Thursday, June 27, 2013

You da man.

This and this reminded me of my four year search for a wife.

For men that are serious about finding a wife, the situation on the ground is complex. There are things you can do to make your way through these landmines. CH's advice is sound, but the key is the attitude. The single greatest thing you can do is realize you are doing the interviewing, not the other way around. It's very similar to going into a job interview. If you have the attitude that you are interviewing the potential employer about whether or not you want to work for them, the interview will go better. Not only that, but you will be much happier long term if you are making sure they meet your standards. I'm speaking here of both employers and potential wives.

A couple of things I would add:

“Are you a player?” I replied with, "I don't lie to anyone. They choose what they do with the truth." The important part here is that you don't lie. You must be honest about your intentions. I let potential mates know that I was looking for a serious relationship and they had two weeks to prove they were worth it to me. The last point didn't always happen immediately. It absolutely happened by the third day. This was before texting.

“I have a boyfriend.”This one is too easy. "It's not serious." Works every time. If it is serious, they go away. If it isn't, they engage. You follow up the statement while looking around for other prospects.

Many of the examples CH has should never happen if your attitude is being the employer vs. employee. If you don't have the confidence to think that way, then you need to fix your issues. I will grant that the exact words can vary according to existing pop culture. However, the basic principle is that you, as the man, must be in charge mentally. You are doing the interviewing. Women younger than you are going to be more likely good long term prospects. The half your age plus seven years is a good measurement.

Finding a spouse is an on-purpose activity. You are deciding with whom you will raise children and spend the rest of your life. I see men spending more time and effort on what type of phone to get than defining the characteristics of the wife they want. The characteristics you want are a separate issue, however you need to have a game plan about what you want out of a wife. To think your spouse will magically be dropped in your lap is ridiculous. You are living in the Disney-happily-ever-after mentality. This is the biggest decision you will make in your life. Consult those you respect. Develop a plan.

Remember, you da man.

11 comments:

  1. CH's shit test list reminded me of when you wore some aweful 80's style grey acid washed jeans and a shirt that matched to pick me up from work. I don't remember exactly how I expressed my dismay (read shallowness) but I do remember I was doing your laundry not long after.

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  2. So tell me, Redlegben, are you Canadian?

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    1. Nope. Cheesehead. That means Wisconsinite.

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  3. For some reason when I was growing up this was common knowledge. And I mean everyone knew this. There were girls you mess around with and then there were girls you were willing to bring home to Mom. I am the only girl that my Husband introduced to anyone in his family.
    My father was very clear that I better be the latter and my mother was very clear the risks and benefits associated with deciding which one you're going to be to both my brother and me.

    Something I see lacking is that most people are not willing to cash in their chips when they do find the right mate. For instance sometimes guys do find a woman who is worth marrying but they're not done messing around. I had that happen to me more than once before I met my husband.

    When I turned 18 I had three separate guys ask me if I would wait to marry them until after college. They expected me to remain faithful to them and not mess around on them but it was quite clear that they wanted some more time to mess around with other girls. Two I laughed off, one seriously injured my heart but I am glad I chose to walk away from him. It helped that I was a virgin and not bonded.

    My Husband was quite the player but he recognized me as wife material. He is very Sigma so I didnt dare say a word, just prayed. I personally saw him break it off with about ten different girls and cut off more then that waiting in the wings. But he wanted to live together. I told him to ask my Father if he could bang me for awhile and try me out and see what he said. Dad was a very scary dude, that conversation never happened. However his Mom talked him out of getting married so I enlisted. He followed me and married me.

    So it is easy to put it on the women, but there are good women out there. Men need to hunt and close the deal. Dads need to firmly reign daughters in and Mothers must be clear on the real dangers involved. It rarely happens anymore....but our family is doing it.

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    1. "I told him to ask my Father if he could bang me for awhile and try me out and see what he said. Dad was a very scary dude, that conversation never happened."

      If I get married and have daughters, I will be sure to tell them about this particular line.

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    2. Yeah, that line is awesome. Permanently logged as great lines for my daughters.

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  4. Glad I could help hehe.

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  5. Carlotta,

    You played that one the right way.

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    1. Thanks. We are going on 20 years.

      Being a strong Father makes for strong daughters. And my Father was quite far from perfect, didnt even tell me to follow the Bible about virginity. But he was clear in his disqust for me acting inappropriately with boys and that he would kill a boy who tried anything with me. My Mother terrified me with stories about what happens to girls who act like that. It kept me from much trouble. Men have to provide that guidence to their daughters.
      Saying that to my Husband was horrible because I knew I risked losing him and I badly wanted him. Dad protected me without ever knowing.

      Btw, Himselfs plan is to answer the door to dates wearing underwear, blacksocks and his gun. He figures the combination of armed and crazy should go a long way. Lol.

      Just sharing to give other parents hope.

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    2. My plan involves taking the boy to the range and having him watch me either a. qual for the 20/20 club or b. engage targets from 1,000 to 2,000 yards while he spots my hits for me, maybe both. Then a conversation about my standards for my daughter. OR I may try the arrainged marriage route.

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    3. That should do it lol!

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