Monday, April 22, 2013

Regarding the fat shaming post and my dear friend, Michele

It has been said that the message of my blog is useless because I blog anonymously.  The truth is, I don't. My family and friends have access to my blog. The following comment left on the post Fat shaming - doing my part is evidence of this:
I am going to start my reply with a disclaimer of sorts: I am a silent reader of this blog, usually. I am a sensitive person and anyone who thinks this is a weakness is an idiot. Also, when I write, my grammar etc is not perfect. Anyone who wants to claim that this makes me less than intelligent can take a flying leap. :) I'm sad that I have to start this way, but this crowd is pretty quick to attack.

I am this person: And people such as these seek out blogs with titles like this one and read voluntarily to get themselves more upset? Look, I claim no responsibility for stupidity like that.
I am this person: a woman who has bloated into Hogzilla proportions
I am this person: gluttonous sinners.

I am also confused by how my friends now view me. I never knew you felt this way about me. Or that you think my husband is holding on for dear life to our marriage because of how I look. While this blog may not have been written about me, it obviously pertains to me.
This was written by my friend of seventeen years, Michele. Knowing her as I do, I know this took a lot of courage to write. Because of that, I would like to take the time to respond to her.

Michele, I do not find your sensitive nature a weakness. It is a very common trait among women. It is the very trait that allows us to mother the way we do and most importantly, when applied with submission, it allows us to love our husbands through any amount of adversity they face.

I am also the person you describe. If I've written about something, there's a very good chance it's because of my personal dealing with it. The issue of weight and fitness is very personal for me. I'll get into that more in a bit.

Regarding how I feel about you:  I hold you and your husband in the highest regard. My positive opinion and admiration of you has never been affected by your weight. I have asked your husband recently to guest post here because of how inspirational your story is. I have always thought fondly on your marriage and perseverance through all of the adversity I've known you to have gone through.

It has been seven years since you and I have really talked. I don't know what life has been for you in that time. I actually don't believe your marriage is in jeopardy because of your struggle with your weight. In fact, I have no idea your husband's perspective on it. I do know he loves you. And because of that I know he wants you to live a very long life with him.

We went through a lot together. I remember celebrating with you when you got back into your black jeans. Do you remember that? We used to exercise together. You and I, as a team, worked to improve our fitness and health. What I didn't do then is speak of gluttony. Though I know now you and I both indulge in this sin. 

I encourage you to repent of this sin. I also encourage you to continue to pray about it. I have found it to be a very difficult commitment to make. I am tempted every single day. I fight every day with gluttony. But I keep fighting. And I will keep fighting. My conviction is not because of what I have accomplished, it is because of the demons I battle every.single.day. I write about it to convict myself further. I will not turn back. I will not surrender. I apologize if my writing has not revealed my own humility in the matter. As I said in Now let me at the truth, an aspect to my personality is the tendency to be crass and indelicate.

My journey to turn away from gluttony began with fat shaming. I, personally respond best to very poignant messages. It has always been this way with me. RLB has bemoaned that he must verbally whack me along side the head in order for me to get something. It wasn't his nature and it felt as though he had to be mean to me in order for me to receive his counsel. Brutal honesty - that's what I respond to. Because I know that is true for me, I have assumed it may be true with other women. I find it hard to believe I am such an outlier that no other woman receives Truth the way I do.

I've explained it in past posts but what literally moved me to action was two statements from Vox Day: "No woman looks attractive over 180 pounds." and "Cellulite does not look attractive on anyone."
What was coupled with these two statements was some lab results that showed I had high "bad" cholesterol and this picture Marie tagged me in on Facebook from Halloween two years ago: 


My daughter was looking over my shoulder as I posted this picture and said, "Mom, you were huge then." I was 197 pounds.

I'm going to switch gears here and ask the question: Fat shaming, does it work? Prior to my passing along the excerpt from Chateau Heartiste in Fat shaming - doing my part, I had written six posts that spoke of weight loss. Now, understand, per every person who comments on this blog, there are at least ten readers. What has been most interesting to me is what will be commented on. See, I've said the very same things I said in the fat shaming post, elsewhere. But what drove an emotional reaction within the readership here was one word: shame. That emotional reaction created a plethora of comments. It had to be because of the word shame. Take a look:

In Week one of Paleo  I said the following:
 Now a good mommy blogger would end this post now. I doubt I'll be known as a good mommy blogger.

