Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Normal, average, everyday guys

In July, a friend of ours was in town for some Army training. By word of mouth he heard of a Crossfit gym that is just a few minutes away from our home. Knowing I had been working out, he invited me to this gym.

The gym is owned by a married couple who are there together most of the time and are both Crossfit certified trainers. This was the first indicator that this would be a comfortable gym for me to go to. It is very important, as married ladies, to carry ourselves as such. It should be visibly evident to those who meet you that your are happily married and not looking for anything else. Choosing a gym with a family atmosphere was very important.

Though RLB has never met the owners of this gym, they know a lot about him and our family. I talk about and edify RLB a lot. I also take our son with me when he's on breaks from school. It is visibly evident that this is not a social hour for me. It is a time that I am committed to learning how to do the lifts and exercises with a clear fitness goal in mind.

It is most convenient for me to go to the gym during the late morning and lunch hour when my girls are busy with their school work. There is a consistent group of guys that work out at the same time and occasionally a couple of women. Five of the guys are single and three are married. Their ages range from late twenties to early forties. They are all at different levels of fitness.  Not one of them, including the owner is a natural Alpha male. From observation, I'd have to say all are natural Deltas. Normal, everyday, guys.

Since there are usually only two women there during this time, me and the owner's wife. I've gotten the opportunity to observe the guys' behavior with each other. There are two different circumstances that their behavior and the overall mood of the gym changes, when a single, attractive woman is there, or when an Alpha/high Beta male stops in. In both circumstances the normal guys get quiet. Oddly enough, I've never seen one of these Alpha males attempt to do the WOD (workout of the day) along side the regulars. They are usually just stopping in to talk...and talk...and talk with the owner. From what I've learned, the owner is a situational Alpha because he, 1) owns the gym and 2) is the most successful Crossfit competitor.

Here's what I've learned by observing the behavior of everyday, normal guys:
- They are pleasant. A good mood/disposition is their natural state. Even when something is frustrating them outside of the gym, it doesn't affect their treatment of the other guys.
-They love to laugh. Conversations, no matter how they start, end up in laughter.
-They can't stand women who act like guys. There is one woman that works out there later in the evening they have talked poorly about. She grunts like a guy, yells during heavy lifts and carries herself like a guy. It is very repulsive to them.
-They are helpful. They help each other put on loads, take off loads, put away equipment etc. with a natural ease that is just part of going about their business.
-They are not status conscious with each other. The income range between these guys based on what I've learned their jobs are is from broke college student to around $80K (Junior officers in the Army). This has no bearing on the respect they show each other.
-They don't care about physical appearances. A couple of the guys have ear lobe plugs and other piercings, tattoos, and trendy hair. The Army guys are clean cut and shaven. This has no bearing on the respect they show each other.
-The focus on self improvement is key. They compete a little with each other but for the most part are competing with their yesterday's self. This may just be the nature of Crossfit but they are mindful of each other's previous personal records and encourage each other to exceed it.
-When they are doing a "best time" kind of workout, those who finish first stay around and wait for those who finish last, cheering and encouraging each other.

On Monday I witnessed something that inspired me to write this post.

The workout was a tough one, it was the gym's fourth anniversary and as usual on special days, there is an unusually difficult workout:
For time:
25, 20, 15, 10, 5 of:
Deadlifts @ 1.5 Bodyweight
Back squats @ Bodyweight

My scaled version was pullups with an assistance band (I've yet to achieve "pull up"), 113 lb deadlifts (my PR is 198 lb), and 83 lbs Backsquat (PR is 143 lb).

One of the younger guys was RXing it - my best guess is he weighs 170 lbs. He finished through the 15's, was about fifteen minutes in, and was doing his 10 deadlifts when he failed a rep, dropped the bar, and said in a quiet exasperated voice, "I can't do it."

I was right behind him and I barely heard him say it. But somehow his voice made it to all lengths of the gym because the rest of guys stopped what they were doing, and came flooding by his side. "You got this man, come on, one at a time, don't quit, you got this." And they remained with him, encouraging him, counting for him, cheering and supporting him until he completed the workout. And when he was done and lying on the floor they continued with, "that's awesome man, it's done, great job, knew you could do it."

If women would focus their desire to act like a man with regards to these traits instead of the lies feminism teaches, we might actually have some honorable ladies in our society. As it stands, women have rejected what it is to be a lady, denied what it is to be a man, and have created a new being that is a monstrosity.


  1. What an awesome anecdote.

  2. As it stands, women have rejected what it is to be a lady, denied what it is to be a man, and have created a new being that is a monstrosity.

    This has got the be the best quote of the year.

  3. As a one who does Crossfit I approve of this post! What you describe, the vibe of the gym and the men and women in it are consistent with what I see all the time too. Our membership is also very similar, and have quiet members, loud members, silly members and intimidating (on the surface) members. The camaraderie vibe that goes on helps to create the cult-like environment that Crossfit has a reputation for. Like the army, all work hard individually and pull for (and help) one another. At our gym, there are some guys that are above most others athletically/strength wise but aren't alpha about it and are just regular guys.

    Now the women, on the other hand, are a little different story. My wife is a member so I see how women view each other, and it's pretty harsh. The men will definitely be checking out the hot women, even if they aren't talking to them that frequently. Like a club, it can be somewhat hard to open a good looking gal, especially in that environment when the focus is on fitness and getting better and not meeting dating partners. With that said, our gym has several couples that met at the gym and started dating. Agree that the men don't find the masculine aspects of women's grunting attractive. The other more feminine women will totally rip on those grunters behind their back.

