Friday, November 20, 2015

I even love the squirrel

Almost two years ago my husband was medically retired from the Army. We moved back to our home state to an area where he would be close to the VA Hospital for medical treatment. Originally we rented a home while we waited for our home at his last duty station to sell. Once it sold we found my dream home. My Forever home!

The house and property needed a lot of work but the vision we had for it was very exciting. Because of the condition it was in, we were able to purchase it far below assessed value. Day after day we worked biting off one small piece of this huge elephant of a project to turn this home into everything I've always wanted.

It was a large home set on a beautiful wooded ridge. We dug our garden, he built our chicken coop, we landscaped the yard, leveled and seeded the back yard, exposed beautiful rock outcroppings that lined our back yard, cleaned up downed trees from the woods, planted an apple orchard, planted walnut trees, put in a strawberry patch, cultivated wild black raspberry patches for optimal harvest, removed invasive weed species, sanded and refinished the decks, finished remodeling projects, painted almost every wall of the house. In other words, we worked our tails off. It was good work, exhausting work, but very fulfilling work. Our children were a part of it the whole time, each tasked with various projects daily throughout the summer.

One day, about four months after purchasing the house, while I was hauling wheelbarrow loads of dirt, RLB said to me: "If we keep going like this making improvements to the property, we might be able to sell this place for quite a profit."


I'm not proud to admit it but I had a bit of a hissy fit right then.

"I'm doing all of this work for ME, not for some other woman to come in here and enjoy."

Yep. In that moment, that is where my heart was.

I was reminded rather quickly and sternly that the work I do I should be doing unto the Lord and to not set my heart on material things. 


But it's my home. My beautiful home! It's been so long that we've been moving around, why can't I have this material thing, my forever home?

Fast forward a year and a two months from then and here we are less than a month away from a closing date. I couldn't be more excited! It has sold within market range but for 17% more than we purchased it for. It has sold to a retired Veteran who I am confident will love it just as much as we do. He's also quite fond of many of the items we have in the home and has offered to purchase them. 

As I've written about, RLB's back pain and sciatic pain are gone now. He's off all of the pain medications he was on, he's lost over 40 pounds and is healthier than he's ever been. He has no need to live close to the VA Hospital anymore.

The job he had at that location was never intended to be his long term job. It was a transitional job and was not something he wanted to do very much longer. A recruiter had been calling him since he retired offering him positions in other major cities of our state and surrounding states, but never seemed to have one locally. Last summer they called again with a position that would be very hard to turn down due to the financial compensation. At that point we started considering moving again even though this big city where the job was is almost the last city we'd want to live.

This potential job, though, was not what he really wanted to do. Once again he was going to be taking a position that made sense but wasn't his heart's desire. For as long as I've known him, he's wanted to teach and coach.

A whirlwind started at this point. We talked about moving North, closer to where we grew up. The cost of living was much lower up there. He wouldn't need to make as much money for us to have the same lifestyle. What if he could teach there? What if he could coach there?

While he had a physics degree, he didn't have a teaching certificate/license. Little did we know that wouldn't matter. Days later we pinpointed where we'd want to live, looked up the school's job openings, found a position open for a physics teacher, he called, told them about himself, they started the background check process, he went up for an interview, and accepted their offer the next day (pending background check). And, he needed to be there to start working in a month with an emergency teaching license.

The house went up on the market and we worked even harder to finish up as many projects as we could. The search was on to find somewhere temporary to live up in our new city while we waited for the house to sell. This place would have to be reasonably priced, willing to do a month to month or short term lease and accept pets. That's not asking too much is it? At the time we had 10 chickens, six cats and two dogs... RLB's mom came to our house and taught me how to butcher four of our roosters and then graciously adopted the six remaining chickens, the momma cat, and two of the kittens. A friend adopted the other two kittens. Thanks to another friend who put us in contact with former classmate, we were able to find a sweet old man who had a little old house to rent to us that met all of our basic needs. 

I sit here now in this 900 square foot, two bedroom, takes 10 minutes to clean, squirrel living under the roof making a ruckus on the ceiling, temporary home. It's cold. Winter has arrived and the lack of insulation and efficient windows make for a very drafty little place. I don't care. I love this place. I love this town. I even love the squirrel.

And, I am absolutely ecstatic how happy my husband is. He is doing something he really loves. I've never seen him like this before. Though for now I don't get to see him much. Wrestling season has started, and what do you know, they needed another coach.

May God keep me convicted to never again set my heart on material things and to always do my work as for the Lord.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

How might one know they're talking with a feminist?

How do you recognize a feminist entryist disguised as a wife living in obedience to God's biblical instruction to wives?

She uses the word "allow" in the context of wives with their husbands.

Ladies, when you take advice from a woman, if there is even a glimmer of egalitarianism or wifely headship, run away. You are talking with a woman in rebellion to God.

A husband is declared, by God, the head of the wife. It defies logic that someone in submission to the head has the power to allow anything. 

A horrible exchange I read today from a lying SJW (I repeat myself) who has masked herself as an obedient Christian says all it needs to say about the intent of this entryist:

Maybe you just have no self-dignity and really allow your husband to tell you to shut the fuck up. I actually think you would never allow your husband to talk to you that way, and yet you allow some strange man to, and then suck up to him afterwards thanking him for his advice.

I don't know what "strange man" she is referring to but I do know he exists somewhere in the Manosphere - ie. the MEN'S sphere. - where men talk and exchange ideas. A place you might picture as the smoking parlor of the internet. Definitely a place where a woman's delicate sensibilities are not welcome. But that's a separate issue. 

Some excellent questions for this woman: "What dear feminist, is your recourse? How do you personally keep your husband in line from doing that which you obviously do not allow? How do you demonstrate, to your God ordained head, your self-dignity?"

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Pitying men

We've had this discussion with our daughters before, "there's no need to have a boy as a friend." We've also discussed that they should not get drawn into becoming a boy's (or girl's for that matter) emotional tampon. What is best for the boy is to find someone who is in a position to care about him that can actually help him. They are well aware that boys will intentionally choose to become Beta Orbiters in the hopes that eventually she will find value in them and upgrade their status. Participating in this is not kind, it is not honest, and is not becoming behavior.  

Here is the (edited for privacy) exchange our youngest just had with a boy: 

"I know you have no idea who I am but I have a huge crush on you and I cant help but think I would do anything to be with you"

Oh yeah, sorry, I don't really know you
"Yeah I want to know you better and try to be a guy who treats you like there is no one else in the world, xxx-xxxx if you want to get to know me text me." 

Um, sorry, I'm not really interested
(Picture of a minion falling on his face) "Oh ok" "BTW the minion represents my life I try to get up but get knocked down right away" 

She showed us the exchange and asked us if we knew why this boy would say what he did. (Our daughters have been taught that exchanges like this are talked about in house. They are not to gossip or humiliate boys like this by telling their friends about it).

Even in the grown up world I have seen men willingly accept and sometimes seek pity from women. I know there are scores of men out there who are in the fight to wake these men up from this desire and other misguided ideas so that they can achieve personal success. The only advice I have for men is to seek out MEN to talk to. You'll learn in due time that pity from a woman is NOT what you should accept or seek. 

For women (and teenage girls) when you are in a situation where your natural reaction would be to pity a man (boy), recognize this is not your lane and what you're about to do/say is harmful. I'm speaking specifically about people you don't know well, aren't related to etc. (Please spare me all the incidences where a woman should have compassion for a man specifically or men in general. That is not what I'm talking about.) Usually women are not equipped with the wisdom that pity seeker needs. Sure, she can tantalize his ears and tell him all that he desperately wants to hear and figuratively nestle him to her chest but this does not help him.

