Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Fat shaming part II

My previous post on fat shaming continues to draw attention from the herd. The herd I have betrayed. I have been banished for my treachery. How dare I speak of losing weight for my husband...a...a...a MAN!  ANY other reason will do, but damn if what gets your ass off the couch and to the gym is out of a desire to please the...enemy. I am a "disgusting and repulsive" human being according to one fatty. She also has this to say:
...losing weight and keeping it off is a herculean endeavor, and almost nobody succeeds in the long run.

And of course her husband "likes me just fine, exactly the way I am."

The lack of reading comprehension of these blithering idiots is just fascinating. I'll say it again. Not once has RLB ever expressed to me his dislike of my accumulated cellulite. Not once did he express his dissatisfaction with my appearance. Not once. 

Do you want to know how I found out that my husband might be disappointed in how I'd let myself go? By individuals in the blogosphere who dared to tell the truth.

I was not personally happy with my weight gain. I looked in the mirror, I saw it. I was ashamed of my gluttonous habits. I sought to justify it. I tried to rationalize it. I tried to pretend it wasn't affecting my attitude. But it was.

When you sit down on patio chair and your legs press hard on the sides of it, you think about it. When you put on a shirt and you stretch out the waist to cover some rolls, you think about it. When you go to your favorite jeans store and learn that if you gain anymore weight, you'll no longer be able to shop there, you think about it.


All those thoughts...did nothing to change me. I felt bad for myself. I started hating the way I looked and I allowed it to affect my attitude and my sensitivities. Any mention of fat people was about me...obviously. The herd was calling: "Don't feel bad, it's what's on the inside that matters."

What was on the inside was a woman getting increasingly ugly. A woman getting angry and bitter. What was on the inside were self deprecating thoughts and a bitchy attitude. What was on the inside was far uglier than what was showing on the outside.

I just finished packaging up two large garbage bags full of clothes that no longer fit me. They're all too big.

How I wish I could express to you what has changed on the inside.

We watched The Biggest Loser for the first time this year. What an inspiring show. Take a look at the winner's pictures. The most obvious part of this woman's transformation (and all of the contestants) was what took place on the inside.

Read some of their motivations though: 
Once the weight is off, Danni looks forward to being able to wear a bikini on vacation and to helping others with their weight loss struggle.
 (Pam) says she looks forward to "returning to my fabulous self" and can't wait to shop in regular clothing stores and feel sexy again.
(Nikki) wants to be more active with her husband and be able to wear a bikini (or any bathing suit)
Alex looks forward to losing weight so she can wear all the revealing clothes that summer brings, like a bikini, strapless tops and shorts, and finally feel comfortable in her own skin.
 Hmmm, the elusive bikini.

Why would women want to wear one of those


  1. I actually admire fat, ripe, revolting ppl

    As we all know Farting tornadoes at 6am in the morning is heroic ...

    Farting tornadoes, the mating call of ripe,fat, smelly & repulsive doughnut eating chicks everywhere ...

    Farting tornadoes isnt repulsive or disgusting, its heroic ...

    Turning into a fat, revolting, bitch who cant accept she's repulsive to 52% of the population ...

    The 1% is lesbians & the other 0.001% is hot lesbians, who arent fat & repulsive ...

    Remember being fat, & hideous & ugly as fuck

    Also doesnt cause brain damage, as all that fat doesnt destroy vital organs or cause ppl to look at you in disgust, for being so hideous ...

    Farting tornadoes, the new mating call of vile, repulsive obese sluts ...

  2. Interesting piece by Schneiderman:


    Ties into the discussion about temperance from your first post on this topic.

    Frankly, I think there are two lies from Satan here. One is to break God's commands by indulging in good things inappropriately, or overindulging in them. This is the easy lie the world gives.

    The other is more common in the church, and that's the lie that you should resist the good things God has given even when appropriate (or sometimes commanded!) b/c it's more "holy".

    Both are sins. Both are destructive.

    1. I agree. Thank you for that link, DrTorch, it is a good read.

  3. SD,

    Your post struck a nerve with me. About five years ago I was where you were before your weightloss program.

    I had a work assignment that required me to spend some time with professional women tennis players. Afterward, I looked at a photo of myself with one of the players and was reduced to tears.

