Friday, July 17, 2015

No idols, not even your husband

Should we submit to our husbands because they love us deeply? Should we submit to our husbands because they are good providers? Should we submit to our husbands because they are strong, righteous men?


We should submit to our husband because of who God says he IS - the head of the wife.  

God's laws work for those who believe as well as for non believers. Gravity does not care if a person is an atheist or not. 

Non believers can enjoy the blessings on this earth of living a life emulating Christian morality, like submitting to one's husband, but they can not do so in accordance to the Command. A non believer can not "submit to her own husband as unto the Lord." If you'll notice, the sentence doesn't even make sense. She is in rebellion to the Lord therefore her best effort of submission to her husband has no foundation. 

In the comment section on Dalrock's blog, we met Jane Dough. A non believer who renounced Jesus Christ as her Savior when she was a teenager. She met and married a man who had done the same. Both set out intentionally to marry non believing individuals. They carried with them the family structure that is spoken of in the Bible and agreed that this would be the best way to order their home. They made an agreement that he would be the head and she would be in submission to him. She gave many reasons for why she submits to him and respects him: 
I love my husband deeply. He is a good, strong man who gives of himself generously to me, his friends, and his family. But I’m also very attracted to him in a very carnal way. I wanted to be attracted to my husband and I was fortunate that the men in my life taught me the importance of it. And yes, it was the men who taught me to look for someone stronger, smarter, faster thinking, and traditionally masculine.
 You’re missing the point. It isn’t that good job, education, or income are attractive themselves. What’s attractive is the amount of time, dedication, intelligence, motivation, and charisma that was required to get where he is. His success is just the result of these traits. He was completely laid out after a bad car accident for almost a year in 2007. He didn’t work out, earn money, make deals, or do anything but physical therapy. The attraction wasn’t lost during that time because it’s who he is that I love and want, not the results of who he is. The drive, wits, charisma, etc was all still there.
 But, if I married someone not believing that he really was my superior in real, measurable, tangible ways, submission would be much harder much more often. Not impossible, of course. And it should never be an excuse for not submitting.
In this comment she notes why she is worthy of her husband and a few of the benefits she gets from marrying the man she did (life would be easier) and submitting to him (she would be happier):
My husband married a virgin who respects him, loves him, and cares for him.
But I didn’t choose a husband blindly. I went for what I wanted knowing full well that I wanted a man to be the head of the household and that given my own personality, strengths, and shortcomings it would be easier if I looked for someone with certain traits. So I did. The men in my family were all strong leaders in their homes, and I was raised knowing that both my husband and I would be happier if I submitted. Knowing that, I found the best man I could to submit to.
Or I guess I could have married someone less dominant and successful and had to work 3x times as hard to submit while hoping that he would one day take charge. But it doesn’t seem worth it.
I definitely recommend this to everyone, male or female. Find someone you love AND are very attracted to. That’s why I’m never offended when the guys here write off fat women. They should be writing them off.
 It goes both ways. My husband is a better leader because he truly sees me as vulnerable. He knows it isn’t play pretend, and he is motivated to be the best leader and provider he can because I can’t do it myself. There is no question that *he* is needed, respected, and that I’m grateful to him. I don’t think he would have this fire for his family’s wellbeing if he thought I could manage everything on my own. We aren’t peers. He’s above me, and I chose him because that’s what I knew I wanted and needed, and everyone is better for it.
From a Utilitarian perspective, she believes emulating biblical instruction for marriage to be the best way to order society:
You don’t have to be a Christian to believe that lifelong, monogamous marriage is the only way to create healthy, stable families and that those families are what make up a functioning society. The only way for both people to thrive in a marriage is for the man to be in charge and for the woman to submit. This is moral, time tested, and whether anyone likes admitting it or not, supported by social science.
I can not argue with her. This is the best way to order a society. I have no doubt that she is a happy woman, living the blessings of well ordered life. Secular individuals who are also committed to never returning to the Lord and choose to remain separated from Him for all eternity, would do well, for this period of time, to follow her example. It appears families who do order themselves this way break up less and raise stable productive children. 

So why is it that her relationship with her husband is sinful idolatry?
(for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God) - Exodus 34:14
If there is difficulty to be found in submission, it is often because of a lack of understanding of why.

Why should wives submit to their husbands as unto the Lord? Because God said to obey His commands. God said that not obeying His commands is rebellion to Him.

What should you do if you are highly attracted to your husband, think he is strong, righteous, a great leader, a wonderful father, and a humble servant? What if you really like him, love him, desire all the best for him, serve him, and adore him?

You should submit to to your husband and respect him because God said to obey His commands. 
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. - John 15:4
Be watchful of your own heart, even and especially when everything in your household is running smooth. Even and especially when you and your husband are getting along famously. Mind your heart while your cup overflows and all that is great and wonderful that one can experience from marriage is happening for you. 
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matthew 6:19-21


  1. Good post. I notice you didn't touch on the Stepford Wives. But, good post.

    I am only telling you this, because I find it frustrating when people are clearly reading one's stuff but they don't leave a "courtesy note" like this.

  2. It's a pretty esoteric topic as it is. How rare is it for wives to even contemplate submitting to their husbands these days? Much less doing it out of obedience to God.

    Feminists do like to accuse wives in biblical marriages of being husband worshipers, doormats etc. An understanding of the motivation should put that to rest (I know it doesn't - they're willfully blind about it).

    I think Jane Dough understands the unicorn she is and I can imagine she does find it difficult to get her friends and other association to understand why they order their home as they do.

    Like I told Jane Dough, I do not belong to any group or affiliation other than the Body of Christ. While it is interesting to learn of these groups like the Stepford wives and the Domestic Discipline groups, I find both to be somewhat of a perversion of Truth. God's instruction for wives and the ordering of a home leaves so much room for conversation and learning, adding more rules to it and making it a club in addition to being Christian is unnecessary and in some cases unbiblical.

    I find her (Jane's) utilitarian morality to be fascinating but think it should be what feminists and those with other deviant lifestyles should fear the most (instead of Christianity).

  3. One thing not to do is believe the enemy's propaganda. I am not an American, so I don't know, but is it really so vanishingly rare for women to plan to submit, in some senses at least, to their husbands?

    I suspect there are a lot more Jane Doughs than the feminists would like to pretend, and I agree with what I take to be your point, that such women are the danger. It would not take a huge amount for wifely submission to become fashionable again.

    This is one reason no doubt that feminists become so hysterical when a female celebrity expresses any kind of traditional sentiment on marriage.

    The only remarkable thing about Jane Dough is that she had the insight to analyse her own opinions. A lot of this kind of thing is done instinctively. Which is one reason why I would be wary of believing opinion polls or whatever on women's attitudes. What they actually do in their personal lives may be quite different.

  4. is it really so vanishingly rare for women to plan to submit, in some senses at least, to their husbands

    Yes. Most young women are raised today having never even heard it as a concept. They marry the guy they like and agree with and when they no longer agree, they no longer like him. It's really that simple and sad. There is a "very good reason" for their divorces - the Bible is not part of daily life. Also, husbands haven't been raised ever hearing of the concept and find it archaic when they do hear about it. They wind up frustrated and in quiet desperation but don't ever wake up to why.

    You misunderstand me about Jane Dough's Utilitarian perspective of a well ordered society being dangerous for feminists and other deviant lifestyles. It isn't because of women like her being an influence to other women causing submission to be fashionable. It's more about a society's desire to preserve itself and get rid of those who aren't useful. There are many places here if you listen closely, you can almost hear the trains getting started.


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