Women usually need affirmation in order to overcome obstacles.I am very curious to know if this is true for most women. Personally, shame works the best for me to overcome obstacles when I perceive the intent is for me to improve.
Affirmation will make me miss the meat of the matter. If I'm wrong, I need to be told in the most obvious way, "you're wrong." And, it helps to include what the consequences of my wrongness are. I've never been one to change by receiving nudges. Throw me over the cliff or don't bother.
I reflect quite positively on individuals in my life who have been willing to go there with me. It tells me they valued me enough to say the uncomfortable. The flip side is, when I've been receiving affirmations or delicate nudges from someone who wasn't comfortable with "going there," I'll have a diminished respect for them.
I had a Sociology professor my first year of college who made my skin crawl. When he would ask questions, no matter how off our answer was he would cup his bearded chin in his hand, nod, and softly say something to the extent of, "that's a good answer but I'm looking for something a bit different." At seventeen years of age, this behavior of his made me want to hurl. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong, you wuss.
Some might say he didn't want to discourage me from answering questions or didn't want me to feel bad about coming up with the wrong answer (really, at this point in life, answering a question wrong was not even on my radar of what could make me feel bad). My perception was that he was untrustworthy.
If affirmations are positive statements/judgments or something declared to be true, how is it possible for someone to need that in order to change things they've been wrong about or to overcome obstacles? And, how does one do that? Is it a matter of sandwiching things? (I've attempted to write out several examples and it's not working.)
I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Are there women who don't feel this as manipulation or dishonesty?