Christian women need to be told the truth about men:Deti has said this repeatedly in short form and long. Maybe he'll stop by and deliver a long version of it, his passionate commentaries on the subject are works of art.
Men are attracted to youth and looks. This is normal. Men are not evil, base or perverted for being attracted to youth and beauty. Young Christian girl, if you are not getting approached or asked out, it’s probably because you’re not attractive enough, you’re not nice enough or you’re not available enough. You need to work on this. You need to lose weight, grow your hair out, wear nice clothes and some decent makeup. You might be a bitch, and if you are, you need to be nicer. If you really want to find a man and marry, then you need to get serious about it while you’re young. Hint: 30 is NOT young when it comes to starting to think about getting married. Men want sex. This is normal. It is not evil, base or perverted.
The truth about men, regarding what they're attracted to, hasn't been denied in our culture, rather it has sadly been demonized by feminism as something that is wrong. For those of us who don't hate men, don't desire to be one, appreciate that we are not the same, know we were created differently, and value harmonious relationships with them, it is important we learn what they like, without judgement.
Learning the truth of what men are attracted to and developing these characteristics in ourselves can be called Girl Game. Whether you are a single young woman who desires a husband or you are a married woman who desires to be pleasing to your husband, learning the truth about mens' attraction is valuable. You are certainly welcome to waste time arguing about whether or not these things should be true. You are also welcome to not care, just be yourself (if that self is not naturally attractive to men), and see if that works for the accomplishment of your desires (to be married or be pleasing to the man you do marry).
"My husband loves me for who I am." - Great. If you are married to a man who is not interested in the length or color of your hair, amount of fat hanging from your body, physical health, temperament, or submissiveness, you are welcome to continue on just being who you are. I would advise you however to recognize that he may not be telling you the truth. What I've found in reading blogs such as those I have linked on the right is that men in droves are expressing their disgust of what has become of women. From the most devout Christian to the fornicating pick up artist, they are, for the most part, in agreement.
That's interesting, isn't it?
I remember learning that how I wear my hair matters to my husband. I had not thought of it before, I just did my hair the way I liked doing my hair. When we first met, I liked wearing it long, highlighted, sometimes curly, sometimes straight. When RLB told me he wanted me to color my hair platinum and was willing to pay whatever it took to get it that way, it dawned on me that this is something that is important to him. The same is true about my weight, my physical condition, my attitude, and my submission to him. Some of what is attractive to RLB comes naturally to me, some doesn't. That which doesn't is becoming more natural to me as I work on it. Seems simple enough, doesn't it?
An intangible feature that is attractive to my husband is loyalty. It stands to reason if I am physically attractive to RLB, I am also physically attractive to other men. The way I wear my hear, the clothes I wear, my demeanor and mannerisms are appreciated by men. Knowing this, I do things to limit my interactions with men. I do not have private conversations with men and avoid being alone with men. I don't have any conversations with men that RLB does not know about or approve of.
I've taught my daughters this. Just recently one of them told me about a boy she met who she thinks is great. He's intelligent and likes some of the same things she does. She's very attractive, has a pleasant demeanor, and has an interest in a wide variety of things that are of interest to her father and which she enjoys conversing about. I told her that though being friends with this boy seems like a good idea, it's not. While he might enjoy their conversations, he is a teenage boy and will be attracted to her. Their friendship will not be platonic, he will desire her and she should keep her distance until she is ready to enter a courtship. There will be no phone conversations, facebook interactions, or hanging out privately. Because of her natural "girl game" this will happen a lot with her. The reason she will not have friendships with boys is not just for her benefit, it is for the boys' benefit as well. She is to be kind and courteous but respectfully decline any furtherance of friendship or relationships with them.
As Deti said, there is nothing evil, base, or perverted about the attraction boys will have to her. In fact the very things that make her attractive to these boys will be the delight of her husband.
Let me bring this full circle to the truth about women. It has been an enlightening journey to dig deep and analyze the truths about women that are discussed on the blogs I read. When I take the time to ponder that which my husband does that increases my attraction to him I can see these truths within myself. I do have the benefit of being obedient to God when it comes to my marriage. I take very seriously what He calls me to do. It's interesting, though, that there are times when that which I am biblically called to do is easier than others. Some of which has to do with hormones that naturally course through me regardless of external influence. As I talked about in my last post some hormonal responses I have are influenced because of external stimuli like physical exercise. But there is another hormonal response I experience that is influenced by my husband's behavior.
We've been married a minute and have the benefit of being able to look back and make observations of our attraction levels to each other over the years, how they've waned and flowed and we can analyze what all the factors were in play that may have influenced that attraction level. The factors in play that influence his physical attraction to me are the very things that Deti listed. And, wouldn't you know it, the factors that influence my physical attraction to RLB are what has been termed Game in the manosphere. Some of which comes quite naturally to him and some he's learned.
That which he has learned some have called manipulative and not something a Christian should concern himself with. Which is interesting because if those characteristics came naturally to him, all is well and good - right? But because it is something learned - that makes it somehow wrong?
Confusing though, is the same is not said of that which women learn. For example, I used to express my feelings to RLB in whatever manner came naturally to me. This was a big turn off to him because often times it seemed disrespectful and selfish. Now, I express myself to him a way I have learned is attractive to him. Instead of saying, "I disagree with you, the truth is: _____", now I say something like, "I might be wrong, this is what I was thinking is true, tell me what you think."
It's a funny example and here's why: If RLB were to say to me, "I might be wrong, this is what I was thinking is true, tell me what you think." it is not attractive to me, quite the opposite in fact. Those hormones that create physical desire within me crawl into a hole. Bleh! Where as if he says, "No, you're wrong." I have a very positive physiological reaction to him. My heart rate jumps a little, I feel challenged, intrigued and honestly, I trust him. It is easier for me to submit to him when he expresses himself this way than if he were to speak to me the other way.
I'd be interested to know if those who find it somehow not Christian for men to learn and apply techniques that stimulate a woman's attraction to him find it as non Christian when women learn to do the same. And if not, what makes it different?