Women cannot tell men what they find attractive because they do not know themselves. They only know what is considered socially acceptable to find attractive. That is why men should not listen to them concerning these matters. It is important to understand this. The consequences of not doing so can be brutal.I clicked over to the linked blog post, Confessions of a Reformed InCel and read it as if it were written by my son.
My issue was i always believed i was not handsome, rugged or built well enough to attract initial attention. I had poor self image. All the advice to the contrary, telling me I WAS OK AS I WAS allowed me to abdicate my responsibility to start working on that issue. It led me to believe people should like me for who i am, not what my exterior presents. My first cross to bear. Instead of working to fix my skin deep issues and develop a greater sense of self worth, i continued listening to that advice to find one who would appreciate me for my ‘nice‘ qualities instead. This further perpetuated the vicious circle of being constantly friendzoned or rejected outright by women. Being myself was supposed to work but badboys were winning the day. Instead of reading it properly and abandoning the beta to become the badass, i doubled down and started hating badboys and believed that women were just being misguided but they would eventually turn around and come to love the greater qualities of love, nurturing, compassion and empathy i had massive stockpiles and reserves of. I shoved all my chips to the center of the table all in, and became a HUGE white knight Mangina.
...For all intents and purposes i was an evolutionary failure. With so much FAIL, my body began to realize it was not going to fulfill it’s primary biological function of reproduction and had begun to contemplate ways of me to expedite my removal from the gene pool. Death felt like my only answer.
Then I thought of this deluded young man whose thoughts on needing feminism couldn't be more wrong. The lies of feminism are so cruel. There isn't an honest woman alive looking at his picture and reading what he said who had a biological impulse to want him. Is that the plan feminists? Is that how you stick it to the man? Lie and confuse them so desperately that you create an effeminate loser who will never move past the friend zone with a woman? Who will never know the experience of having a woman hot for him?
This can never be my son! (Solipsism alert) - How ever will we fill that Christmas table with beautiful grandbabies?
As I've said before, I'm not in the habit of giving advice to men. And that includes my son. When it comes to advice on attracting women, no doubt I will leave that up to RLB.
In one of the comments on How does he rank I mentioned I'd write about how I was courted by him. I'll write it from my perspective alone though RLB and I have talked at length about all the dynamics that were at play.
I was nine-teen and desperate for a fresh start from all of the bad decisions I had been making. I was in college but not excited about it at all. Being a career woman was just not what I had in mind for my life. A friend of mine suggested I go down to where she lived, a huge college town, and start there. I had already been accepted to that college when I was in high school. I didn't go because my mother died my senior year. I knew I was very vulnerable and losing myself in that notorious city was not a good idea at the time. And though I could still care less about my college education, I was running out of money (a small inheritance from my mother's life insurance) and I'd at least be able to provide for myself there better than the minimum wage jobs available where I lived. So I drove down on a one week mission to find a job and an apartment. At that point I'd come back, give my two week notice at work, pack my things, and move.
Three days in I was walking into a dive bar where my friend's sister-in-law worked and I saw him. He was wearing a white collard dress shirt with the top few buttons undone, his tie already removed. He was hot with his, not too long, blond, curly mullet. I thought to myself, "I wonder what it would be like to be married to that guy?" He was sitting next to a woman, laughing, drinking a beer, with a bar trivia console in front of him.
A couple minutes later, I was sitting in front of him. The woman he was with knew my friend and invited us over to their table. The woman introduced herself as RLB's sister. She wasn't, I knew that. That's an old game where you can spend time with the man you're hot for who doesn't want you by telling others you're brother and sister. Eventually when he's in the mood, you'll be the only one around. It's an act of desperation and makes a woman look horribly pathetic. So, ma'am, being that he's your "brother" and all, watch this (women are evil) as the flirting commenced.