We recently had an old friend post on Facebook an emotional tale of his wife blowing up their marriage. I wish he would have been enraged and expressed that instead of talking about hurting and crying. What followed were hundreds of comments full of pity from women. That pity is now what defines this man, the sorry soul, the man who is hurting, the poor dear. Almost every comment he's had on his posts since then have been shadowed with this pity.

I'll try to explain the dynamics of it. To believe that a woman is capable of respecting a man whom she pities is as misguided as believing a man would rather be loved than respected. Even in our platonic everyday interactions with men, we want to deal with men we respect and have a visceral reaction to men we don't respect, find pitiful or effeminate. Men, similarly, desire to deal with and be respected by pleasant, kind, attractive women. They have a visceral reaction to ugly, harsh, loud, and bitchy women.

The woman who doles out pity to a man is being inherently disrespectful and usually condescending. When her words outweigh the words of strong men's advice to the pitied man, she is not only being disrespectful, she's interfering and is completely out of line.

We need to guard against thinking our commiseration is of any value to a man. It is not. And it certainly is useless when there are other men available to give good advice. Our motives need to be carefully checked when we feel the desire to express pity to a man. Often our own solipsism is revealed - we feel his pain as if it was our own. How nice...not helpful. Some motivations are more manipulative - hurting men make great Beta Orbiters - throw them some morsels every now and then and keep them close, begging for more.

Our daughter had the same reaction I would have: "Why did he do that to me?" in other words, why did he put me in that position? It is very disappointing and awkward. It is in those situations where women will pour out the pity just to ease the discomfort of the situation. Which again, is disrespectful and not honest. While it would be nice to not encounter men who seek pity from women, we should have a plan in mind for what to do when it does happen. What can be said that would be helpful but not disrespectful?

When I am with RLB, it is simple, I keep my mouth shut and look at him. Online it is even easier - don't say a word. And don't get me wrong, I am not talking about hospitality here either. If you have a visitor in your home who is being challenged by something in his life, gracious hospitality is always in order.

As you can see, I don't have all the answers, but I do know that giving a man pity is not the right answer.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Romantic Love - like sugar - is sweet poison

The conversations in our household about romantic love have intensified and for good reason, our daughters are at that age. Combined with being at that age is increased attention from guys and the visibility of other girls at that age in short term exclusive relationships.

Romantic love - is it real? Well, there certainly are real feelings that go along with it, but is it reliable? Is it something a young woman should want (before a commitment to marriage)? Is it something she can guard against? Protect herself from? Are there decisions she can make to avoid it?

As our daughters are navigating this new stage they are in, they've been able to witness some examples that, thankfully, they have learned a lot from. One young woman was in an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for over a year. The young couple made the decision that many do and had sex. She told our daughters about it and, as expected, appeared to have a great sadness within her. That sadness turned to embarrassment and deep regret when the guy broke up with her just a short time later. Our son knew the guy and when we were all talking about the situation, let us know the conversation that went on with the guys at the same time this girl was crying about the breakup. One of the guys asked what happened that they broke up. Our son, before the guy could answer asked, "Hit it and quit it?" and the guy said: "Yep!"

Another friend of theirs was in a parent condoned, exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for over two years (she's now 14). The unthinkable happened, he sent her a text message that read: "I don't like you anymore." Our oldest daughter learned of this and said, "If I were her, I would feel like I had wasted two years of my life."

So, if romantic love and exclusive relationships that aren't being geared toward marriage fail, is it a waste of time?

We've talked with the girls about the conditioning that takes place with these consecutive exclusive relationships. When something goes wrong...someone quits. There is nothing to prevent that person from quitting, there was no contract or covenant, it is socially acceptable, and often times is praised, supported and encouraged. Sadly that conditioning does not turn off when a couple gets married.

Talking to them from the girl's perspective, we listed some of the real feelings and thoughts a young woman has at the beginning of such exclusive relationships; she feels validated, complimented, special, "he chose me!" pedestalized, elated, giddy etc.  All seemingly great feelings right? However, she'll feel this in the beginning of the next exclusive relationship too. And the next, and the next. So are these feelings reliable? No. They are feelings but they don't indicate a single thing about the guy she's feeling them from/about. If these feelings can be felt in the beginning of any exclusive relationship these feelings must be all about her and NOTHING about any guy in particular.

So is romantic love something a young woman should want? In other words, is it good for her? Well it wouldn't be right for me to not tie in my other focus right now - sugar. Is sugar good for you? No. Does the taste give you pleasure? Yes. Is there something artificial that goes on in your brain when you consume it? Yes. Does that artificial reaction desensitize your brain from natural, healthy reactions? Yes. Is it addictive? YES! And, of course, in the long run, feeding the addiction is very bad for your health.

So, how do you guard against romantic love? How do you avoid it when you are not on a course to get married?

There are a few individuals out there who can just not eat sugar. Others, like me, must replace it with something else until our brains are done screaming for it. Sugar can be replaced with fat which then helps the brain to receive proper messaging from Leptin which silences the cravings and allows the brain to experience natural and consistent dopamine.

Is there something a hormonal young woman can do to quell the craving for romantic love?

As parents, we are genuinely more interested in our teenage children making wise choices on their own rather than following set rules with consequences for disobedience. I don't believe the proper lesson will be learned or wisdom gained if I ground my daughter for falling into romantic love. We do tell them they are welcome to use us as a fallback if they are in an uncomfortable situation and can't think of the right words, for example, "My parent's don't allow me to date." But that will only work for so long.

We were very happy with our daughter in one of her exchanges with a guy who has been persistent with her. She wouldn't give him her contact information for a social media account telling him she doesn't communicate with guys that way. When he asked why she said, "I don't want to lead anyone on or have any guys in the friend zone, I think that's cruel." To which he responded that he just wants to be friends. For the record, this is not a guy a young woman like my daughter could manage to just be friends with (AMOG in most situations). He's still in pursuit, of course. For now I just keep praying for her and talking her through these things.

The answers are found in the Word. Trust in, faith in, and reliance on that Word is what it takes. Trying to talk our daughters out of the desire to get giddy over a guy on its own might ward them off for a little while, but those cravings are powerful. They are going to have to pray on their own, seek wisdom in the Word, and trust in God above their own hearts.

 Proverbs 4:23 - Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 28:26 - He who trusts in his own heart is a fool,
But whoever walks wisely will be delivered. 
 Proverbs 23:17 - Do not let your heart envy sinners,
But be zealous for the fear of the Lord all the day;

 1 Kings 8:61 - Let your heart therefore be loyal to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and keep His commandments, as at this day.”

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Grinch who stole sugar from Christmas

We are quickly approaching that time of year again. The time when I would dust off all of my recipes and get to work baking for poisoning my family. I loved to see the look on their faces when they would come home to see their favorites treats beckoning them. From frosted cut out cookies to apple pies, a lot of the holiday season's emotional significance was in sugar laden food.

Part of my day is devoted to cooking and preparing real food from scratch. I've got to admit, the smell of bacon grease frying and the ambiance of the smoke detector blaring, as it was last night (our temporary rental house does not have an operating cooking fan but it does have very sensitive smoke detectors attached to very low ceilings), just isn't the same comfy cozy feeling as the smell of fresh baked cookies and breads coming out of the oven.

