Thursday, July 25, 2013

When women rage

Commenting on the video of a wife having a tantrum Res Ipsa said the following:
And yet there are so many women out there who blame the men because they don't want to get married.
There are two reasons men will confirm why they don't want to marry in light of seeing this video. The first is because of the potential of marrying a woman who will behave this way. They don't even want to go there. They have an expectation of women that is, in today's society, unfortunately unrealistic. When women are raised in feminist households with all the ills to a family that brings, many will behave this way in some manner. While they may not resort to pitching a fit like the woman in the video, they will still not know how to deal with disappointment and anger in a mature way or with a quiet gentle spirit. They have grown up witnessing indignant women and being told that it is right and acceptable. Their church hasn't addressed it, their mothers display it, their teachers and professors promote it and society accepts it.


The second reason dovetails with the first only this group of men do not have an unrealistic expectation of women, they know this behavior can exist within them and they know exactly what they would do about it to change the behavior. The problem is they are legally prohibited from the right course of action. They know that should they discipline their wives she has the law and the courts standing in her corner ready to slap his hand, take his money, take his children, and in many cases imprison him for doing what is right to do.

There are men who don't care, however. They will marry knowing their wives might have rage within them, they know what they will do to discipline and correct the behavior and they don't care what the potential consequences could be. These are the men who many times have wives who will receive the correction, who will not pursue divorce, who will not listen to the feminist voices: "How dare he do that to you?" "You're just too stupid to leave him." "He has no right to discipline you." They also have no stomach for the white knights: "He's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, princess." "A real man walks away." "A real man listens and tries to understand." These women are highly attracted to their husbands and develop great respect for their authority.

Now, if you are a woman who does not rage within, who has always possessed a quiet gentle spirit, who is emotionally mature and rational, I'm not addressing you. I'd like you to go to whomever it was who raised you or instilled this within you and thank them. If you're a man married to a woman like this, take note of how she was raised and do the very same thing with your daughters.


In his post The new Chris Brown, Vox states:
As I have frequently observed, there is no such thing as equality in any material sense, least of all sexual equality.  And any man who somehow manages to get physically beaten up by a woman renders himself a gamma; no alpha would ever accept such treatment regardless of the subsequent legal consequences.  The very fact that a man is physically attacked in the first place is indicative of the woman's belief in his low socio-sexual status.
Women don't dare are much less inclined to attack alphas, not even with the full force of an anti-male legal regime behind them.  They understand that an alpha would much rather spend the rest of his life in prison than live it knowing he submitted to a physical assault by a woman without responding.  It is silly to say that a man who won't defend himself against women isn't a man, but it is a strong evidence that he is a man of average or lower socio-sexual status.

Dr. Helen responds to this post but misses the point (highlight mine):
Vox asks a good question, will Emma Roberts be condemned like Chris Brown? Probably not, but even he seems to believe that a man who does not defend himself is low status. Bull. Women hit men all the time and that doesn’t mean they are low status. I get that Vox thinks the woman thinks the guy is low status but that tells more about what she thinks she can get away with, not the man’s actual value as a person. We need to focus on abusive women and how to deal with them, not try to determine if a man is low status for being hit. I frankly don’t care for ranking men or women in this way–gamma, beta, alpha. Good grief.
Focusing on abusive or rage filled women necessarily means changing our feminist society. There is no amount of psychological analysis, pharmaceuticals, or self help books that will change the underlying cause of the rage within women. In fact, I have not known of a rage filled woman to become one of a quiet gentle spirit without God and His plan for order within the family. Feminism did not cause this in women, it has always existed:
Better to dwell in the wilderness,
Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19
But a feminist society makes the very worst in women flourish and become the norm. 

Vox's post allows men to rank themselves if they chose to do so, but more importantly it highlights who the men are who don't get hit by women (twice). Who don't allow for rage filled women in their lives. Should the man who has a rage filled wife desire to institute change then he should observe success and emulate it. An outside source telling his wife she is wrong, while her husband condones her behavior (by his inaction) will never change her. Well, I take that back, if it changes her, what will also change is her attraction to her husband. When, for years, he allows rage filled outbursts and abusive behavior to exist within his home, and he doesn't play a role in her transformation, she will lose respect for him. Instinctively she will think "If he couldn't protect his own self from me, how could he possibly protect our family from external forces?"  

