of Paul,” and another says, “I follow Apollos,” aren’t you acting just like people of the world?
 After all, who is Apollos? Who is Paul? We are only God’s servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building.
Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. - 1 Corinthians 3:1-11

My daughters, I pray that you will read these verses again and again each and every time you are confused and searching for Truth. You will hear and read so many conflicting things. It's all a distraction. You are a Christian who has a Bible and the ability to pray. Know yourself. Know when you are seeking Truth or when you are seeking to justify rebellion.  

In your Mother's Day card to me today you wrote about how I have been packing our belongings to move once again. You stated: "If you were any other mom, you would be freaking out and stressed, but you're not. You're calm." 

It is my heart's desire for you to know, for yourself, the calm that I have today. I'm so encouraged that you recognize it. While I can do many things in showing you the blessings of being calm, I can not give calmness to you. It is something you will gain by a steadfast reliance on Truth and obedience to God, you will receive it as a blessing for having turned away from rebellion and abiding in God's very simple guidance for you as a wife and mother. 

Pay no attention to those who will label you as followers of this or of that. Their nitpicks and judgements are the works of idle hands and covetous hearts. I continue to learn new terms for how the world tries to define a life like mine. Rest assured, I belong to no group, no movement, or persuasion. I am a Christian. I pray, I read the Bible, I repent of my sins, and I take the very personal instruction God gave to wives very seriously. I am not confused by that instruction, it is written quite clearly. I've said before, perhaps I am just stupid enough to believe the Words that are written on the pages of my Bible. However, with that stupidity comes the calm. And know this, it is that calm that women covet. 

I've learned a new derogatory term for how I live my life: patriocentricity (father/husband worship). It is spoken of by women who have exceptions for how they submit to their husbands. In this case, in order to not be patriocentric, a wife's husband must be in submission to a greater authority (of course this is overseen and judged by who else - the wife!). That is beyond my pay grade, so to speak. Your father is quite capable of reading the Bible. You'll find in reading the Bible that it is prudent to seek wisdom. In seeking wisdom, you will listen to the words of others. You will check those words with the Bible and if they are biblically sound, you will accept them as learning. I am confident your father does this. But it has nothing to do with my submission to him. Also, do not be confused, I do not worship your father. I obey God. Jesus told us in John 14:15 "If you love me, keep my commandments." It is very simple. I love Jesus. And I, as a wife, have very specific commands from God:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24
How awesome is it that God provided for us, as wives, a special message? He considered us, He loves us, and because of that, He told us how we can obey Him. He didn't make it confusing or hard to follow. In fact, to avoid confusion a very important word was used: everything. 

Now, you will know when you have fully embraced this command. You will know when you have stopped rebelling against that very important word. You will know when you have an unshakable resolve to obey God despite any and all of the words you get labeled by those who are still in rebellion.

You will be calm.

When you become a wife, it will be to your husband that you submit. Because darlings, if you'll notice, the words do not say "...in everything that is like your father." No, it says "in everything." Your husband will likely be very close with your father, but they will not always be in agreement. As you seek advice from me, you will never hear me say anything other than, "obey God by submitting to your husband in everything." I will not say anything other than this because I know something that is so very important - the way for you to become calm.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Husband or draft horse?

It was this time of year, nine years ago, when my thirty-four-year-old husband sat down with me and said, "The Army has missed its recruiting goals again, I'm going to enlist."

It was a statement, not a question. My opinion and/or input was not what he was seeking, he was informing me on what was going to happen.

Now that the Army will no longer be his career, he is free to pursue whatever he desires once again. He was contemplating something the other day and I asked him, "It's not me that is holding you back from this decision, is it?" He said it wasn't, but I reminded myself to get my thoughts into check and root out any sense of expectation when it comes to his decisions.

Our role as help meet is designed to be as flexible as is needed to help our husbands in whatever endeavor they pursue. If a former endeavor provided excess and abundance, we, as wives, need to make sure those pleasantries do not turn into expectations that influence our husbands to maintain where they are instead of following their desires, or even their calling, to change what they are doing.

My thoughts on the subject were confirmed again when I was reading through the comment section of the Just Four Guys blog. Go read it for context if you'd like, it's an excellent thread for women to read. I'll just be highlighting some snippets of what commenter BuenaVista had to say:

Well, as a former drafthorse, who got up at 3 a.m. so I could do my share of the housework, run 5 miles so I look like a 20 year-old, and write two poems, before going to work for 14 hours/day, because that’s what constituted a manly-man to the ex-, at least I wasn’t a gelding like this dude. Does he do the toilets, too? Get up earlier, pal. You can always get up earlier. I hope you’re doing all the cooking on the weekends.
Sure, go ahead. Throw away any aspect of your integrity so that you can do shuttle runs on the weekend in a minivan, after investing the entirety of your existence M-F in supporting this woman and her precious children. The wife will say you’re magnificent — yay — because that’s less revealing than reality. Reality is that he’ll blink and be dead, or blink and be divorced. Reality is that she and her friends gather and cluck “Farm him out, honey; farm him out.” Reality is that a housewife has four hours per day of labor, maybe six, but this one has her man running errands all weekend in a piece-of-shit family breadbox because, well, it’s just so important to share the load.
Perhaps they will bury him in his minivan, with a few Dad of the Year! t-shirts thrown in.
If this woman had gotten anything out of her claimed redpill insights, her guy would have a life other than one that exclusively celebrates her leisure. Men: harness up. We’ll praise you!...
More reflections on the OP and why I find it so alarming, especially here of all places. No anecdotes, but fair warning for mixed metaphors, Blade Runner, quantitative finance, and aviation references, not to mention invective informed by experience:
Let’s amplify and exaggerate: Our fair correspondent here could be married to a independently wealthy Channing Tatum, sensitive beyond measure (say he has a book deal to update treacle like Kahlil Gibran) and brilliant beyond comprehension (when not cleaning his Vepr he writes monographs on public choice theory), teaches hot university babes Miesian economics … oh, we actually know someone like that, oops. Well. Anyway, let us now add the wedding cake and overlay some Ward Cleaver, and watch him trade out his TVR for a minivan and the infinitude of striving that is the Honey-Do List Lifestyle. He is now defined solely by what he brings, does, and provides. It doesn’t matter how pretty the harness, it’s still a harness.
A drafthorse is an impressive figure: we all admire him. Until, and there’s always an until, he can’t, or won’t, pull the wagon; or until, sight unseen to our plodding hero-horse, another prancing drafthorse or quarterhorse or closing-hour unicorn horse enters stage left. Then, as we know, Davey Drafthorse gets a bucket of seat oats, and a .308 to the brain.
It’s important to realize that our Fair Correspondent has found the perfect man. That perfect man — and none of us will ever walk the earth as either the perfect greater beta or sun-kissed maximal alpha — exists *at the pleasure, at the whim* of Fair Correspondent. His emotional life, and wholesale aspects of his economic life, *hang by a thread.* Should she change her mind about his utility, for it is utility that makes him Maximal Man, he’s now just another disoriented loser, alien to his children, to himself, to his potential, to his autonomy. And the only answer that provides any comfort whatsoever to this bleak, factual, 40-50% probability is: NAWALT.
Really? We’re going to say this is good enough? NAWALT? Because some chick drops props on a blog for men about how, really, men-in-minivans are just da bomb?
The described husband here appears to exist in middle-manager land (their resources provide a tenuous middle-income lifestyle). He could — nay, he *will* — eventually get canned; he could get sick, physically or emotionally; he could fall off the marriage chastity wagon, because unlike his spouse he thinks sex is in fact a very big deal, and particularly so in monogamy; he could simply decide that no, he’s not getting in harness today, he’s going to rewrite his senior thesis and family income this year is going to be 3% of last year’s, so deal with it.
There is an implied contract in all of monogamy, and that contract never includes the words, “Honey, I know that we have enjoyed two decades of equilibrium, but, you know, this new thing is really important to me and I’m going to see it through. This is my moment.” At that moment he’s in breach. Good luck, Davey Drafthorse. Suzy Homemaker holds the reins.
What then? Boom. She points to the contract: “Show me where your agency is permitted, absent, in my sole discretion, I deem it reasonable?” He’s out and the State drops an Enforcement Action on his ass. The choices then, for Davey Drafthorse, are obliteration or massive self-reconstruction. He will need to reinvent himself after 20 years of relentless, habitual nurturing and provisioning. He will need to do so with no support from his friends of the past 20 years, who instead look the other way rather than, themselves, stare at the smoking crater that is this man’s blasted hopes and relationship equity. He will be erased, overnight, by everyone whose social access to him (this would be everyone) was managed by his ex-wife; overnight, his despairing children will (out of desperation to survive emotionally) place him on the shelf with the other clever, maybe charming, irrelevant knickknacks that we accumulate in life. Overnight his highest-and-best use to his children will be to become the best distant uncle a child can have, the kind of uncle whose value can be easily measured: How often can he reload their debit cards? Overnight he’s a security in default, all of his lines of emotional and financial credit closed. For he’s not a man, it turns out, at all; he’s a marriage market replicant experiencing “retirement.” Those 20 years? It turns out that his memories are, overnight, merely programmed impulses designed to make him feel whole within the perfect world his ex-wife desired; it turns out that he’s been dreaming of electric sheep. He stumbles about, reaching for the photographs that documented his entire adult and parental life: Suzy Homemaker already removed them on the court-ordered stripping of the household. Simple artifacts, these photographs, like every other pretty lie, are gone.
Alternatively, he could be permitted his autonomous dreams, his agency, and his emotional distinctiveness. If you want a leading indicator of relationship success, it would be some acknowledgment of a committed man’s legitimacy in autonomy. Find some, for me, in the contributor’s self-aggrandizing paen to servile masculinity.
So, recovery. To recover some modest integrity, a shadow of his potential self at 25, he will be condemned to a life of solitary effectiveness: Decker, best in “love”, only capable of “love”, with a replicant like himself. “Love”, now properly seen for the fancy tissue paper that wrapped up the sum of his investment in a woman — who here celebrates her marionette husband, provided he doesn’t hang himself in her piano-wire strings as he contorts himself left-and-right at her fingertip command — is just more tissue paper thrown on the fire now that Christmas has passed. His only freedom, now, is in his solitary awareness that when they say it’s love, it looks like a business; and when he acts like it’s a business, he’s shamed for not realizing it’s love.[...]