Why am I committed to losing weight and getting fit? To have a smokin' hot bod for RLB.

He proposed marriage to a 19 year old who was 5'8", 145 pounds, had an hourglass figure, and long blond hair. My looks weren't all that qualified me, he had a stalker that was hot too. However, his marrying me was not a permission slip to let my visual appeal go to hell. I can do nothing about being 37, though I have maintained a very strict skin care regimen all of my adult life and have a face that is thankfully still wrinkle free.

I'm too lazy to find the exact words but our favorite blogger (who I recommend to you all the time) at either Vox Popoli or Alpha Game, when a man asked, "what do I say when my wife asks if I think she's fat?" had this to say: "tell her that you don't find cellulite attractive on anyone and if she would like to lose the weight, you can show her how." On another occasion Vox said, "unless a woman is over six feet tall, and likely even then, no woman should weigh more than 180 pounds."

I read that when I was at my heaviest, one year ago, 197 pounds. I knew I wouldn't even have to ask RLB if he agreed. You don't have to ask your husbands either. They agree. So do women, they just lie. It was then that I made this commitment. God and I talk about it all the time. He agrees too and is my greatest encourager outside of RLB.

RLB has spared no expense that I have requested, puts up with me occasionally forgetting to feed the rest of them, and allows me to bore him with the details about every WOD (workout of the day) I do at the Crossfit gym.

I thoroughly enjoy putting on a pair of jeans that are too big and have RLB tell me they look like crap because they are hanging off my butt. Greatest compliment ever!

 In Shiny boobs I said:
Ladies, your husbands are visual creatures. They like to look at nice things. What are you doing to make sure you are the nicest thing he has to look at?
Don't even start with me about how "he needs to love me for who I am."

You had something going on that caught his eye that helped him decide he wanted to marry you. 

Keep doing it. Don't be childish and petulant about this.
[...]

If he likes makeup on you, wear it. If he likes skirts on you, wear them. If you need to lose some weight, do so. If smell is his thing, wear the perfume he prefers. Again, it's not complicated.
In Choosing Esther I said:
I purchased the dress, a dress three sizes smaller than what I would have worn twelve weeks earlier. While RLB was in training, I was working my butt off, literally. I took representing our marriage seriously. I had my hair professionally styled, had professionally manicured nails, and all the other various beauty treatments that we women do to represent.
This was all for the man I loved. The man I chose to marry. The man I voluntarily vowed to stay with for the rest of my life.
[...]
How thankful we are for Queen Esther, the beautiful women taken as what would be considered today a sex slave, for her obedience and submission. For a year she went through beauty treatments for a man she did not love, a man she did not choose, a man she did not voluntarily vow to be with for life. In fourteen days we will celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, thanks to Esther.
In Crabs in a bucket I said:
When you make public a desire to lose weight to another person who needs to as well but isn't ready to make the commitment, that is when you'll hear crab mentality. I've been asked and told the most ludicrous things regarding losing weight and getting in shape. Always from fat people. For instance:  "Is RLB making you do this?" "I'm so thankful my husband loves me for who I am." "I would never want to be as skinny as I was before." "I could never punish my body the way you do."
In Doritos® be damned I said:
Hi, my name is SD and I am addicted to food a glutton.  It has been seven days since my last indulgence. 
And all the gluttons reading moaned. "No, SD, not again. Don't talk about weight again. Can't I just read peacefully and enjoy topics that I don't think apply to me?"

Sorry glutton, you'll have to either close the tab or come on the journey with me.