In order to maintain the marriage, men, you must be part of the change that takes place within her. No, this is not a "man up" message. The choice is yours, I'm just telling you what will happen if she matures without your input. In fact, I apologize in advance, if your wife is reading this and the two of you know she has rage filled outbursts and tantrums, and you have allowed it to happen, she is losing respect for you and attraction to you while she reads. Even if she is indignant towards me and about to post a hand waving "I'll tell her" comment on this blog, she is still losing whatever respect she has had for you. 

It's a rigged game, men. I'd like to tell you that we can change society and women to be rational creatures that will respect their husbands unconditionally. I'll do my part with my daughters and hopefully encourage other parents to do the same. But, in the mean time, this remains the state of our society in the ruins of the feminist machine. However: 
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Now for some personal anecdotes. A few things will come of this for you. Some of you will read and feel proud, "I can't believe SD did these things, I'd never behave like that." - and if it's true, good for you. No really, I'm glad that you've maintained self control and rational behavior all your life, I used to envy women like that. They make for fantastic examples of hope for us crazy ones. There's no reason to be haughty about it, however. If that is your first reaction, please check yourself.

Then there are some of you that will be thinking, "Thank God I'm not the only one. While that video was extreme, I, too, have been an out of control, temper tantruming, petulant child who needed a spanking."

RLB's family has several stories that get repeated often. While they are sources of great comedy and laughter among us, there is always a lesson in them. Most relevant to this was the time his mom had a fit and threw a chair at his dad. Dad grabbed her, bent her over his knee and spanked her. When he was finished he said, "If you are going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like one." 

Precedent set. This is how the men deal with unruly women in this family. I was told this story early on. 

"They are never going to last." - said by my roommate at our wedding reception. She'd be the one to know. She got to witness some great Friday night fights. RLB's response to my tantrums was to sleep. If I got physical with him, he would restrain me with his arms, tell me to stop and then he'd tune me out and sleep. Our fights were always after a night of drinking so this worked well for him. He'd leave me to pitch my fit all alone until, like an exhausted toddler, I'd finally fall asleep. I'd be embarrassed and humbled in the morning but we'd carry on. After one night the evidence of my fit was a hole in the wall of our living room. He was sleeping in the next room while I was screaming at him and kicking the wall. I never did that again. I was so ashamed every time I'd look at the wall. Of course we didn't fix it. RLB would laugh at me every time he'd tell someone how it happened (he still does). 

One week after our wedding we attended one of his friend's weddings. Again I drank heavily and started having an insecure jealous fit on the ride home. I don't remember what it was all about or what RLB was doing but I do remember opening the truck door (while he was driving 50 MPH) and my shoe fell off. He stopped the truck asked me what I was doing in not so nice words and we got out to look for my shoe. I was still screaming at him so he slapped my face and told me to knock it off. It stunned and sobered me and made me shut up and realize how crazy I had been behaving. 

I've told the story how after we were married things began to change with RLB. His attitude that made me crazy about him started to become more passive. He went through a long period of financial stress that brought out his inner Delta. During a fight we were having, I slapped him and broke the arm off his glasses. His reaction was unfortunate. He quietly looked at me with disdain, put his broken glasses back on and walked away from me. I was sorry for what I had done, I knew I was out of control and he didn't deserve this treatment. I didn't know what to do with myself. He continued to wear the glasses, which he taped, for years after the incident. He refused to buy a new pair. While it did shame me, it also had a very negative influence on my attraction to him. 

Fast forward a few years. We were no longer having fights of this nature. I had been reading the Bible and marriage books trying to change the rage within me. It wasn't completely gone, unfortunately. We were driving to a meeting and again, I don't remember what our argument was about, I was likely being very disrespectful and snotty and he'd had enough. He said something to me I didn't like and I threw my coffee at him. He pulled the car over quick, reached across and grabbed my neck, pinned me up against the car door and informed me how I will never do anything like that again. 

I haven't. 

RLB can, quite easily kill me with one hand. I learned that that night and have never wanted to incite him in that way again. The realization of his strength and willingness to use it has contributed greatly to my very high attraction to him. 