[...]Don’t believe me? The other blog had a thread last spring in which the subject of marital infidelity came up. The proprietor, who celebrates her marriage to the perfect greater beta as the model for all the young girls, noted: “If he cheats, I will hire the nastiest divorce lawyer in town and take him apart piece by piece.” That is the piano-wire thread that all men must either love, or differently manage.

As your husband's help meet, does he have the ability to say, “Honey, I know that we have enjoyed two decades of equilibrium, but, you know, this new thing is really important to me and I’m going to see it through. This is my moment.” and have not only your full support but your...help?

Have you learned yet to go to God to rid yourself of fear, expectation, entitlement?  

Are you making sure that in no way is your husband in a harness "defined solely by what he brings, does, and provides."


 "If you want a leading indicator of relationship success, it would be some acknowledgment of a committed man’s legitimacy in autonomy."

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

No ability to blush

While driving out of town on Saturday, RLB and I stopped at a McDonald's for lunch. The booth we sat in was right behind a young millennial and her grandmother. The young gal looked to be between eighteen and twenty and Grandma looked like she was in her eighties.

Perhaps Grandma was hard of hearing, though we couldn't hear her end of the conversation, but Miss Thang was talking very loudly. For the next fifteen minutes we got to listen to a disheartening display of the inability to blush.

Miss Thang was telling Grandma all of her woes. Mom was requiring her to pay $150 a month rent!:

"No, I don't think she's lonely, Grandma, she just needs my money.  I'm not there 90% of the time, I'm always at Matt's, so basically I'm paying all that money for storage."

"Her health insurance sucks Grandma, I'm not going to be able to keep my doctor. It's ridiculous, I wanna stay at that clinic, I wanna keep that doctor, I wanna keep the dentist I have now."

"Yes, I love this doctor, he is so thorough, he checks my IUD every time I go in."

"Do you know what an IUD is Grandma?"

There was more. So much more.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Back to the basics - Solipsism

While contemplating the examples from my life when I was oblivious to my own solipsism, I remembered something my ex boyfriend would say to me when we were fighting: "It's just me, me, me, me, me, bucket of shit, and then you."

Sadly, that is the truth of our unexamined lives, isn't it ladies? Is it a feature or a flaw? Is there a survival element to our tendency to be solipsistic? Perhaps; however we really need to be aware of it and the impact it has on our relationships.

Here's a facepalm worthy meme that I've seen recently:


Oh, Snap! You Go Girl!

Think of some ways that you can recognize it in your own life. When someone is talking to you, do you listen to them or is your mind immediately searching for how this pertains to you? Do you get the urge to say such things as: "You think that's bad, listen to this..." Is your experience, be it worse, better, more interesting, etc. the only thing you can think about?

We can't deny that our experiences form our opinions but we can make an attempt to accept that our experiences and perceptions are not universal. We might actually be able to conclude that in some cases, our experience and our perceptions are an anomaly.

While solipsism reaches beyond mere selfishness, denial of its existence and refusing to deliberately change the way we think will lead to very outward displays of selfishness, like the meme above.

There is a mighty enemy that does not want you to come out of your denial. He does not want you to change the way you view life. He wants you thinking of your self only. Think of this quote by Eckhart Tolle: "The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: you are the goal. You are the answer. It's never outside."

Women, in particular, are susceptible to believing these lies. The enemy of your soul ladies, knows that you are a very easy target to distract away from Truth using this type of nonsense. Guard yourself from it. Immerse yourself in the Words of Truth so that you will reject this evil. Selfishness and self absorption are insatiable sins. The expressions of these sins grow ever more grotesque until finally the woman is completely incapable of seeing beyond herself. 

Solipsism and submission to our husbands can not exist at the same time within us. If we go through the motions of submission yet maintain a solipsistic outlook, we are not in submission and therefore not obedient to God. Submission requires that we view life through our husband's lens so that we may know him well. In order to be his help meet, we must know his needs and his perspective. To respect him at all times, we must deliberately repent of solipsism and selfishness and come in to unity with him.

The power is not in you, it is in prayer. The answer is not in you, it is in the Word. You are not the goal, God's will is. You are not the answer, God is. A life well lived is always lived outside of ourselves.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

World's Toughest Job? No, no it's not.



I woke up at 6:00 AM as I usually do on a Tuesday morning. I made a cup of coffee, let the dogs out of their kennels, fed them and took them outside. Next I packed my husband's lunch: ham, roast beef, bacon and cheese sandwich, some sliced summer sausage and cheese, a couple baggies of chips, water, iced tea, and a couple energy drinks, an energy bar, and some chocolate.

At 6:30 I brought him a glass of milk, turned on his bedside lamp, and said "good morning." I returned to the kitchen to make my children's lunches. At 7:00 I made sure my husband was awake and up and moving. He left for work at 7:15. The kids were up and eating breakfast, ready for their day of school.

I sat down at my desk around 8:00 AM and read on the computer for an hour: my favorite blogs, Facebook, and the Bible, while drinking more coffee. At 9:00 I got changed and ready to go to the gym. By 12:00 I was back at home planning supper. I took the dogs outside again. I ate lunch. I took a shower, made a couple phone calls and packed a couple of boxes (we're moving into my dream house that my husband is buying in a few weeks). I sat at my desk again, read and answered a couple of emails, called the mechanic to schedule some work done on the truck, did my daily check of bank accounts, read the news headlines, and bought a new blouse online for an upcoming wedding we're attending. I texted the personal trainer and scheduled our meeting for Friday. Back in the kitchen, I started preparing supper and added needed items to the grocery list for my weekly shopping trip. My daughters joined me and we discussed all of the events of their day.

