And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. - Genesis 2:18A helper.
We were created to be helpers. It makes sense that if we are with a man who has no need for our help, we would not continue to find that man attractive, as is illustrated here by commenter, Bodycrimes:
One of my friends broke up her relationship because he had TOO much money. She said the day she knew it wasn't going to work was the rainy day they spent together looking at the classifieds for a house to buy and develop, just because they were bored. She said her idea of a marriage was that it represented a future the couple could work on together - saving up for their first home, saving up for their first trip together, getting excited about planning their future life together. She said none of this was going to be possible with someone who had so much money he could buy a house on a whim, plus she would always be just the pretty handbag on his arm. So she went and found someone else.When I think back over the years we've been married and ask what it was that has kept me so darned attracted to my husband I can see that a big part of it was because he's needed a lot of help. I tease. What it actually was is how he expresses his need for my help.
Right from the beginning, when we were dating he wanted my help. He needed my help scoring for his dart team, then he needed my help to be a sub for that team. He needed my help doing his laundry. He needed my help by switching cars with him because he was behind on payments on his sports car and didn't want it to get repossessed. He needed my help when he went hunting, to drive deer.
The way he
I don't know if he's done this intentionally, certainly there were times he didn't actually need anyone's help, but he's always kept me swept up in being part of his team, helping him with what he was doing.
Recently I advised a deploying Soldier who asked how to keep a brand new long distance relationship going while he was away. I told him to keep telling her you need her help. Even if he could get the things he needed where he was going, to tell her to send him various things; food, movies, books etc. RLB did that while he was deployed; "Hey, I need you to send me..."
With every job RLB has had, he's told me he needed my help with something. He has managed to keep me busy helping him for over nineteen years. His need for my help has always extended beyond the household work I do into his realm of work, entertainment, hobbies etc. Since I've been a mother, he's never wanted my help in the literal exchange of my hours for dollars by working a job. That is a personal preference of his, that he exchange his time for money. I've offered several times and while he's appreciated my willingness, he's never found it something that would be helpful to him. Instead, he has told me how he needs my help in ways that support his work that provides income.
For a man to need help from his wife, he necessarily needs to be doing something. He has a mission. It really doesn't matter to us women what that mission is, when a husband tells his wife he needs her help in that mission, he is fulfilling one of her most basic needs - the ability to do that which she was created to do. She then will get under his mission...submission. I'm not saying my experience will be the same with all women, but I do know that for me, this has kept me desiring him and highly attracted to him.
**This might be the most important part of maintaining high attraction - assertiveness. I never got the impression I was being asked something I could (or wanted to) say "no" to, it wasn't a question, it was a statement, "I need you to..." There was nothing to debate, nothing to rebel against, it was a matter of fact. What happened in my brain was he needs me.