I know some of you still struggle with why that is true. You're still swallowing that bitter red pill and are hopeful that something is just wrong with me, that there are women out there not like this. I'm sure there are but I'm afraid with the way the majority of women have been raised today, it will be a long arduous search for you. Accepting that profound physical dominance is a very attractive trait in a man for a woman would be much more simple for you. 

We use these examples to teach our daughters. While it is still humbling for me, I continue to be very grateful for the discipline and correction RLB has patiently given me. I no longer have rage within me. In fact it's been four years since my heart rate has elevated due to irrational fear or anger. A vertically aligned marriage and obedience to God's commands in marriage quiets the spirit. It calms the rage and softens our countenance.

Please don't misunderstand, I am still an extroverted person. That I can not change. I still am very passionate and expressive. And, there are times I fail to control my tongue and indignation. But not with him. It isn't fear either. It is great respect, admiration, submission and very high attraction. It is also trust. I trust him to correct me when I'm wrong and I trust him to protect me and our family. 

39 comments:

  1. "He pulled the car over quick, reached across and grabbed my neck, pinned me up against the car door and informed me how I will never do anything like that again."

    Any wife who refuses to submit to that kind of treatment when she gets completely out of control shouldn't be a wife.

    The reason most women won't put up with that treatment is because they aren't sufficiently attracted to their husbands. Full stop. Most wives would call the cops and swear out criminal complaints on their husbands for doing what RLB did to you.

    Most men will not do what RLB did to you.

    deti

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  2. I think the last time a movie portrayed the proper way to deal with this sort of female behavior, it was John Wayne. I can't remember which of the two McClintock or the Quiet Man was the most recent. Both movies had a similar theme, an out of control redhead wife. For some reason society as a whole understood the concept of male physical dominance and accepted it. Today those movies could never be made.

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  3. Was the coffee hot enough to burn your husband or was it room temperature?

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    1. I'm not deti from above btw

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    2. It was a luke warm cappuccino - does that make me a smidge less crazy?

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  4. SD, I like and admire you. However, there is another way. David Collard's wife got snotty in the car and he turned around to drop her off at home. Dalrock said that, early on, he had trouble and found any excuse to get of the house.
    If you remove the audience, there's no purpose to the performance. It's more subtle and it takes longer to work, but work it does.
    In my case, seeing that video does NOT fill me with enthusiam to go dating, much less find a wife.
    FuzzieWuzzie

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    1. Hi FW, thank you for the kind words.

      While I don't disagree with you that those more passive responses might work in the long term to change behavior in some women, I do wonder if they have the same positive affect on attraction. I've never read anything from either Dalrock's or David Collard's wives.

      When RLB would go to sleep or leave the room when I was being irrational, I did not have an elevated attraction towards him. And, it did nothing to serve the innate need I had to know he would provide protection. In fact, during the height of my disrespectful and belligerent tantrums, I would taunt him further if he started to walk away, "Where are you going? You quit? Really? That's great." In essence it had a very negative affect on me with regards to my attraction to him and subsequently my respect for him. (This was before I began obeying God's commands for me to respect him and submit to him as unto the Lord. If a woman has not made the decision to obey God, diminished attraction to and respect for her husband will make their already difficult marriage worse.)

      I understand the thought that the affect it had on me shouldn't matter. I'm really just being honest about what goes on in the mind of a woman like me. If men understand that and decide a wife is not worth it, so be it. As I've said, I am very grateful and appreciative that RLB responded the way he did after the coffee incident. I needed the stern correction and discipline to become the woman I am today. Not all women require this. Women who are like me, know it. They know exactly what I'm saying. It's just not socially acceptable to talk about. It's very humbling.

      I can't emphasize enough how essential calming the rage is to a woman's well being. It's not just emotional well being, it is physiological as well. It is not healthy for a woman to experience rage. I'm not just talking about being sassy or snotty. I'm talking about a deep seated rage within that overcomes her and intensifies her already irrational self. Now that I live with calm, peace, and contentment, I get overwhelmed with appreciation and gratitude for RLB's unwavering love (Agape) for me. He did the uncomfortable. He put his commitment to the correct way to handle a woman like me before any fear of loss. I remember well what it was like to be out of control emotionally. While that woman is almost unrecognizable to me today, I am careful to remind myself of who I once was and to give credit for the transformation where it is due - RLB and God.