I greeted my husband when he arrived home from work, and served supper shortly after. As a family we sat in the living room and talked about each others' day. Went over school work, grades, what's upcoming in their sports, we talked about life and politics. RLB led a fantastic discussion about living in a secular world as a Christian and how best to do it. A baseball game was on the television in the background and intermittently we talked about the game. Our children concluded their nightly routines and went to bed. RLB and I talked for another hour before heading to bed ourselves.

This morning (Wednesday), my day started exactly as it did on Tuesday. Then I watched this video.

I hope I'm not the only SAHM who watched this video and thought, "Oh, please" while considering all that went on in my husband's day and everything he did to provide the lifestyle I have. Sure, my life was busier when the children were smaller. My life was busier when the dogs were puppies. My life is busier when it's gardening season. But none of that even comes close to what I have seen my husband do over the course of the last 18 years that allows for me to, yet again, be sitting at this desk writing a post. A post I hope my daughters read should they ever feel the need to embellish the difficulties of being a mother. It is a very important job, being a help meet, being a mother, and taking care of the needs of a household. But it is not, by any stretch of the imagination, the "World's Toughest Job." 

Friday, April 11, 2014

Accept it girls, you're going to lose. Now quit being so stupid.


Boys are stronger than girls.

Girls are not given their due out of boys' natural inclination to behave honorably (an inclination very few girls naturally possess). When a girl abuses a boy's mercy long enough, she should be told to be prepared for the consequences. 

At the end of this video, the boy asks if the girl is okay. It's likely he asked this because he feared the consequences of having physically hurt her. A fear that didn't even cross her mind. 

Girls should be reminded swiftly that this behavior will not be tolerated in our culture. It should be made painfully clear to them that it is savage. 

How sad is it that we now have to educate girls about the natural respect they need to have for boys? That if left uneducated about it, they are literally stupid enough to believe they won't lose a physical altercation. 

Girls, don't ever hit a boy. 

Women, don't ever hit a man. 

Update:  Another stupid woman

Friday, March 14, 2014

I gave her to you

We watch the television show, Parenthood, on a regular basis. I appreciate the show for the writers' willingness to showcase all the challenges that are real and present today in our society. It's a drama and skews fanciful but on many occasions even the secular get it right. Truth is Truth no matter what, and I can't help but believe the popularity of this show is because of the Truth this family stumbles across, regardless their godless perspective.

One of the story lines is a daughter, Julia, and her husband who are struggling in their marriage. Some background, he was a stay at home dad and she was a lawyer. Being desperate to have another child and being unable to conceive, they adopt an older boy. The husband, Joel, goes back to work in his construction company and she comes home. There remains distance between them as is common in marriages today, their parenting sucks, their marriage sucks, and they keep going down their her own selfish path. Julia creates a way too comfortable relationship with a man whose child goes to her daughter's school. This part is a bit unrealistic, the man is a soft Beta going through a divorce. Her attraction to him makes no sense, when you understand reality. Regardless, she lets things get too close, the Beta dude kisses her and she doesn't pull away in revulsion as she should, being a married woman. She confesses the incident to her husband. He reacts as a man would - utter disgust, betrayal, repulsion, and moves out of the home.

It's painful to watch this unfold. The writers have made sure the children of this couple say and ask the exact things that children of separated parents will say and ask. They are headed for divorce, no question about it. If it weren't for those children, we would all cheer Joel on: "divorce the ungrateful bitch! She's a clueless, selfish woman who lacks loyalty and restraint." Well, that is if we weren't civilizationalists and Christians to boot.

Julia is remorseful, to an extent, but she wants her marriage to work. It's unclear what she's willing to repent of. Sometimes she's written as the victim and others the wondering, clueless, adulteress. What is clear, is the patriarch of the family, Zeek Braverman (played by Craig T. Nelson), loves his family and believes in this marriage. He's not a Christian man yet upholds some Christian tradition. This last episode he goes to see Joel for the first time since Joel and Julia's separation. Joel and Julia were going to be the God parents of the latest grandchild born to Zeek. Due to their separation, Joel has been replaced by a different uncle as Godfather and has decided he won't be attending the baptism. Zeek goes to see Joel to encourage him to attend. There isn't a clip of it available and this link to the full episode won't work after a few weeks, but if you're interested, the exchange happens at the 35:00 mark: Limbo
Zeek:  Let me ask you something... What the hell are you doing?
Joel: I'm trying to figure things out.
Zeek: Well, let me ask you a favor then, could you try harder?  Hey look, I know that you guys are going through some stuff and I know that you're pissed at Julia. I don't know the circumstances, I don't know that's really important
Joel: It's pretty important
Zeek: Okay, you guys have had it pretty good, and now you're going through a rough patch and you're going to give up? Come on. Look, when I walked Julia down the aisle, I gave her to you and I was so proud and I was so sure, and still am, of the man that I gave her to. I know what kind of a guy he is. I made a vow to support you and her in that marriage, I took you on as a son...
"I gave her to you."

Well, isn't that nice and traditional. Unfortunately what Zeek gave Joel was a feminist woman steeped in equality and careerism. Everything about her life has been about her. Joel has played the dutiful husband meeting all of her wants, dreams, and desires. And, as soon as princess was feeling a bit unhappy, she found solace with another man.

What is playing out in this show is precisely what I envision when I read countless stories of men who have either gone through divorce or are staying in the marriage for the children. They're good guys, hard workers, will do what needs to be done in order to make their bride happy.

But their bride is never happy.

ZEEK! Why is your daughter never happy? Why is your daughter never grateful? Appreciative? Loyal? Honorable? Virtuous? Quiet? gentle? submissive?

Though Zeek is a fictional character, he represents countless fathers in our society who have brought up their daughters in today's feminist culture, believing that they will be able to have it all. They work hard to make sure their daughters will be able to pursue their dreams careers. They pay for expensive college tuition, encouraging her to "find herself" outside of traditional roles. Yet they expect their son-in-laws to tow the traditional feminist line. "Good men don't quit on their families" (even when their wives are being self centered, solipsistic, irrational brats who are not loyal, void of honor, disrespectful and uncommitted to their marriages).

The first place Zeek should have gone was to his daughter. "I'm sorry, honey, I did a terrible disservice to you. I did not tell you about the nature of men. I failed to inform you of what happens in the heart of a man when his wife betrays him with another man. I failed to tell you how important those vows you took are. They meant something to him. He believed you. I supported your marriage because I know the kind of man he is. He's honest, loyal, and hard working. He embodies everything I wanted my little girl to marry. But I failed him. I abdicated my responsibility in raising my daughter to be a wife worthy of this good man. I raised you, my daughter, to be a self serving woman who puts her own wants and desires before her husband's and out of line with what God has instructed for wives. It's not the natural order of things as is evident in your failing marriage and broken family."

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

No love for oozing cellulite. And fat shaming...

Several of you who are personal friends of mine knew this would be coming:


If you are like me and you're starting your journey for the umpteenth time, you fucking rock.

Though I packed on fifteen pounds during my slothful, gluttonous hiatus, I begin again well ahead of where I began last time. As my new trainer has confirmed, I am very strong. He's confident that we'll achieve my goals in no time.

I actually started last Thursday when he put me through an analysis of my strengths, recorded my weight and body fat percentage, discussed my goals, and started developing a daily plan. Our first session was on Friday. It wasn't until today that I could contemplate using my arms. He burned them out like I've never felt before. I reached failure in my triceps - something I don't think I've ever experienced. The soreness didn't get me until Sunday. I spent the next couple days operating like I had some sort of palsy in my arms.

It was ridiculously painful, highly irritating, and the best feeling I've had about myself in five months.

I'm back and I've got this.

