Sometime around December of last year, SD started chastising me for being unkempt. She would tell me that I need to shave or shower more often. When I started to do that, she still complained. It became apparent to me that she didn't like me wearing sweatpants.
I was wearing sweatpants because they are comfortable. I have back and GI issues that make constriction around the abdomen painful. During the summer, I wear basketball shorts. They are also very comfortable for such conditions. There were no complaints during short wearing season. My youngest daughter recently pointed this out to SD. She asked why SD didn't complain about me wearing shorts all the time. SD didn't really have a rational answer to justify that over the sweatpants controversy of our last winter. I still shave my beard and head on the same schedule I did during the winter. I still shower and use deodorant/cologne as often as I did in winter. The difference is what I wear on my bottom half.
Over time I have discussed this issue with SD and realized she has an irrational connection between sweatpants and decay/dying. Her mother was in sweatpants constantly during the final months of her life. It is not worth trying to change this mental image in a wife's head over buying pants.
My GI issues cause my abdomen to bloat after eating. Thus, my old pants caused pain because they weren't bought with this issue in mind. The same issue applied dealing with my lower back issue. I also hate shopping, so buying new pants was low on my priority list. Big mistake. None of my personal issues constituted a hill to die on for a husband.
I know this issue isn't unique to me. There are a plethora of these issues. Long hair, short hair, beards, nose hair, ear hair, toilet seat, wife beater shirt, open mouth chewing, dog kissing, ... the list goes on. Idiosyncrasies/pet peeves are far and wide. The point is that these issues aren't irreconcilable differences. It may take time to dissolve these deep seated emotional connections. Why would you want to even address such issues? Because sometimes...I like to wear my Packers sweatpants on Sunday. But, just buy the pants that fit.
*looks curious* Is there a specific kind of pants you need that you have to hunt up? Or is it a general cut/fit thing?
ReplyDeleteHe should have put in bold that this is irrational.
ReplyDeleteRLB has that anvil shape 40 inch shoulders/32 inch waist and a very small butt. Sweatpants hang and sag off of him and look like poopy pants. Couple that with the normal heather grey color (or Packer green color) and...ick. He doesn't have to do any hunting, I just need the okay and I'll start my mission of finding comfortable sports pants for him that don't look like death warmed over to me.
When the Army first switched from the BDU's (uniform that needed to be pressed) to the digital print ACU's I remember him saying, "these are like jammy pants." Last night he asked if I'd rather him wear his ACU's all the time since they're even more comfortable than sweat pants. I said "yes, when you wear your ACU bottoms and that tan tee-shirt I see sexy Soldier, that works for me." :)
ReplyDeleteWhat about some smart looking track pants like they sell at Undergear or places like that? They are generally low waisted so you wont get that saggy butt look. The site may look ghey but my wife likes their underoos on me so I'll occasionally buy a pair to wear for her birthday or anniversaries as a surprise.
ReplyDeleteRed,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on a great post. Sometimes game is about doing/being a better man. Sometimes its about doing something from a motivation of love. It costs nothing in terms of self respect to not wear sweatpants. If it makes the wife happy that's the loving thing to do.
I don't know if this suggestion is acceptable to SD, but have you tried wearing surgical scrubs like you see doctors in? They can be bought on the net fairly cheap and had in different designs and colors. I have some digital cammo ones that I paid $15 for.
I just looked some of those up, not bad. More likely to keep me in doctor playing mood than sweats. :)
DeleteSince you put it that way, order him a couple of sets and a stethoscope!
ReplyDeleteACU bottoms are awesome. If you have a surplus store near by, pick some up. Very comfortable, lots of pockets, draw string for gut expansion, durable for working...I can go on. I really do like them.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried any ginger and raw honey in warm water to combat the GI issues? It works wonders.
ReplyDeleteI actually have the same pants issue. Hehe. SD there are cargo pants in many colors that have expandable waists. They look just like nice dress pants but have cargo pockets. Very durable and comfortable. Kind of like LE wear. I think target, old navy and walmart have them. Some even have draw strings.
The other thing is golf pants and shorts are made with special waists that offer like 2 to 3 inch expansions built into them. You dont have to adjust them at all and they look like nice dress pants. Try Kohls.
Thats sweet that he is willing to do this. Awwww
Also I saw you try to help yttik. Hope she takes your advice. She appears to be having a rough day.
The biggest issue about all of this was determining the cause of frustration. Women have a tendency to vent verbally about something that doesn't coincide with what she is saying. Once the issue was uncovered, the solution becomes easy. As the husband, you can reduce such a situation. More importantly, when you identify the cause, your wife can address the irrational issue internally. However, it isn't worth the husband's time to keep pushing the particular irrational reaction. It is part of living with your wife in an understanding way.
ReplyDeleteThis is a common thing to occur with women. They start arguing with you about something and the issues of the argument change every ten seconds. You thought you were dealing with one issue and she brings up what you said to your mother five years ago. It's funny, because it's true.
This is when you need to start nailing jello to a tree. It isn't impossible and it's quite rewarding. Remain calm. If you keep focusing on singular issues, you can uncover the true issue driving your wife nuts.