Thursday, November 29, 2012

I still suck, but there's hope

stg58 made this comment in a previous post:
 If my wife respects me, love follows. Love works differently in women than it does in men.
I thought he was saying if his wife respects him, love follows from him. He clarified what he was saying with this: 
 I wasn't clear in my previous comment. I meant that if my wife respects the love will follow from her. Not from me. I think that is why Paul tells wives to honor their husbands instead of telling them to love their husbands. Ladies, can you love a man you have no respect or honor for?
I agree with stg58. What happened here this morning is a perfectly simple example of what he is saying.

Today is my son's 16th birthday.  He was allowed to sleep in a bit because I was going to take him to school instead of having him catch the bus an hour earlier. He enjoyed a hot bacon/egg/cheese sandwich for breakfast with RLB and got ready to go.

Just as we were about to head out the door, RLB told me I should have him drive. He needs 50 hours of driving time before he can take his driver's test and we are a bit behind.

Now, it's fascinating how life/God works. The more I write, the more I'm given valuable experiences to prove to myself that I truly believe what I'm saying. I've become very cognitive about it. I conscientiously analyze my thought processes. Here's the conversation and my own thoughts as it happened:

RLB: You should have him drive.

My immediate thoughts: ugh, I don't want to, I'd have to pay attention, it's early, there's lots of traffic, sometimes he scares me, ughhh.

Me: Really? That intersection by school is so busy this time of day.

Son: Yeah, I don't really feel like it now, I'll drive home from school.

My thoughts: Crap! Good one, SD, way to not honor RLB's wishes, and you did it in front of your son who is following suit. You hypocrite.

Me (bargaining): Would that be alright, if he drives tonight instead?

RLB (with a peculiar tone): know, I had to have him drive me downtown in heavy traffic and he did great.

My thoughts: He's right and I'm being stupid. Every 15 minutes we can clip off of this time is better, not to mention it would show my son that I respect his father's decisions - all the time. And besides, who do you trust, SD? Is this really too big for God? Do you really believe RLB would suggest something that would harm you or his son? Why do you do this? (Honestly, I can rattle off all of that in my head in a matter of seconds).

Me: Okay son, you're driving.

RLB: Be careful, don't hurt my wife, or my truck.

Son (teasing): Which one is more important?

RLB: Uh, wife.

He drove fantastic. No issues. He handled the heavy traffic perfectly. His parking skills need work but that was hardly the issue. As he was getting out of the truck I said, "I guess we were wrong, you did an excellent job."

I got home and told RLB he was right and I was sorry. As we discussed our son's improving driving skills, a warmth came over me. It affirmed everything I have faith in about submitting to RLB. When I choose to stop being willfully defiant, good things happen. I love RLB more, and I faithfully believe it pleases God.


  1. Glad my husband clarified what he meant. I can't tell you how many attacks he's gotten online because he was misunderstood by women who took offense to a "Submission" post or "Women's Rights" comment on a blag. There is a another blog post for you. The Women's Rights posts always get the most responses.

    Anyway, I have to admit that I'm completely stalking your blog as I can pretty much agree with everything you say and understand you fully. I have somewhat of a similar story. For a while, our youngest son was sleeping in our room and waking about 2am for a bottle. My 3 year old would stay up until 11pm because it fit my schedule. He'd sleep in, I would get things done in the AM but I was very tired at the end of the day. Stg told me we need to put him into bed earlier. I didn't want to because I had, what I thought, was the perfect schedule for my kids. 11pm seems late for a 3 year old but not every mother functions well at waking at 7am every morning. I'm a night owl and my 3 year old was one in my stomach, so even before he was born, he was up pretty late. The staying up would sometimes get me in a rut, being very tired, aggravated, moody, blah blah. Stg said, "I'm putting my foot down. He will be going to bed earlier. If it doesn't work, we can switch back. I'm your husband and you need to listen to me especially since your way isn't working for you". This sounds pretty stern and I think he meant it that way but for me, sometimes it's the only way I will listen. I am pretty hardheaded and like things at home done my way especially since I'm with the kids all day and know how they work. Well, we put Son2 to bed at his normal time and Son1 went to bed earlier. It resulted in me getting more sleep. Throw in some crazy coffee too and I'm wide awake. Okay, forget the coffee part. Overall, I'm getting more sleep and I feel happier. I should have listened to his suggestion earlier. Now, when Stg gets home today, I will never hear the end of how he is right. hahaha

  2. Oh, I remember those years. Glad you're getting more sleep. And, crow soup sometimes has a great aftertaste - the "you were right" intimacy and warm fuzzies we feel when the home is in harmony. Followed up with "you were right" sex. ;)

  3. This is why kids do best in a two parent home.

    Complementary balancing of gender tendencies, keeping the other from the extremes.

    The primary job of the Father is - to keep the Mothering from becoming Smothering.

    And it's her job to keep the Father from letting things with the kids get TOO risky.

  4. Hence the shift if weight of focus from mother to father as a kid matures.

  5. What would have happened if your son got in an accident?

    Seriously... that would have knocked RLB down a respect notch instead of up. In your relationship, it probably wouldn't have caused much of a rift due to your stability, but in a Beta's frame, it could be bad. The wife would be frustrated about the time now needed to clean up the mess: late to school, possible medical bills, insurance claims, increase in cost of insurance, lack of a car if the truck was totalled, etc.

    Not saying that I would have made any different suggestion than RLB... I tend to take more risks too, but its not easy when things don't end positively.

    Thanks for the blog. I'm hoping to turn my wife onto it in a subtle manner.

  6. Welcome black!

    I think you're looking for me to answer literally about each potential rift, and I will but first, remember in my thoughts I said "And besides, who do you trust, SD? Is this really too big for God?" I'm a Christian. This is about faith in God and submitting to my husband as unto the Lord. Does that mean God put all manner of protection around us and prevented an accident? I don't know. That is my faith. I haven't heard many stories about a Christian wife submitting to her husband as unto the Lord with full faith that have negative outcomes.

    As far as what a wife gets frustrated with. That is and will be an overwhelming theme of this blog. For women to hear encouragement to find calm and peace even in stressful circumstances when things don't go as planned. If a wife concerns herself with all of those things that you listed and holds a grudge with her husband because of them, she is living outside of God's commands for marriage. It's her issue with God. No matter what the social archetype her husband possesses, she's out of line with him and God.

  7. The point I was attempting to make was that, dependent upon the husband's personality, backlash from a bad decision would most likely have a negative effect on the relationship. Not to distract from or contradict your post... or even necessarily desire a direct response.

    Keoni's correct, two parent homes are the way kids do best, but in our current society most fathers don't offer the balance due to the fear of confrontation.

    I appreciate your openness and willingness to put forth the effort with this blog. Christian women need a source for true guidance and accountability that mainstream churchianity doesn't provide.

    I still need more time to digest the content at Vox and Alpha Game. I also really appreciate the Biblical basis of your content.


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