I'll be working with this trainer one-on-one every other week. In the mean time, he has a daily workout plan for me to go by and nutritional guidelines he'll be harassing me about. I say harassing me because I've told him explicitly that that is what I am paying him for. "Look," I said, "I operate best with shame. My last trainer knew this about me and never hesitated to let me know when I was sucking. I need that. So please, if you see me phoning it in, you have been hired to let me know in the type of shaming language that I'm sure you think but rarely use."

I'm not at a Crossfit gym anymore. The small town we live in doesn't have one. So I've chosen one of those gyms that has rows and rows of treadmills and ellipticals. They do have free weights so today I returned to my favorite - dead lifts, though the trainer didn't have them programed for me. I followed that with a 5000 meter row.

I have no love affair with my cellulite. In fact we're enemies. I see it there, looking back at me from the mirror...laughing: "I'm baaaaack!" It sneers at me, "Time to get some new clothes, fatty, these don't have room for me anymore."

Little does it know, I do not quit.

So, what made me succumb to eating more than I needed and not exercising? ME. Just me. My very own personal lies, laziness, excuses, and indulgences. I'm like that. It's like I'm a five-year-old performing the vinegar/baking soda volcano experiment over and over again thinking that it might not work this time. But just as the little kid will delight in watching the bubbly liquid expand and flow, I watch as too much food + not enough movement makes my fat multiply. Crazy how that works, huh?

What I do know, though, is that this experiment can be reversed with rewarding results. A disciplined diet + commitment to exercise makes ugly cellulite DIE.

Though I doubt anyone will be stupid enough to wave their fat pride flag on this post, let me say in advance, shut up.

And since I'm a Christian and am supposed to be nice to seek the Truth from His Word I'll leave these here as well:
For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things. -Philippians 3:18-19
Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. -3 John 1:2-3
A foolish woman is clamorous;
She is simple, and knows nothing. 
For she sits at the door of her house,
On a seat by the highest places of the city,
To call to those who pass by,
Who go straight on their way:
“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here”;
And as for him who lacks understanding, she says to him,
“Stolen water is sweet,
And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
But he does not know that the dead are there,
That her guests are in the depths of hell.
-Proverbs 9:13-18


And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ -Deuteronomy 21:20
Hear, my son, and be wise;
And guide your heart in the way.
Do not mix with winebibbers,
Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;

For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty,
And drowsiness will clothe a man with rags.
-Proverbs 23:19-21
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. -Galatians 6:7-8
Look, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: She and her daughter had pride, fullness of food, and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty and committed abomination before Me; therefore I took them away as I saw fit. -Ezekiel 16:49-50

Saturday, March 8, 2014

He walks the line

I'll be referencing a post and comment thread on Vox Popoli: The Churchian elevation of sin.
This debate is quite fascinating... I believe in submitting to my husband over everything (though I fail a lot), but I married a good man who makes good choices for his family and his errors are minor.

I would not submit to my husband in such a case* - and I believe God would have mercy on me in such an extreme position in spite my sin of disobedience. - C
*In this case, what she's determined would nullify her submission is the command to have an abortion or any other egregious sin. Likely not a little sin, just the sinful commands that cross her line.


I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line 

I asked several times yet no one wants to answer the question of how. How does the wife exert her disobedience to those things which she's determined is not what she should submit to? I asked this repeatedly because no matter your answer, the result of it is that she will determine a husband unworthy and not submit at all.

When she has determined he has crossed the line with a sinful request that she can not submit to, she will then stop submitting to anything and everything. The spirit of submission will be gone from her (though I'm dubious it was ever there to begin with if she had a list already made in her head "I'll submit to him, out of obedience to God except for if/when he does this, this, this and that").

The men in these marriages are never truly respected and honored as the head. How could he be? There is a line that if he should cross it, will detonate his authority and she determines that line by her interpretation of what the Commandments say - which in and of itself dismisses her husband as her spiritual authority. - Sarah's Daughter

 SD - I concede.

You are right, I would stop obeying my husband in all things after disobeying him on that one thing. Not so much due to my rebellious spirit, but more so because my husband commanding a thing so egregious would result in a complete and total loss of trust and respect from me.

So... I would definitely no longer be a suitable wife and it would be best for me to just seek a divorce.

I love how all the answers we have here are all defined as sin. -C

I've highlighted this woman's comments because of how forthcoming she was and because I would have written the very same things five years ago. I was the wife who breathed that sigh of relief having married a good man. It's a wise thing to do - marry a good man. You'll find security in knowing that this good man will not lead you astray. He will not deceive you, he will not fall from Grace, he will do what is right, though he may sin a little, he will not cross the line.

Right?

And if that's right then the Scripture is easy:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. -Ephesians 5:22-24
Yes, there is that word "everything" in there, but no worries, my husband knows when everything doesn't actually mean everything. Sure, I'll let some little sins pass but he knows where the line is and will never put my obedience to the Scripture to the test. I'm safe.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. - James 1:2-4
Uh oh.

I don't stay awake at night worrying about whether my husband will; tell me to have an abortion, tell me sacrifice one of my children, tell me to worship Satan, start abusing me or my children etc. However, since I have confessed with my mouth that I desire to be obedient to God and His commands for me in marriage, I've been tested with many little things. Many of which, if my submission was reliant on his goodness, would be quite easy to rationalize and justify as areas that fall outside of "everything" - that is, if I am the determiner of what is and is not good.

If I am the determiner of what is and is not good, then I am the Spiritual Authority of our marriage, my husband is not. If I am the judge of his behavior (discerning its sin content), if I am the arbiter of what is or is not respect worthy, then I have elevated myself to head of the marriage, I have drawn a line.  
SD - it doesn't take a lot of discerning to know that the Bible says "Do not murder." It also doesn't take a lot to know not to put anyone above God. - C
If my husband walks a line, I have put myself above God.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.- Ephesians 5:23

I'll tell you the truth of where I've been tested most since my vow of obedience to God's command for me to submit to my husband in everything: the very little things that in no way are sinful. It is not sin for my husband to ask me to prepare him some food when I'm tired and irritable. It is not sin for my husband to ask that I return a phone call that he answered and told the caller I'd get right back to them. It is not sin for my husband to admonish me for having an ungrateful attitude. Yet these are three of the times, just last week, I've been convicted in my heart of my rebellious spirit. Because I suck and fail - a lot. The difference between now and five years ago, I am convicted that I have two choices, rationalize and justify my behavior in rebellion to God or repent of it and ask for forgiveness and correction and return to obedience.

When I've rationalized and justified my behavior, contention remains in our home.
 It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. -
Proverbs 25:24
When I repent and return to obedience, I am at peace.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
I've successfully done both. I've tested the results. It is with my moral agency (something I've been accused of claiming women do not posses or must deny to be obedient to God's Word) that I choose peace. 

*Edit - In the comment thread on VP, blogger, Subject by Design, left a link to her blog that is excellent further reading: On Being a Subject  

Monday, February 24, 2014

Discerning disrespect

Part of the advantage to having both a son and daughters is the opportunity to teach them, by observation, the differences that exist between them. We spend a lot of time teaching our son about the nature of women as well as teaching our daughters the nature of men.

Earlier last week, our youngest daughter was told by RLB to move her plate off the table where he needed to set down his laptop. She didn't do it right away so he repeated himself sternly. To which she rejoined: "I'm getting it!" It took all of about one second for her to realize what she had done, which was about five seconds too late. She began apologizing. I know had she given any thought to what she was about to say, she wouldn't respond to her father that way, if she had been paying attention, she wouldn't have needed to be told a second time. However, I, as her mother, will not give her that inch. What followed was a conversation about respect and not allowing what first comes to mind to be blurted out. As well as instruction on how to change her heart so that words of indignation are not her first reaction. And as I have in the past, I promised her that I will continue to have these talks with her every time she is disrespectful, after every eye roll I see of hers, and after every emotional outburst. Like her sister, she is doing exceptionally well changing her heart and recognizing how important it is to think first and filter her words, calm her heart and become deliberately aware of what influences her thought processes (hormones, lack of sleep, negative association, and, quite simply, the natural rebellion within her).

