Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The wise women builds her house

Rollo has an enlightening post up about Soft Dread over at The Rational Male that I'd like to expand on a bit. It'd be helpful if you read that in its entirety first.

Consider this personal experience of he and his wife: 
Mrs. Tomassi and I were recently talking with a woman of about 49. She’s the ever-present front desk host at our gym and a casual acquaintance and friend. She’s not particularly unattractive for her age, reasonably good shape from a body perspective – I can tell she used to enjoy a lot of male attention in her 20s and maybe 30′s – but now just this side of 50 she’s moved not so much into a regret stage, but rather a hopeful sense of well post-Wall self-remorse. That might sound odd, but she’s at least optimistic about her ‘chances’ of getting with a “good man” in the near future.
She’s quite upfront and honest about the Alpha Bad Boy Jerks she’s dated, married one and then divorced from her past. In fact she’s one of the more lucid women I’ve encountered about her present state and how she came to it. Although she’s the typical result of a hypergamous life prolonged past the “eating her cake too” phase, she owns her mistakes.
Although we generally hit Gold’s at different times, occasionally  the wife and I go together in the mornings. It was on one of these mornings, and our friend at the counter stopped us to say,
“I love you guys, I really do. I see a lot of people pass through here but when I see you both together it gives me hope that I can have a good relationship like you two. You’re such a team, I really hope I can meet a guy I can connect with like that.”
We were on our way out, and she always has something else to say about her personal life so, while I guess I was somewhat flattered, I didn’t pay it much mind. That is until our ride back home when Mrs. Tomassi looked me square in the face and said, “I am so glad I didn’t end up like that!” I was actually kind of surprised at the tone of her voice. “Thank God that’s not me, how horrible to be in that position at her age.” I nodded my head because I knew she was expecting my usually analyzations of post-Wall women and the beds they make. Then, with a hint of a tear in her eye, she gave me one of the best compliments I’ve ever heard from her, “I hope BebĂ© finds and marries a Man just like you.”
That made me feel really good, and what I’m about to type here sound really shitty. After not a small swell of pride, I thought, while it’s nice to be appreciated in this respect, would this realization have come without the influence of our friend and her state of life?
What happened here with them is very common with women but I wonder if we, as women, can approach this more cognitively. Is there a way for us to make sure the answer to his final question is "yes?"

Do we need to see the man with no shoes to appreciate the shoes on our own two feet? Do we need to see poverty in order to see our abundance? Do we need to witness heartache in order to know the joy in our own hearts?

Does it take these instances for us to express our appreciation to our husbands?

I'm guilty of it. My life abounds in awesome fulfillment and joy, yet often times I fail to express this to RLB until I see what could have been. And even then there are times I fail to give him the words of respect and appreciation he deserves for having provided all of this for me and for being faithful, loyal, patient, and committed to loving me.

Pride - it's as dangerous as coveting.

The example Rollo gave hit home with me because of a very similar situation in my life. I'm often at the gym at the same time as a very friendly woman my same age. She is always positive and uplifting and is very forthcoming about her personal life. She is single, 38 years old, has succeeded financially in her own business and travels frequently. Her motivation for working out so hard at the gym: to get her body in shape to undergo her second $15,000 attempt at in vitro fertilization with sperm from a sperm donor.

I've felt the same thing Rollo's wife was feeling that day: "I'm so glad" and "Thank God."

Christian women (talking to myself too), lets commit to acknowledging our blessings all the time and not wait until we see what could have been. Say thank you to your husband for what he's provided for you, the relationship you have, the children you have, the lifestyle you live. Make it a priority to dole out that appreciation and respect all the time.

Make it a priority, keep it in the forefront of your minds, speak it often, and build your house.

 The wise woman builds her house,But the foolish pulls it down with her hands. - Proverbs 14:1


  1. Amen. And again I say again.
    Once in highschool on a fieldtrip to NY C I saw a man sucking on a crack pipe on the ground behind a dumpster as we rode by on the bus. I went home and told my parents I would never touch a drug. I never did. They taught me about drugs and threatened me to never do them but that three second sight did it for me.
    Doesnt hurt to have the reality of what could be slap the daylights out of you and make a lifelong impression.

  2. Great writeup SD.

  3. I'm not sure that this is just in the area of marriage. My father and mother-in-law are both out of work, and every time we get together, I'm more aware and thankful that I have a job than when they were both employed. It's not that I wasn't thankful before, but that I'm more aware when there's a difference with others.

    However, your comments are definitely true. We need to be aware of the blessings that we have, and stop looking at the things that we do not.

    1. You are right. It isn't just a marriage thing. I struggle with smelling the roses when I'm having multiple days in a row of lower back pain that requires narcotics to quell.

      Those of us with some experience in life need to educate the young about these things. We can either laugh at them or help them stand on our shoulders.


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