It begins with your countenance. Go to your favorite online Bible source and search for every passage that contains the word countenance. I'm not going to do this for you. You go and do it for yourself. And while you read, pray that God convicts your heart of your countenance.
Your face, ladies, it starts in your face. You literally need to change your face. Do you smile because you're happy or are you happy because you smile? If you don't know, smile. Smile all day long. Smile all day long every day for a week. Smile through your eyes, not just your lips. Cast off all thoughts of "I don't feel like smiling." This is not about your feelings. I don't care if everyone around you thinks you're crazy, smile anyway.
Train your eyes. STOP rolling your eyes.
In basic training, Drill Sergeants get right into a Private's face, "Are you eye ballin' me!" "Your disrespect shows through your attitude Private, drop and give me 20!" When RLB was a Private First Class, he had a First Sergeant who was just awful. He hated RLB with a passion and the feeling was mutual. RLB wore the darkest sunglasses he could find because he knew his eyes would tell too much. Whether he was smirking with them or glaring, RLB knew that this man would flip his lid if he saw his eyes.
So much of our disrespectful behavior towards our husbands comes through our eyes. They hate it, ladies...absolutely hate it, would love nothing more than to smack your disrespectful face. It's that contentious heart you're displaying. That smarmy, sarcastic, cynical attitude that pours out through your eyes. The most gentle man can be brought to rage from one flippant eye roll from his wife. It's disgusting. Stop that!
Next. Shut your damn mouth. Your brain runs 100 mph and often times it's headed in the wrong direction. Control your tongue and take your thoughts captive. Give yourself a time out. There's nothing wrong with that. After your husband has said something that you feel the need to respond to, stop, and say to him, "Give me just a minute." Then, go somewhere else and pray. It doesn't matter what he has said. Train yourself with the simplest of things. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy. If you want both, go to God, pray for wisdom. Read your Bible, pray for wisdom. Shut your mouth and calm yourself.
If your husband has said something that sounds like he's angry with you, go back to him after your time out, when you know you can ask calmly, "are you upset with me?" And then listen. If what he says gets your brain going again, excuse yourself once again and repeat the actions: open your Bible and pray for wisdom. Wait until you are calm. Go back to your husband and ask, "what could I have done differently to not upset you?" Then listen. Repeat the same procedure - AS MANY TIMES AS NECESSARY.
If your husband has said something that upset you, do the same thing. You know what can calm you. For me it's prayer. It's a quiet room and quiet contemplation on God's Word.
We're so quick to judge our husbands when we really are being overly sensitive. Men don't like homes that are not tranquil. It is quite rare that they will provoke contention intentionally. Most of our disrespect towards them comes from either conceitedness or misunderstanding. If you are conceited ladies, if you are haughty, go to God in prayer and ask that he help you overcome this. It is so ugly, it is bad for all of your relationships and it is bad for your health. Ask God for a humble heart.
Recognize your own solipsism and actively work on controlling it. There are other perspectives in life than your own. Through conversation and observation become aware of your husband's perspective. Agape love is selfless love. When selfish thoughts consume you, "what about me...what about my feelings...what about what I want?" When you're about to start complaining, stop and think of a petulant child. Then look in the mirror. You're not smiling are you. Is it too much to ask that you try for one week to think about him, what is he feeling, what does he want?
If you are willing to take these steps towards changing your heart, you will begin to notice somethings. You feel better. You sleep better. If you're like me you'll be moved to tears. With awe and wonderment you'll look back and think - if only I had done this sooner. The change has been within me. It is not fake. It is not rule following. It is the transformation that God promises.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. - Romans 12:1-2