Our prayers are needed for this situation:
It's been, eh, maybe a year and a half or so since I started looking into Christianity after finding To Love, Honor and Vacuum, then Dalrock, then SSM (and others, but these were the most influential in my interest in the Christian model of marriage) - PeopleGrowingHer fiance is not yet a Christian. But how fantastic for her to be seeking! Keep reading that Bible, PG.
This next commenter from Alpha Game came in with arms a flailin':
Advocating men to develop strategies to con women into sex is not a Christian precept. Encourage men to be protectors and providers. If the the primary aim of Game is sex, you deserve whatever stupid shit you get, so stop whining about women's poor character and own your own. Women aren't hanging around waiting to be gamed for sex; we like to feel desired, but we like equally/better having our children taken care of (ask any wife what turns her on about her husband and it will be hugely related to the way he shows love and care for his children). Convince her you can be trusted to take care of her, be the leader in sexual restraint and after marriage in finding out what it takes to have great sex with your wife, care about your children as much as your sex drive, don't be a stupid noob for pussy (just whack off, really, please). Accept that she doesn't have testosterone; you don't have estrogen/progesterone fluctuations. You are different and have different needs. It's astonishing to me the energy put it to trying to figure out how to fuck a woman. Whack off or get a robot; really. Please. Using flesh and blood women doesn't make sense. Clearly, it's more about the game and conquest than the flesh and blood person, maybe even the the sex. - DisillusionedOne month later she's changed her moniker and her tone:
...The effect of the Red Pill was more a revelation about me and the lies that feminism had perpetrated on society and other men that led to a alternate combinations of despair and burning anger. If there was any hatred, it was toward feminism not specific women or women in general. But the sudden understanding that the latent Alpha characteristics I'd unknowingly had in my youth and early marriage had slowly leeched away was a lot to take....A woman who I've become increasingly fond of broke my heart just before Christmas with this at Alpha Game:
[...]Some of my female/emotional, old-person frustrated reaction to Game (I blathered on one very bad day as "Disillusioned"), is - it really doesn't freaking matter which sex-organ you possess, you still have to own your own shit and learn from your own mistakes and apply honorable/workable solutions to your situation to stop doing harm.
[...]Alpha Game - at its best - calls men to be alphas. We women need to speak the truth, as well. And all of us, male and female, need to take responsibility for our part in the decline/Fall. Otherwise, we risk repeating the same mistakes. - Ioweenie
This is my second Christmas with no family and no friends, and I'm at the point where I'd lay down my life for someone who made me feel like he or she cared. - SigneShe's since changed her name - seems Asgard wasn't all Loki conquered. And they have started blogging together:
An email arrived in my inbox from a woman living half a world away from home, in the UAE, whose husband had come across my blog:I know what I should be doing, but the loneliness is close to crushing. It's weird, the reversal; at first, I couldn't get my head around being constantly around him 24/7, sleeping in the same bed, and sharing all our meals. But now, it's like I'm missing a limb or something. I keep expecting to turn around and see him staring at me, smirking.I know I should be unpacking, cleaning, figuring out what to fix around here, figuring out what to plant when the snow finally melts off and the ground thaws--but I'm totally unmotivated. I miss him so much, and he's only been gone a few hours and he'll be back for supper.Maybe I'm psychotic or something. Maybe it's because I've spent most of my waking hours with him since he hired me, and all of them once we took to the road. Maybe it's because he's just that awesome. - Sigyn
...we both want an awesome, God centered marriage it's just knowing exactly what we can do now to help ourselves get there...I encouraged her to keep reading. She had only read one of my posts. Here's the latest:
...I'm enjoying reading the posts that have the word "submission" in them. [...] I confessed that I had a hardened heart towards him and that I will be working on submitting to him from here on out. I just asked that he would be patient with me.My favorite victory is a woman who has decided to not blow up her marriage after learning of her husband's past infidelity. They were both very different individuals then. And, did you know, Jesus doesn't require divorce when there has been sexual immorality? This woman has chosen to not have that hardened heart. Nope, instead she has chosen forgiveness. She has chosen obedience to God's word, to change her ways, submit to her husband, and treasure her family. Can you even imagine the blessings she will know? I have no quotes to offer because this is a family that we know and love personally.