    I looked like a fat cow. My whole body was flabby and I was about 15 pounds overweight. It had crept on over several years and I hadn't noticed it.

    Anyway, a few weeks later I was offered an assignment that would take me to a local "fit camp" where I would work out for up to two hours a day and log my daily food intake for six weeks. I accepted the assignment and it changed my life.

    I looked and felt so much better and my confidence increased greatly. I continued to work out and watch what I eat when the fit camp ended and eventually reached my fitness goals.

    Then, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at age 40. I was worried about gaining the weight back, but I was done to my pre-pregnancy weight by my six-week checkup and eventually even got back my six-pack abs. I'm in better shape at age 43 than I was at 23.

    I just wanted to encourage you to continue to strive for your goals.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure RLB is proud of you even though he probably thinks you're beautiful even with a few extra pounds.

    Also, it's smart to throw away your "fat" clothes as you shrink out of them. It will keep you motivated. And, I agree with you about the bikinis. I would never feel comfortable wearing one as a married mom with three kids, regardless of my fitness level.

    Lisa in Vermont

  4. If it doesn't work in the long run...

    What you need is a longer run.

    1. Absolutely! This is a life decision. Not a fad, not a quick fix. This is about changing on the inside. I have been on this course for a year an a half now. There's no turning back. Not once have I thought, boy feeling this great all the time sure is a drag, I think I'd rather go back to being a lazy, self condemning, gluttonous fatty.

  5. Thank you Lisa.

    The wonderful thing about releasing a sacred cow is the ability to talk about it rationally. Speaking the truth about something so private as gluttony is very freeing. It has also allowed me to see first hand how amazingly patient and tolerant my husband has been. I know women do not hold their tongues when it comes to things they take issue with about their husbands. Men, in my experience, are so much more considerate and harmonious than women are.

    I have no worry or fear about my weight as it's no longer a private thing. Nothing is in this home. We talk about everything and within our respective roles, hold each other accountable. We forgive shortcomings and encourage each other to pray and get all things right with God.

    I'm in better shape at 38 than I've ever been. It's been a fantastic journey - I love being strong and fit.

    My mentioning the bikinis was to emphasize that these women were motivated to begin their journey with a desire to be sexually appealing. And, there's nothing wrong with that, no matter what some feminist pig wants to scream and shout.

    1. SD,

      "It has also allowed me to see first hand how amazingly patient and tolerant my husband has been. I know women do not hold their tongues when it comes to things they take issue with about their husbands."

      This is so true. My husband never said anything about my weight when I got fat after having our first two children. He is very sweet and considerate and stepped in to help out around the house during the weeks when I was attending Fit Camp.

      Lisa in Vermont

  6. See, that is why it sometimes takes a big mouth bitch on a blog to say things that husbands don't say or, ideally, to say things before a husband would need to. ;)

  7. If I ever get married, and if my wife ever starts to gain weight, now I know who to send her to...

  8. Even when I was skinny I hated bikinis. ::shudder::

  9. Preach it, sister. I need to hear it! The feminists who tell women that their excess weight should be excused are the ENEMY. Especially since it's so easy to rationalize with "look at all this weight I already lost, surely it's not THAT important to lose those last 10 pounds right away..."

    As far as bikinis go, I never owned one till I got married... and never went topless at a beach until my husband asked me to. ;)

  10. Biggest Loser is guilty pleasure of mine. I've watched three seasons I think (not the past three, just various on Hulu) and I find it very inspiring. I haven't watched the finale yet, but I was struck this season by the honesty (though it is there every season, I just noticed it more this time) in how they actually feel about themselves. There is no, "they should love me for who I am" or "I am healthy", or any other rationalizations. It's flat out, this sucks, I look and feel terrible and I feel horrible about myself.

    It's in your face and it's what's needed. I'm sorry you're catching crap, but you know you're doing it right.

  11. I think there is nothing wrong with losing weight for a man, but I do think that promoting fat shame is wrong. I think "the herd" you decry was probably reacting more to your approvingly quoting of Roissy's (incorrect) hateful spiel on fat shaming than on your attempts to lose weight to look sexier for your man.