    The more conservative women (good looking in their own right) also will totally rip on the insecure, typically younger, women who go to great lengths to A) "look hot" by wearing revealing clothing and short, shorts and B) lie about their workout to make it seem like their faster or stronger than what they really are. They check the whiteboard and are constantly comparing themselves to everyone else. Hearing my wife and her friends all talk about one another was probably the first time I really realized how competitive women are with one another and how catty they can be.

    That workout you described sounds absolutely brutal! I did the girl "Linda" one time as Rx (0.75x BW squat clean, BW Bench press, 1.5x BW deadlifts with rep scheme 10-9-8-7..-1) and it just about killed me (took nearly half an hour) but is one of those that few do. Thanks for sharing your story!

  4. Why don't women like these kind of guys, again?

    1. Because a significantly shorter time-preference dictates that a douchebag is a greater match. For the same reason that many people swing by burger king rather than spending an hour cooking something healthy.

  5. Because feminism has told them to hold their tongue. Today, one of them was getting his bar loaded. Another woman was there who was starting the workout the same time I was. I asked when she wanted to begin, the clock was at 47:00, she turned to this guy and said, "_____, go reset the clock for us." I was mortified. Really, I'm capable of starting when the clock reads 50:00 and going from there. It was completely unnecessary to demand another patron to go do it. I started to say, "no, you don't have to do that." but off he went to be the nice guy he's been trained to be. A little bit of game and this guy would have said, "no, I'm busy." A lot of game and he would have said, "bitch, shut up." Either response is what is necessary with today's entitled wenches.

    Another one of the guys brought his girlfriend in. She berated him sentence after sentence. Laughing at his attempts at losing weight and being overall disrespectful. He stood there and took it cuz, you know, Momma said be a nice guy.

    1. Oh my goodness, the absolute dis-respect in such a demand! Did she even say "please" or "thanks"?

      Reading things like this makes me sick...

  6. Bless you, dear, I was asking that rhetorically.

    You're right, though. I was absolutely one of those guys. Spent years in a hilariously bad, on/off/ljbf/fwb/whatever-generates-drama kind of relationship. Actually, I think that I would fall closer to Vox's gamma than delta. Combined with growing up in the feminized evangelical sub-culture didn't help, I'm sure.

    Here's a gym anecdote! I worked at a gym for a little while, behind the front desk, and got a pretty good look at the social structure described by the manosphere (I depart from the general consensus on a lot of the social-sexual theories, but that's a digression I'll leave aside). There was a group of guys who did Crossfit at my gym on their absurdly long ninety minute lunch break. They had exactly the sort of camaraderie you describe here, and they were well groomed, good-looking young guys who worked interesting jobs and made good money doing so. Their behavior around the women there, a motley assortment of strippers, beauty pageant contestants, fitness models, personal trainers, and bored housewives, was also exactly as you described in your comment above.

    One of those women, a former Playboy playmate/reformed slut who had befriended me shortly after I started working there was just about the only person who I ever saw talking to two of the youngest Crossfit guys, brothers who were both geologists at natural gas and heating company, like they were actual human beings. By the point they were regularly attending during the lunch hour, I had learned how to game a good portion of the women who walked through the door, but I know that when I had first met this lady, I was a simpering, supplicating dolt who couldn't talk to girls.

    She later told me that her husband had spent a great deal of money on fertility treatments so that she could get pregnant, none of which worked. I wonder if her attitude was partly informed by a latent desire to nurture somebody. She was always telling me that those young guys were really very sweet boys who just needed to be more assertive.

    But then, I also met her current husband, who fit Vox's beta description to a T, and her ex-husband, who was a pure alpha asshole by any definition. She always talked about her second husband in terms of utmost respect, about his intellect, his ability to provide, his successful business ventures, etc. She admired him, and he loved her so much. I can only guess that besides having to sublimate her will to nurture into talking to unassertive, nervous guys, trying to build their confidence, that she had come to a fairly late appreciation for masculine qualities outside of the alpha apex.

    And she smiled and laughed and teased me about all of the girls at the gym who began to demand my attention. But, if I'm being completely honest, I always envied the relationship she had with her husband. It's sinful to covet. But I was never more jealous than when I heard her speak with so much admiration and respect for her husband. I'd rather have that than any of the sexual advances I endured from the coke-addled strippers who went there to do yoga.

  7. CrossFit is a fantastic place to practice game. Guys have such a massive DHV over the women at these places. They can lift far more weight, do many more pull-ups and all that. A man may not be faster, but a guy can much more easily RX a workout than a woman, especially if there are pull-ups involved. We have about 2 dozen women at our gym. About 2 or 3 of them can do full pull-ups. Contrast the dudes who can do them at a rate of about 28/30.
    Anyway, it is so easy to tease and Game these women. Especially when they start complaning about how their bodies are sore or w/e. Plenty of opportunities for "That's what she said" and "C'Mon, man up." One that worked particularly well after a girl was complaining about her forearms being sore was pointing out "There goes your love life". Making fun of a girl for having hard man-hands (roughed, dried and callused by lifting with chalk) is also way too easy. Basically, if you make guy locker-room comments at the girls, they eat it up.

  8. There's a sign at my gym that says "If you're going to wear gloves, make sure they match your purse." - well mine do match. :) Not interested in dried rough man hands.


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