I've heard it said that we often do this to our own selves. I see that as something different. The challenges we place on our own selves, the self doubt and questioning are there to build fortitude and conviction. It causes us to dig deeper when making a decision, to find others that have gone before us successfully, to pray to God for confirmation and guidance. When you set out to lose weight for example, it is natural to think of how you might fail. What is so important is that the thought has materialized. You will now seek out advice on how others have succeeded. When you are satisfied with having all the information you need, you set out on your journey.
And in  Here's to having my jeans look like crap on my ass I said:
I hope I'm not alone in making this next year a year to focus on health and fitness. If you haven't started your journey towards health, I hope you too decide there is no better time than now to start. You know it's time to stop looking in the mirror with shame and remorse. You know it's time to call out to God and pray for His assistance in giving you a resolve that can not be shaken. Ask Him to guard your thoughts so you may defeat your complacency. It is time to acknowledge the sin of gluttony and repent of it. Free yourself from it. Hold tight to the words of Galatians 5:16-26. No, I'm not going to give them to you. You look it up. Write it out and plaster it wherever you'll see it most.

Don't hide behind the lie that it's what's on the inside that matters. Your insides show on your outsides. You know that. Every relationship in your life will improve when you defeat that which is in your mind that holds you back. Most importantly your relationship with God will improve. And isn't that, after all, what we're all here for?

Now that I've become committed to fitness and health, my mind has been searching for other areas of improvement. Funny how that works. Please want that for yourself. You'll never regret it.
You can see for yourself that not one of those posts drew the ire and reaction that the post titled "Fat shaming" did. There's barely a mention of having been inspired and certainly no mention of having been offended. I openly filleted myself with my own personal example of gluttony and...nothing. I speak of doing it for my husband, the very thing Roissy speaks of in the post of his I link. But still, no reaction. What got the ladies talking? Shame. The word shame. Not the action of shaming, my goodness, look at some of the things I wrote in the six posts prior...it was the word itself.

In closing, I'll say what I said in Personal responsibility once again:
 If what is affecting your mood is something that will take a long process to change (like losing weight and getting fit and healthy), you must...MUST take action. Every time the sadness and self condemnation enters your brain. You must make a commitment to taking action. Inaction is defeat. You have no right to wallow in a pity party if you have chosen inaction. Get up and get moving. If your accumulation of fat has caused you to feel bad, realize that your mood has affected the tranquility of your home. Confess this truth to your husband. Just say the words: "I'm sorry my mood has been sour, I am struggling with how far I've let myself go. I'm working to change this. Please forgive me. Please pray for me."
Gluttony is a sin that must be repented of (this means turn away from). You have been created to be able to do this. Believe it. Listen to the Holy Spirit.

A quick Bible search of this concept of shame lists six pages of verses. 

Paul states:  
Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”  Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame. - 1 Corinthians 15:33-34
And finally John 8:1-12  
But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them.  Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.  Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?”  This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.
So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”  And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.  When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
 She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
That which he wrote on the ground, did it shame them? 

And then there are the most important, admonishing words our Savior has said: "Go and sin no more."

20 comments:

  1. "What got the ladies talking? Shame. The word shame. Not the action of shaming, my goodness, look at some of the things I wrote in the six posts prior...it was the word itself. "

    I think that the reason for their reaction is because at its root Shame is judgmental, unlike Guilt.

    Guilt is a feeling inspired by our own conscience, by a discrepancy between how we act and how we think of ourselves. In that sense guilt is entirely internal; we feel guilt based on our own beliefs and values.

    Shame is based on how other people view us, it is external in nature. When we feel ashamed, it is because we are worried about how other people view us, how other people judge us. When you shame someone, you are essentially judging them as unworthy based on some criterion. And as we all know, no one, man or woman, likes it when others judge us. Humans are social creatures; there is a part of us that cares about the opinion that others in our social group have of us. When we realize that the opinion is less lofty than we hoped, we don't take it well.

    Now men and women both dislike being judged, but it seems as though the opposition to being judged is much more intense, visceral even, amongst women. I suspect that it is because women tend to value the overall opinion of their (female) social group (or society in general) far more than they do individual opinions. Knowing or believing that "the Herd" or "Team Woman" holds them in contempt for some reason doesn't sit well with women. They really, really don't like it. I would almost say that they fear being judged. So when women see the word Shame, they subconsciously associated that word with judgment. This makes them afraid, and they respond with ire and aggression. Shame is a powerful tool against women. When society wields it against certain behaviors, it is highly effective in discouraging them.

