Friday, January 24, 2014

We've come a long way baby: Feminists are reading, and they agree with us!

Manosphere antagonist, Body Crimes, and a few individuals who comment there have sufficiently exposed the value of Christian marriage in an ironic analysis of some posts on my blog. 

I just don’t understand feminism

That’s the cry of the Manosphere. As far as they’re concerned, back in the good old days, all a woman had to do to have a fulfilling life was keep her hair long, get married, have rosy-cheeked babies and then spend the rest of her life in marital bliss, being adored by a masculine man who totally provided for her needs.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the New Misogynists will never overturn feminism. They simply don’t understand it, and therefore can neither critique it effectively or mount a political challenge to it.
 The conversation turns to my posts When women rage and Amazing Grace where we see a bizarre parallel - feminists saying precisely what I and other manosphere bloggers have been saying all along. Take a look:
From other things she’s written, it sounds like she was a neglected child. So all credit to her that she’s used Christianity and ‘red pill’ knowledge to straighten herself out. It’s the belief that it should be imposed on everybody else I have problems with.
Imposed on everybody else? Well, unfortunately not everybody reads my blog, but those who do voluntarily, I simply can not take the credit for imposing my beliefs on you. I lack the power it would take to make you click over here. 
Normal Pap Smear
Very insightful, though I think it’s more father/child than dom/sub. He writes posts on her blog every once in a while and seems like a rational person who got stuck with the job of re-parenting her.
Oh how MGTOWs can howl with delight. They don't want to re-parent a woman like me, understandably.  A woman like me, unfortunately, is a growing number of women on the market: they are former carousel riders, have horrible family histories, often times they are irrational raging bitches that haven't an iota of self control, they believe divorce is a suitable way out whenever you find yourself unhappy, and they lack accountability for any of their actions.

Since my parents dropped me off at church, one could say they fulfilled Proverbs 22:6, however you are right,  Normal Pap Smear, RLB (and his mother) got stuck with most of my parenting. I was, after all, 19 when he proposed to me and still very much acting like a child. What RLB understood was that marriage is forever, he chose to marry me, and he's chosen God's call for him in marriage as laid out in 1 Peter, and Ephesians.
 Butterfly Girl
I feel sorry for SD b/c I can relate to her. My mom had substance abuse issues and my crazy childhood created in me a need to create a world where everything was in order. As a young person I’d fly into a rage if a person’s behavior didn’t fit what I thought it should be. It made me feel out of control and above all, terrified. Eventually I got therapy and learned to let myself relax and let other people be.
SD is brutal when the other women on SSM’s blog question her beliefs on submissiveness. She even once argued that a wife should give in to having a threesome if her husband ordered it. I believe she has to adhere to these rigid beliefs b/c she doesn’t want her life to ever be out of control again. She derives comfort from her dom/sub relationship and doesn’t understand why such an arrangement wouldn’t work for everyone.
No need to feel sorry for me darling Butterfly, for mine is a victory story. I'm glad your therapy has worked for you. Mine has as well - biblical marriage. Obedience to God has given me that comfort so many women seek. I have no fear of my life being out of control. Is that because of my rigid beliefs? It makes no difference to me. Peace and Joy in the Lord, a calm disposition, a tranquil home, and a fun and exciting marriage and family life are the fruit of those beliefs.

The next comment tells a tale that is more and more common these days. Of course not all women are like that, but for those of us who are, what comfort there is in knowing there is Hope. 

I only skimmed through SD’s blog post, as it sounded like yet another ‘mea culpa’ with the happy ending of a woman surrendering all autonomy to her lord and master (god or husband? take your pick).
However from what you guys are saying, she sounds not unlike my old school friend who’s mother would dose her with medicine to send her to sleep in order to protect her from her father’s violence.
While my friend, I’ll call her Lizzie, is not a Christian, and is in fact a staunch aetheist, she’s also got a real problem with ‘the red mist’ where I’ve seen her fly into scary rages and hysteria over something as trivial as being slighted in the pub. The DV incident you guys are talking about sounds like some of the altercations she would describe with her second husband. And I’m afraid I would describe her as a domestic abuser, because he didn’t hit back.
I don’t think she kept him in a state or terror, as many abusers do their spouses, but once in a while they’d have a fight where she would physically attack him, I never saw it happen but she would talk about it, like explaining to me once there was a pub we couldn’t go in because she’d been permanantly barred for punching her husband three times in the face for ‘really winding her up’. The worst of it was she always blamed him for starting her off, just like the men we read about who always blame their wives.
I’m not proud of the fact I didn’t do anything about this when I found out, it’s been one of the major moral dilemmas I’ve had in my life. I had originally lost touch with Lizzie after our teens, then reconnected with her in our thirties when she was married to her second husband, and it was only after meeting up a few times she started telling me what was going on. I’ll be honest, I felt intimidated to tell her that she was wrong to behave like this, I remember the first time we in her local when she went ballistic at the chef who worked there over something really minor, and it was scary seeing her blow up like that, there was no way she could be reasoned with, she got barred from that place as well. I suppose because I never saw her attack her husband I couldn’t have gone to the police, not when going on her say so which she could take back, and I felt too intimidated to challenge her directly, so I just started distancing myself from her. I also couldn’t help having some compassion for her as I knew how much she had been through in her life, not that it was any excuse to act out at anyone who pissed her off. I suppose if I’d been his friend rather than hers I’d have felt in a better position to interfere. The most I did was urge her to get therapy, though that was more in relation to her anxiety issues than her violence.
Funny, the above would belong more on an anti-feminist blog than this one, though since this is real life and people are flawed and this has absolutely nothing to do with feminism or misandry, perhaps this is a good place to talk about it. As it was I bumped into her several months later, after they’d moved to a different area, and she was sporting an electronic tag. It turned out she and he had had ‘a big fight’, where the police had been called, and despite his refusing to press charges she’d still been prosecuted for assault and served a custodial sentence. So I can sight at least one example to refute the often repeated claim that only men ever do time for DV.
You are welcome to pause for a moment to laugh. "The above would belong more on an anti-feminist blog than this one, though since this is real life...this has absolutely nothing to do with feminism or misandry..." 