Two weekends ago we were all playing Mexican Train dominoes and as every game we play does, it became very competitive. As long as I can discern that expressions are made in jest and out of competition, the taunting and screams of indignation are allowed. As soon as it becomes personal, the game is paused and we are back into teaching mode. There is a new expression that started with the youngest daughter. It was hilarious when first delivered. You might wonder how games of dominoes or Pictionary can get so intense...actually, I hope you aren't wondering, I hope you are making every game you play during family time just as cut throat and loud as ours are. Anyway, in a move to cut off my daughter's ability to play and stick her with a ridiculous number of points, I laid a matching domino right where she was going to put hers. She jumped at me and yelled, while laughing, "Imma cut you!!!" This escalated into everyone belly roll laughing. And like I said, it has become the go to phrase now when one of us is the victim of a strategic move, in any game, that ensures defeat.

This last weekend they decided a rematch was needed to see if Mom's victory was by chance or skill (I demonstrated it was all skill, once again...). It was our son's turn and of course someone was about to go out (probably me) and he had several dominoes left to play, he was searching them trying to find a match and was taking a long time. The yells started, "Go!!" To which he yelled in frustration, "I ammm!"

The youngest was confused and asked me, "Mom, how come when I say something disrespectful you correct me, but you don't correct him?"

The game was paused and instruction on the difference between men and women ensued.

I started by telling her that I know he didn't say it out of disrespect.  I asked my son, "tell me, with complete honesty, the motivation behind what you said, was it a) frustration with me telling you to go and indignation towards me, or b) frustration with your dominoes and impending defeat?"  The answer was b, which I already knew. He is seventeen and while still capable of being disrespectful to me or his father, he rarely is and certainly wouldn't be in this situation, but it takes discernment to know this.

What I also have come to understand about men is this, they would literally have to feel hate in their heart toward someone to respond as flippantly and disrespectfully as women will thoughtlessly toward people they not only love, but aren't even upset with. It is women who will often treat those closest to them, those whom they love most, the worst while preserving a polite disposition toward friends and acquaintances.

The men in our house definitely have times they are ornery and irritable, don't get me wrong, but in parenting and giving correction like our daughter received earlier that week, it takes discernment. I reminded her of the situation. She had placed a plate where her father puts his computer all the time (her first mistake). She was using her Kindle and not paying attention to him when he told her to move the plate (her second mistake). Having to be told a second time to move her plate, not obeying his first instruction, coupled with an indignant outburst was beyond appropriate. Especially considering the tone RLB had in his voice. Had the situation have happened with our son, the second command, in the tone it was given, would have gotten his attention, snapped him out of it and he would have swiftly moved the plate while saying, "Sorry Dad, I wasn't paying attention." For him to respond the way our daughter did, he'd have to have very deep-seated anger with his father. It would have been a huge red flag for us.

Our daughter doesn't have deep-seated anger with her father, her response to him was flippant and not thought out but does not represent a deeper relational issue between them outside of her needing to learn how to guard her tongue. But, on the flip side, this is not how a man receives it unless he too understands the nature of women and can properly discern the motivation. To him it sounds like hate and horrendous disrespect. This is how our husbands receive our flippant remarks, our eye rolls, our indignant outbursts. In receiving these measures of disrespect, they consider what it would take for them to dole them out, how angry they would have to be toward someone, how negatively they would have to feel towards them. If you ever wonder why your husband, in that moment, literally hates you and has to talk himself down from reacting in kind, it is a natural projection of what he interprets you are feeling towards him.

If there is one thing that you can control to help your marriage, it is learning how he receives these disrespectful acts and deciding it is not up to him to change how he receives it, it is up to you to stop doing it.

This post on Alpha Game today ties in well:  Don't accept neutering of yourself or others.

Monday, February 10, 2014

I have a brother.

My brother hates me. Apparently, it has been a long standing issue for him. I wasn't fully aware of his detest for me until recently. He blew up at me over Christmas. I had been in a different state and/or country for the last eight years. Yet, somehow his hatred of me has gotten worse since I've been gone.

There is very little I can do about this. I don't have any plans to change my life in order to appease him. My children and wife don't like him or his way of life. I could go on about how decadent his life is and why he's such a poopy head. That isn't my purpose.

His barn burned last week and my mother and sisters called to let me know. They were quite distraught due to its historic nature as our family's farm. Our family's barn has burnt four times since I was born. My father blames me...in jest. I'm not Carrie. The first one was the year I was born and I wasn't present for three of them. He was. Again, I jest. Just a lot of bad luck over forty plus years.

When I first heard from my sister that his barn was burning, I thought fuck him. My parents hold a life lease to the house on his farm (there are two houses) and they invited us to stay for Christmas. During our stay, he demanded I and my family leave his property. So, we did. There was much consternation within the family. There still is. I really had no inclination whatsoever to go see my family during this crisis.

Then, I prayed. I prayed for guidance on what to do. I already know I'm not smart enough to make such decisions, so I prayed. After roughly half and hour, I knew I had to go there. I didn't like it but I knew I had to. It's a three hour drive and literally a pain in my ass. I'm still dealing with 'driving a HUMVEE off a cliff' issues. I'm still not sure why I needed to go, but I know I had to and I'm glad I did.

My mother and I spent some time together getting some supplies. She told me about how she put up with her brothers and brothers-in-law being asshats. Then, she still goes to see them. She still brings the living ones food on Christmas. She still remembers them fondly when they die. It's not a sugar-coating. It's just reality. Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to because it's the right thing to do. We don't always find out why it's the right thing. However, if you are praying about the right thing to do, you will get the answer. If you listen to that voice and act on it, you will sleep better. I have also found that things go better in your own life. YMMV.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Thug is the word of the day.

Many of you already know about the firestorm surrounding Richard Sherman and his interview following the Seattle Seahawks victory. If you don't, look it up. The controversy is about his energetic words and the following label of thug to him.

The actual problem with this situation is that there are far too many people in our first world country that don't understand violence. It is often necessary in this world to be ready to go nuts in response to a situation you might find yourself in. Even in these lovely United States of America. Mr. Sherman grew up in one such neighborhood. It's not the only one. The vast majority of the world is this way.

The epithet of thug is viewed by first worlders as a negative thing. In reality it is a badge of honor. For someone to declare such a thing about you, speaks volumes about your intimidating presence. If there were fewer feminized men in our lovely country, we wouldn't be talking about this as a racial issue. It would be about how to get Mr. Sherman on our football team.

Stop the hate, be a thug.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Guest Post: Cranky Betas - not attractive to single women - as well they shouldn't be

In the comments of Donal Graeme's recent post commenter, Ton, peaked my interest with this comment
Yes men are pissed. They were lied to, the lie was easy to believe, gave them an easy out to manhood, one that made sense to them and now they are cranky about it. Most betas still think their beta male selves should be the rational choice. Which is false, but they believe it so they are still cranky.
In responding to Deti he had this to say:
No brother I don't think beta men are necessarily the logical choice.
I asked if he would expand on this to which he obliged:
Why betas are not the logical choice; they are for the time periods of peace and prosperity. Which is rare when you look at history. The Bible also tells us things will get worse. Sooooo who should she tie her fate to? The nice guy beta, or the thug who is willing to fight, break the law, skirt social norms etc? Which is not to say the beta won't nut up, but who has the demonstrated track record of taking risks, violence etc?

The lie is easy for them because being a nice guy/ beta is easy. No real risk required. No missing lung, no chewed up face, busted hands, knees shoulders etc that hurt every day. No getting up and doing PT before you go do PT. Then doing PT during lunch and after work. Believe the lie and you get to sit on your ass, play video games etc.