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    2. SD,

      On a very basic level you were testing his ability to become violent. He was failing the test, at least in your eyes. Women being somewhat stupid creatures do these things.

      A man instinctively knows when the behavior of other men escalates to a threat level where violence is the proper response. When an event happens we are psychologically and physically capable of killing the attacker. We can go from mellow to dead bodies on the floor very, very, quickly. This may not be true of all men, but I suspect it is true of 90% or more of us.

      When a women we love starts pushing the "fight button" we don't know what to do. We don't want to hurt or kill you. We know that if we allow that trigger to be tripped that we will destroy you. Our reaction of withdraw isn't one of weakness, but of strength. Women tend to see withdraw as a weakness. Which is foolish, not beating you to a pulp when you have asked for it, takes self control. That level of self control and emotional discipline is something we would not do if a man was treating us the same way.

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    3. My father told me that barbarians and gentlemen are capable of the same level of violence, but a gentleman restrains himself except when necessary, then annihilates the enemy.

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  5. Well this further proves my thought that men have to be more mentally insane than women to relate to them.

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  6. In college my girlfriend said something very stupid to a new roommate of mine which I knew what going to cause trouble between me and him (which it did until we got things straight). I immediately smacked her on the butt in front of a bunch of guys. They never said a word about it, ever. She looked at me in shock, with tears in her eyes, but never mentioned it to me - and never said anything dumb to any of my friends.

    Since then, I tell people jokingly that women should be spanked once a day and twice on Sundays.

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  7. Women being somewhat stupid creatures do these things.

    Yes. And often times oblivious to the fact of how strong most men are.

    We know that if we allow that trigger to be tripped that we will destroy you. Our reaction of withdraw isn't one of weakness, but of strength. Women tend to see withdraw as a weakness. Which is foolish, not beating you to a pulp when you have asked for it, takes self control.

    Every parent should teach this to their daughters. I, for one, know that if it isn't taught, she may just come to believe the equality lie and honestly not understand that his walking away is restraint and self control. They should be taught that for no reason should they ever hit or provoke their husbands.

    Unfortunately we have a couple generations of women today who have not been taught these things.

    The message that "all men are violent" and the subsequent effort to pussify our boys doesn't work. We must return to a society where the weaker (women) respect the stronger (men).

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  8. "return to a society where the weaker (women) respect the stronger (men)."

    "Respect" is a great word. Men and women will probably never "understand" each other, but we can respect each other.

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  9. Learned Helplessness. Not a good thing.

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  10. Ah yes, domestic violence always creates a happy marriage.
    That's biblical.


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    1. I suppose some believe he should have had me arrested and/or divorced me - however that's not exactly biblical either.

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    2. I wouldn't suggest that either. I'd suggest marriage counseling and AA for the both of you.

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    3. Tell me what AA and marriage counseling could have done that would have been better than what has taken place in our marriage?

      Alcohol use was hardly the problem, it is an amplifier.

      You've clearly missed the point of my entire post and blog for that matter.


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    4. It may not have been clear, the coffee incident (the last time I ever acted aggressively toward RLB) was 15 years ago - I was 23.

      Also, anon, this is a Christian blog. I am not, nor are the readers here interested in your secular solutions.

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    5. I'm a christian too. Marriage Counseling can be done by a pastor and being a christian doesn't mean we can't use tools that aren't created by christians.

      You're advocating that men abuse their wives until their wives are too afraid of them to behave badly instead of both people growing closer to God and becoming more like Him. There is nothing biblical about your blog.

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    6. You're certainly welcome to stop reading it. Your reading comprehension is abysmal.

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    7. I agree with Anonymous, so true. I love how if you do comment here with any thoughts or other points of view you get attacked. It's the bully tactic, not biblical.

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    8. Yes. My blog, my rules. Go elsewhere. I don't concern myself in the least with your mind-hurt/feel-bad.

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    9. I fail to see the "abuse" in this story, on either persons part.

      SD pushed Red retreated. That pattern happened over and over for a period of time. It may have been a stupid downward spiral in the relationship, but it was not "abuse". One day SD pushed too far, Red stopped her escalation when he refused to retreat and reminded her that he could push back as hard or harder.