But, here's a little Mumford and Sons with yet another bit of perfection:
"My favorite victory is a woman who has decided to not blow up her marriage after learning of her husband's past infidelity. They were both very different individuals then. And, did you know, Jesus doesn't require divorce when there has been sexual immorality? This woman has chosen to not have that hardened heart. Nope, instead she has chosen forgiveness. She has chosen obedience to God's word, to change her ways, submit to her husband, and treasure her family. Can you even imagine the blessings she will know? I have no quotes to offer because this is a family that we know and love personally."
ReplyDeleteNot to detract from the glad tidings of a marriage recovered from the brink, but this recovery would probably not be possible if it was she who had cheated. It is an unfortunate truth that while male infidelity may not doom a marriage, female infidelity almost always does.
Otherwise, I am glad to hear of some more women easing their way into the Red Pill. It is hard enough for men to digest, I cannot imagine what it would be like for a woman.
And I don't know how I missed that bit about Signe and Loki. That comes as a pleasant surprise.
I had no idea that Loki and Signe even met. I am so incredibly happy for them. But, oh my! Another blog to read!
ReplyDeleteYes, as I understand things, she worked for him. He was a reader of VP and she made a comment there about a work related issue knowing he'd see it. That led to her reading VP and that was when she, as she's stated, "encountered the red pill."
ReplyDeleteNot to detract from the glad tidings of a marriage recovered from the brink, but this recovery would probably not be possible if it was she who had cheated. It is an unfortunate truth that while male infidelity may not doom a marriage, female infidelity almost always does.
I know, donalgraeme, it is a very different dynamic. No matter what egalitarians want to pretend is true. A woman doesn't even come close to the loss of attraction towards a cheating husband as she does when she's the cheater.
A woman who cheats and attempts to reconcile with her husband, unless she's gone through a huge spiritual transformation AND he's become a hard core Alpha, will find recovering "that loving feeling" an insurmountable task. Subconsciously, that which she justifies as the reason for her infidelity is the fear of his not being able to protect her (even from her own self). And should he forgive her cheating, that alone will destroy attraction. At her core, whether cognitively or not, she will wonder what kind of man lowers himself enough to accept a woman who lacks loyalty and faithfulness. Regaining the frame for him would be very difficult to do.
I've not known a woman to cheat and be able to continue a successful (attracted) relationship with her husband.
This is why one of the first things a woman asks an unfaithful husband is "Do you love her?" Whether we openly admit it or not, we know that a man can have sex without love and the being in love with her part is more important than the sex part. A man won't be as inclined to ask that question as the cheating itself pretty much answers the question.
Delete" A woman doesn't even come close to the loss of attraction towards a cheating husband as she does when she's the cheater."
DeleteActually, I would think that a man who cheats would be seen as more attractive by his wife, not less. What he loses is not attractiveness, but respect. If he still has her respect when all is said and done, then she will stick with him. This is why some men get away with it, and others don't.
For women, love for a man is based on both respect and attraction together. Without either, there can be no love. Hence the devastating weapon that is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line.
I agree donalgraeme, to an extent. There is, of course, the knowledge that another women is sexually attracted to him. However, depending on how he handles it, there can be a loss of attraction if he seeks forgiveness from her for his weakness. Part of what maintains a high level of attraction is the knowledge that other women find your husband attractive coupled with his strength to not succumb to his lust. This adds to the protection factor and is very exciting.
ReplyDelete"Part of what maintains a high level of attraction is the knowledge that other women find your husband attractive coupled with his strength to not succumb to his lust."