The easy way out is harmful because a man's first duty is violence. Watch how women (in general) respond to a combat sport athlete or football player vs a golfer or tennis player. Why? At the cellular she knows what he is supposed to do. 
It is harmful on the society level. Our people are being replaced by aliens because men do not protect the tribe at any level. It is also not Biblical. Almost all the big names in the Old Testament were violent men. Our 1st commandment including taking dominion over the earth. To rule. Rule ourselves like avoiding soft living, rule over or women/ children/ family and house hold. Rule over our clan and tribes. Rule over our nation. Rule over others and the earth. To rule you need informal personal power or top down legal authority. The last does not exist when things get bad. To have that personal power, to earn that respect without relying on a formal chain of command, requires the absolute certainty that a man can and will enforce his will physically.

Men, by in large, should not be cranky about what women find attractive. Its logical and rational when looked at in total. They way I see it, they are cranky because they are lazy as much as the lie. The other lie that plays into the pissy attitude is the one about being happy, deserving this that and the other thing. Life is pain, work, and challenges. A man's joy should be in over coming tough obstacles and his rare moments of peace and contentment.

Folks in the manosphere think I am a caricature of masculinity. I think they are all pussies.

Monday, January 27, 2014

So...if women do it, it is good, if men do it, it is immoral?

Deti writes via Free Northerner's post, Christian Masculinity:
Christian women need to be told the truth about men:
Men are attracted to youth and looks. This is normal. Men are not evil, base or perverted for being attracted to youth and beauty. Young Christian girl, if you are not getting approached or asked out, it’s probably because you’re not attractive enough, you’re not nice enough or you’re not available enough. You need to work on this. You need to lose weight, grow your hair out, wear nice clothes and some decent makeup. You might be a bitch, and if you are, you need to be nicer. If you really want to find a man and marry, then you need to get serious about it while you’re young. Hint: 30 is NOT young when it comes to starting to think about getting married. Men want sex. This is normal. It is not evil, base or perverted.
 Deti has said this repeatedly in short form and long. Maybe he'll stop by and deliver a long version of it, his passionate commentaries on the subject are works of art.

The truth about men, regarding what they're attracted to, hasn't been denied in our culture, rather it has sadly been demonized by feminism as something that is wrong. For those of us who don't hate men, don't desire to be one, appreciate that we are not the same, know we were created differently, and value harmonious relationships with them, it is important we learn what they like, without judgement.

Learning the truth of what men are attracted to and developing these characteristics in ourselves can be called Girl Game. Whether you are a single young woman who desires a husband or you are a married woman who desires to be pleasing to your husband, learning the truth about mens' attraction is valuable. You are certainly welcome to waste time arguing about whether or not these things should be true. You are also welcome to not care, just be yourself (if that self is not naturally attractive to men), and see if that works for the accomplishment of your desires (to be married or be pleasing to the man you do marry).

"My husband loves me for who I am." - Great. If you are married to a man who is not interested in the length or color of your hair, amount of fat hanging from your body, physical health, temperament, or submissiveness, you are welcome to continue on just being who you are. I would advise you however to recognize that he may not be telling you the truth. What I've found in reading blogs such as those I have linked on the right is that men in droves are expressing their disgust of what has become of women. From the most devout Christian to the fornicating pick up artist, they are, for the most part, in agreement.

That's interesting, isn't it?

I remember learning that how I wear my hair matters to my husband. I had not thought of it before, I just did my hair the way I liked doing my hair. When we first met, I liked wearing it long, highlighted, sometimes curly, sometimes straight. When RLB told me he wanted me to color my hair platinum and was willing to pay whatever it took to get it that way, it dawned on me that this is something that is important to him. The same is true about my weight, my physical condition, my attitude, and my submission to him. Some of what is attractive to RLB comes naturally to me, some doesn't. That which doesn't is becoming more natural to me as I work on it. Seems simple enough, doesn't it?

An intangible feature that is attractive to my husband is loyalty. It stands to reason if I am physically attractive to RLB, I am also physically attractive to other men. The way I wear my hear, the clothes I wear, my demeanor and mannerisms are appreciated by men. Knowing this, I do things to limit my interactions with men. I do not have private conversations with men and avoid being alone with men. I don't have any conversations with men that RLB does not know about or approve of.

I've taught my daughters this. Just recently one of them told me about a boy she met who she thinks is great. He's intelligent and likes some of the same things she does. She's very attractive, has a pleasant demeanor, and has an interest in a wide variety of things that are of interest to her father and which she enjoys conversing about. I told her that though being friends with this boy seems like a good idea, it's not. While he might enjoy their conversations, he is a teenage boy and will be attracted to her. Their friendship will not be platonic, he will desire her and she should keep her distance until she is ready to enter a courtship. There will be no phone conversations, facebook interactions, or hanging out privately. Because of her natural "girl game" this will happen a lot with her. The reason she will not have friendships with boys is not just for her benefit, it is for the boys' benefit as well. She is to be kind and courteous but respectfully decline any furtherance of friendship or relationships with them.

As Deti said, there is nothing evil, base, or perverted about the attraction boys will have to her. In fact the very things that make her attractive to these boys will be the delight of her husband.

Let me bring this full circle to the truth about women. It has been an enlightening journey to dig deep and analyze the truths about women that are discussed on the blogs I read. When I take the time to ponder that which my husband does that increases my attraction to him I can see these truths within myself. I do have the benefit of being obedient to God when it comes to my marriage. I take very seriously what He calls me to do. It's interesting, though, that there are times when that which I am biblically called to do is easier than others. Some of which has to do with hormones that naturally course through me regardless of external influence. As I talked about in my last post some hormonal responses I have are influenced because of external stimuli like physical exercise. But there is another hormonal response I experience that is influenced by my husband's behavior.

We've been married a minute and have the benefit of being able to look back and make observations of our attraction levels to each other over the years, how they've waned and flowed and we can analyze what all the factors were in play that may have influenced that attraction level. The factors in play that influence his physical attraction to me are the very things that Deti listed. And, wouldn't you know it, the factors that influence my physical attraction to RLB are what has been termed Game in the manosphere. Some of which comes quite naturally to him and some he's learned.

That which he has learned some have called manipulative and not something a Christian should concern himself with. Which is interesting because if those characteristics came naturally to him, all is well and good - right? But because it is something learned - that makes it somehow wrong?

Confusing though, is the same is not said of that which women learn. For example, I used to express my feelings to RLB in whatever manner came naturally to me. This was a big turn off to him because often times it seemed disrespectful and selfish. Now, I express myself to him a way I have learned is attractive to him. Instead of saying, "I disagree with you, the truth is: _____", now I say something like, "I might be wrong, this is what I was thinking is true, tell me what you think."

It's a funny example and here's why: If RLB were to say to me, "I might be wrong, this is what I was thinking is true, tell me what you think." it is not attractive to me, quite the opposite in fact. Those hormones that create physical desire within me crawl into a hole. Bleh! Where as if he says, "No, you're wrong." I have a very positive physiological reaction to him. My heart rate jumps a little, I feel challenged, intrigued and honestly, I trust him. It is easier for me to submit to him when he expresses himself this way than if he were to speak to me the other way.

I'd be interested to know if those who find it somehow not Christian for men to learn and apply techniques that stimulate a woman's attraction to him find it as non Christian when women learn to do the same. And if not, what makes it different?

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Jim taught me how to lift weights

He taught me the correct form to use, he taught me how to warm up, increase the weights safely, and how to outperform my yesterday's self.  He laughed with me at my mistakes, challenged me to overcome my natural inclination to do the minimums, shamed me when I spoke words of failure, and cheered for my successes.

Now RLB paid Jim a good amount for training me. A well deserved payment to be sure. There were no promises made, however the results of the training are obvious. I am stronger than I was.

