I'm glad you posted about breasts. It's been coming up in my husband and I's bed time conversations lately.My response to her was as follows:
He loves my breasts. I am very thankful for this because if he didn't love mine, he'd be loving someone else's. Okay… I was a 32-34A BEFORE the eating healthy started 6 months ago. Now, I'm a 32 AA if that. How can I say this… how can you love something that's not there? I breast fed for 6 months with my first and approximately 4 months with my second. I never exclusively breast fed with either because my body just couldn't keep up. At my largest I think I fit nicely into a 34 A. So, I've grown and shrunk and I notice the slight sag.
I feel very unattractive because the state of my breasts and the only time I get turned on by my husband touching them is during those three days of the month where my hormone (testosterone?) levels are higher and I'm 1/17 as horny as he gets every day vs the other 25 days of the month where I'm 1/50th as horny as he is every day. (thats the next story)
Interjection: I don't know what I would do if either one or both of us didn't know Jesus. The world would probably have me committing suicide.
Can I combat these emotions? I can't change the fact that it doesn't turn me on when he touches my breasts. Its so sad cause they don't even fit in his hand. Anyway, I thought I'd let you hear from someone who has a different reason for not loving her breasts (cause I don't have any!)
Your husband loves your breasts. Would it be acceptable for you to have brown eyes, for your husband to love your brown eyes and for you to continue to wish you had blue eyes. You believe blue eyes are the only eyes that are beautiful. You've allowed your opinion to be projected on those around you to the point where you can not conceive of anyone finding brown eyes beautiful. You live in denial of this truth, that indeed many people, including your husband DO find brown eyes beautiful. Can you see how your continued refusal to accept your own brown eyes as beautiful and believe your husband that they are is a form of coveting.
You are lusting after/yearning for breasts you don't have. So much that you have allowed it to define your self worth. You find it unjust that God created your body as He has. You need to confess this as sin, ask forgiveness and repent of this. Only then can God assist you in overcoming what you are calling emotions (what you are calling emotions are sinful desires).
Our self worth/self love is indicative of our acceptance of God's love. You have put walls up and called yourself unworthy when He has already called you worthy and showed it on the Cross. You will be able to experience the pleasure in God's wonderful gift of sex and intimacy with your husband when you turn away from the lies Satan is telling you. God made it Good. Satan confuses it. You allow Satan to negatively influence the most beautiful aspect of your marriage relationship. You need to let it all go and give it to God. Release yourself to your husband as God has commanded it and allow your husband's complete enjoyment of your body.
Don't fear or anguish over your husbands desire for you. It is a blessing to give him fulfillment of this desire. Yes, he desires sex more than you do (now), that is completely natural. As you begin to release yourself and fully give yourself to him, God can work within your heart to give you a desire for him as well.
Oh, I also thought you'd like to know, many men love small breasts. My brother-in-law is one of them. He is more turned on by small A cups than voluptuous DD cups. He is a single man in his mid 30's and kind of a heathen. Never the less, he can't help his attraction to women with what he so eloquently (sarc) calls "itty bitty titties." :)
My husband loves tiny breasts. When I gained a bit of weight a couple years into our relationship I swelled up from large Bs to DDs. He was kind of fascinated by them, but he wasn't as into them as the small ones. I'm now leaner than ever before and down to As and he loves them.
ReplyDeleteIf your husband says he loves your breasts, why do you question him? You are distrustful of him because you can't stop indulging in your insecurities. You are thereby not only disrespecting your husband, but, as SD said, you are also rejecting what God has given you.
Let's face it, we women derive a certain terrible, masochistic pleasure out of dwelling on our insecurities. It's like worrying a loose tooth, you just can't stop. Only it is damaging to our selves, our relationships with others (and our husbands always take the brunt of it), and to our relationship with God.
In other words, it is your duty to make every effort to stop.
The good news is that with every time you do it it becomes just a little bit easier, until eventually you notice the script in your mind before it's even started to play yet, and you shut it down in a split second.
It does become easier, there is hope after we've made the decision to stop dwelling on our insecurities. Great stuff, Phedre!
DeleteSmall = lovely in my book. But what other men think isn't important: your husband loves the way you're made? Bask in that love. Give yourself to him. Flaunt what he loves and don't wallow in pity. We men can be completely and utterly irrational in the value we place on our wives and how beautiful we find them. Just go with it. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd... good word, SD.
Thank you, Vidad.
DeleteSD,
ReplyDeleteI wish more women took the time to read you. You have more insight into Godly marriage principles than most people I know.
Ladies,
There is a sure fire way to know if your husband is lying to you about liking your boobs.
1. Take off your top.
2. Have him touch and play with them.
3. Ask him to tell you 3 things he likes about them.
4. Reach down between his legs and see if he is hard.
IF he is hard, he likes your boobs. Quit worrying about it and get on with doing other stuff he likes.
I can’t imagine what goes on in your pretty little heads. If you are married you only have ONE man you have to make happy, your husband. Guys are pretty straight forward, we’ll tell you what we like, what we want, and when and how we want it. Why this is a mystery to you is beyond us.
Just so you know, the first time we met you, we checked out your chest and made a pass/fail decision on your boobs in the first 3 seconds we saw you. If we married you, they (and the rest of the package) held our interest.
I appreciate your kind words, Res, thank you.
DeleteMy wife is actually the one who emailed SD. She was reading off the replies to me and the last two sentences of Res' reply simply nailed it. I didn't somehow miss the size of my wife's breasts when I first met her... they were definitely noticed and noted. =)
DeleteAnd I could easily give 3 things I like about them.
I hope she’s trying my test with you right now and you’re not reading this. When you get done, I’ve got a question for you.
ReplyDeleteI bet that the only complaint you have about her breasts is that you’d like to spend more time with them. I am I right?
Ladies we like what we married. We know you’re going to get older, that ok. Do the best you can with that. If you married a good-hearted man, we married you for better or for worse we can live with whatever comes, provided that it comes with your best effort to keep the intimacy level that we thought we were getting when we got married. Remember the three “A’s” that matter most to a man: Agreeable, Amenable, and Available.
After reading this post (to myself) I turned to my husband and asked him to tell me three things he liked about my breasts. He paused, looked at me, and replied "this is a trap." I died laughing. I had not read the post to him and caught him in the middle of the basketball game. Men imagine your wife asking you something like that out of the blue. It was funny, I explained where it came from and he then gave me 3 things. Although my man is really more of a thighs and booty guy.
ReplyDeleteI can totally see him saying that: "what, Marie? I'm not fallin' for this shit..." ;) (He's a natural Alpha, all - he doesn't fail shit tests...EVER). And God bless her, she is the perfect personality for him - she laughed. This woman never gets emotionally destroyed by her husband's non-compliance.
DeleteI love this couple.
Back from vacation and love love LOVE this post. What awesome advice!
ReplyDeleteMarie,
ReplyDeleteThe key is following all the steps IN ORDER. :)
Ladies the thing your man likes about you is you. You're never going to think like a man but you can do all sorts of things that will make him crazy in love with you. IF you ask him he will tell you what he likes and what makes him happy. Since different guys like different things like hair color and boob size chances are he allready picked that out when he picked you.