    For men, shaming works somewhat differently. From what I can tell men value individual opinions of other men (and perhaps select women) over the overall opinion of society. When a man is shamed, it tends to go one of two ways. If the man is being shamed by someone he respects, or someone who holds authority over him in a hierarchy, then that shaming is likely to induce him to change his behavior. He won't be happy about it, but his desire to maintain the respect of the person above him will motivate him to reexamine himself and change how he behaves. We do not like to be judged unworthy by those above us, or whom we respect (usually the two are linked). However, if the shame is coming from someone he doesn't respect, or someone who holds no authority over him, the man is likely to adopt an attitude of indifference. He will tune out whatever message is being conveyed, and if the shaming is continued, he may respond with aggression of his own. (I should note a possible third reaction: when the shaming comes from authority, but the message bites very deep indeed, a man of poor character is likely to come to hate the authority figure, and the seed of rebellion will grow in his heart.) So shaming can be a powerful tool for influencing men as well, but it requires that the shaming come from a source of authority or respect.

    That is my two cents anyway.

    "That which he wrote on the ground, did it shame them?"

    I don't know. I have always wondered what Jesus wrote that day. Perhaps it was something shameful. But if you want a perfect example of a shaming by Jesus, look at Matthew 23. The Pharisees are the perfect example of those who let the seed of rebellion grow in their hearts.

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    1. So what does that tell us about shaming MGTOWs? If it don't hurt, they shouldn't have a problem.

      I smoke. Shaming me about smoking does nothing. There is nothing biblical about not smoking or drinking. Excess of either is different.

      Shaming only really hurts when it involves the essence of a person's value system. If you are Christian, gluttony is a sin. Now, let's define gluttony (fat). If you are Christian, coveting is a sin. Now, let's define coveting(money over multiplying). That's why the MGTOWs have been visceral about me calling them losers. It hurts. If you believe in your position based on your morality, it don't hurt.

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    2. You seem to misinterpret their reaction. Why do you think so few have commented on your most recent posts?

      You didn't have the authority to call them out the way you tried to do. You had to resort to deleting comments to keep your frame. You aren't Dalrock. Now they are done with you.

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    3. "Shaming only really hurts when it involves the essence of a person's value system. If you are Christian, gluttony is a sin. Now, let's define gluttony (fat). If you are Christian, coveting is a sin. Now, let's define coveting(money over multiplying). That's why the MGTOWs have been visceral about me calling them losers. It hurts. If you believe in your position based on your morality, it don't hurt."

      I think you are mixing up Guilt and Shame here. Guilt is internal, it "involves the essence of a person's value system." When someone points out that you are violating your own value system, the reaction is internal, guided by what you thought of yourself and how you failed to live up to your own standard. For a Christian, that guilt is the conscious appreciate that you have failed in the eyes of God.

      Remember, Shaming is centered on judgment. It hurts because people don't like to be judged, period. For any and all reasons. My original comment covers how people ultimately respond.

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    4. I deleted one person who came on here and started swearing at me. He had no idea what I wrote here. Apparently I will need to do a MGTOW or feminist post. I will provide a statement and you can guess which is which. Are you up for it? Remember I have lots of examples from your irrational little friend.

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    5. I may not bother.

      This is merely a frame battle you are waging, not one of actual truth. Your lousy ability to interpret Scripture contrasted by how right you think you are demonstrates that. Marc Driscoll is a prime example. I've known a few others in smaller ministries, where crossing their frame and imagined authority gets a person thrown out. He who controls the frame, controls the argument and who wins.

      The guy argued outside your frame and the parameters you set forth, and you tried to tell him he wasn't playing fair. You just want to slam MGTOW because they haven't "MANed UP" and done what you've done, so you can feel morally superior and secure in your frame.

      You insist that men are to Man Up and safeguard this culture, however you can't demonstrate why this culture is worth safeguarding.
      Oh yes, I love the Constitution, however events in Watertown, Boston last week demonstrate that this government no longer loves it as I do. So why should I defend them, the tyrants who terrorize citizens in their streets and homes?

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    6. I deleted his posts to save him the embarrassment of sounding like the feminists arguing against fat shaming. I can repost them, but I'm thinking the MGTOW leader vs. feminist game would be more fun. Stay tuned.