I've learned too much though, there's no way, knowing what I do now, for me to pour cup after cup of addictive and health devastating sugar into my family's food. I'm going to have to be the bad guy, the Grinch, the mom who will be depriving them of dopamine rushes, gas and bloating, holiday weight gain, blood sugar spikes, and inflammation pain.

My husband was asked yesterday, as he was eating his noodleless lasagna, how much sugar is acceptable in a diet.

None. Take a look at the label on your food. What is the "percentage daily value" of sugar in that particular item. Nothing's listed, is it? In other words, your body has no need for sugar. There is, however, a maximum amount that you should not go over:
According to the American Heart Association (AHA), the maximum amount of added sugars you should eat in a day are (7): Men: 150 calories per day (37.5 grams or 9 teaspoons). Women: 100 calories per day (25 grams or 6 teaspoons).
The best way to wake up to the reality of what we are feeding our families is to track everything for a day or two. I thought back to when my son was four to six years old and what he would eat in a day. Remember, grown men should not consume more than 9 teaspoons of sugar in a day. This is also a very conservative estimate of what he ate. It doesn't include regular soda, candy or ice cream treats:
1 Cup Cheerios -1 gram sugar
1 tsp sugar sprinkled on top - 4 grams
1/2 Cup skim milk - 6 grams
1/2 Banana -7 grams sugar

1/2 Cup grape juice - 18 grams sugar
1/2 Cup SphaghettiOs - 5 grams sugar
1 Serving Goldfish Crackers - 1 gram sugar
1/2 Cup skim milk - 6 grams sugar
1/2 Cup grapes - 8 grams sugar
2/3 cup Hamburger Helper Stroganoff - 7 grams sugar
1/3 cup cooked carrots - 1 gram sugar
1/2 cup skim milk - 6 grams sugar
Chocolate Chip Cookie - 17 grams sugar

87 grams of sugar, which equals 22 teaspoons sugar which is approximately 1/2 cup sugar (over twice the dietary guidelines for sugar for grown men per day). That is 91 pounds of sugar per year.

To be honest, some days were much worse than that. I know for me, everyday was much worse than that.

Take a moment to read Dr. Mercola's article: The Bitter & Ugly Truth About Sugar

For the Holidays I could spend some time converting my recipes into sugar free treats using almond flour, coconut flour, Stevia, etc. but I think it might be a big waste of money and effort. A couple weeks ago I made a batch of pumpkin cookies doing just that. They taste pretty good. The problem is there is no addictive quality to them. I have never seen a batch of cookies last this long. It's similar to offering a heroin addict a cup off coffee. Whoopie! "Thanks Mom for the most unrewarding cookie ever!"

So this year we will start new traditions with regards to the foods we'll be eating.

A piece of bacon/kale/swiss cheese/crustless Quiche anyone? How about a nice soothing cup of turmeric and black pepper tea?

Update: Sugar is Definitely Toxic, a New Study Says

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Watch This!

If you plan to binge watch anything this weekend, I highly recommend this. The Truth About Cancer docuseries will be airing all 9 episodes free this weekend.

The Truth About Cancer Replay

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Loving Fat - an update

In May I told you about my goal to lose forty pounds at the age of forty. I'm closing in on that goal with only 11 pounds to go and three months to do it.

Want to know a secret? I'm not doing anything but living my life with my new way of eating incorporated in it - never hungry, never feeling deprived, fully satisfied, and feeling incredibly healthy. I haven't exercised or exerted myself more than what my normal day requires. Week after week I lose a pound here and a pound there, a half inch of fat here and a half inch of fat there. My lean muscle mass has remained unchanged and my energy level is higher than it has ever been. I'm enjoying life without inflammation pain in my joints - like I had in my 30's. I'll be honest, I don't miss grueling work outs and the physical pain of exercises my body was never built for (running, for example).

By eating silly amounts of fat, I am steadily and without effort losing fat in a slow and very manageable way.

RLB remains pain free though he has a herniated disc in his back. It's been four and a half months since he was on Morphine and Percocet to manage his sciatic pain. The recurring facet nerve pain he had has not returned either. He had been getting injections for that pain every four months. His last injection was in the beginning of April. August came and went and the pain didn't return.

Always the scientist, he must test his pain threshold every now and then by eating a(n) (un)healthy dose of carbohydrates and feeling like crap for the next day. He claims it's because he needs to know if there is healing going on. I think it's because he needs to know how that burger tastes with the bun, or to revisit that dopamine high from that little piece of a gooey chocolate bar. The pain flushes through his leg shortly after his indulgence. Then my logical scientist makes yet another hypothesis that he must refrain from sugar in order to remain pain free.

We've had to purchase a new wardrobe for him. He's lost more weight than I have (of course) and is back to the slender anvil shape he had when I first met him.

I continue to study and research as much as I can about the Ketogenic diet and willingly share all that I learn with anyone who requests to know.

I often get asked if I'll ever be able to eat carbohydrates again. I do eat plenty of them, but they are all in the form of vegetables and nuts. No, I don't think I'll ever want to eat sugar again. I've learned far too much at this point. And, when I've eaten something that has added sugar I've found it's too sweet for me to enjoy. I've tasted bread here and there and it tastes like Play-doh to me.

Some of you will understand this (those who have been food addicts or gluttons), the most valuable thing I've gained from eating this way is the freedom to no longer fight with myself over food. I don't have food cravings anymore. I've successfully retrained my fat cells to communicate effectively with my brain. Nothing in my head is telling me to indulge. As a result of that, or just another huge benefit of this way of eating, I have no guilt from eating, no shame, no feeling of defeat. Some of you are probably wondering "what was wrong with you?" - really, that's what people who struggle with their weight go through. I remember it all too well. It's agonizing.

I once surrendered to believing that my struggle was about sin and rebellion to God. I spent a lot of time in prayer over this. Guess what, God didn't convict me I was in sin, he convicted me I needed to learn more and then He led me - He led me to the articles, to the people who knew more than I did, and to the research and studies.

Shout out to Keoni of the Hawaiian Libertarian - thank you for providing so much information, the links, and conviction. Also to commentator Looking Glass who took the time to help heal our guts (including my daughter's) with his very knowledgeable supplement recommendations.

Here are some of the links I've learned even more from:
Cereal Killers Movie

Real Meal Revolution
The Charlie Foundation
The Weston A. Price Foundation
Doc's Opinion 

One of the videos I suggest to anyone curious about this fat eating diet is The Oiling of America by Sally Fallon Morell of the Weston Price Foundation. It's long and very informative, I hope you'll take the time:

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Don't blink

We've reached a new stage in life: the beginning of having adult children. Our son just began the beginning of the rest of his life, at the airport, on his way to Basic Training.

Hugs and tears and "I'm so proud of you" and "I love you"

So this is what it was all for.

Man, that went by fast!

A friend of mine, another Military Wife who is now a Military Mom as well, said: "The pride will make up for the empty in your house." And that's just it, the ache of missing him is coupled with such an overwhelming excitement and joy. Tears and smiles. 

Good stuff.

Friday, July 17, 2015

No idols, not even your husband

Should we submit to our husbands because they love us deeply? Should we submit to our husbands because they are good providers? Should we submit to our husbands because they are strong, righteous men?


We should submit to our husband because of who God says he IS - the head of the wife.  

God's laws work for those who believe as well as for non believers. Gravity does not care if a person is an atheist or not. 

