I received a call yesterday from a good friend who needed some encouragement. The feelings she was having are not unique to her, I remember going through exactly what she is.
A new baby and a toddler. Need I say more?
While you take care of all of your husband's needs, baby's needs, toddler's needs, cleaning, cooking, and attempting to get some sleep, the world is going on around you and you're not a part of it. Your husband is free to leave and converse with other adults and carry on about his day. You walk about with Dora the Explorer's theme song playing in your head.
It's not fair!!
No, it is not time to bond with other mothers who have infants and toddlers by arranging play dates. This can be disastrous if your peers are typical gossiping, husband slandering, complaining, nagging, hags. This is not a time for you to seek selfish fulfillment or a time for you to utter the words "I need." This is not a time to envy the freedom your husband enjoys (while he continues what he's always done, providing for you and your home). This is not a time to be jealous of childless women who enjoy days at the spa, manicures, and lunch with friends. This is certainly not a time to envy a woman who slings her baby at the lowest bidding daycare so she may go find herself submitting to another man.
This is your time to sow the seeds. While no one is looking. This is your time to sacrifice.
You are doing now, the very thing civilization needs you to do - MOTHER.
Set in your heart the words you most desire to be uttered of you, "She is worth far more than rubies." Read Proverbs 31, over and over and over again. There is no shortcut. You must lay in the foundation. All the success and blessing you will enjoy years down the road come from the work, sacrifice, and selfless service you put in now.
Dance throughout your home to your favorite tunes. Pray with thankfulness to God for all of your provision. Set about your tasks with joy and a pleasant disposition. Rest and meditate on God's word.
Trust my words. You will, as I have, be commended by friends and strangers alike for the good behavior of your children. They will have been nurtured and reared in the exact right way for healthy growth and development.
As your children grow and you teach them how to take care of more and more things, you too can sit back and do what you please as the vacuum runs in the distance. Oh, what a sweet sound it is.
For excellent advice on sleep schedules for your baby (and you), read On Becoming Baby Wise By Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. We followed the schedule they suggest diligently and enjoyed long eight hour per night sleeps. Not to mention very peaceful and content babies.
Cast the negative out of your mind with prayer. This isn't a time for frustration or coveting. Do your work and do it well.
You will be so Blessed!
This is amazing advice! I mentor many young women who want to "find themselves" since they seem to have lost themselves having babies and a husband. I tell them it is in losing themselves {serving their husband and children} that they will find themselves. Take joy in the special ministry the Lord has blessed them with. It is amazing how this changes their attitudes, their marriages, and their lives. I only wish I had this advice given to me when I had four little ones...
ReplyDeleteExactly so! We women must relearn the lost idea of dying to self and cultivating a servant heart. Also, since you mentioned Baby Wise, allow me to recommend "Growing Kids God's Way" by the Ezzos for good parenting practices.
ReplyDelete-Sunshine Mary
I second the Baby Wise book recommendation. We used it and it worked.
ReplyDeleteAll three kids sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old. This was partly because our kids are awesome, but the methods work too.
I feel the need to interject here... babywise can be a very dangerous book to young parents with no common sense, and when I first read it, I nearly lost my lunch at how the Ezzo's viewed children as something to be forced under control at a young age.
ReplyDeleteChildren are natural creatures with needs. All they need is to be fed, changed, and warm when they're young. I've done child led nursing and sleeping with all of my 7 babies, with a few nudges to get into better time frames, and they've all been excellent sleepers within a year. I've heard of some parents losing children to severe dehydration from using the Ezzo's methods.
Just a little different perspective from someone who's been there a few times. :)
That said, I agree with everything else... we as mothers need to focus in the home, not on the outside world. It's so sad to watch women be excited about getting rid of their children to the public education system or daycare or anywhere but with them :(
ReplyDelete