      Married people do and say stupid things towards each other and sometimes when we think we are doing the "right thing" to deal with the situation we are making it worse. The right thing Biblically is to hold your mate responsible to the standard they agreed to. This needs to be done properly and in love, but it must be done.

      Red wasn't loving when he stopped the car, but SD wasn't loving when she created the habitual disrespect for her husband. The important thing is that they got the behavior stopped and restored love and respect to their marriage. To call this "abuse" is silly. Immature petty posturing would be closer to the truth. Talking about how a situation caused a person to reevaluate her behavior towards her husband isn't the same thing as advocating recreating the situation for other people.

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    10. SD, pardon me for chiming in, but how ironic is it that these women (or perhaps one of them is a gamma male?) who commented anonymously are crying about you being "not biblical" and a "bully" while simultaneously saying that you (or rather, the younger version of you) should have been able to assault your husband without any repercussions except having him run like a gelding and introduce another man (a pastor) into your marriage for counselling? Like it's somehow defensible to physically attack a loved one without expecting him to fight back, but how dare you disagree with a stranger on your blog? Utterly ridiculous! Next they'll be arguing that a child who throws hot coffee on his mother can only be disciplined by the pastor's wife. Because Love. And because who needs to quote scripture to argue that something is "not Biblical" when mere feelings and emotion will suffice?

      I found your blog through your comments on Vox's posts, and I'd like to thank you and your husband for your commitment to the truth about human nature (as ugly as it is) and for "keeping it real" about your own flaws while sharing the triumphs you've experienced over them through God's grace. Some of us who can be reached are listening.

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    11. Hi Doorstop, thank you for the kind words.

      Not just a stranger on my blog but one who somehow didn't expect to be treated in kind. If someone comments here rationally, explains themselves, demonstrates they've actually read the material, and wants to express disagreement, no problem. Introducing yourself with snark and disrespect...that doesn't fly.

      And yes it's apparent anon skips over the parts in the Bible that demonstrate God did not create us, men and women, to be equal and that we have unique responsibilities to one another (husbands and wives).

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  11. Captain Capitalism had a good post on the topic:

    http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2013/07/dont-let-women-land-you-in-jail.html

    I would rather be labeled whatever than spend the rest of my life in a small area, at least as much as that is in my power to control.

    A straight linear scale is not always appropriate even if it makes some feel better verbally shaming others.

    (You need to update your copyright notice BTW. You still have 2012 there.)

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    1. The copyright notice is at the bottom of the page. I am assuming you have that under your control. Just need to change "2012" to "2013" at this point, though I am no expert in copyright law. It probably doesn't really matter.

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    2. I meant to tell you thanks and then address it but it slipped my mind, thanks for the reminder, Brad.

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  12. To call this "abuse" is silly.

    Not only is it silly, it is a tragic insult to people who have been abused. We see it all the time with advocates of various causes. The parent who uses corporal punishment correctly is cast into the same group as abusive parents (see the book "A Child Called It). The woman who has regret sex accuses a man of rape without a clue what it does overall to victims of violent sexual assault.

    When it comes to what RLB did to change my behavior, the results were high attraction. His physical dominance served a very instinctual need of mine to know he can protect himself, me, and our family. What it also did is prove that the other times he had walked away, he was exhibiting honorable restraint and self control. If he had reacted passively and scheduled counseling appointments for me/us, it would have not have had the same results.

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  13. I have read the Bible also, but come away with different ways of interpreting it with some things. So who is right then??? I have read through this blog and find it very snarky to others who may read the bible differently. Who is to say they could be right also?? Who made you the one and only. It is scary just how nasty people can get, it's not about hurt feelings like you keep harping about. Blogs usually are a forum of discussion and if it is under a Christian blog others like myself may read it. You do have some good and valid things to write about, which may get people thinking ya know she is on to something here- but your delivery in the message gets lost with the tone of your writing. I want this to help you- not to provoke an ankle bitter anger response like it has been displayed here in the past. -Sam

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  14. Sam,
    Why would I write with a constant caveat "if this is how you interpret the Bible?" If you disagree with RLB's interpretation, come up with an objection and voice it. And RLB will consider debating it with you.