Non believers can enjoy the blessings on this earth of living a life emulating Christian morality, like submitting to one's husband, but they can not do so in accordance to the Command. A non believer can not "submit to her own husband as unto the Lord." If you'll notice, the sentence doesn't even make sense. She is in rebellion to the Lord therefore her best effort of submission to her husband has no foundation. 

In the comment section on Dalrock's blog, we met Jane Dough. A non believer who renounced Jesus Christ as her Savior when she was a teenager. She met and married a man who had done the same. Both set out intentionally to marry non believing individuals. They carried with them the family structure that is spoken of in the Bible and agreed that this would be the best way to order their home. They made an agreement that he would be the head and she would be in submission to him. She gave many reasons for why she submits to him and respects him: 
I love my husband deeply. He is a good, strong man who gives of himself generously to me, his friends, and his family. But I’m also very attracted to him in a very carnal way. I wanted to be attracted to my husband and I was fortunate that the men in my life taught me the importance of it. And yes, it was the men who taught me to look for someone stronger, smarter, faster thinking, and traditionally masculine.
 You’re missing the point. It isn’t that good job, education, or income are attractive themselves. What’s attractive is the amount of time, dedication, intelligence, motivation, and charisma that was required to get where he is. His success is just the result of these traits. He was completely laid out after a bad car accident for almost a year in 2007. He didn’t work out, earn money, make deals, or do anything but physical therapy. The attraction wasn’t lost during that time because it’s who he is that I love and want, not the results of who he is. The drive, wits, charisma, etc was all still there.
 But, if I married someone not believing that he really was my superior in real, measurable, tangible ways, submission would be much harder much more often. Not impossible, of course. And it should never be an excuse for not submitting.
In this comment she notes why she is worthy of her husband and a few of the benefits she gets from marrying the man she did (life would be easier) and submitting to him (she would be happier):
My husband married a virgin who respects him, loves him, and cares for him.
But I didn’t choose a husband blindly. I went for what I wanted knowing full well that I wanted a man to be the head of the household and that given my own personality, strengths, and shortcomings it would be easier if I looked for someone with certain traits. So I did. The men in my family were all strong leaders in their homes, and I was raised knowing that both my husband and I would be happier if I submitted. Knowing that, I found the best man I could to submit to.
Or I guess I could have married someone less dominant and successful and had to work 3x times as hard to submit while hoping that he would one day take charge. But it doesn’t seem worth it.
I definitely recommend this to everyone, male or female. Find someone you love AND are very attracted to. That’s why I’m never offended when the guys here write off fat women. They should be writing them off.
 It goes both ways. My husband is a better leader because he truly sees me as vulnerable. He knows it isn’t play pretend, and he is motivated to be the best leader and provider he can because I can’t do it myself. There is no question that *he* is needed, respected, and that I’m grateful to him. I don’t think he would have this fire for his family’s wellbeing if he thought I could manage everything on my own. We aren’t peers. He’s above me, and I chose him because that’s what I knew I wanted and needed, and everyone is better for it.
From a Utilitarian perspective, she believes emulating biblical instruction for marriage to be the best way to order society:
You don’t have to be a Christian to believe that lifelong, monogamous marriage is the only way to create healthy, stable families and that those families are what make up a functioning society. The only way for both people to thrive in a marriage is for the man to be in charge and for the woman to submit. This is moral, time tested, and whether anyone likes admitting it or not, supported by social science.
I can not argue with her. This is the best way to order a society. I have no doubt that she is a happy woman, living the blessings of well ordered life. Secular individuals who are also committed to never returning to the Lord and choose to remain separated from Him for all eternity, would do well, for this period of time, to follow her example. It appears families who do order themselves this way break up less and raise stable productive children. 

So why is it that her relationship with her husband is sinful idolatry?
(for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God) - Exodus 34:14
If there is difficulty to be found in submission, it is often because of a lack of understanding of why.

Why should wives submit to their husbands as unto the Lord? Because God said to obey His commands. God said that not obeying His commands is rebellion to Him.

What should you do if you are highly attracted to your husband, think he is strong, righteous, a great leader, a wonderful father, and a humble servant? What if you really like him, love him, desire all the best for him, serve him, and adore him?

You should submit to to your husband and respect him because God said to obey His commands. 
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. - John 15:4
Be watchful of your own heart, even and especially when everything in your household is running smooth. Even and especially when you and your husband are getting along famously. Mind your heart while your cup overflows and all that is great and wonderful that one can experience from marriage is happening for you. 
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Men and Loyalty

After the woman who shared her story of submission with me gave me permission to write about it, I wrote to her and said:
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. You have witnessed amazing evidence of God's mercy. Always keep this in mind should seeds of doubt attack you - and they likely will. Stay strong and take every thought captive. Yours is a testimony for His Glory! Remain in the reverence you have experienced for your husband. Remain in the faith that it has come from God as a blessing for your submission and obedience to His Word. Forgive your husband as well and do not harbor judgement. Don't be tempted to accuse when God has made this Very Good.
I wrote her again to check in and see how things were going and was very happy to receive this response: 
We are doing well. Better than well! We have talked a few times in depth since and my husband has sincerely apologized for all of it. He acts like I never even had the fantasy, like I was an innocent bystander being coerced and he was making me do it. He asked my forgiveness and took full responsibility. I am doing everything I can to be the best wife and so far, I have had zero struggle with harboring judgement or not forgiving him, probably because I was so much at fault too. On top of the blessing of unity that came from all this, my husband usually does not open up, but this ended up being a reason for him to open up and tell me how much he appreciates my loyalty and submission to him over the last 5 years. I have learned my lesson about how easy it is to conveniently forget about God and how quickly rebellion to my husband follows.. Anyway, thanks for checking in and I will stand in awe of this stage of my life when I look back on it because it finally helped me understand the WHY of submission- trusting God.
As I come to understand deeper the nature of men, I remain in awe of the honorable way in which they respond to loyalty. As women, we might understand what it is to be valued but I don't believe we receive our value by expressions of loyalty as men do. Our value is most often felt via expressions of approval. When we are approved of, we enjoy a pleasant euphoric feeling of belonging, importance, and validation.

When we sense a lack of approval from someone we love, we most often feel hurt and shame and express it in a self defense manner with justifications and rationalizations. It is difficult for us to learn to appreciate lack of approval, correction, and admonishment because it is strongly associated with how we experience a sense of value. It is a wise woman who searches deep for Truth who understands that those who would correct us or admonish us are those who actually value us the most. If our behaviors are not healthy, are not in line with achieving a deeper relationship with God, and those who we think love us and know the truth, don't say a word, we are actually experiencing contempt - not approval, not tolerance. A woman must learn to be very honest with herself to receive admonishment and understand it is a loving gesture and is an expression of value.

Approval and loyalty are not the same things. One can be loyal and not approve. And, as we all know ladies, we can receive approval and find out later that not a shred of loyalty existed from the person doling out approval. Men are often confused by our desire for approval because they seem to innately know this. Approval is fleeting and is not an expression of commitment or steadfast loyalty. Men would much rather know someone is loyal to them and are not concerned with their approval at any given time.

