Monday, August 26, 2013

How do I know I did the right thing?


We're back. Family emergency for a week. It happens. Very sad. Very sudden. Life lessons all around for us. We will post more in the future about it. We just need time to digest. In the meantime, Res Ispa asked me a question.

Res Ipsa:
I understand. I think my boy is younger than yours. He only sees girls (his mom and sister) as a hindrance to doing fun stuff. I've been teaching him about the importance of doing good because he knows its good.

I'm struggling with teaching where the line between caring and not caring what others think is. I naturally have a high level of "don't care" but I also want to impart empathy as a general principal. When it comes time to teach how it applies to girls, I'm going to lean very hard on the "don't care what they say" side and very low on the empathy. I expect a true gentleman in thought and behavior. I think that can only be done if his standard for himself is internal. It sounds like you've gone through that. How'd it work out?
I have had the benefit of planning on my son being a teenager for a long time. Most parents just let new stages of their children creep up on them. For the last eight years I have been in the Army and dealt with teenagers on a daily basis. It has mostly been an experimental lab for me. When you plan ahead, you achieve foresight.

Vox had a great post about the value of not caring for a single man on AG. Even if the prospective girl is interested and the young man isn't feeling her positive response, he is better off not caring. His indifference only heightens her interest in him. When it comes to educating my son about wife shopping, I want him to have her enamored and unable to explain her obsession. It sets the stage for a successful relationship. Daughters are a whole different conversation.

As for how it has worked out, we don't know yet. My son is very confident. He is accomplishment oriented. He reads what we write and what the manosphere says. He has been applying a variety of principles from those sources. The true measure of my teaching will be how his future unfolds. I don't think I'm completely responsible for his actions, however his attitude towards challenges in life are quite indicative of my teaching. I am in awe of my son's attitude and accomplishments in life today. He thinks and acts on things that I never did at his age.

This is a result of being brutally honest with him. When I blow up at him, I will apologize if I'm wrong (It happens, I'm in pain a lot). Because I have set the father/son relationship up the way I have, he respects my apology as it should be. It is an apology for having a temporary lack of certitude, not a lack of emotional control. If I'm right, I force him to apologize. We deal in black and white. It is a very good relationship. I'm not his friend or buddy. I'm his father and example in the biblical sense.

I hope that answers your question. If not, I can give more specific examples. The truth is that this is a lab for that next stage in life for my children. I desperately want to have rock solid biblical answers for my children as they grow up. It doesn't mean I don't care about the people I talk to on this blog. It just means I care more about my own family. If you don't understand that...you need to read more of what we have posted here. BTW, I don't think not understanding our position applies to you Res Ipsa. Learning about human behavior and applying it to your life is better done by a virtual method than direct. Don't believe me? Do you really need to stick your tongue into an electrical outlet to know it's a bad idea? Was there any reason for the biblical examples of good vs. bad behavior in the Bible?

As I said, daughter discussion is different. When it comes to sons, it is all about having upper hand. Keeping her guessing. All the basics of game. Integrating Christianity with that is the important part. It isn't as hard as you might think. There is a desperation that happens in the PUA world. Eventually, you realize all pussy feels the same. The tingle is the tingle. Sure there are manatees...that's just gross. However, there is a deeper issue that will haunt the hedonist. It is the whole two becoming one thing. Once your child displays long term thinking vs. short term thinking, you have an epiphanal type of moment. It's not important to you what your child screams at you. You KNOW what needs to be done. You command the direction of your family. It is an awesome responsibility and you take it seriously. That is why you pray so much.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for the response. It seems like our thought processes are similar.

    "have her enamored and unable to explain her obsession." I agree there is nothing like a women who is so inexplicably in love with you that she can't stand not making you happy.

    I think that is a key part of the "one flesh" concept. A man is designed to become addicted to sexual intimacy. A women who views her highest calling as fueling her husbands fire, so to speak, is going to find fulfillment in doing the very thing that he most desires. The natural outcome being of course her emotional satisfaction as well.

    Incidentally, I want the same thing for my daughter as I do my son. I want her to be head over heals, crazy in love and desperately panting for her husband. I just want him to be worthy of receiving it, and her to wait till they get to the hotel after the wedding reception.

    To achieve this goal I have started "dating" my daughter. That way when she meets and starts spending time with males she will have a higher standard of what to expect. Of course she still has 12 years till she can even think about that, but it better to start now and grow her into it. I also like this concept of "courting" that some families are using and I may institute that in our home.

    The selection process may be different for boys and girls but the criteria for a good marriage is just about the same. Raising my kids to achieve this goal is going to be my second greatest challenge,

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  2. Good information, thanks.

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