This is how wives frustrate their husbands

In my recent post: Please, don't make them talk. Just let them look pretty. I presented three different videos. Two of them are ladies from the most recent Miss USA pageant and one is Miss Teen South Carolina from 2007.

My premise for the post, that I thought I made clear with the title and the content, was to point out how ridiculous it is that these beautiful pageant contestants who have worked hard, put in long hours with coaches, and have earned the top sought after titles, are asked these political questions by liberal judges. I question whether it is for the judges to learn the ladies' political bent which is irrelevant and should have nothing to do with the judges' decisions.

Wendy Malick, a liberal feminist asked the question regarding the recent NSA surveillance scandal to Miss Alabama in the first video. Miss Alabama has no challenge answering it however her answer was quite apropos considering the post RLB just wrote, End women's suffrage. The foremost reason why we believe women should not have the privilege of voting is because they tend to trade liberty for security, as Miss Alabama quite literally stated in answer to the question.

Nene Leakes, a liberal, former stripper, and single mother, asked Miss Utah the question she stumbled all over on regarding what the wage gap between men and women has to say about society. And Aimee Teegarden, a liberal environmentalist/animal rights activist actress, asked the question of Miss Teen South Carolina about the state of education in the US - her answer has, for years, been a joke in our home. When ever someone says something stupid, we say it's because they don't have maps - come on, we can't be the only ones, that was hilarious!

I attempted to convey my point with a little humor and one double entendre but commenter, Renee, missed my point completely with this comment:

Hey now, don't act like men don't have their moments of stupidity. Not to mention that these women had to answer these questions on the spot in front of millions of people.

Some people can do it, many others can't. It has nothing to do with them being women.

Nowhere in my post did I compare these women to men. Where did I suggest that fumbling on answering a question is exclusive to women only?

I respond to commenter, Marie, regarding her comment to Renee and I attempt to clarify my position with the following: 

Well, Marie, one really only needs to listen to Joe Biden for a short while to hear any number of stupid gaffes. It's even more disgusting then. Or when our president can't even speak without teleprompters and when his people forget to lay out his written speech. "Uhhh...Uh...Uhhh People!" That's pathetic on a totally different level.

Dear Renee suffers from defending team women when there really was no comparison of women to men.

I actually have compassion for these women. They have their platforms and the wonderful good things they'll do should they be crowned. But pageantry is hard work. It is ludicrous to expect her to answer questions regarding the day's politics when she needs to focus on her poise, charm, self confidence and articulation. Should these women have been asked about their platform they would have done a great job. It's the questions that were stupid to begin with.

Renee answers with:

I'm not defending "team women". You made it seem like the amount of stupidity displayed at the Miss America pageant was exclusive to women, and it's not. Like I said, some can do it and some can't. 

Noticing a pattern here, that Renee is going to stand by her erroneous assumption of what my post was intended to be about, I say the following:  

Hey now, don't act like...
You made it seem...
I highly recommend your assessment of what I have to say be made using the words on the page.
To do otherwise can only be projection.
I understand, it's a normal response (illogical men do it too), one of my goals is to make it evident how often this is done and how often those assumptions are wrong.

She responds with this:

My assessment was made based on the words on the page. No projection from my end. You basically said that based on the women in question, that it's proof that all women shouldn't be allowed to vote. I just pointed out that idiocy is present in both men and women.

And what's with "illogical men", as if men as a whole only come either as illogical and logical?

I started to contemplate a response, reread all that had been said because I was a bit confused and then it hit me; this frustration and confusion has got to be the very same thing RLB went through when I used to do this to him.

Nowhere have I ever claimed that women should not be allowed to vote because they are stupid. Nowhere have I said that fumbling on an answer to a question in a high pressure environment is exclusive to women. In fact, don't I give examples of the two highest profile men in our country doing the same?

So what is going on here?
- Is it a woman's inability to admit her assumptions were wrong?
- Does she need me to understand how she felt about what I said and make the mindhurt/feelbad go away?
- Am I to make amends with how she felt even though what she felt I was saying wasn't what I was actually saying?
- Because her perception was that I "was acting like," "made it seem," and "basically said" something, does that make it true?

Ladies, we do this. I do this. I try very very hard not to do this.

I remember when I started stopping myself from doing this. RLB was no longer going to participate in it. If I felt that he said something he in fact did not say, he walked me through it, while laughing at me. When I'd get emphatic about how I knew exactly what he meant even though it wasn't what he said, he'd laugh and tell me that I suck at reading his mind. This was combined with me reading Vox Popoli where there was always a debate going on where I could see the same type of exchanges between Vox and an interlocutor.

I initially made myself become aware of this, not out of respect for logic, but so he would stop laughing at me. The respect for logic followed but it took some time.

It can be done. Women can separate their knee jerk reactions from their responses. They must pause, ask for clarification if needed, pray, and proceed trusting the words on the page or the words spoken.

There certainly are times that our gut instinct will alert us that there's more to a story than what's being told, especially with teenage daughters. But in our marriage relationships, ladies, trust your husbands that what they say is what they think and mean. That no hidden agendas or messages are present. Stop allowing feelings and false assumptions ruin the communication between you and your husband.