Friday, December 28, 2012

Crabs in a bucket

How do you keep a crab in a bucket? Put two crabs in it. One will always pull the other down and prevent its escape. - A parable coined first by feminist author, Ninotchka Rosca from the Philippines.

Crab mentality can be seen whenever we set out to do something that goes beyond the norms of our group. That group can be our families, our church community, our social group, economic name it. There are individuals who will perceive your new idea, commitment, adventure, enterprise, beliefs etc. as a threat of some sort. It threatens their own complacency, their opposing beliefs, or their desire to maintain the status quo.

Crab mentality is different than an inquiry into why you are doing something new. It doesn't seek to understand or debate. It can be subtle and insidious or obvious. The desired result, whether one is cognitive of it or not, is to put you into an uncomfortable position, to urge you to come back and conform to the group's mentality, to stop what it is you are doing, to put into question your ability or conviction. The words used are most often condescending and reveal an arrogance that would undoubtedly be confirmed as irrational should you succeed.

I've heard it said that we often do this to our own selves. I see that as something different. The challenges we place on our own selves, the self doubt and questioning are there to build fortitude and conviction. It causes us to dig deeper when making a decision, to find others that have gone before us successfully, to pray to God for confirmation and guidance. When you set out to lose weight for example, it is natural to think of how you might fail. What is so important is that the thought has materialized. You will now seek out advice on how others have succeeded. When you are satisfied with having all the information you need, you set out on your journey.

When you make public a desire to lose weight to another person who needs to as well but isn't ready to make the commitment, that is when you'll hear crab mentality. I've been asked and told the most ludicrous things regarding losing weight and getting in shape. Always from fat people. For instance:  "Is RLB making you do this?" "I'm so thankful my husband loves me for who I am." "I would never want to be as skinny as I was before." "I could never punish my body the way you do."

Deciding to homeschool is a sure way to bring out the crabs. My favorites: "What makes you think you're qualified to homeschool your child?" "I could never do that, I just don't have the patience."

Prior to starting this blog, I posted a Facebook status that revealed my understanding of Biblical submission. I did it in a crafty little way:
So I was reading this crazy book last night. It talked about entering into this contract where the woman obeys what the man says to her about everything, that with this contract her body is not her own, it is his and that she is forbidden to deny him sexual gratification. And wow the author really knew how to paint a sexual scene, whew. It was just awesome.
I have never read the popular mommy porn book that has made its rounds among women who would scoff at biblical submission, but I knew there would be a few people inquiring if that was the book I was referring to. Once I revealed I was talking about the Bible, a twice divorced woman had this crab statement to say: "You really can't believe that is a healthy relationship." - Okay, I'll admit, it was a set up. I have a peculiar way of amusing myself sometimes.

The latest crab statement directed my way was one I anticipated: "Looks like you must have a lot of time on your hands..." Referring to the blog. It wasn't neutral. It was a crab statement followed up with a literal condescending slam that I'll write about later. 

I'll address that crab statement now as I see it a lot, in various forms, in the comments of the other blogs I read. I don't know the specific motivation of the authors who write the blogs I'm most interested in but I do know mine. I stated it in the first few essays I posted, specifically in Now let me at the truth

For a few hours a week, I spend my time writing essays that my children read. We discuss everything that is written here. The words I write come from reading the Bible, praying, talking with and learning from RLB and other sources I respect, and, of course, our experiences in life. This medium allows you to read what I have to say and you voluntarily choose to return or not. What I am most excited about, however, is that these essays make their way into the hands of my grandchildren and generations to come long after I am gone. It has been a passion of mine for some time to make sure the failures and successes in RLB and my life are made available to our descendents. We often discuss the little we know from our ancestors and wonder how they made it through their challenges or what contributed to their successes. We wonder what their opinions were of the ever changing times and societies they lived in. 

There has always been an ebb and flow of people to God's truth. As the destruction of feminism and Marxism makes it way through our society, our schools, our churches, and our homes, I have found that RLB and I are a part of a growing underground of believers who have chosen to reject societal norms. People like us have always existed as well. Many of us can not even find a church that isn't corrupted with feminist propaganda. The lies are so prevalent. 

I am extremely blessed to have married a rock of a man. One who has rejected the lies and lives the words of Joshua 24:15 - But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

He is a precious wonder to me whose wisdom must be shared with his descendents. I can think of no better way to spend the time I have on my hands.

1 comment:

  1. A fine corollary to this post is the Einstein quote regarding mediocre minds.

    "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."


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