    Fat shaming does not promote weight loss for the vast majority of fat people. Obesity is not just about "willpower". The docs who study obesity and trends agree that obesity is really a disease of the environment as much as the individual. The woman who quoted you the statistic on permanent weight loss was also quite correct. If you are one of the few to beat the odds -- well, congrats. If you aren't and you regain -- well, don't beat yourself up about it. You are in good company.

    I also count myself lucky that my husband does love me the way I am, at 5' 3" and 225 lbs. Then again, I was about the same weight, maybe just a tad lower, when I met him. I have lost a lot of weight a few times, but haven't been able to keep it off. I now forget about weight and focus on trying to eat more fruit and vegetables and eat out less.

    Oh, and most of the "Biggest Loser" contestants end up regaining at least some of their lost weight. It's not a realistic or healthy depiction of weight loss by any means.

    Anyway, I am not going to trash you for losing weight. Congrats and hopefully you will beat the odds.

  12. So the message you feel is appropriate is that having a BMI of 39.9 (0.1 away from the medical classification of Morbid Obesity) is acceptable?

    Look, if you can manage to maintain mental stability (no depression meds, no anxiety meds) with that kind of physical limitation and liability, great for you. Most women can not.

    A woman the size you are suffers or will suffer other severe health challenges. You will not live a long and healthy life this way.

    I'm not sure if you've just been too lazy to do the research on how to lose the weight and keep it off or if you are ignorant in how to do it. Either way, it has to do with your mentality, which is in a sickened state.

    As we move into single payer health care, it won't be me who will do the shaming, your government will require weight loss of you. Because you are a liability. You will cost tax payers money because of your irresponsibility. You were not made this way. You've made decisions that have gotten you to this point.

    Gluttony is a sin. If you are a Christian, you should repent of that sin and pray for God's assistance in helping you sin no more.

  13. "Fat shaming does not promote weight loss for the vast majority of fat people."

    What makes you think what I write here is for the vast majority of people?

    I completely approve of what Roissy said because I know that he is saying what husbands want to say but don't want to hurt their fat wife's feelings. Nor do they want to listen to her rationalizations. Roissy is dead on. You, anon, are lying to yourself.

    Your husband, if he is a normal man, is visual. There is a body weight he finds very sexually arousing. Likely it is not the weight you are at. If he is a fatty lover, this may not be the case. However, one way to know for sure is to see what other women he finds attractive. I highly doubt he is sexually aroused by other fat women.

    1. Yes, my husband finds me more attractive at a lower weight, but he still finds me attractive now. But he accepts me the way I am, and he understands the reasons why I am the weight I'm at. And no, he's not aroused by other fat women. But he is aroused by the fat woman who happens to be his wife. And that is enough!

    2. I am not lying to myself at all. I'm pretty well educated on the issue of obesity, actually! It has been a pretty big factor for me for about 3/4 of my life.

      Roissy is promoting mistruths about obese people. First of all, fat shaming simplyl doesn't work for the vast majority of fat people to make them lose weight permanently. Secondly, we live in an obesogenic environment. Given that the average person is overweight or obese, it now takes above-average willpower to avoid this. For those with above-average willpower, kudos to you. But the average woman is going to get at least overweight if she isn't already. We are surrounded by bad food and constant cues to eat eat eat. Roissy ignores this fact and tries to make this into a moral issue and to promote something that is not going to make fat women lose weight in the vast majority of cases. In fact, fat shaming tends to drive fat people into bingeing and eating in secret. Obesity is a chronic medical condition, not a sign of moral failure.

      That being said, yes, it is better to avoid overweight and obesity if you can. But in today's environment, not everyone can.

  14. It's not about whether my BMI is "appropriate" or not. This is the best I can do with what I have been dealt. I am on anti-depressant meds, and they caused me to gain yet more weight. Yet I was depressed before I even became fat as a kid, so I need the anti-depressants to function. I do have relative mental stability now. I even have happiness, yes.

    So far, I have managed to stay healthy with this body size even into early middle age. If and when that changes, I will consider gastric bypass surgery. But for now, eating my fruits and veggies and exercising moderately hasn't really made me lose much weight (only 20 lbs from my high), but it's doable, repeatable. I can live with it on a day to day basis). I cannot live with strict dieting on a day-to-day basis, as it leads me to bingeing and then more weight gain, which is worse.

