Women suck at being failures

Commentator Cynthia left this comment at Dalrock's which I wanted to highlight and share:

The sad truth of the matter is, some women do some pretty horrible things without realizing how horrible they are. We react without considering the ethics of what we’re doing, and once negative consequences become apparent, we explain it away. There’s not always intent to harm, even when injury is the outcome. Feminism has largely taken the burden of responsibility away from females; there is no longer any external societal pressure to honestly evaluate one’s motives or behaviors. We’re encouraged to run on pure instinct and fancy it morality. It’s feral, and objectively amoral, but with female solipsism being what it is, she may not understand that what she’s doing is wrong.

From what I’ve seen, the ability to mentally twist even the worst personal vice into virtue is an innate female quality that men neither share nor understand. To you guys, it all looks pre-meditated and therefore, cynical, but the truth is so much worse. Men generally stop when they know they’re doing wrong; women refuse to even see it in the first place. Not that women lack reason. Men typically evaluate the morality of what they’re about to do or have done based on reason and fact, but women tend rationalize based on emotion, self- evaluate only after the fact and will justify not doing so if they suspect the answer won’t be to their liking. Cynical women are aware of the hamster; most don’t see it until reality forces them to.

Last night I watched some American Idol auditions. A husband and wife team came to audition together and compete with each other. Something I would highly advise a wife to NEVER do. She seemed so sure of herself and that her singing ability was superior to his. You'll wonder too, while you watch it, how she could have believed that. Has she never heard him sing? 

She's a bit disrespectful and sassy to begin with and he comes across as a doting Beta husband who is about to learn, while being recorded, what his dear, sweet wife is capable of: the inability to stop, think, take a thought captive, take responsibility, and especially the inability a woman has, while in an emotional state, to hold back the vile thoughts that cross her mind as she rationalizes and justifies her failure. 

First it was the judges fault: "I did my best and it was sad that they couldn't just focus on my singing"

No, sweetie, they heard you sing, we all did. You have as sweet soft voice that should be singing lullabies to that baby. Your husband, on the other hand, should be singing on my radio filling the Meatloaf void (Celine who?).

Next it was, of course, her husband's fault - he was distracting her:  "Jordan was dancing with her on the ground." (Notice the pure shock on his face after she said that.)

Then came the emotional manipulation masked in brutal confession which was an obvious lie, ie a shit test: "I've never been good enough."

As a mother of teenage daughters, it has become my primary mission to train them to not react in this way. I keep a very attentive ear. If I hear a whisper of these sour thoughts and behaviors (and false humility or false self-deprecation), we discuss it. They are reminded, in even the most seemingly inconsequential situations to reject their solipsism and embrace empathy. They are instructed to stop. They are instructed to keep their mouths shut and think.

I am, by no means, immune to it. I walk myself through these steps. At times I fail. Analyzing and evaluating our motives and behaviors (before speaking) isn't fun - we are forced to recognize how foul our first thoughts can be. "What is wrong with me?" 

Our husbands can be very valuable assets in helping us with this. Most men, by nature, do not have this challenge and are usually very gracious about instructing us how they process things. We can be honest with them (they already know and remain married to us despite these shortcomings). When you've identified a circumstance where your initial reaction is to blame others, justify your behavior, and avoid responsibility or reality, ask them what their thoughts would be. Ask them how they avoid, in their minds, this desperate need to protect themselves by rationalizing. Observe them and pay close attention to their empathetic responses to people.

One of my favorite places to observe men is at sporting competitions. Our last 16 team wrestling tournament was perfect for this. We were in a very close battle for first place. All of our fans knew which matches needed to be won and which teams needed to lose in order for the points to fall in our favor. Our fans were loud, their fans were loud, it was intense and came down to the final two simultaneous matches. The final standings were being announced and as soon as we heard who took second, our fans erupted knowing we took first. As the celebration started settling down, the coach of the second place team walked up to our coaches and in the most gracious manner congratulated them, told them how awesome our young men wrestled and what an exciting tournament it was. His facial expressions were genuine without a hint of sour grapes.

Let's be like that, ladies. Let's reject the lie that our instinctual reactions are moral, let's develop awareness of our behaviors. Let's take every thought captive. Let's not wait until we're on national television and some blogger writes about our embarrassing display of the very worst of our natures.