DeleteYes. It is that sense of danger in knowing that he could cheat, coupled with the trust that he won't cheat, which creates an emotional thrill for a woman. At least, that is what I think might be going on.
Just to clarify, the forgiveness he should seek is for his sin.
ReplyDeleteSD,
ReplyDeleteAnother great post.
It's amazing how God is using this and other blogs to speak his Truth.
A few months ago I needed Christian marriage advice, but there were no women in my church I felt I could turn to. At the time, my husband hadn't been physically intimate with me for months and I felt terribly rejected. I was wondering if our 16-year marriage had been a mistake.
So I Googled "Christian marriage sex advice" which took me to a Red Pill blog, which had a link to SSM's blog, which had a link to this blog.
I can't begin to list the things I've learned and how I've been challenged to grow as a Christian wife. From SSM I learned that my husband was in sin for refusing me sexually. I also learned that I was in sin for not fully submitting to him. I also rediscovered Scripture that I can meditate on to improve our marriage.
It's already impacted our marriage in a very positive way. After revealing that he has some body-image issues and that he was raised to believe sex is dirty, my husband has been willing to have sex twice a week---more often than we've ever had it. I've also taken steps to respect him more by curbing my tendency toward rolling my eyes and offering unsolicited sarcastic comments.
The blogosphere is a godsend for people like me who don't have access to churches that teach Biblical womanhood principles. I live in a very rural corner of what is supposedly the least religious state; there aren't any older, wiser women to mentor me. But, I've found some wonderful mentors here and I'm very grateful.
Lisa in Vermont
Yes, Lisa! Another victory story!
ReplyDeleteWe live in the land where there's a church on every corner instead of a bar (where we come from this is weird) and still there is a huge void a biblical teaching/living. You're right, the blogosphere is a godsend. Certainly has been for me.
LiV
ReplyDeleteThat is encouraging to hear. To God be the glory.
And now take what you have learned and mentor another.
Sunshine Mary
SSM,
DeleteWill do :)
I just wanted to say how wonderful it is for me to have SD in my life (personally). It is amazing how God sends people to your life when you need them. When I learned of my husbands infidelity I was ashamed. I told no one for a long time until another part of our marriage unravled. That day I needed to seek advice, I thought long and hard on who to confide in as this was such a personal issue. After thinking I knew the one person I could call who wouldnt judge me or my relationship. That was SD. Honestly at the time I had no clue what kind of advice she would offer, I just knew she had been married a lot longer than me. She opened my eyes to not only how God feels about it, but also the fact that if I decided to persue the big D that he would find another woman, he would move on with his life without me and there would also be another woman mothering my children. I would end up a bitter b*tch and just take out my anger for him on the next innocent man. The big D wouldnt fix anything. I, deep down, have truly forgiven my husband. We are both very different people now. Our marriage is strong, stronger than ever actually. Thank you God for sending me such a wonderful blessing like SD. Had I called anyone else that day their offering to me would have been "leave the bastard" I am glad I was able to forgive and stay. My husband is a great man.
ReplyDeleteSide note, at the time I was not a praying christian. I believe, always have, I just strayed away over the years. I am currently working on that aspect of my life again... thanks, in part, to SD.
DeleteThis brings tears to my eyes...it's okay, I'm a girl. That happens.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Oh hi! So THIS is where all that traffic came from. *laugh*
ReplyDelete((Yeah, it all happened head-spinningly fast--and it started when I invited LoA, who was himself spending Christmas alone, to join me for Christmas dinner. Little did I know he had a thing for me, but he didn't say anything because OMG LAWSUIT. *shakes fist at feminists!*
((It's convoluted, but when it all happened, it HAPPENED. The reason it didn't freak me out is because of Red-Pill bloggers, including you, filling me in on a whole reality I didn't know about. I was a lot more receptive because of you guys, and I'm now living better than the dream. And hopefully, I can make him at least half as happy as I am, which is a LOT of happy.
((So thank you!))