    I am neither ignorant nor lazy in doing research. In fact, it is current research that is finding out that body weight is not completely under conscious control. I recommend reading Tara Parker-Pope's article in the New York Times called "The Fat Trap". If your body is programmed to be fat, it will fight tooth and nail to regain lost weight once you dip below 15% of your starting weight. And it never lets up. Really --- your metabolism slows, hunger-inducing peptides increase, and your brain literally gets more sensitive to food cues. Even the composition of bacteria in the gut may play a role; see http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-gut-microbes-gastric-bypass-20130327,0,2926126.story.

    "As we move into single payer health care, it won't be me who will do the shaming, your government will require weight loss of you."

    This isn't happening in other countries with single-payer systems like Canada or the UK, so I doubt it would happen here. More likely the government would go after Big Food and start restricting sales of unhealthy stuff like fast food and sugar-sweetened beverages. I'm all for it; I hope Big Food goes down like Big Tobacco.

    I do not consider myself a glutton on a day-to-day basis, either. I stopped having the really serious gluttonous eating-a-whole-bag-of-goodies-in-secret binges once I gave up on dieting. Again, I won't call my weight ideal by any means, and yes, it might shorten my life. But my current plan to deal with it, which is to NOT let it define me or consume me, is the best way for me to live with it.

  15. "More likely the government would go after Big Food and start restricting sales of unhealthy stuff like fast food and sugar-sweetened beverages. I'm all for it; I hope Big Food goes down like Big Tobacco."

    So my thin and fit son and daughters won't be able to get an occasional treat? Because there are a class of individuals to irresponsible to control what they purchase?

    Perhaps when you stop blaming outside things and take a good hard look in the mirror you'll be able to make some changes in your life.

    Your lack of personal responsibility is disgusting, more so than your obesity.

    1. Sure they can get a treat. They will just have to pay *a lot* more money to buy that treat than they do now. But then, these foods aren't good for them either, right? So why don't they just learn to do without? Sugar and refined carbs aren't good for anyone, thin or fat.

      Ah, the good old "personal responsibility" shaming that comes when the person can't refute the science.

  16. That's what I was supposed to do? Refute your "science?" On my blog? Really?

    This is not a comprehensive post about obesity or about how to lose weight. This post is for those who know damn well it's what their fat fingers put past their lips. This is a post for those who are lying to themselves and justifying their disgusting flab. This is a post for Christians who are trying to hide their sin from God. They know exactly who they are. I was one just like them until some good ole fat shaming changed me.

    I do not write for everybody. This is not some egalitarian blog supplicating to every situation evah.

    I am not interested in entertaining your slithering message. It is liars like yourself who coddle individuals in their sin. How comfortable it must be for you to look around and see sistahs just as fat as you. It's disgusting. And those who read my blog regularly know exactly why I say what I say.

    Look, if someone is reading here and is a fatty who has been diagnosed with the fatty disease and absolutely nothing can help them ever ever and they will die an early death because they drew the short straw...stop reading here. It's really simple.

  17. And yes, dear, you're right about the average woman. I'm very well aware of the average woman's nature. I seek to inspire average women to desire much more than average in their life.

  18. Great, if your posts are intended for those people, thin or fat, who are disgusted by their own fat and want to change -- well, terrific. But please, stop promoting the lie that shaming others for being fat is good or moral or Christian, or that it even works! It doesn't. You yourself have admitted it wasn't your husband's shaming of you that got you to lose weight, it was your own doing.

    Fat shaming is and has always been ineffectual.

  19. You'd like to tell me about what is good, moral, and Christian? How amusing. Pop more of those pills dear.

    Put "weight" in the search bar, it will bring up all of the posts I have written on this subject. I changed after reading what a different blogger had to say. One who's interested in truth and not feelings. It is not a lie that shaming works, it worked for me.

    1. You're spot on, Sarah. Consider that shaming has worked as for dramatically decreasing the smoking population over time. And, for those who continue to smoke, the government highly taxes cigarettes to help cover the increased Medicare and Medicade expenses.


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