Monday, January 21, 2013

Doritos® be damned

Hi, my name is SD and I am addicted to food a glutton.  It has been seven days since my last indulgence. 

And all the gluttons reading moaned. "No, SD, not again. Don't talk about weight again. Can't I just read peacefully and enjoy topics that I don't think apply to me?"

Sorry glutton, you'll have to either close the tab or come on the journey with me. 

Those who know me personally may be a bit confused. How can you be a glutton? You are not obese, you are twenty pounds overweight on a 5'8" frame. What you don't see is what I wrestle with on the inside. I have been doing so all my adult life. When the evidence of the gluttony shows it's ugly head in the form of weight gain, I fight to subdue it. But only long enough to rid myself of the excess. Once that is accomplished, I indulge once again, having changed nothing of my sin. I do this so my sin is not visible.
“Stolen water is sweet,
And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” Proverbs 9:17
Of course this Proverb applies to any sin you are tempted with, however for me, it's all about food. I feel it, like a seductive mistress calling me when I am all alone. No one is watching me. No one can see. No one will know.

The times I have been good, when I have restricted my diet for a few days and have worked out consistently, I justify indulgence with entitlement. "I've earned this." And there are times I flat out rebel and indulge with indignation.

I like to say I have a carb addiction. Doesn't it make me sound helpless? Doesn't it just take the onus and responsiblility delightfully from me?

Gluttony is not about food. It's rebellion. And how will I defeat it? With the most powerful weapon God has offered my free will: submission.

To whom do I submit?

My husband.

Blogger, Lori Alexander asked me: "I see you are working on losing weight and looking good. Are you doing that in submission to your husband and wanting to please him?"

To which I answered: "I have always held an awareness of my weight. I have a threshold that I would reach and through disgust I would work to lose the weight. It wasn't until I stopped rebelling to RLB that I committed to a body pleasing to him. Never before have I been this committed and this focused. It has completely come from obedience to God's command to submit to my husband. The pop psyche "you've got to do it for yourself" is wrong. Myself, by myself sucks. Without submission, I succumb to temptation easily. I hadn't considered my gluttony until I was in submission."

She wrote a post about gluttony and submission a few days ago on her blog Always Learning.  

RLB doesn't have to say a word. Now that I have sought rebuke for the sins which keep me apart from God, I have been convicted of my gluttony and have repented for it. The process of sinning no more starts with obedience and submission. 

The process of defeating gluttony does not start with losing weight. It does not start with "do it for yourself." It does not start with "do it for your health." It does not start with banning the foods from your home that tempt you.

I am in need of no one to make my journey easier. To protect me from myself. All I am in need of is surrender and submission.

"So, SD, you do this for your husband?"

No. I do it because of him. That I may continue to become one with him, I must rid my life of rebellion. The resulting evidence of a body no longer dripping with repulsive fat will be pleasing to him. The resulting evidence of having a wife who has repented of her sin will honor him.

The blessings of submission are abundant. Ladies, if you want to improve your life, submit to your husbands. When your submission is pure and known by God, you will be in awe of the ways you will be guided towards betterment. It hasn't been painful. It's been a joy. You too will search for truth and invite rebuke for the sin that remains in you.

It has been seven days since I've indulged in my sin. It has been seven days since I surrendered. I have had minor temptations but have won. What I have enjoyed most is the joy I have when I win. I am elated and have a euphoria that gluttony never gave me.

I could become addicted to this. 

5 comments:

  1. Now that I myself am on the weight loss journey I have a question for you. I am quite good at cutting out junk or only having one cookie.... are you saying that the one cookie is bad or that you personally cant have just one? Im just curious as to what yiu define as "gluttony". I feel like, at least for me, if I cut all bad foods out I will fail. I have tried and failed. I also dont think that one cookie is bad. Everything in moderation, as long as it really is in moderation.

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    1. Also I have to say it saddens me deeply to see woman not try and have the mindset that "my husband doesnt mind" or even worse "he likes me big" I guarentee you he doesnt. I have seen it a million times where he simply doesnt say anything about it as it is a very sensitave subject. However, if you cant talk about it with your husband then that is a problem. I would rather hear it from my husband (as much as it might sting) than from anyone else.

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  2. Marie,
    Those are great questions, I'm so glad you asked them.

    Gluttony has little to do with food. I could be a tight 145 pound woman of my height and still be a glutton. It has to do with the manner in which you indulge - it comes from the heart and is sin. It is indulgence, in anything really, that is beyond what you know in your heart to be right. I overindulge in food for the pleasure of it and that is followed by guilt. Instead of seeking God for comfort and contentment in all things, I will use food. The temptation of it isn't like having a cookie and counting the 150 calories towards your overall intake and adjusting accordingly. It's massive consumption, usually hidden, and further lied about.

    Those who are gluttons know exactly what I'm saying.

    This is why weight loss surgeries and diets don't work for the glutton. If nothing changes from the heart, they will continue in their sin. They will convict themselves of it more and internalize judgement and self condemnation. This spirals into more indulgence because they have not yet relied on the Lord for all of their needs. Excuses will be made, tears will be shed, the pity party continues and the glutton is coddled to remain in their sin.

    The worst thing for a gluttonous women to hear from her husband is that he is okay with her being overweight. This completely enables her to continue to indulge in her sin. This is where Agape love is so essential. Because like I said, it's not about the food and what we see of gluttony (fat and obesity). It is rebellion in the heart and it keeps her separated from God.

    When succumbing to the sin, I will eat until I'm sick. My stomach will hurt, and I'll feel miserable, yet I will continue to eat. The negative consequences of it do nothing to adjust the behavior. The sin has to be confessed and repented of. The only way for the glutton to change their heart is to surrender to obedience and submission of God's commands. Jesus can give us no redemption (deliverance from sin) if our sins are not confessed and repented of.

    Hope that helps clarify things.

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  3. It did clarify thanks. I have honestly never thought about it that way. Sad but true.

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  4. I like this. This is a key component as far as ways that a D/s relationship can help and preserve its members. Well done. This was something that I believe my wife once wanted from me, but couldn't get over her own defiance and disrespect for me to ask for help, and I bought into that "she has to do it for herself" thing, as well as "support her no matter what and dont be shallow" stuff.

    I would also say that in order to gain further mastery over this issue, consider fasting. I dislike fasting, as most people do, but I find that our spirit/soul gains power and sway with a fast, over its archenemy, the flesh. The body doesn't care about the soul, of course, and achieving a position of mastery over your flesh- even just the confidence knowing its possible- can help you a great deal with future cravings and overall self-discipline. Consult the Bible on it, and your Husband, and do as you will with the suggestion.

    God bless

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