Monday, December 3, 2012

One dead, several wounded

It started as a one night stand and turned into friends with benefits. Twenty-one years ago when RLB was in college. He had been recovering from a harsh break-up with his first love. The break-up was to a girl who was a virgin when he met her. Catholic upbringing, smart, and what RLB had thought should be his wife. That experience taught him his first lesson in the cruel nature of women. She cheated on him, toyed with him, and enjoyed a long period of time that he remained her Beta orbiter. Until he had enough. To ensure it would be over, RLB had sex with her sister. Yeah, that did the trick. 

Back to the friends with benefits. She got pregnant. What the break-up taught him of the nature of women was nothing compared to what he was about to learn.

RLB wanted his baby. He wanted to raise his baby with or without her. He started giving her every option he could. He offered to marry her. No. He offered to pay for everything and raise the baby jointly. No. He offered to pay for everything and have her sign over legal rights to the baby. No

He had talked to his family. They were supportive and told him they would help in anyway they could. They even talked with a barren couple they knew who would adopt the baby. He presented that to the girl. Again, no. "What about adopting the baby to someone we don't know, through an agency?"


"Please, don't kill my baby."

Too bad. My body, my choice, my rights, me, me, me, me, me...

RLB went into a tailspin of bad decisions and bad behavior after that. He quit college for a couple of years and did whatever he could to drown out the pain and the failure.

Not long ago, we came across her profile on a social networking site. Simultaneously we starting looking through her pictures, hoping to come across a twenty-one-year old man or woman in any of them that might be....

Again we're faced with the reality that it will take Heaven to meet RLB's child. We look forward to it. There are two more there as well. We miscarried twins eight years ago. While that was painful, the pain is a sad longing and an understanding we just do not have. Very different than the helpless horror of choice.

I would love RLB's child. From experience, he has great kids. Blessings to all who meet them. His first would have been no exception.

There are several wounded. Our children, especially the oldest, were so sad to hear they could have had an older brother or sister. 

In talking about it all again, when I told RLB I wanted to write his story, it was visibly evident the wounds haven't healed completely. He didn't speak about her. The struggle that remains is within himself. The natural guilt and remorse a man experiences when he was helpless to save his own child.


  1. It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

  2. You mean her in this case. He tried to do the right thing any way he could.

    Unfortunately the "choice" is really the "selfishness".

    Losing a child prior to birth, for any reason, can cause long-term challenges. We lost the only child we could have given birth to. Our adopted children have all returned, either directly or in spirit, to their birth family. Kind of sucks.

    Families that desperately want children can't get them while others kill theirs by sacrificing them to the modern-day Moloch.

  3. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Thank you for having the courage to write this.


  4. I have a peace about the miscarriage. I have a large hole in my heart about the abortion. It isn't a submissive hole; it's an angry, violent hole. Yet, there isn't any one or thing to take vengeance upon. So, I pray for forgiveness. I don't feel it yet...maybe one day I will. Perhaps soon. This blog is actually good for me too.

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  6. I really appreciated a recent Parenthood episode. A young girl had an abortion and the boy couldn't do anything to convince her otherwise. How true to my experience. One dead, several wounded. I'm still not over it, but I'm glad I didn't pay for it. I have regret. I don't have the regret of signing off on killing my baby. I would take the hardship then and now. Most men I know would. Not the case with most women I know.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss.
    I have an older Brother in Heaven. I had no idea about him.
    When my Father passed I had what can only be described as a waking dream where I saw my Father joyfully hugging a young man and dragging him over to introduce him to me. I had never seen him before. My Father told me he was my Brother.
    My Mother brokenly confessed they aborted a baby before me and it had always ripped them to shreds. I shared my vision with her and she was in awe. She knew said her heart always knew he was a boy.

    We do not mourn without Hope but with faith in Christ Jesus. God is the God of the living not of the dead. May your heart be healed one day and your wounds be used for His purposes Brother and Sister in Christ.

  8. To clarify...I had never known about the abortion.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is so good for my heart.

    2. It was awe inspiring for me and my Mother. He was real. He even appeared to be shy and had certain mannerisms of my Father. I never saw my Father so happy.
      This is not the end.


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