We played darts and I flirted, he was very funny, I flirted, he'd tease me, I flirted, he touched me, I melted and flirted. After the bar closed he said he'd drive me back to my friend's house. The thought of saying, "no she's going there anyway, you don't need to go out of your way"...never crossed my mind. What I was thinking was how the hell am I going to control myself. We got into this tiny little sports car where six inches separated us. We talked and made out for a long time in that tiny little car in front of my friend's apartment complex. We made plans for the next day. He told me he'd give me a tour of the campus. He'd call me the next day to give me directions to meet him at his house.
The next morning I got up early and started primping; every hair in place, the perfect outfit, makeup on, smelled great...nervous as hell. Why hasn't he called? What should I do? Oh, if he doesn't call me I think I'm going to die. Finally, in the mid afternoon, the phone rang. He had just woken up. What?!? I got to the house he shared with three other guys and a girl and there he was, sitting on the steps. He hadn't showered, he hadn't shaved, and he was wearing crappy jeans, a baseball cap, and a t-shirt.
We walked around the campus for a while and came to a popular gyro restaurant. He asked if I would like to try one. So I preceded to purchase my own gyro. He didn't have his wallet with him. No, he doesn't want one, he's just going to sit across from me watching as I eat one of the sloppiest, no way to eat it ladylike, sauce dripping, lettuce and onions falling all over the place, things I've ever eaten.
It was time for him to go to work. He told me to meet him after work at the Applebee's next to the Red Lobster he works at. Again I was a nervous wreck. While I sat facing him next to the bar, after we'd been there for quite a while, he informed me that his ex-girlfriend is sitting right behind me. "Do you work with a lot of ex-girlfriends?" - "Yeah, a few."
Later that night we went back to his house. I sat down in a chair as he looked through the mail. "Oh, good the new Playboy came in, here (tossing it to me) find the bunny." Then, "It's playmate of the year time, let's pick which one it will be."
You can obviously see a trend here. RLB kept me in this state of a jealous, insecure, tizzy for months. After that first week I was literally sick. I drove home with the worst stomach ache I have ever had in my life. I had been so nervous, excited, and crazy that I couldn't eat right nor could I take care of normal bathroom issues (you understand, TMI) Without the details surrounding them, here are more examples:
-The two of us walk into a bar where his "sister" is sitting, he casually approaches her, bends down and kisses her on the lips.
-As I'm getting ready go back home to pack my things he says, "if you weren't leaving in two weeks, I'd ask for this to be exclusive." To which I replied, "Two weeks? You won't wait for me for two weeks?" He said, "it's not about me." Of course I then went on and on about how into him I was, there was no way I'll be with anyone else, he's all I can think about etc. etc.
-"This girl at work, I don't know what she was wearing but she smelled phenomenal!"
-While I was back home I went out with some friends. Talked about RLB the whole time. I was a mess, I had to get home to call him. And there, back at home, I sat and waited until after 2:00AM for him to get home from the strip club he went to with a friend. This guy was killing me!
-While out watching him play darts for his dart league, I look out the window and see his "sister" and another hot blond walking through the parking lot, staring at me, flipping me the bird and other rude gestures. Oh, sorry, SD, that was the girl I was having sex with up until I met you. She's probably a little pissed.
- Girl walks in to the bar, he hugs her, gushes on and on about how nice it is to see her and how great she looks, finally comes back to where I'm sitting and glaring at him and says, "You're just mad because she's so pretty." - Now this one was really interesting. It amounted into a huge fight, me driving to my friend's house in a blizzard. Crying my eyes out over what an asshole he was. And proceeding to get my car stuck in the ditch on my way home. I went to a gas station and called RLB, who's sports car was stuck in a parking lot. He had already walked to my apartment and was sleeping in my bed. I asked if he'd come meet me. He fell asleep again and I walked home alone. I was so angry and out of my mind. The next day after we dug our cars out of the snow he took me to the mall to get Christmas decorations. He stopped in front of a jewelry store, looked at me and said, "pick one." My engagement ring. RLB wanted to MARRY ME!