When you read through what the woman who wrote to me said about her husband, know that this is the response of men to loyalty:
"He asked my forgiveness and took full responsibility."
" husband usually does not open up, but this ended up being a reason for him to open up and tell me how much he appreciates my loyalty and submission to him over the last 5 years."
When we hear or read of women who put restrictions on the respect or the submission their husband's are due, what we are witnessing is the extent of her loyalty, her fear, her projection, and ultimately her opinion of what is "righteous rebellion." It is subjective and determined either by her or a third party and it is a stumbling block for her husband to be free to fully hear any correction the Holy Spirit has for him. When he knows her "loyalty" only extends to the limit of his good works in her eyes, he knows what she has for him is tentative approval, not loyalty. In turn he can not respond to her with appreciation.

When we flip the script we can see that women respond similarly. If your husband added a caveat to his approval of you, every time he mentioned it, how would it feel? How much would you enjoy hearing that as long as you don't get fat, your husband likes you. As long as you continue to make his meals, he approves of you. As long as you have sex with him, he'll be kind to you.

Yes, I understand these things get said to wives. And what do women do? "That jerk!" Then they gather up their best gossiping girlfriends to discuss how horrible her husband is for his expectations of her and how he won't love her for "who she is." Next thing you know she's being told he is emotionally abusive and it would be best if she separated from him.

Do husbands respond that way when they hear of the limitation of her loyalty? Not usually. Most often they will proceed silently with an inner ache knowing his wife is not fully committed to him. Ladies, we are masters at hurting our husbands without ever knowing we are doing it. They just don't express it the same way. When years of this ache pile up what will become of his feeling toward her is contempt.

God made your husbands in a very special way, different than you. He knows how they perceive value (loyalty) and He knows how they respond when they know they are valued. Trust God that He gave you very specific instruction for your marriage for a reason. Do not fear it. Do not project on to your husband a distrust of his integrity. And stop talking publicly about the line in which your husband must walk to receive your loyalty.
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.”
Ruth 1:16-17

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Ketogenic Diet and Sciatic Pain/Herniated Disc

I've continued to do more research on the Ketogenic diet I am on. It is working well for my own weight loss. I am down 15 pounds from when I started, have lost several inches, I have a lot of energy and don't miss or crave any of the foods I used to eat.  I am also free of the pain I once had due to inflammation in my big toes, right hip and right thumb.

While researching, I've come across this study: Ketogenic Diet Improves Forelimb Motor Function after Spinal Cord Injury in Rodents.

As many of you know, RLB was medically retired from the Army in December of 2013 due to his chronic and debilitating back pain. He was later diagnosed with Facet Syndrome and was able to live pain free after one Facet injection. The injections last for four months before the pain creeps back. Due to his medical care being provided through the VA, wait times for procedures are very long. He's had to fall back on drugs like Percocet to endure the pain while he waits for approval for the injections.

His last injection was in the beginning of April. Prior to his appointment, he started feeling new pain down his right leg. Immediately after the injection, he could no longer sit without excruciating pain. For two weeks he wore out his feet walking around. It was the only way he could have relief from the pain. He was exhausted and frustrated. He started taking Percocet again and eventually had to go back on Morphine to get sleep and rest.

His MRI revealed a herniated disc between L4 and L5. It wasn't until May 21 that he was able to speak with a neurologist to discuss his options. It was decided the first treatment they'd try was another spinal injection. The first available date with the VA was July 9.

As RLB tried to navigate the VA to get approval to utilize VA Choice (a new program to provide a temporary fix the backlog), he became increasingly frustrated with the pain and need for drugs. He had already read much of the research I had found on the Ketogenic diet and decided he had nothing to lose. If it worked for rats, it might work for him. He asked the neurologist if there was anything he could do to help with the pain with regards to his diet. "Sure, drink more water, stuff like that" was the response he got. RLB winked at me and made the decision right then that he'd take this into his own hands and start the Ketogenic diet.

His first day of a high fat/very low carbohydrate diet was Friday, May 22. On Saturday he told me he wasn't feeling any break through pain. On Sunday he started weening himself off of the Morphine. As of today he hasn't had Morphine for two weeks and has been weening himself off of the Percocet.

Today was the day his injection was scheduled (due to VA Choice approval) at our University Hospital. He met with an intern first who asked him his pain level. RLB told him about the diet he's been on and how he's been pain free since 24 hours after he started. He kept his appointment because he wasn't sure if he should still have the injection for further treatment of the herniated disc.

When he went to the surgical injection room, the Radiologist came in and asked him more questions. His recommendation was for RLB to keep doing what he is doing, the injection would be redundant since the steroid is an anti-inflammatory and designed to do exactly what his diet has done for him. RLB asked if he had any concerns about this type of diet to which he responded, "No, you're a fit man, there is no reason to not stay the proactive course you've been on."


Could this be typical? And if so, why isn't it prescribed? - I ask this tongue-in-cheek.

Friday, June 5, 2015

What if...He intervenes

The following post is for mature audiences only. If you are one of my younger readers, please defer to your parent's wisdom before you continue.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24

How could Paul say the word "everything" in this verse? What if a husband tells a wife to do something sinful? 

Looking at the account of Abraham and his son Isaac, we see demonstrated a blind faith, if you will, in obeying a command that would seem to be unbearable. It is quite apropos then, when I speak of taking Paul's writing in Ephesians literally, I'm most often asked the question: "What if your husband tells you to abort your baby?" It's an extreme example and meant to be a test or a stumbling block to prove that something else needs to be added to Paul's writing. That it is obvious he left something out that wives should just know. That the undeniable and obvious meaning of the word "everything" is: "everything except _____." The blank then needs to be discerned by the wife.

Abraham’s faith is a fascinating example for wives who might find themselves in a situation where they must choose to obey or rebel. It is written that God was testing Abraham and in knowing his obedience said to him:  
“Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.”
As wives we may find ourselves in a situation where we must rely on faith to obey what might otherwise be seen as a request that is impossible to obey. It is a spiritual battle to be sure. It is scary and heart wrenching. Intense prayer is the only thing that helps stave off the fear. And if there were anyway I could bottle up the end result and let women experience a whiff of it I would. But it is something she must decide for herself by faith.

Here's Abraham's end result:
15 Then the Angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time out of heaven, 16 and said: “By Myself I have sworn, says the Lord, because you have done this thing, and have not withheld your son, your only son— 17 blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies. 18 In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.” 
A husband doesn’t quite have all of that to give when his wife has displayed the ultimate loyalty and obedience to his request. But what he does do is everything a woman needs to KNOW she chose the right path and she will hit her knees and thank God that he allowed for her to see the truth – there needn’t be an exception to what Paul wrote in Ephesians. Everything does mean everything and God is really that big.

I received an email yesterday from a woman who has candidly told her experience of submitting in everything. She has graciously allowed me to share this experience with you:  
I know that there is quite a bit of controversy, [denial is a better word] about whether wives should obey their husbands in everything. In light of this, I would like to submit an account of the last few months in order to illustrate, first hand, that our God is bigger and infinitely more wise than wives are, and He did, in fact, mean what He said when He commanded wives to obey our husbands in everything.

To start out, a few months ago, I confessed to my husband that the Mila Kunis & Natalie Portman love scene in the Oscar winning movie Black Swan, had stirred up female fantasies in my mind and dreams. My husband became ecstatic about this and from then on, we had a long running 'lesbian fantasy' that we often joked about.

Well, after a while, and after he directly asked me if I honestly was curious enough to try this and I answered  yes, he decided that we should set something up. Once it shifted toward a future reality and no longer a fantasy, I was flooded with emotions and blame. I spent about 6 weeks disrespecting, crying, threatening to leave, apologizing, begging, and starting over again with the disrespecting. 