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  2. Good heavens, I don't remember you being that big. The cow is giving you googly eyes LOL!

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  3. I know, and until you posted that picture, I really didn't have a grasp of what I looked like from behind. The mirror can be very deceptive. Thankfully, the first place I lose weight is my back. Beyond aesthetics, and having a new wardrobe of clothes that fit, it's better for my health.

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    1. I had the same "ah ha" moment when I saw a picture of myself from behind, granted I was still pregnant at the time but we see ourselves from the front everyday and grow used to that reflection. I think every woman should have a picture of herself taken from behind. It really puts it into perspective. When I saw that pic of myself I was determined to change what I look like back there, and all over for that matter.

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  4. Thank you for your response and clarification. Having said that, I feel I need to clarify what I posted and what I thought after reading/posting.

    I read the entire post and the refereed post. While I like 100% honesty I believe it can be honesty without the frills. By frills I mean take out the fluff and glitter as well as the punch in the face to get the point across. That is how I work best and SD's opposite in that respect. Be direct, be kind, and be honest. There is no need to be brutal for the sake of entertainment- which is exactly what the referenced post was (just disguised as honesty. Name calling is for entertaining yourself. I am not a fan of "because I am right and I can be an ass about it" type of communication. I assume that blogger got the results he/she was looking for in the outbursts that I am sure occurred. I was happy to jump in as well. *sigh*

    The word "shame" didn't bother me as we all have felt it at some point in our lives. It was the fact the people want to make a point to hurt someone assuming it will bring the back around to their senses. Let me also say that at the core of that blog there is some truth. I would agree with a lot of it- maybe all of it. I don't believe we should glorify being "Big". I cannot, however, tolerate beating someone down to rebuild them- in that manner. We all have to come to a breaking point, I agree, but putting a fat person on "stage" so the audience can taunt them, berate them and laugh along the way is cruel. Saying I "smell" because I am fat-what is the point of that? It can do far more harm than good. Sure I could become thin and much healthier- but a complete mess on the inside. Was the accomplishment worth it? I guess I could live longer in a life where we feel worthless in. Different personalities will react different ways. Make sense?

    My history:

    For the majority of my life I have struggled with my weight. I was never toothpick thin, but I was actually only about 15-20 overweight. I dealt with ridicule from classmates and family at that weight (5'4-130 lbs/where I should be as per my Dr.). By the time I was in my early 20′s my weight increased significantly. I tried to lose weight and I would. Then I would gain it back. I have been up and down in my fight for years! I suffered severe self loathing and self hatred. I disgusted myself. I was gross and unworthy to be alive. I wanted to die because I was so disgusting. I wondered how my husband could love me or want to touch me. I. HATED. Me. It has taken me a long time to realize that I was worthy of true love, I was loved and that I just needed to make my body healthier.

    Cont..

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    1. I do not deny that I have a problem, a BIG one(pun intended), gluttony has and is a HUGE (pun intended) problem for me. I get it. I live it and I continue to work on reversing it. It's a sin I lose the battle with often. I don't mind talking about it, praying about it and so on.

      Now, reading yesterday, it cut me to the core. I was stunned that my friend could believe that hurting people (in that manner)to help them was even an option. Honesty-yes! What was being said in the other blog-really? As I read on and realized that it was true, I was crushed. Not in a furiously angry, "how dare she" kind of way but in "the person I care about is repulsed by me not because of who I am but how I look". Although we have not talked often in several years I still consider SD to be one of my best friends. She is honest, kind and caring. This did not match what I was reading and the rug was pulled out from under me. Tears started to fall. Not the kind that you can control in a frustrated or sad emotional break down but the ones that just start coming and don't stop while you are going on about your day. Part of my foundation was rocked.

      I get it now, because of SD's personality brutal honesty works. Her post was brutal and honest. I was deeply hurt, but now I'm understanding it. Different perspectives on the SAME solution. However-the author of "Hogzilla"- what a freakin' prick! I have no tolerance for crap like that! I know it's a result of the PC world we live in (the swinging pendulum will go greatly in the opposite direction) but being vile just because you can is garbage, imo.

