Thursday, April 18, 2013

I will always love you

Only a few of you will truly understand this. Those who do know and likely live "the two have become one." Some of you are close and seeking. And is true for all stories of this nature, it will escape those who are blind.

After RLB returned from deployment and I was still in rebellion to God's word, I spoke of separating and possible divorce. I couldn't understand the changes in him and I was blind to my rebellion. It was beginning to seem hopeless. RLB would not relent. He would not give in to me. His convictions were solid. I was the one missing something.

After I told him I was considering moving out, he said something to me that still, to this day, plays over in my mind. He said, "You can leave, you can divorce me, but I will always pursue you. I will never stop loving you."

He was speaking of Agape.

Don't be mistaken, these were not statements meant to woo me. They were not soft spoken, sentimental words. In no way was he putting me on a pedestal.

This was an admonishment. This was him saying, "As a sister in Christ, you are off, you are wrong, you are in rebellion and it is my responsibility to lead you to the truth. I will continue to do so no matter the choices you make."

Receiving a divorce decree from the State would mean nothing in God's eyes. The changes that had occurred in RLB were him repenting of his own rebellion to God's commands:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. - Ephesians 5:25-28
I was the last person who would tempt him to rebel again. My actions no longer mattered. He understood what was expected of him as a husband, I would not sway him.

His words affected me so deeply, I started seeking. His conviction and obedience to God's word was visible. It was a very commanding, masculine presence that captivated me. He was a man I could not turn away from. Something within me needed to get right to receive his favor again. I needed to be the wife this man treasured. Call it Christian Game. It is powerful.

The very same words, spoken with a different intent, spoken out of supplication, not spoken with Agape, would not have had the same effect on me. I do not respond well to being put upon a pedestal - by anyone. I lose attraction, and quite honestly, I lose respect. RLB doesn't ever put me on a pedestal, thankfully.

RLB had just lived in a very evil place. He fought evil and cleaved to the Word. It changed him and it concerned him whether he would be able to come back home where his loved ones lived a cozy life, blind to the evils of the world. He was concerned no one would understand him and he was certain what was changed within him would remain. He was prepared to suffer a life of being among people but alone.

He would not walk me through the changes I needed to make. There is no play by play, there is no script. Developing a relationship with Jesus Christ, repenting of rebellion, and living obedience to God's word is a very intimate and personal time. RLB had faith, he prayed for me, and he left me alone. Very, very alone.

I am so thankful he did. I am so thankful he placed obedience above fear.  

I will always love him.


  1. I needed to read this this morning. I have lived apart from my wife for two years because of business and her health preventing her from joining me. Next week I will moving back to the states for good and I don't know for sure what will happen. I have faith in Christ, but am just understanding game. Pray for me too.

  2. Very touching story. Thank you for sharing.

  3. This is beautiful.

    It is also so very, very difficult to comprehend today. Love is so much more than one's heart going pitter patter and so much more powerful.

  4. I will pray too Brother.

    Amen to the post.

  5. I have been pondering "oneitis" a bit recently and I think that it certainly has a place, within marriage, as this post shows. Too many today want to dump it out completely because some (many?) women abuse it.

    I also wonder how you can or even if you should marry if you are not convinced she is the one. How can you commit your life, as the Scriptures call for, to someone that is just one of many.

    Watch for it prior to that point for certain, but don't negate the value it can have in a proper Biblical relationship.

    1. I think this gets into why I support polygamy in Christianity. It is the stick a husband needs to equalize the femcentric legal system of today.

      I'm not convinced there is such a thing as the one. I think there are certain parameters that a man can have. Once he finds those in a mate it might feel like the one but it doesn't mean there weren't others that would have met the same parameters.

    2. But wouldn't that mate be the one once married?

      I tend to agree with you that God doesn't necessarily have a single individual for each of us any more than He has a single planned out life for each of us. We always have a best way to go from where we are in my view, but that can change based on the situation and choices made.

      I do agree that polygamy is not prevented in the Scriptures, but I do not believe it would be the best idea to aim for. I also suspect that it would be a small group that would end up getting the "harem" that way rather than most men.

      Not enough things to kill men off, unlike ancient societies where that was more common as well. Lots of men with no chances for a spouse could make things far worse in the long run. Think of the wall China and India will hit in several years because of the focus on male children skewing the balance.

    3. The one is a very subjectively loaded concept. When men think and act in that method they lose that thing that Roissy, et al, speak of. Whether you call it dread or something else, it exists. Women have a base desire to know they have a mate that other women desire.

      China and India aren't examples of polygamist societies. How the mechanism of polygamy works to keep a society moving is obviously preferable to the mechanism of feminism. Feminism is a dead-end. The abortion of females is one such symptom of feminism. I don't know exactly how the polygamy mechanism works. Obviously, girl babies would no longer be as much of a burden as they are in communist/socialist societies.

    4. I doubt polygamy would help that much, since I think a large part of the drive for a male son is for someone to take care of them (in theory at least) when they are old. That would not be likely for someone who is the 2nd or further wife of someone else.

      I am not going to worry about it though as I am not going for any more even if it was legal. One is enough of a hassle.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.