We made a few Craigslist personal ads, some including pictures of my genitalia, or body shots not including my face. Then, i would skim through the other ads and see trannies soliciting several men for group sex with vulgar invites in the subject line. When I started to feel the pain of the reality that I was rightfully grouped alongside these evil, reprobate fags, I started using offensively manipulative tactics in order to rationalize my own sin and make my husband feel as bad as I did, like telling him that if he doesn't love me enough to protect me from immorality just because it would be enjoyable for him to watch, then I guessed I would have to protect myself from it. Then I would take down the pictures, or entire ads, only to put them back up after we would come to some agreement where I would chose the lady, she can't be sexier than me of course, before he would even read the ad and I would decide 100% of the details i.e. if we would meet her at a hotel, have drinks first, etc.

During all these months, I was purposely ignoring God. No prayer, no Bible reading, no entertaining my conscience. Just suppression, suppression, suppression. After a while, I realized that I could only go on ignoring God for so long and all of my sexual fantasies or my obsession with increasing my husband's desire for me were not worth ignoring God anymore. I finally came to Him.

I wrote down all of the disgusting things I wanted to repent of: self obsession, disrespect and manipulation of my husband, the lesbian fantasies, the addiction to moderating my husband's exposure to women that I deemed more attractive than myself and the indignation that ensued when I could not stop a situation from happening, t.v., phone or real life where he seen an attractive woman, the will full determination to ignore God, the constant frustrations that I took out on my husband through extreme personality shifts from crazy, psycho wife to sweet, happy wife and the ignoring of our kids that they endured during the hours and hours that I spent recreating new personal ads, renewing them, taking photos, arguing with my husband and other things.

I honestly and finally gave it to God. I prayed a prayer to save my life and bring me back above water. I starting reading Hebrews. I also happened to read Dalrock's most recent M-I-L post where the comments highlighted a debate between you and a few other women about obeying your husband unto sin or not. This was yesterday.

I have always believed that the passage was written as is for a reason and I have been committed to obeying my husband no matter what command he gives me. So, when my husband got home last night, I repented to him for my emotional highs and lows and for all of the offenses that I committed against him. I told him the truth- that yes, I do have a fantasy that involves me with a woman but that it doesn't mean I have to make it a reality. I asked him if he wants us to continue with this and if he has considered if it is a sin or not with possible repercussions. He answered that yes, he wants us to continue and that he does not believe it is sinful because we, as a married couple, are choosing to do it together and that if I did it alone, without him present, it would be a sin.

At this point, I had wondered about why a woman who wants a life of promiscuity but wants it to be excused, wouldn't marry an unbeliever who would ask of her sinful  requests that she already knows she would enjoy but she would be blameless because she is obeying her husband, who will be accountable to God for the things he has asked of her. I felt immense guilt because I was going to be able to do something sinful that I would enjoy and yet my husband will be at fault and not me. I did not share this with him, just thought these things.

Anyways, we renewed another posting and answered a few emails, one of which was a couple saying that they would be down tonight to come over and let us wives get together while they watched. This was a no for my husband because he didn't want another man to see it and so we never answered them and we went into the bedroom to bed. The urgency that I felt when they responded before my husband said no, knowing that I might be doing this very thing in a few hours prompted me to say to my husband "I suppose if this is actually going to happen in the very near future, I better change our sheets." I then divulged to him that I had an internal conflict over this being done on our bed as opposed to a couch or something because of the Hebrew's verse: let the marriage bed be undefiled. I then said that I know it is just a euphemism and that it is in fact the marriage that is to remain undefiled and I understand that the bed means nothing more than the couch. I said out loud, "but you said that we are okay because this is something we are doing together."

Suddenly, my husbands countenance fell. He stopped talking and started thinking. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said "you know what I'm thinking about." I waited a few minutes and said "here, give me a kiss goodnight in case you're not done thinking before we both fall asleep." He answered "I'm not gonna fall asleep." I waited a few more minutes. Then I said "I don't mean to prod but can you tell me the gist of what you're thinking?" He answered "That verse will not leave my head. I can't get passed it."

At that moment I knew it was over. I felt a rush of relief and I just started silently  praising and thanking God. I walked with my husband, both of us drenched in sin, I did not freak out once I had addressed my convictions of this being immoral, I simply, in passing made a quick statement/joke about washing the bed sheets and it was over. My husband protected me, himself and our marriage from defilement and now he knows that I was with him.

God found a way to intervene only once I gave it to Him and still honored Him through obedience to my husband. Today is a new day for both of us. Things are different and fresh. The sun is shining brighter and our cuddles last night were more meaningful. We are united once again. Praise be to God!

Had I refused and continued to make my husband feel crappy for allowing/asking me to be with a woman, he nor I would have ever felt the real unity that we feel now. Whether I would have chickened out or put the brakes on, I may never know. I would like to think that I was at peace enough to follow through, but I don't deserve that much credit.

I hope you enjoyed my story and that it will serve as a piece of proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel is in the form of a sinful request that a wife must obey.

Monday, June 1, 2015

20 years of God's perfect timing

Remember back to the darkest, loneliest, most confusing time of your life. The most painful time you've been through. Then imagine yourself, twenty-three years later. The wounds of that painful time have been healed for many years, and you're in the midst of great harvest. You're in a time when you know in your heart, you are living the best days you have ever lived, are more joyful and thankful than you ever have been and sometimes in awe that this is your life, considering where you had come from and what a mess your life had seemed during your darkest hours.

Then imagine being able to read someone's words, someone you don't even remember, written about you during the dark time.

Exactly that happened to me yesterday. Waiting in the mailbox from the day prior was my mother's medical records from the hospital she died in. I had requested those records to learn more about the cancer she had. There was a lot I either was never told or didn't remember. She had been diagnosed when I was twelve years old and died when I was seventeen. There was much about her illness I just didn't pay attention to.

In the medical records I found bereavement assessment records. A woman from the hospital had been assigned to me to contact periodically and track how I was coping. I hadn't remembered this woman until reading the records.

Her notes about me accurately reflected a lot of what I would say about my own self looking back to that time. But there was something about reading a stranger's perspective of me that I'm not sure I know how to put in words yet.

"She is a rebellious teen."
"Dad not involved."
"Sister says she was always mixed up, not just since mom's death."
"She's like a lost soul."
"I don't think family was close."

One month after my Mother's death:
"Is a tough kid but has very little support system."
"She feels like she has her life on track now (plans for school and less partying etc.) but reading between the lines gave a different story."

Two months after:
"Our lunch date was spent talking about her boyfriend. He's "bad news" and she knows she doesn't need him or his temper but he's the only support for her now. She talked about having no self-confidence, not feeling like she deserved a "good guy" - seems to be so many instances of abandonment for her."
"Unlike other conversations she sounded sort of remote, as if she couldn't afford to have feelings right now."

Three months after:
"She seems well-organized but lost emotionally under a facade of "tough chick" - very insecure in some ways. Seems like a critical time for her."

Four months after:
"Seems impossible to reach her. And I'm not sure any of my messages are getting through."

One year later:
"She's still in school. Made Dean's list last semester."
"As always difficult to tell what's really going on. She's a very self-sufficient young lady."

There were no more records after that.

This morning I was still contemplating what I had read in those medical records and the journey I've been on since the time they were written. I watched this video, courtesy of a commentator at VP and Vox. What beautiful timing God has.