      SD has strong opinions. No doubt she loves a good debate! Many times things stated here (if I can understand all of the big words- sheeesh!)shock me, challenge me and surprise me! I'm not gonna lie, a lot of it is over my head and I am ok with that. lol For those who wonder about her she is an incredible & very intelligent person and friend. She is a loving wife and amazing mom. This blog IS open to her family and friends and she would happily take up any of these issues with us on a Saturday afternoon while grilling burgers. There is no facade here.

      In closing, let me apologize for the flow of this post. I could have gone on for about 3 more days discussing different aspects of this topic but I keep getting sidetracked (by the million things I am currently ignoring to write this)and that is reflected in the choppy post above.

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  5. Thank you for your kind words, Michele.

    Something common among women is solipsism. We read through a "me" lens. If something is said that *might* reference our own lives, we internalize it as if the author is specifically talking about us. It's a feature, not a bug, but it is something we can learn to control. I could allow myself to get offended by what I read on various blogs or facebook messages or I can analyze it. For example, there is a lot of man shaming facebook memes that circle around. Being a wife and a mother to a young man, my natural solipsism kicks in and I feel upset about them and for a brief moment I consider the person who posted it. Are they really saying these horrible things about my husband and my son? Probably not. Another example, the attack on Christianity that has become popular, especially among gay marriage supporters. Now this is highly offensive considering being a Christian is the most important aspect in my life. However, I tolerate atheists and ignorant Christians and know that I can learn something from anyone.

    There is no need to be brutal for the sake of entertainment- which is exactly what the referenced post was

    While this is true to an extent about Chateau Heartiste, what you'll find there is a lot of interesting, funny, and informative posts. I consider him the "shock jock" of bloggers. He's not Christian, yet I have found many things the Christian can apply in life in his writing - Truth is truth, no matter the source. But yes, reading there is quite like watching Tosh.0 - you know there's going to be a lot of funny but be prepared to cover your eyes a few times.

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  6. This is a hard truth. But it is a truth. Thanks for sharing. You were gentle and kind to your friend and I value that.

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  7. Would you consider posting your skin care program please? You once recommended a conditioner perfect ten and it works amazing.

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  8. Well sure!
    I have been using Artistry skin care for the last 18 years. You'll have to get ahold of an Amway distributor to purchase it. I think you can request one on their website. I use their Time Defiance system. It seems expensive but it averages out to about $20/month for me. I use the cleanser, toner, eye cream and moisturiser. I'm sure there are plenty of others that work well - I've just not tried, this one has proven success for me. I'm 38 and don't have a single wrinkle.

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  9. I'm glad to hear "It's a 10" has been working for you. I love that stuff!

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  10. Thats the name. Works awesome on my daughter's hair and we thought nothing else would. Thanks for the skin tip I am off to check on it. Now if you could just post your diet........;)

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  11. I am not a good reference for diet. I am still learning, a lot. My weight loss journey is something I look at year over year. Last year I reduced my body fat percentage substantially, gained a lot of muscle and managed to overall lose 27 pounds. Week over week, I try to keep my calorie intake below 14,000 calories. We eat more protein and fat than carbs and I lift weights a couple times a week. I do the intermittent fasting 2-3 times per week (18 hour fast) and I work at eating only to satiation. Some weeks I am golden, others I fail miserably. I just refuse to quit.

    According to the BMI chart I am still .9 points overweight. However in January I had my body fat percentage measured in a Bod Pod and it was 30.8%. My goal for the year is to drop that to 25-27%

    I find the most important thing about losing weight, getting fit and healthy is to see it as a commitment for life. The nice thing is when you start out, results are usually quite noticeable, this is encouraging to keep on going. However, plateaus do happen and it is the commitment that needs to be made to keep on course even when it's difficult to see results for weeks or months at a time. If you think about it this way, you're less likely to reach a goal and then quit. Women who are at their goal weight and maintain trim, fit figures don't have results to use as motivation, it has to have become a life style.

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  12. Thank you so much for this. I am learning as I go. You are the only female blogger I have seen take this on as sin. If I refuse to admit my sin I stay in bondage to it. Thank you and both of you keep writing. Water for the thirsty.

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