They betray their own selves.
Well, I do wonder about the kind of person who (presumably) saw this kind of behavior while dating, and chose marriage. A relationship can only be as strong as the least healthy person in it.
 Well isn't that a different kind of shaming. Shaming a man for marrying a...feminist, strong independent woman (TM), who freely gave away sex and needs a strong man to be able to handle all she's gonna dish out.
...oh wait...
 Her comments about her insecurity, readiness to run off whenever they had a fight … she links that, as far as I can see, to her past promiscuity, but I’d be more inclined to say both behaviors were linked to the abuse. iow, they’re both symptoms of the problem rather than the problem itself.

I have that tendency myself, to want to flee as soon as things get hard, because I have so many issues tied up in my past. But, I have a husband who understands what happened back then and how it affects me now. Heck, he even talked to the nurses at the nursing home when my sister was having some real struggles emotionally (and now I have tears in my eyes because I really DO have an incredible man) to try to help them better understand what she needed. We’ve made it through a lot and are going on 13 years married, 16 years together. Still the best of friends, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
SD sounds like she needs serious therapy to work through her past traumas. It’s good that she’s gotten to a more functioning place, but burying the past without properly dealing with it may well come back to haunt her.
 No matter who it is, I love to hear a woman edify her husband.

And by the way, welcome to my public blog, a place where I have....buried my past.
While I feel for her while dealing with a neglected childhood and for her mother for dealing with whatever she has/had, there comes a point where we each have to take responsibility for our actions. Her behavior in these examples she cites sound like the behavior of a bratty child who was never told “no” or throws a tantrum any time things don’t happen the way she wishes. I have a problem with any adult (female or male) who acts in this manner. In the example of tossing a lukewarm coffee on her husband, she endangered the lives of others. Plain and simple, she’s acting like a spoiled brat, and definitely sounds like therapy could be helpful.
Schopenhauer couldn't have said it better himself. 

No wonder the cry of the manosphere, according to Bodycrimes, is that they don't understand feminism. I'm not sure feminists do.


  1. SD,

    I started dropping by when I was working with a Ms Black and you were recommended to me as a resource. If I was to "classify" you and this blog, I'd say that you are a fine example of someone who saw her mistakes and decided to do better and be more. I admit I haven't read the whole blog, and I'm not likely to. However my impression of what I have read is that you have put out a mixture of your story and your advice. When you know someone's story it is easier to know if their advice applies or not. I've found much of what you write to be insightful and useful.

    The commenters who don't like what you have to say don't have a basis for their opinion. They've never lived a reformed life. They don't understand that they don't have to live in a reality that is based on failure instead of one based on forgiveness.

    Good on you for sharing your story. Good on you for telling other women that they can have a better more fulfilling life by doing things differently than what the culture is saying.

    Keep up the good work!

  2. You are welcome.

    BTW Ms Black has made several improvements as well as a couple of mistakes but on the whole she is moving in a positive direction. She had a friend who she tried to have me influence too. That girl totally went off the deep end. It's strange because her friend was the one I thought would have been more successful in turning her life around. She had a lower n and wasn't as messed up to start with. Some people will see the truth and realize they are on the wrong road, and some people will see the same truth and run farther down the wrong road to get away from the truth.

  3. That's great to hear about Ms. Black! You just never know who will hold on to the Truth and run with it. That's why I just keep on challenging myself to delve deeper and keep writing.

    One day all will know. Amen?

  4. "No wonder the cry of the manosphere, according to Bodycrimes, is that they don't understand feminism."

    People who say that are either stupid or liars. Period.

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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