    Why do you presume I write for your pleasure? There are very few things I do in life to please any human other than RLB.

    You're wrong about many blogs. Some of my favorites are not forums for discussion like Ilana Mercer's, barelyablog.com, or Ann Barnhardt's barnhardt.biz.

    There are many blogs that have a softer tone like Stingray's, verusconditio.wordpress.com - you're free to read those if you'd prefer. Sunshine Mary opens up her blog to all sorts of discussion I'm not interested in on my blog, perhaps you'd enjoy that more: sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com/

    Also, the women who most influence my life have a very similar tone as mine. And, they are the only women who would have been able to reach me. From the start of this blog, I have been very open about how I best receive instruction. Those who will "slap you up along side the head" are the women I will learn from. I've never been concerned whether my tone or delivery limits my audience. I know there are women out there similar to me. Who, when they seek Truth, receive it best this way. So really, there's no need to concern yourself.

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  15. So who is right then???

    Arguably it is the person who is closest to the intent and application of the author.

    Who is to say they could be right also??

    While it is possible for there to be varying degrees of being "right"; as in one person could be closer to the truth than another, subjective/or relative truth is a contradiction in terms.

    Since I have no way of knowing who the different Anon posters were, this next remark may or may not be aimed at you personally. This post is a retelling of an instance form SD's life and an application she has made from that situation. To claim she is some how advocating for abusing ones wife, is a lie. There is no truth in that point of view. It is a damned slander. There is no way that a person can commit slander, lie and then claim they are more "loving" or "biblical" in any sense of those words. There is no special insight that allows a person the ability to be morally superior while engaging morally despicable behavior.

    The fact that SD writes and posts her insights for anyone to read is more akin to a older (sorry SD) women teaching a younger (it's relative) women how to love her husband.

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    1. The fact that SD writes and posts her insights for anyone to read is more akin to a older (sorry SD) women teaching a younger (it's relative) women how to love her husband.

      For this, she must be commended.
      At this, none should be offended.
      Here, where we come to reflect,
      Let us give wisdom due respect.

      I agree with Anonymous, so true. I love how if you do comment here with any thoughts or other points of view you get attacked. It's the bully tactic, not biblical.

      The Good Book says a friend is real
      When steel is found sharpening steel.
      Take joy, therefore, your 'wise' remarks
      Are met with bursts of stinging sparks.

      Who is to say they could be right also?? Who made you the one and only.

      I often marvel at the plight
      Of those who can't say 'this is right!'
      For anyone who thinks he's wrong
      Will change beliefs before too long.

      We all think we're the one and only.
      Acting otherwise is phony.
      Certitude is honesty;
      Your 'doubts' are false humility.

      Address an argument, and find
      The fruitful clash of mind and mind.
      Respond, instead, with cries of "Pride!"
      It is yourself you truly chide.

      (Plus, your grammar is atrocious;
      Sorry if that sounds ferocious.)

      I'm a christian too. Marriage Counseling can be done by a pastor and being a christian doesn't mean we can't use tools that aren't created by christians.

      In the Bible, you'll not find
      The Laws of Physics all defined.
      So when I must travel far,
      I do not care who made my car.
      But man's nature it addresses.
      Human theories are just guesses.

      Ah yes, domestic violence always creates a happy marriage.
      That's biblical.


      Domestic violence, today
      Means women not getting their way.
      Your eyes, like bowling balls, may roll
      But discipline is Biblical.

      ...

      Well, now I've got to go.
      (These rhymes were lame, I know
      Still, I hope you had fun),
      And now I have to run.

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  16. Thank you so much for your help, SarahsDaughter. I think you sent me out chasing for unicorns and snowflakes. Even more mysterious and magical, I think I actually found them.

    I like your blog. I'll come visit you.

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  17. Forgive me Sarah, for completely ignoring your gentle and kind wisdom at Vox's and instead choosing to simply go on banging my head against a wall. You tried to help me and I just went and ignored your advice. It was good advice, too. I should have taken it. The thing is, I have been listening to feminists for so long, I have completely forgotten that there are also kind and gentle women in the world who can really teach me a thing or two. Sorry about that. It was rude.

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