As my thirteen-year-old daughter and I drove home, this was the topic of our conversation. She has been researching the effect of abortion on a woman's future fertility. This led to a discussion of common things young women do that have long term negative consequences in their lives.
We have talked extensively to our children about time preferences and point out the observable consequences to a high time preference mentality. We demonstrate delayed gratification for them and integrate instruction on low time preference thinking into our discussions as often as possible.
I asked my daughter to visualize herself as an eighty-year-old woman and asked if she could imagine what would be most important to her. She determined that she wouldn't want to be alone. We then discussed what she could do to help ensure that.
Having lived around the country and the world as a child of a Soldier, she is well aware that friends come and go. She has known the bond that can form between friends and the fragility of that bond. There is nothing biblical to hold that bond in place.
In this modern time of self determination and individualism, there is a pull for young women like my daughter to do anything but think of her eighty-year-old self in her decision making process. This isn't new, by any means, and it seems it should be obvious and not necessary to discuss with her. I'm not going to take that chance, though.
I told her to think about where her father and I are in life. We are both over the age of forty, and past (we think) the age of having more children. Yet most of our life is ahead of us.
The reality of the life that is to come for us has many challenges, some of which we've already encountered. There will be death; our parents, our siblings, other relatives, each other. There will be illness. There will come that day when our bodies will be done doing the work we do today. The things that keep us busy day after day right now will subside.
There will be a lot of time.
Today we consider that abundance of time in almost every decision we make and are passing that thought process on to our children.
In our conversation, my daughter told me that what she can do to help ensure she is not alone in her elderly years is; marry young, adhere to biblical instruction for marriage, and have children.
She is growing in wisdom which is great to see. She still is very much a thirteen-year-old girl though and is trying hard to understand that not going to the upcoming One Direction concert will not, actually, be the end of the world.
I'm glad to see you posting again. You do good work. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that, Res. This past year has been a whirlwind (new house). I think I've finally convinced myself that my to do list might actually never be done and that is okay. Steady as she goes might be a more doable pace when it comes to gardening, landscaping and updating the inside of the house which might free up my time to write more. But...it is gardening season so it'll likely just happen on rainy days (like today). :)
ReplyDeleteWe are into gardening here too. I understand. The peas are in but there is much still to do.
ReplyDeleteIt's refreshing to see a women write and say the things you do. My sister in law thinks some of the same way. Her life's work is her children and she isn't sure that its possible to have too many. Which when she is 100 she will have children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and maybe a few great-great grandchildren to help her celebrate. That beats the heck out of cats and 30 years spent in a cubical.
Peas! I need to get the peas in. Thanks for the reminder. :) We've planted the potatoes, carrots, and onions figuring they'll be fine with this sporadic spring weather but forgot that peas don't mind the cold. We're still digging our garden (there wasn't one here), and have tripled its size from last year but still have a lot left to sift to remove the rocks.
ReplyDeleteThat's great about your sister-in-law! Doing the work now and she'll never be lonely in her twilight years.
I'd like to second Res Ipsa - good to see you again, SD. ^-^
ReplyDeleteThanks hon, good to see you too!
DeleteHi SarahsDaughter!
ReplyDeleteI'm popping over from Dalrock's blog where someone suggested I might do well to learn from you :)
It's so true what you say about the rest of our lives being a long time. I remember when my husband and I were dating and struggling to remain sexually pure, our pastor's wife (IIRC) used a similar concept to encourage us. She drew a timeline from birth to probable death and got us to draw points for where we were then, and where we expected to get married. She then said, you have the rest of your lives to be sexually intimate with each other, and such a comparably short time to abstain until then. It really helped us!
Hi seriouslyserving,
DeleteWelcome to the blog!
I saw where Brad referred you. He was likely referring to my posts like this one:
A Love Story
You and your husband are certainly in a much different and better place than my husband and I were when we married. But I think what Brad and Empath wanted to emphasize with you is the importance of making sure your resolve to never divorce has nothing to do with your husband. That no action of his or inaction, no fall from grace, nothing will impact the covenant you have entered in to. You're right about what you said over there, there are a lot of men there who have experienced divorce and several have been right on the brink of it with women who would have likely said "Divorce is not an option." - I know that is what I said. It was as though God brought me through a horrible time in our marriage because he wanted my resolve, my conviction, to be about Him - not my husband.
Our husbands are human. They'll fail. They'll be brought through temptation. They might even fall from Grace. What then? Satan is relentless when we place before him something we think we've gotten under control. He does that with our husbands too. So even in rock solid relationships that are in agreement on virtually everything, we as wives need to be able to look at our husbands knowing they may become weak, vulnerable, ugly, harsh, and sinful and let them know that we will not waiver for it is not them who our faith is in, it is in God's Word. We will be their helpmeet through the ugliness in the same way we are in any other way.
The book Love and Respect really helped me. It was the first time I listened to this concept being explained. My respect for my husband has nothing to do with my husband. That was my wake up moment. And, it was also the time I was able, with complete honesty, tell my husband that there is nothing he can do to lose my respect and submission to him. Even adultery would not change my role in this marriage. I would suffer with him loving him as a sister in Christ who knows what it is to struggle with sin and separation from God and I would love and respect him as his wife, available to him for all of his needs.
I love what you have written above! Have you considered writing a post on your blog about that time and how the two of you remained chaste? I know it's personal but I can imagine how encouraging it would be to readers who are my children's age.
Hi SD,
DeleteWow, I just read your linked post - what an amazing testimony!
I haven't had a big moment like yours, but definitely smaller moments over the last couple of years of "surrendering" and the subsequent peace that comes.
Re: my above comment - I'm not sure I could write a blog post on that, as we didn't actually remain chaste. We were virgins on our wedding night, by the skin of our teeth, but many lines were crossed. I'm definitely not the poster girl for remaining chaste!