In addition to increased muscle mass and the ability to lift heavier things than I previously could, I have experienced internal benefits as well: a pleasant attitude, happiness, a spirit of overcoming, a positive self image, a peaceful disposition, a calm mind.  I pray a lot. I find great comfort in talking to God so I do it often. Quite often I would pray before I'd lift and always during challenging workouts. I was listening to Jim about technique and procedure. I was being instructed and encouraged by him but when it came down to it, I was going to the source of my inner strength, God, for the rest. I'd thank Jim for his help and I'd thank God for His help.

RLB and I have a lot of respect for Jim. He's a dedicated trainer who can be trusted to do what RLB paid him to do. He's an honest man. He told me the truth. He saw when I was being a quitter, he knew when I wasn't giving my best, he told me the truth of why I wasn't accomplishing my goals faster and what I'd need to change to achieve my goals.

Jim was introduced to us by a Christian. Jim is an atheist.

How is it that an atheist could teach me things that are true? It's a stupid question. Isn't it?

Now it is possible to experience all of the positive internal benefits I experienced by reading God's Word and praying to Him. This fascinating body that He created contains hormones that are the physical component to emotional expression. God created them, they are good. He created them in such a way that they are influenced not only by reading the Bible and prayer but also by external stimuli like lifting weights. Good nor bad, it just is. It is true. God sees the hearts of His people and the truth of their motivation is between Him and the Christian.
When He had called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, “Hear and understand:  Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.” Matthew 15:10-11
Keep this in mind as you hear Christians deriding other Christians (whose hearts are known by God) for their use of techniques they have learned to positively benefit their interpersonal relationships.

Update - Dalrock wrote this over a year prior to when I began reading his posts. It is excellent and quite relevant to the point I'm making here: She felt unloved

Friday, January 24, 2014

We've come a long way baby: Feminists are reading, and they agree with us!

Manosphere antagonist, Body Crimes, and a few individuals who comment there have sufficiently exposed the value of Christian marriage in an ironic analysis of some posts on my blog. 

I just don’t understand feminism

That’s the cry of the Manosphere. As far as they’re concerned, back in the good old days, all a woman had to do to have a fulfilling life was keep her hair long, get married, have rosy-cheeked babies and then spend the rest of her life in marital bliss, being adored by a masculine man who totally provided for her needs.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the New Misogynists will never overturn feminism. They simply don’t understand it, and therefore can neither critique it effectively or mount a political challenge to it.
 The conversation turns to my posts When women rage and Amazing Grace where we see a bizarre parallel - feminists saying precisely what I and other manosphere bloggers have been saying all along. Take a look:
 bodycrimes
From other things she’s written, it sounds like she was a neglected child. So all credit to her that she’s used Christianity and ‘red pill’ knowledge to straighten herself out. It’s the belief that it should be imposed on everybody else I have problems with.
Imposed on everybody else? Well, unfortunately not everybody reads my blog, but those who do voluntarily, I simply can not take the credit for imposing my beliefs on you. I lack the power it would take to make you click over here. 
Normal Pap Smear
Very insightful, though I think it’s more father/child than dom/sub. He writes posts on her blog every once in a while and seems like a rational person who got stuck with the job of re-parenting her.
Oh how MGTOWs can howl with delight. They don't want to re-parent a woman like me, understandably.  A woman like me, unfortunately, is a growing number of women on the market: they are former carousel riders, have horrible family histories, often times they are irrational raging bitches that haven't an iota of self control, they believe divorce is a suitable way out whenever you find yourself unhappy, and they lack accountability for any of their actions.

Since my parents dropped me off at church, one could say they fulfilled Proverbs 22:6, however you are right,  Normal Pap Smear, RLB (and his mother) got stuck with most of my parenting. I was, after all, 19 when he proposed to me and still very much acting like a child. What RLB understood was that marriage is forever, he chose to marry me, and he's chosen God's call for him in marriage as laid out in 1 Peter, and Ephesians.
 Butterfly Girl
I feel sorry for SD b/c I can relate to her. My mom had substance abuse issues and my crazy childhood created in me a need to create a world where everything was in order. As a young person I’d fly into a rage if a person’s behavior didn’t fit what I thought it should be. It made me feel out of control and above all, terrified. Eventually I got therapy and learned to let myself relax and let other people be.
SD is brutal when the other women on SSM’s blog question her beliefs on submissiveness. She even once argued that a wife should give in to having a threesome if her husband ordered it. I believe she has to adhere to these rigid beliefs b/c she doesn’t want her life to ever be out of control again. She derives comfort from her dom/sub relationship and doesn’t understand why such an arrangement wouldn’t work for everyone.
No need to feel sorry for me darling Butterfly, for mine is a victory story. I'm glad your therapy has worked for you. Mine has as well - biblical marriage. Obedience to God has given me that comfort so many women seek. I have no fear of my life being out of control. Is that because of my rigid beliefs? It makes no difference to me. Peace and Joy in the Lord, a calm disposition, a tranquil home, and a fun and exciting marriage and family life are the fruit of those beliefs.

The next comment tells a tale that is more and more common these days. Of course not all women are like that, but for those of us who are, what comfort there is in knowing there is Hope. 


 sn0rkmaiden
I only skimmed through SD’s blog post, as it sounded like yet another ‘mea culpa’ with the happy ending of a woman surrendering all autonomy to her lord and master (god or husband? take your pick).
However from what you guys are saying, she sounds not unlike my old school friend who’s mother would dose her with medicine to send her to sleep in order to protect her from her father’s violence.
While my friend, I’ll call her Lizzie, is not a Christian, and is in fact a staunch aetheist, she’s also got a real problem with ‘the red mist’ where I’ve seen her fly into scary rages and hysteria over something as trivial as being slighted in the pub. The DV incident you guys are talking about sounds like some of the altercations she would describe with her second husband. And I’m afraid I would describe her as a domestic abuser, because he didn’t hit back.
I don’t think she kept him in a state or terror, as many abusers do their spouses, but once in a while they’d have a fight where she would physically attack him, I never saw it happen but she would talk about it, like explaining to me once there was a pub we couldn’t go in because she’d been permanantly barred for punching her husband three times in the face for ‘really winding her up’. The worst of it was she always blamed him for starting her off, just like the men we read about who always blame their wives.
I’m not proud of the fact I didn’t do anything about this when I found out, it’s been one of the major moral dilemmas I’ve had in my life. I had originally lost touch with Lizzie after our teens, then reconnected with her in our thirties when she was married to her second husband, and it was only after meeting up a few times she started telling me what was going on. I’ll be honest, I felt intimidated to tell her that she was wrong to behave like this, I remember the first time we in her local when she went ballistic at the chef who worked there over something really minor, and it was scary seeing her blow up like that, there was no way she could be reasoned with, she got barred from that place as well. I suppose because I never saw her attack her husband I couldn’t have gone to the police, not when going on her say so which she could take back, and I felt too intimidated to challenge her directly, so I just started distancing myself from her. I also couldn’t help having some compassion for her as I knew how much she had been through in her life, not that it was any excuse to act out at anyone who pissed her off. I suppose if I’d been his friend rather than hers I’d have felt in a better position to interfere. The most I did was urge her to get therapy, though that was more in relation to her anxiety issues than her violence.
Funny, the above would belong more on an anti-feminist blog than this one, though since this is real life and people are flawed and this has absolutely nothing to do with feminism or misandry, perhaps this is a good place to talk about it. As it was I bumped into her several months later, after they’d moved to a different area, and she was sporting an electronic tag. It turned out she and he had had ‘a big fight’, where the police had been called, and despite his refusing to press charges she’d still been prosecuted for assault and served a custodial sentence. So I can sight at least one example to refute the often repeated claim that only men ever do time for DV.
You are welcome to pause for a moment to laugh. "The above would belong more on an anti-feminist blog than this one, though since this is real life...this has absolutely nothing to do with feminism or misandry..." 

