Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Natural Alpha

I have a dear friend who is married to a...Natural Alpha. I've gotten to know them both over the last few years and a couple things struck me. First was how rare it is for a man to be a natural Alpha, as in he was born this way, having nothing to do with status or situation. Second was what a challenge it could be to be married to one.

To describe them best, I'll tell you my observations when I first met them. He is tall and good looking but not drop dead gorgeous. He peacocks. On any given day he'll be wearing a fedora, shirt and tie with some funky knot (that he has to show you cuz it's soooo bad ass) and he has a ridiculous collection of fine watches. She's a cute little number. A dancer with a petite frame and a sweet demeanor but doesn't put up with shit from anyone except her husband. She's a giver and very successful at whatever she sets her mind to do.

One of the first exchanges I ever heard between the two of them was at a Christmas party. I heard from her: "I'm not drunk enough yet to go to the titty bar...." I was intrigued. What kind of marriage do you have when you can convince your wife to go to the titty bar? HA! Now, I'll be fair, that was a few years ago (they were in their early twenties) and many things in their life have changed. However, I'm still certain he could get her to go anywhere!

I've noticed in him an irrational self confidence, an uncanny way of insulting people (negging), bullheadedness, a great sense of humor, charisma and perfectionism - though I don't think he'd call it that. And, whatever he does he does full boar - his traumatic brain injury was no exception - but that's a different story.

My friend is new to the manosphere. I talked with her today of my observations. She was thinking her husband might be this Alpha she's been reading about. I confirmed her suspicion emphatically. She had called me with a concern that seems to be a recurring incident. They meet a new couple, hit it off and start hanging out with them and soon enough the wife of the new couple is throwing herself at my friend's husband.

Well duh, he's the AMOG (Alpha Male Of the Group)... and...they haven't been very discriminatory about who they spend time with. But then again, with an Alpha husband, what couple can you spend time with without having the woman drawn to him? It's inevitable, especially if the couple isn't Christian, the husband is a beta Herb, and the marriage is dull and boring. Bringing that couple into your home is a surefire way of having the most ridiculous behavior exude from the woman.

This last woman she called me about was particularly bold. She decided it was appropriate to talk to my friend's husband about her boobs and her concern that they're too small. Heh. So my friend wanted to know how to deal with this.

My first suggestion is the most obvious, don't associate with couples who have weak marriages. And since that is excruciatingly rare, here's my second bit of advice for her: up your game.

When the couple comes over, make sure you are dressed and made up more than what you anticipate the woman will be. (Since they've started hanging out, this woman has been wearing nicer and nicer clothes, and fashioning her hair more). This is always my advice to wives - be the best looking woman your husband will see during the day.

Next, when you welcome the couple into your house, be sure you are the one to notice and compliment her improved looks: "You've done a good job with your hair, that looks much better on you." "That's a fantastic outfit you have on, you're like me, I'll use any excuse to dress to the nines, even just visiting friends."

When she makes an inappropriate boob comment, with over emphasis that denotes humor and a bit of a slap you say, "Are you talkin to my husband aboutcha boobs?...you go talk to ya own husband aboutcha boobs."

When her cleavage is getting a bit too extreme, "sweetie, I love your girls an all butchyer fallin out." Or, just walk up to her, grab her shirt and pull it up saying, "honey, your girls are gettin' away from ya" - there's no need to say any of this snotty or condescending. The shock value of it alone will be enough for her to snap out of it if the humiliation doesn't get her first.

No matter her behavior, you must command the room and the conversation (when you're in your own home.) You indirectly make it obvious that she is out of line and if Herb isn't going to fix his bitch, you will. So you embarrass her. There's nothing to be upset at your husband about. He can not control this response from women. And, be honest, it turns you on like crazy! There's nothing wrong with that but it is important to put the twitterpated other woman in her place. If she starts other inappropriate behavior (texting or calling your husband), you tell her flat out, "No no, honey, we don't behave that way, you've crossed a line and are now cut off."

This advice is good for any woman whose husband is the AMOG.  It's bound to happen when you've got a great marriage going and you're in the company of a woman who isn't married to a man with your husband's socio/sexual status. That which you find crazy attractive about your husband will be what other women see as well. So, girl game is important to maintain to compliment your husband's status and to ward off incoming predators from behaving inappropriately in your husband's company- many times they won't even know they're doing it. That is why you use humor and audaciousness that snaps them out of it.

2 comments:

  1. As the friend she is speaking of some might be wondering just what it is like to be married to a Natural Alpha. I must say half of his tendencies I no longer notice. He is cocky as hell and arrogant. SD is right, everything he does is to the extreme, EVERYTHING. If he has something to say he says it. He does not posess a filter and doesnt understand the point in one. His apperance is highly important to him and he grooms longer than I do. I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

    For me, he isnt hard to live with. I have learned over the years the man he is. I attempted, early in our marriage, to change him. HA! I quickly learned that is a joke and that I would have to do the changing. I am always trying to "keep up" with him. He always has me on my toes and to be honest, I love it. He keeps me in check about everything weather it is my outfit, hair, attitude, or weight. If I am slacking in my duties he tells me (again, he has no filter). I apprecite the brutal honesty he gives. I also know he doesnt mean it in an ugly way. He actually says what every other man is thinking and wont say. I am constantly attracted to him and even when our marriage was rocky quite a few years ago our sex life was still on fire. I love the challange. i have never had a problem with submission to him. I tried to fight it on a rare occasion and fell flat on my face. He wouldnt stand for it.

    Every single friend I have has flocked to him like moths to a flame upon first meeting. They dont even know they are doing it. He of course loves it and starts his witty banter. The femal behavior doesnt bother me until it becomes intentional. When she becomes disrespectful to me and my marriage I get defensive.

    This is my husband. His compliments come in the form of insults and on the rare, I mean rare occasion, they come in an honest fashion I know he really means it. He would NEVER tell me something looked good when it didnt. I have had many friends say what an asshole he is and wonder how I could be married to him, but they dont understand him. I am "twitterpated" by him.

    He makes me laugh, keeps me in check, and when his tendencies get out of control (to the point of obnoxious) I just ignore it. I keep my mouth shut and let him do his thing.

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  2. I feel ya', sister.

    You just described my husband.

    Don't you just love your life more being married to a man like this??

    Bless you!

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