Just when you would think the ditch is too deep and I'm undeserving that's when God rocked up and opened my eyes to His reality
I began the journey of walking with God and in that experience he began to bring cleansing to defilement. He began to bring healing to my angry, wounded, ripped-off heart and then he dressed himself up in skin and loved me potently through his people. 
I met RLB two years and three months after my mother's death. We were married nine months after that. Shortly after we married I saw what RLB does when life is difficult. He reads the Bible. Even Especially when his wife was mocking him for doing so.

In case you are new here and don't know the past of the woman RLB valued enough to marry and witness to, you may read it here.

In two days RLB and I celebrate our 20th Anniversary. I am so very grateful for this man. 

Thank you, RLB, for looking past the wretched mess I was and for heeding and living God's instruction for husbands: 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. -Ephesians 5:25-33
You are my favorite thing. 

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Accounting for a lack of virtue

In the comment section over at Alpha Game, commenter Jack Amok responded to this comment:
I have often thought that much of Game and Red Pill theory assumes a general lack of virtue, especially in women.
You can look at it as either accounting for a lack of virtue, or assuming it. Those are different attitudes, and both are exhibited by different sets of people in the manosphere. 
 Our relationships with our daughters and other women become simplified and more productive if we, as women, embrace what men, who are successful in the socio/sexual realm, embrace.

As the more social of the sexes, we, as mothers, will witness or learn of our daughter's social interactions and will be in a position to give them advice and mentor them on how to respond and react to various social exchanges. We entertain more banal or trivial conversations with them than their fathers generally do. It is within those conversations that we can help our daughters the most with their perspectives, reactions, and attitudes.

For example, one of my daughters had a, for lack of a better word, stimulating social interaction with some friends. I could tell that whatever they talked about energized her. However when I learned what she and the girls were talking about my mother's heart sank and my concern for her relationship with God prompted me right into mentoring mode. Their conversation was about another girl. Their conversation was pure gossip.

The girl who was being gossiped about had done something they didn't like and they decided, as women do, to tighten the ranks of their herd by casting out the member who had gone afoul and solidifying solidarity among the remaining members with the fear of shame and becoming an outcast if the they themselves should make the same error.

There are several different ways I could have approached parenting this situation.

- The worst way would to have given tacit approval of the gossip by either not disciplining her or by agreeing that whatever the outcast member had done was grounds for a gossip session. This would be justifying her sin and engaging in gossip myself - a very tempting option for mothers who are in the habit of seeing their daughters as infallible extensions of themselves or are unwilling to take the time to mentor, correct, and instruct them at every opportunity that presents itself.

- I could have appealed to "ought" -
You ought to have known better.
This is an expression of expectation of someone's virtue that can be very frustrating to the wrongdoer. If I hadn't explicitly taught her this lesson she was about to learn, how should she have known better? Should it have been innate?

If I believe I, as a woman, innately posses the virtue that prevents me from joining in gossip then perhaps this expectation is warranted. But what now? My own daughter doesn't posses the natural virtue that I believe we are born with?

Also, my own honesty betrays me with the truth that I too have engaged in this type of gossip before. In fact I really don't know a woman who hasn't. I've met some really devoted Christians who are honest with fighting back the temptation to gossip - which means they too don't innately posses the virtue needed to prevent the temptation.

Ought doesn't work here. And to tell her "You ought to have known better," keeps "is" in denial.

Which leads me back to Jack's comment:
You can look at it as either accounting for a lack of virtue...
- I could respond to may daughter in a manner that accounts for her lack of virtue in this area. Which is what I did. When she told me of the conversations that were had, I calmly said to her, "Honey, you participated in gossip. That's not good." I then took the time to have a long conversation with her letting her know I understand how this happens, why it happens, and how to prevent it from happening in the future. We discussed the other girl's perspective and what she would feel like in that girl's shoes. We discussed how this sort of thing does not help anyone, in fact if we continue to engage in it and relish the false fulfillment we get from it, we are led down to deeper pits because as it is sin, it is insatiable. It leads to a damaged relationship with God and our own health and well being. I explained that resisting the urge to gossip isn't as much about protecting the girl who is the subject of the gossip, it is about protecting our own selves and choosing the path, though it is oftentimes difficult, that leads to a more fulfilling and joy filled realization that we have chosen God's Truth over Satan's lies.

RLB has been very good at accounting for the virtues that I have lacked. I appreciate the fact that he doesn't allow me to stay in my sin or keep my vices. He doesn't assume I ought to know better. He's not disappointed in me or disgusted by that which I don't naturally possess yet he does. He just corrects me as he believes he should.

Just yesterday I had an emotional reaction to a news story: "This is just ridiculous!" He listened for just a few seconds as I escalated my outrage. He then stopped me and said, "Don't be emotional about this." And then demonstrated how he shares my opinion but is able to do so without changing his mood.

Funny, I talk with my daughters about that quite often. "External circumstances do not determine our moods."

Recognizing that I lack this innate calm, rational approach to mood regulation helps me to account for it in my daughters and other women.

I am still accountable and responsible for my failures. Merely not possessing an innate trait does not relieve us, as women, from the consequences. We need to wisely learn from each situation and commit ourselves to pursue possessing the virtues that don't come naturally. While RLB is very patient with me, there is a limit to what he will put up. If he knows I have demonstrated the internalization of virtuous behavior, but am choosing presently to act as if I lack the virtue, he correctly sees it as rebellion to God and addresses that instead. Which is another thing we, as mothers, should be on the lookout for with our daughters. It's neither "You ought to have known better," nor an accounting for her lack of virtue,  at that point it is: "I know you DO know better - it's time to talk about rebellion."

Monday, May 18, 2015

Honor and Empathy

A reader emailed interested in other posts I've written that support my statement and belief that: 
Courage is not an innate female trait. Nor is honor or empathy.    
In Vires et honestas I stated:

I know not one woman who has always naturally embodied honor. Nor do I know many who truly understand the definition. We presume it is subjective, relative, and circumstantial. This doesn't even make sense to a man. It may be the hardest thing a man can express verbally to you. As difficult as explaining the pain of childbirth, is the ability for a man to explain honor. It is of such value to them that they will even be put off and discouraged to even have to define it. Many believe wrongly that women understand it or even have it as a trait within them.

We don't need to look much further than our current divorce statistics to see the damage inflicted on the family due to women's lack of the virtue honor.  The data shows that with no fault divorce laws, women will break their vows at a much higher incidence than men. When we look at the top reasons given for destroying their marriages one has to wonder what women even think vowing to do something means. Certainly we wouldn't need to make the vow "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part" if it were something that was going to be easy to do. It is honor that holds us to these vows when we are faced with the temptation to break them.

Honor is a culture preserving virtue but not necessarily a self-preservation virtue. It involves sacrifice of will. Women, by their biological nature, are the more self-preserving sex. The rise of feminism has clearly demonstrated that women are prone to exerting their will, regardless of cultural, moral, and spiritual implications, when given the choice and opportunity to do so rather than sacrificing their will, as seen in the divorce statistics.

This isn't to say that all men possess the virtue of honor or that no women do. In fact as we continue down this course of high divorce rates, broken homes, and churches who have strayed from teaching Truth, we are witnessing more men consciously abandoning honor as a virtue and replacing it with self preservation and other dyscivic behaviors.
It is increasingly common among Millennials to dismiss religion, God, churches, authority and tradition.
Perhaps the biggest transition of all is the entry of millions of women into the skeptic ranks. In 1993 only 16 percent of atheists and agnostics were women. By 2013 that figure had nearly tripled to 43 percent. This enormous increase is not because the number of skeptic men has declined. In fact, men’s numbers have steadily increased over the last two decades—but not nearly as rapidly as among women.
Empathy - the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.