They betray their own selves.
2SweetCats
Well, I do wonder about the kind of person who (presumably) saw this kind of behavior while dating, and chose marriage. A relationship can only be as strong as the least healthy person in it.
 Well isn't that a different kind of shaming. Shaming a man for marrying a...feminist, strong independent woman (TM), who freely gave away sex and needs a strong man to be able to handle all she's gonna dish out.
...oh wait...
 A.
 Her comments about her insecurity, readiness to run off whenever they had a fight … she links that, as far as I can see, to her past promiscuity, but I’d be more inclined to say both behaviors were linked to the abuse. iow, they’re both symptoms of the problem rather than the problem itself.

I have that tendency myself, to want to flee as soon as things get hard, because I have so many issues tied up in my past. But, I have a husband who understands what happened back then and how it affects me now. Heck, he even talked to the nurses at the nursing home when my sister was having some real struggles emotionally (and now I have tears in my eyes because I really DO have an incredible man) to try to help them better understand what she needed. We’ve made it through a lot and are going on 13 years married, 16 years together. Still the best of friends, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
SD sounds like she needs serious therapy to work through her past traumas. It’s good that she’s gotten to a more functioning place, but burying the past without properly dealing with it may well come back to haunt her.
 No matter who it is, I love to hear a woman edify her husband.

And by the way, welcome to my public blog, a place where I have....buried my past.
 lusciouswords
While I feel for her while dealing with a neglected childhood and for her mother for dealing with whatever she has/had, there comes a point where we each have to take responsibility for our actions. Her behavior in these examples she cites sound like the behavior of a bratty child who was never told “no” or throws a tantrum any time things don’t happen the way she wishes. I have a problem with any adult (female or male) who acts in this manner. In the example of tossing a lukewarm coffee on her husband, she endangered the lives of others. Plain and simple, she’s acting like a spoiled brat, and definitely sounds like therapy could be helpful.
Schopenhauer couldn't have said it better himself. 

No wonder the cry of the manosphere, according to Bodycrimes, is that they don't understand feminism. I'm not sure feminists do.

Excessive pet taxation.

If you have a pet in a city requiring licensing, it will cost you on average $10/pet. If you have a middle class income with 2-3 kids and have two pets, you will pay more for those pet taxes than all your federal taxes combined. You can argue the point at which federal taxes kick in or how much you pay indirectly. However, the actual money coming out of your pocket that you can realistically control is the local $10/pet. Obviously there are many more local tax issues that are larger and affect your wallet more significantly than a pet. Your vote and voice on such issues is a much larger percentage of the voting populace locally than nationally.

Interestingly, more people vote for national elections than local. Why is this? It must have to do with people not wanting to carry responsibility for their decisions. It is easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Running for school board or town council is a much bigger commitment than voting for a president and bitching about the outcome. Whining about things you can't control is much easier than changing the things you can. Why would you care about the pennies of aid to Georgia (the country) if your local school in Georgia (the state) is spending thousands of dollars of your earnings on a school you and your neighbors don't want or need? Maybe you do need it. Why would you not vote for it and encourage others to but get all excited about a presidential election. What actually affects you more?

Try looking up your local municipality's budget. Read the minutes. Go to a meeting. The involvement and bureaucracy of it all is incredibly intimidating. I am as guilty of this as anyone. I rely on the idea that I'm new to my area to justify my lack of involvement. It is a cop out. I will change. I will be charged as a newbie and not understanding local issues. I will do it anyway because I care about my community.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Our cat went Miley.

I like cats. They hunt and kill. In particular they keep birds from defecating on my porch and eliminate rodents from my household. They are killers. Unless you go all cat lady on them.

They aren't children. They are effective pest control that costs little compared to paying for pest control. It's almost like our ancestors knew what they were doing when trying to protect their food stores by domesticating them. Or even more scary, God knew we would need such a creature to handle pests.

OTOH, they are still animals and will display animalistic functions. This includes reproduction. Our lovable kitten that was killing birds and rodents changed. She went into heat and was insatiable. To people that have seen this, it is understood what I mean. To my children that have never seen it, it was appalling.  It did remind them of Ms. Miley and her twerking.

That similarity is yet one more reason to have pets. Your children seeing the animalistic tendencies of such people will only be understood if they see it from animals as well. The ability to deny these instincts and desires is what makes us different from animals.

Our cat has been fixed and she is lovable again. She still hunts and the rodents that were in the house we moved into are gone now. Some eaten, some escaped. I would prefer to live in a country setting where I can have a glaring. That will happen eventually. In the meantime, our children have seen the Miley function removed from a cat. You don't have to do the same thing to people. They can adopt a moral system like Christianity and they stop twerking.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

George Washington was a redcoat.

The last month has been...interesting for our family. We have moved and I have transitioned from the military to the private sector. There are many things to look at and comment upon. In this post I will address the transitioning of a soldier/airman/seaman/marine/coastie.

When young men leave the military, they need to find a veteran's organization quickly. There are several, including the VFW and American Legion. These organizations are priceless for the young man leaving service. The camaraderie available is necessary for a successful transition.

Tonight I joined the Legion. I met several elderly veterans. They are a testament to the long term vision necessary for a culture to succeed long term. I met octogenarians that lived through four elections of FDR. I met veterans that were spit upon after Vietnam. These men are the heart of our culture. George Washington was a redcoat.

Culture is determined by those that lead independent of the political environment. There is only so much that military men will abide. When they are done...they become George Washington. These are the men that a country must not ignore. These are the men that resist violence because they have seen it too close. These men hate the use of violence to implement political solutions. These men understand what the tip of the spear looks like when political discussion has ceased. It is bloody and nothing will make sense. That is why they resist escalation of rhetoric. Yet they know exactly how to use violence and how to separate emotion from execution of orders.

George Washington was a traitor to England, yet he was a saint to the new world. Identify the difference and you understand the importance of culture.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Status - buying things you don't need to impress people you don't care about

It's been a busy month for us. RLB is medically retired from the Army and we've moved back to our home state.

Two days before we were going to start our thousand mile journey, RLB took our Suburban to the mechanic to make sure it was ready for the trip and could haul his RX7. The mechanic called back with bad news, the coolant leak RLB had noticed was a cracked head gasket which would cost $2600 to repair and wouldn't be able to be done until after we planned on leaving.

We left that truck behind with my sister to sell it for whatever she could get for it and we rented another for the trip. Before we left, RLB located another Suburban for sale near our new home. And within a week we wrote a check for it.

God was involved in all of this, there's no way to deny that. See, the old Suburban was a rear wheel drive and would have been completely useless to us where we live now. The new-to-us Suburban has four-wheel drive and we've put it to good use already.

Meanwhile, my sister took the old Suburban to her mechanic. Turns out the gaskets are just fine, it was the water pump that needed to be replaced. $150 repair and now we can sell it for more than what we paid for the four-wheel drive.

RLB and I don't have status when it comes to our vehicles. We see them as tools. I've been driving Suburbans for six years now because of two reasons; safety, and hauling capacity. Yes, it costs more in fuel than an economy car would. However RLB doesn't count that cost when it comes to the safety of his wife and children.

We've been driving older vehicles for our entire marriage. My first Suburban was a 2000 that we bought in 2008 and drove it in the ground, it had 220,000 miles on it. The last one was a 2002 and has 150,000 miles on it and this one we now have is a 1996. We hate car payments. It is less stressful for RLB for us to save $300/month and for me to budget a couple days of time for repairs a couple times a year than to straddle ourselves with debt on a depreciating vehicle.That $300/month savings adds up fast when there are long periods of time where no repairs are necessary. In fact, that is why we could write a check for this last Suburban (all told it cost $4200).

No doubt about it, I love the newest Suburban on the market. It's gorgeous! It has all the latest gadgets and conveniences now available in vehicles. It just doesn't make sense to us economically. There are people it does make sense for. If $50,000 to a breadwinner is equivalent to $4000 to RLB it makes sense. And good for them. But I will not ask or beg my husband to sign a bank note so I can pretend we live at that lifestyle while burdening his future time.

When we covet, what we are doing is saying: "I have an expectation from you, God, and you're not delivering."