If what we observe with women can be called empathy, then we must also recognize that it is very fluid. Generally she'll feel empathetic for others within her social group and only when she is positively correlated with the members of that group. That empathy wanes considerably at the first signs she's is being outed from the group. Is it possible to even call it empathy then?

If empathy is conditional and can be withdrawn due to negative feelings, it really ought to be called what it is - approval and agreement. She agrees with how a person feels because she would feel that way too, in that moment, in those circumstances, with that particular person. She approves of that condition. In other words, it's an expression of solipsism.

How many times have you witnessed women assume the motivations of another individual without evidence. Again, this is not empathy, it's also not likely to be psychic ability, it is psychological projection - another expression of solipsism. 

This "assuming the motivations" is rampant in feminist theory and the feminist mindset. Their reactions to Truth as found in the Bible or in the writings of great philosophers is based on assuming their motivations, and being wrong in doing so. What they claim to be misogyny and men's need for control and a devaluation of women couldn't be further from the truth. We see evidence of this being projection now that our society has abandoned heeding the advice of the civilization minded philosophers and Apostles and has welcomed women into the public arena with their unusual and illogical expressions of "empathy": 
Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat. Women often have to flee from the only homes they have ever known. Women are often the refugees from conflict and sometimes, more frequently in today’s warfare, victims. Women are often left with the responsibility, alone, of raising the children.- Hillary Clinton
Because being dead is not having been the primary victim? 
"Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you," Sen. Clinton said. "We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
Where is the empathy for those who will have these things taken from them?

The evidence that it was projection that was the foundation of feminism and assumed motivations of those who are civilization minded could not be expressed better than this:

Everyday we witness the fall out of feminism:
Health problems in single moms
Psychological repercussions from having an abortion
Lesbian partner violence
Work related stress, injury, and other disorders for women
The rise of SSRI use in women

And finally, the most ignored inconvenient truth - the decline of female happiness.

Really...Lean In for what?

When the overwhelming evidence is that feminism is harmful to women, we can conclude that the opposite of feminist philosophy is one of tremendous empathy for women. The instruction in the Bible and the writings of men like Aristotle are vindicated in being compassionate, benevolent, rational, and reasoned protection of women. Quite the opposite of misogyny.

Further evidence of the lack of empathy in women is found in two of their greatest weaknesses - the sin of coveting and proclivity to gossip. Two behaviors that, if you have daughters, you would do well to root out at every sign and expression of them. Don't let them gossip about other people. Correct them when you see them longing for something someone else has.

Teach them empathy!

Courage is intricately involved in the virtue of honor and I will write more on it at a later time.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Fix yourself before you fix your health

Every morning I read somewhere around 5-10 articles and studies relating to health and nutrition. Many of which I am notified of by a closed Facebook group that I've joined whose primary purpose is to support people who are eating a zero carbohydrate/ketogenic diet or "woe" - way of eating.

The group has around 800 members who only have one thing in common - how they eat. Naturally the members are comprised of every political persuasion and religious faith. And of course there are feminists.

One woman decided to bring her personal life to the group looking to gossip for support about her situation with her husband: 
 What do you do when your family can't stand woe? My husband is not supportive of this woe he has the whole mentality of meat is full of toxins nonsense and it's not healthy to not eat fruit and veggies. He also doesn't want me to feed meat to the kids with fat. He said look at you you're fat, I told him that is bc of all the carbs and sugar I was eating before not the meat with fat, he thinks eating fat is crazy. This is arguing even though I've lost 8 lbs so far. He said when I lose all the weight he wants me to return to eating "normal" again or there is going to be problems. Bc of him I'm eating mostly eggs bc they are cheaper. He also gets upset bc any form of sugar even from fruit gives me a migraine now. So today i slipped I ate carbs the worst kind.... a bowl of mini wheats and a strawberry greek yogurt. Carbs are all over my house it's hard to avoid temptation. And with a husband who is not supportive it makes a constant struggle. He says some other stuff too like anyone could come up with a diet on the internet and people fall for it just eat less of everything.blah blah he is reallly annoying he won't hear anything I have to say about this woe.
 The responses she received were predictably tragic:
-It seems you need to remind your husband that you are his wife and an adult and not his child so he cannot tell you what to do. Also who is cooking the food in your house and who is paying for the groceries?
 -I'm so sorry, my first thought is that your husband is a dick...
-Sounds like he is a narcissistic asshole I might be wrong sorry doll.
 The OP comes back to say this:
He is close minded sorry to say and he is 11 years older and does treat me like a child you both hit the nail on the head. I am going to continue with this woe all the benefits are worth it... It's hard with all the smells of fruit around the house. But I will continue these carbs suck immediate migraine.
 And more responses like this start to pile up:
-Sorry. I don't get it. What I eat is a dialogue between me and my body. Unless I specifically consult another for the benefit of their expertise the opinion of others is irrelevant.
-Is divorce out of the question?
-Its so much easier for us single people, no one telling us how to eat. Reading this makes me happy I'm not married
-yup he is a garden variety narc get out he will destroy you
In light of this, I have decided to form a closed group of my own where I can link and catalog all of the articles, videos, and studies I've been reading and watching. It will be open for those of like mind who seek to build, not destroy, the most important contributor to health for a married woman which is the proper relationship with their husband and obedience to God's commands.

No matter how thin, fat, achy, depressed, or anxious you are, no matter what illness you are afflicted with, no matter the hope you have in taking a magic pill or in eating a special diet, you do yourself no favors until you purposefully turn away from rebellion.

I remember the physiological affects my rebellion had on me. I remember the increased heart rate and flushing I would experience with rage. I was unable to focus or think rationally when I was bowing up to my husband. This was all very stressful to my body. In fact, I experienced the greatest amount of weight gain during the time when my rebellion came to a head and prior to it being lovingly and successfully dealt with by my husband.

Through my own observation and self administrated, unscientific, epidemiological study of one person (me), I have proven that I feel healthier when I am Calm. My hypothesis is that this is the case with most women and it's been reported to me by other women that they've experienced the same phenomenon. The Bible supports these findings and in over five years of searching, I have yet to find evidence that disproves my hypothesis.

The woman who wrote about her husband above has much more to work on before she should concern herself with diet. Satan will use anything he can to breed dissension in your marriage. If he can get you to say, "I need to do this for ME" or "I will do what I desire against my husband's wishes" or if he can get you to publicly gossip and disrespect your husband, he wins. And when he wins, he takes you down very ugly paths. No amount of weight loss or temporary improvement in physical health is worth it.
 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?  - Matthew 16:26
Do not covet weight loss or health.

If you are in a marriage that is broken, that is where your attention needs to be. 
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:1-6

If you would like to join me in the closed group I'll be creating on Facebook, you are welcome to send me an email (bottom of page). All members will be vetted and trolls will be kicked out. If you don't believe the Bible is the Truth and the Word of God, but can keep your mouth shut about it, you're welcome as well.

I've found I need somewhere to quickly access information when I am asked questions about this style of diet. That is the primary purpose for the group. I'm opening it up as a service to anyone who is interested in the research, studies, testimonies, support and information about ketogenic/high fat diets.